The Swinging Lifestyle: A View Behind the Curtain

By E. B. Peoples

Navigating the waters of the swinging lifestyle as a newbie can be a tricky course if you don't know the proper direction, as well as how to effectively steer clear of obstacles that you could invariably encounter. For those who have been in the swinging lifestyle for some time, a book such as this one isn't a bad idea either. For one, it allows you to look at things you already know about from someone else's perspective, which in turn might shed light on something you didn't know about, All said and done, my love for this beautiful, unpredictable confusing thing that we call swinging pours out on these pages for you. I hope you'll enjoy it, get something out of it, and that you do as I have and pass the knowledge forward to the next generation of swingers, and make their journeys and experiences just as memorable as yours.

• Language: English
• Publisher: BookBaby
• Release date: Jun 30, 2023
• ISBN: 9798350900903

Book preview

A white background with black text Description automatically generated with low confidence

© 2022 E. B. Peoples

ISBN: 979-8-35-090090-3

All rights reserved. This book or any portion thereof may not be reproduced or used in any manner whatsoever without the express written permission of the publisher except for the use of brief quotations in a book review.

Table of Contents

CHAPTER 1: TAKING YOUR FIRST STEPS

CHAPTER 2: SWINGING RELATIONSHIPS

CHAPTER 3: THE PSYCHOLOGY OF SWINGING

CHAPTER 4: WHEN THINGS GO WRONG

CHAPTER 5: EXPLORING THE TABOO

CHAPTER 6: SWINGING SINGLE

CHAPTER 7: ONLINE SWINGING

CHAPTER 8: VANILLA LIFESTYLE, MEET SWINGING LIFESTYLE!

CHAPTER 9: SO, YOU WANNA BE ONE OF THE COOL KIDS?

CHAPTER 10: SWINGING AND AGING

CHAPTER 11: ODDS & ENDS

CHAPTER 12: CONCLUSION

DEDICATION

It’s been quite a long journey leading to the publishing of this book you now have in your hands. Believe me when I say writing a book was the furthest thing on my mind initially; but the encouragement of many of my fellow friends home swingers’ community in Fort Wayne, IN made me believe that it could-and shouldbe done. And now that I’ve done so, I owe all of you a great big thank you from the bottom of my heart!

I’d like to thank Basil Brewer of Fairytale Fantasy Photography for capturing the imagery of what I envisioned for this book so effortlessly and professionally. With that, a special thank you goes out to all of the beautiful models for loaning their time (and their bodies) for the erotic images displayed throughout the book. It was an absolute pleasure working with each and every one of you!

A special thank you to Becky G. for proofreading and making sure the final product was polished and professional. You rock, girl!

I’d like to also thank my loving fiancée’ and swinging partner for having the patience to deal with many days and nights of me relentlessly pecking away at my laptop producing this book, cutting into our personal quality time. I love you more than mere words can say, and truly appreciate you understanding how important this project was to me, allowing me to complete it without personal indifferences. I promise to make up all the time lost to it, OK?

Last but certainly not least, I’d like to thank each and every person who has been a part of my swinging lifestyle since I began back in 2004 up until the present; because if not for you, I wouldn’t have the experience and the experiences I do to write this book with valuable knowledge. All the good times, the bad times, the memorable times, and the forgettable times; they were all instrumental in making me the swinger that I am today, and none of them I regret ever happening because with each came a valuable lesson to pay it forward to someone… …which is what I’m finally getting a golden opportunity to do right now!

Thank you!

CHAPTER 1: TAKING YOUR FIRST STEPS

SWINGERS’ TERMINOLOGY

420 FRIENDLY: OK with marijuana usage.

AC/DC: A Bisexual man or woman.

ALPHA MALE / FEMALE: A dominant person in relation to BDSM, or the primary partner in a Polyamory hierarchy.

BACKDOOR ACTION: Anal play / sex.

BANGOVER: When you have a wicked hangover and your pussy hurts-usually the sign of a good night!

BAREBACK: Sex without a condom.

BBC: Acronym for Big Black Cock.

BBW: Acronym for Big Beautiful Woman; a full-figured female.

BDSM: Acronym for Bondage, Discipline, Sadism & Masochism. BDSM is less focused on sex and more focused on control and power exchange dynamics incorporating Dominance and submission.

BHM: Acronym for Big Handsome Man; a full-figured male.

BI-CURIOUS: A male or female who is interested in same-sex activities.

BI-FRIENDLY: A male or female who doesn’t mind having intimate contact with the same sex, but no intercourse, even though they’re truly Heterosexual.

BUKKAKE: (pronounced Buh-KAH-kee) Multiple men covering a kneeling woman with their ejaculations.

BULL: The dominant male in a cuckold arrangement; usually very virile and wellendowed.

CAN ENTERTAIN: When a swinger is willing to host for playtime.

CAN TRAVEL: When a swinger is willing to travel to meet others for playtime.

CD: Cross dresser; a man who wears female clothing.

CLEAN: Free of sexually transmitted diseases.

CLOSED DOOR SWINGING: Swinging in separate rooms with the doors closed, so you don’t see your significant other.

CLOSET SWINGER: A person who hides the fact that he / she is a swinger.

CNC: Acronym for Consensual Non-Consent; a mutual agreement whereas one party is able to act like the other party has relinquished and waived consent to what’ll happen to him / her.

COCK BLOCKING: Anyone doing something that ruins another person’s chances of having sexual success with someone.

COUGAR: An older, attractive woman who prefers younger men.

CUCKOLD: A man who likes to relinquish power to an Alpha male (Bull), who has sex with the cuckold’s partner (known as a hotwife), while the cuckold is usually ignored and humiliated.

CUT: A circumcised penis.

CURVY: Voluptuous; a few pounds over average, usually carried in the hips and bust. Also referred to by the slang term thick. DDF: Drug and disease free. 

DOGGING: A concept started in England of going to public places like highways, rest stops, and parks to have sex with multiple random strangers in your car or the woods.

DOMINANT / DOMME: In BDSM it’s the one in charge of a scene or Dominant / submissive dynamic.

DOMINATRIX: A female Dominant who provides BDSM / fetish play in exchange for money; also known as Pro Dommes.

DP: Acronym for double penetration; usually vaginal / anal or oral / vaginal.

DRAMA: Unnecessary level of emotion hassle or turmoil.

DVP: Acronym for double vaginal penetration.

EXHIBITIONIST: Behavior in which an individual or couple experiences sexual arousal or pleasure from being exposed or watched while having sex.

FLUID BONDED: A process in which a history of fluid exchange has been established between two or more people through unprotected sex and a relationship of some kind has been established through mutual STD / STI testing.

FMF / FFM: A sexual threesome involving one male and two females.

FULL SWAP: Two swinging couple have sex with each other.

GANGBANG: Three or more males having penetrative sex with one female.

GOLDEN SHOWER: Urinating on someone who likes and consents to it.

GREEK: Anal sex.

GROUP ROOM: A playroom in a swingers’ club where orgy play or multiple couples’ play is encouraged.

HALL PASS: When a swinger gets permission from his / her partner to play on their own.

HEDONIST: An individual who lives for pleasure.

HOST: A swingers’ party organizer.

HOTWIFE: A married woman who has sex with other men with her husband’s consent.

HOUSE PARTY: A swingers’ party at a private residence.

HUNG: A term used to describe a man with an above-average sized penis.

HWP: Acronym for height / weight proportionate; in good shape. Also referred to as hard bodies.

IRL: Acronym for in real life; in contrast to online.

ISO: Acronym for in search of

KEY PARTY: A swingers’ couples party where all of the men put their car keys into a bowl or bag and at the end of the party, the women blindly select a set of

keys to determine who she hooks up with at the party or goes home with for the rest of the evening for sexual gratification.

KINKSTERS: Swingers who are also into the BDSM lifestyle.

LIFESTYLE: Generalized term for the swinging lifestyle.

LS: Acronym for the lifestyle.

MARITAL AIDS: Sex toys, like vibrators, dildos and plugs.

MEET & GREET: A swingers’ social gathering at a Vanilla establishment, intended to make connections and acquaintances before heading off to a swingers’ club or party.

MFM / MMF: A sexual threesome involving one female and two males.

MILF: Acronym for Mother I’d Like To Fuck; typically women in their 30’s40’s who still look sexy enough for men to lust over them.

MUNCH: A social gathering like a meet and greet, except in the BDSM community. The name was created as a combination of the words meeting and lunch.

NEWBIES: People who are new to the swinging lifestyle.

NSA: Acronym for no strings attached; meaning no obligation to sexual play.

OPEN-MINDED: Welcoming of all people; also known as Pansexual.

OPEN RELATIONSHIP: A relationship that allows the people in the relationship to see and be with other people sexually. This can also include having emotional attachments with other people outside of the primary relationship.

ORGY: Sexual interaction among several men and women in the same room with complete absence of inhibitions in everyone taking part, but with respect still given.

PLAY PARTY: A gathering of people of both sexes for swinging.

POLYAMORY: Multiple people in a committed relationship.

ROPE PLAY: BDSM play involving artistic rope bondage.

ROLEPLAY: When swingers act out or perform the parts of a person or characters.

SbiF: Acronym for Single Bisexual Female; also known as a unicorn.

SHARED WIFE: A married woman who freely has sexual encounters with other men.

S/O: Acronym for significant other.

SOFT SWAP: Two couples swapping with each other but limiting activity to kissing, oral sex and / or heavy petting, but no penetrative sex.

SOFT SWINGERS: Swinging couples who only have sex with their own partner; no swapping for sex.

SPIT ROAST: A woman receiving a man sexually from behind while performing oral sex on another man.

SQUIRTING: The act of female ejaculation.

STR, STR8, STRAIGHT: Heterosexual.

STEALTHING: The callous act of removing a condom in the midst of sexual intercourse, unbeknown to the female.

SUB: A submissive person in the BDSM realm; one who’s controlled and follows the Dominant.

SWINGERS’ INSURANCE: Sexual aid used in order to get and maintain an erection taken by some males. A few of the most common are Viagra, Cialis, and Levitra.

T-GIRL: A transgendered female.

THIRSTY: Slang for a swinger who tries overzealously hard to get noticed, get approval, or gain sexual encounters with other swingers.

TRIAD: Three people-two of one sex and one of the other sex-in a continuing relationship of emotional and sexual involvement.

TROLLING: Activity usually conducted in online groups and in swingers’ club by creepy, overly pushy males desperately looking to hook up with other guests.

V-SAFE: A man who’s had a vasectomy.

VANILLA: The normal, conventional world outside of the alternative lifestyle communities of swinging and BDSM.

VOYEUR: A person who achieves sexual arousal from watching others in sexual acts. (NOTE: not all voyeurs are swingers per se.)

IN THE BEGINNING…

The true origins of swinging might never be discovered, with much of the history of this sexual practice being lost to time. However, there are many things we do know, and it’s clear that it has been a part of our culture since the beginning of human history.

Swinging, in some form or another, might have been part of human history for thousands of years. Although it would have looked very different to the type of swinging we have today, formal polyandry-where two or more men share a wife may have been prevalent since the Stone Age!

In more recent history, the remains of a social community promoting a utopian town without money, marriage, or monogamy, were excavated in the Cambridgeshire, England countryside. The Manea Fen community was setup in 1838 by farmer and Methodist minister William Hodson and had up to 150 members at a time. This type of commune has been repeated all over the world, and there are some that are successful and still survive today.

Traditional swinging has its roots from U.S. Air Force fighter pilots during World War II. These men were wealthy enough to move their wives close to base, and the fact that their fatality rate was the highest of any branch of the Armed Forces led to an unusual social milieu in which non-monogamy between pilots and wives became acceptable. These arrangements persisted near Air Force bases throughout World War II and the Korean War in the 1950’s. By the time the media picked up on them in 1957, they promptly dubbed the phenomenon wife swapping. Supposedly, there were also key clubs and key parties, where husbands tossed their house keys in a pile on the floor or a punch bowl and were drawn at random by the wives. The owner of a selected key was the sexual partner for the evening.

The origins of modern swinging as we know it in the United States and Europe started in the era nicknamed The Swinging 60’s. This was the time of the Sexual Revolution; and with the invention of the contraceptive pill combined with new treatments for sexually transmitted diseases, more people were able to enjoy sexual liberation and explore their carnal desires with decreased risk of bad consequences.

Key parties were still a common entertainment event that now had spread from U.S. Air Force bases to bedroom communities, and the term swinger was born.

The Free Love Movement-started in San Francisco’s Haight Ashbury Districtmade swinging more acceptable across all social classes and various age groups. It came to imply a sexually active lifestyle with open relationships, many casual partners, and little or no commitment.

In 1974, 4 disgruntled couples on their way home to Minnesota from a social event in a nearby state engaged in a deep conversation; to meet more likeable people like them closer to home, rather than having to travel so far a potentially risk a bad time. So, they set about forming their own swingers’ club in their own backyard. They called themselves The Silver Chain Social Club, with themselves as the Executive Committee. The original intentions were for each member to be able to identify another member by a trademark silver chain with a 77 pendant on it, honoring a favorite sexual position (69 plus ate more!); but finding a manufacturer to make them at a reasonable price was impossible, so they decided against the idea. The Silver Chain Social Club drew up rules and regulations for all attendees:

Plato’s Retreat featured lounge areas, a pool table room, steam baths, a disco dancefloor, free bar and buffet, an in-house sauna room, a heated swimming pool with waterfalls, a mattress-covered orgy room, and 20 playrooms for one to three couples. It was popular with many celebrities and other well-to-do people, such as Bette Midler, Sammy Davis Jr., Richard Dreyfuss, and the entire cast of Saturday Night Live.

In 1981, the New York City Health Department began shutting down the city’s

Gay bathhouses, due to concerns of the spread of HIV amidst the ever-growing AIDS epidemic. Mayor Ed Koch supported this decision. However, with it came opposition by the LGBTQ community; by shutting down the Gay bathhouses and not Heterosexual swingers’ clubs such as Plato’s Retreat, the city found itself in violation of the new anti-discrimination laws put into place. Therefore, Plato’s Retreat closed its doors for the last time on New Years’ Eve of that year. In 1985, Levenson, his 2 business partners, and his accountant were tried and convicted of tax evasion, and he was sentenced to 8 years in prison. Although he maintained various occupations upon his release from prison until his death in 1999, Levenson had nothing to do with the opening of Platos Retreat 2 at 321 West Sunrise in Fort Lauderdale, FL. The new location was in operation as an on-premises Heterosexual swingers’ club, open 7 days a week from 8pm until the last person left. Saturday nights were couples only. Plato’s Retreat 2 was a bring your own bottle club since no liquor was sold on the premises; however, they provided complimentary mixers, soft drinks, juice, and ice. Plato’s Retreat 2 remained in operation until 2006, when it closed its doors one more time and re-opened as 321 Slammer-a men’s only sex club, that’s still open to this day.

Currently, there are hundreds of millions of swingers worldwide, swingers’ club in most US states and countries, national swingers conventions, and access to most everyone everywhere via the Internet. Swinging has come a long way since its clandestine days of wife swapping in the 1950’s. One can only imagine what changes the face of the swinging lifestyle will continue to have over the years.

SQUASHING ASSUMPTIONS ABOUT SWINGING

Although society is getting