Is There Life after Loss?: "Beauty for Ashes" -Isaiah 61: 3

By Ph.D. Linda J. Schupp

Are you lost in the wilderness of grief or trauma?

Let the Lord lead you through this book into hope and healing!

On a personal note, Linda is no stranger to the impact of grief and trauma. She has suffered the loss of her mother, father, two husbands, and eighteen-year-old son, al

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Aug 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781685560904

Ph.D. Linda J. Schupp

Dr. Linda J. Schupp is a nationally and internationally recognized grief, trauma, and posttraumatic stress expert and is the author of three books. Her degrees include a Ph.D. in psychology, an M.A. in clinical psychology, an M.Ed. in guidance and counseling, and a three-year Bible degree. For more than forty-five years, she has been counseling, teaching, and writing for professionals and survivors. She taught at Metropolitan State College, Regis University, and St. James Bible College in the war-torn city of Kiev, Ukraine. She has trained tens of thousands of people in churches, conferences, and seminars.

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Acknowledgments

The Spirit of the Lord is upon me, because he hath anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor; he hath sent me to heal the brokenhearted, to preach deliverance to the captives, and recovering of sight to the blind, to set at liberty them that are bruised (Luke 4:18).

I dedicate this book to Jehovah Rapha, our Lord Jesus Christ, who "heals the brokenhearted and has told us to do the same. Jesus said, In the world ye shall have tribulation (John 16:33), and we are to cast our care upon Him" (1 Peter 5:7). Ultimately, all healing comes from God.

I also want to acknowledge my family, all of whom are treasures on earth for me; my daughter Jacquelyn J. Beaudoin; my grandson, Jeremy Beaudoin; my granddaughter, Tara Markey; my youngest great-granddaughter, Makena, and my married great-granddaughter, Taylor Martinez. I also need to honor my son, William Clifford Taylor, who went to live with Jesus at age eighteen and is my inspiration for writing a book on grief.

I also want to thank my nephew, Keith Schupp, who assisted with the research of this book and gave his testimony regarding his experiences with the Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing therapy. In addition, I want to express my gratitude to my support team, Shelley Burdick, Karen Loar, Linda Parker, and Leigh Romano, for typing and re-typing this manuscript. I also owe much gratitude to Linda Parker, who assisted me with the editing and a myriad of other tasks and worked tirelessly towards bringing this book to completion. Special thanks are extended to my ministry partner, Edward Edestone, an anointed singer, songwriter, and speaker. He continually encouraged me last summer and fall when I encountered two life-threatening diseases, sepsis followed by C. difficile. God miraculously pulled me through both.

I cannot leave out my many clients and friends who trusted me with their deepest wounds and pain. My family, especially my son Cliff, friends, and clients, taught me much about courage, determination, and persistence, during grief and its aftermath. I am thankful for all concerned and dedicated Christians, whether they are individuals, professionals, families, or lay people that have committed themselves to the honorable task of healing the brokenhearted. I applaud all of you for your tireless efforts. God will honor you for your love and support to grieving people!

Grief Is

Like an ominous towering giant, whose uplifted hand darkens the heavens, blocking the light and the sun’s warming rays.

Like a champion prize fighter, who knocks me down again and again, then dances lightheartedly around me to make certain I don’t arise.

Like an insidious disease that infiltrates every cell of my body, soaking up and sapping my strength and vitality.

Like a tidal wave that stealthily walks towards me, crashing, crushing, drowning, and destroying everything in its pathway.

Like a tornado that deafens and swallows me up in its powerful whirling mouth, then spits me out in a desolate undesirable place.

Like a locomotive speeding down life’s track who toots its eerie untimely warning, then flattens me like an unresisting pancake.

Like an engulfing impenetrable fog that makes my movement and functioning impossible.

Like blinders on a horse that restrict and narrow my vision, causing me to continuously focus on my ever-present loss.

Like a tormentor who tightly restrains my hands and feet in bands of steel, refusing to allow any movement or freedom.

Like a disguised thief who suddenly pounces on me, gags, and binds me, rendering me helpless as he steals my loved ones.

Linda J. Schupp, Ph. D.

January 1, 2003

Endorsements

Dr Linda J Schupp is a nationally and internationally known speaker who trained thousands of PESI seminar attendees in her 10-year journey with us. She was one of our earliest trainers to introduce seminars on grief, trauma, and posttraumatic stress disorder. Her participant feedback ratings were among the highest and she was gifted at opening the door of understanding and acquainting her attendees with in-depth psychological theories and therapies. Dr. Schupp taught the deepest of psychological information yet presented it with simplicity and clarity. Her tenure with us was a significant contribution and we wish her continued success.

Mike Olsen

Deputy Director, PESI

(formerly Professional Education Systems Institute)

I would encourage anyone who has experienced trauma, or difficult situations in their lives, to read and apply Dr. Linda J. Schupp’s book titled Is There Life After Loss? The reason I strongly endorse this book is because I have experienced trauma and worked in therapy with Dr. Linda Schupp, and it has changed my life.

After separation from the military in 2015, I was unable to find any group, including the Veterans Administration, that would recognize my symptoms of severe Posttraumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD). It wasn’t until I met with Dr. Schupp and experienced Eye Movement Desensitization Reprocessing (EMDR) therapy that Dr. Schupp wrote a clinical diagnosis which clearly proved I had PTSD.

A PTSD diagnosis opened many doors for treatments such as hyperbaric therapy which allowed me to function more productively. For example, I helped to pass the largest medical bill, known as the PACT Act, in Veterans’ Administration history, which covers 5 million veterans and their family members. None of this would have been possible without my dear friend Dr. Schupp recognizing my PTSD. I encourage everyone to read this book and find your healing.

Kevin Hensley

One of the Authors of

The Promise

Acquainted with Grief

He is despised and rejected of men; a man of sorrows and acquainted with grief: and we hid as it were our faces from him; he was despised, and we esteemed him not (Isaiah 53:3).

People are often curious as to the motivation for writing a book on grief. Is this a professional interest or a personal one? I would have to answer "Yes on both accounts. My dedication to this field is more than a passing fancy. The experience of grief is not a dry, dusty textbook theory for me. I have personally felt the intensity of its pain in the laboratory of life. I have also seen that God can redeem every tear and bring ministry out of misery."

Please allow me to share a few of the griefs I have experienced. As I mentioned earlier, I have grieved the deaths of my mother, father, two husbands, and my eighteen-year-old son, all of who died in either shocking or unexpected ways.

My mother was walking along the sidewalk in downtown Miami, Florida, when an out-of-control car spiraled down a parking lot ramp, crossed the street, hit my mother, and hurled her through a glass storefront window. She lingered unconscious for five days, then died.

My father died unexpectedly in a nursing home from a medical mistake that caused heart failure. Despite his pitiful pleas to stop the procedure, his cries went unheard, and his heart stopped instead.

My teenage husband went to sleep at the wheel of his car; it hit an embankment on the side of the road and folded like an accordion. Though there was not a broken bone in his body, his liver was crushed, and he died several hours after the accident.

Later in life, I suffered the loss of another husband through suicide. When I returned home from work, I heard an engine running in the garage. I opened the door and found my husband alive but unconscious from carbon monoxide poisoning. The Flight for Life took him to the hospital, but he could not be resuscitated.

Though these deaths were painful and shocking, the most severe psychological wounding was the death of my son, Cliff. When he was twelve years old, he was diagnosed with a synovial sarcoma that required the total amputation of his right arm. Many devoted believers prayed for a miracle, and Cliff and I attended many healing services, knowing that God could heal him. My son’s illness persisted over a six-year timeframe, and we tried many cancer treatments; some helped temporarily, others not at all. He tried some of the more standard chemotherapies that did not work. We finally found a new natural, experimental treatment called antineoplastons, created by Dr. Stanislaw R. Burzynski. It began to shrink the tumor that had spread to his lungs. Our hearts rejoiced because he was getting well. There was much controversy about this natural treatment that cured many people. The county medical center decided to close the new treatment laboratory. Therefore, my son could no longer receive the life-giving experimental treatment, and the cancerous tumor continued to grow. Ultimately, a blood clot took his life, and the loss of my eighteen-year-old son was the most difficult and traumatic for me.

I had trusted Christ as my Savior when I was thirteen years old and fervently loved the Lord; however, the devastating experience of losing my son set me on a path to spiritual destruction. My faith was temporarily shattered, and I no longer understood the God I had loved and worshiped since my youth. Studies have shown that people of any faith survive tragedies better than the non-faith community. Unfortunately, for a while, I was the exception to that rule.

While my son was valiantly fighting his battle with cancer, many friends and loved ones sincerely wanted to comfort us, but words were not easy, and they were frequently stunned by the enormity of our grief. Not knowing what to say, yet wanting to soothe our pain, they employed "religious painkillers, which arrived in the form of clichés. I still vividly remember the painful days that followed the amputation of my son’s right arm. We were bombarded with clichés such as, This is God’s will or God won’t give you more than you can bear." Cliff and I tried in vain to squeeze a drop or two of comfort from such sayings, but they only deepened our pain.

Because my well-intentioned comforters kept inflicting wounds, I pulled away from them, and the pencil became my friend. Prayer, Bible study, journaling, writing, and poetry served as therapy for me. My personal pain propelled me into re-entering college and studying psychology, but in that academic environment, grief had not been given its rightful place. Today a myriad of research and books are available for college students, interested observers, or victims of grief.

Have I returned to normal after experiencing all these losses? Absolutely not! To return to normal implies that I am the same person I was before I encountered these wounds. A person is forever altered by trauma-related grief, and we must choose what we will do with those experiences. I chose to return to my forgiving, merciful Lord and rededicated my life to Him. Only then could He bring "ministry out of misery. Much healing has occurred in my life by choosing creative good or, as some have said, finding meaning in the grief." Grief has carved a vacuum within me that has now been filled with compassion for my fellow sojourners. If I can lighten their load, shorten the grief journey, help them avoid certain pitfalls, or provide them with sustenance on the way, then my mission has been accomplished.

Heaviness in the heart of man maketh it stoop: but a good word maketh it glad (Proverbs 12:25).

Introduction to the Study of Grief

The scientific study of grief is a new field, with its early roots surfacing in the publication of Sigmund Freud’s 1917/1957 paper titled Mourning and Melancholia. Though Freud wrote in 1917, there was little recognition or interest in the subject of grief until E. Lindemann published his study "Symptomatology and Management of Acute Grief in 1944. E. Lindemann counseled the bereaved who sought his help after the Cocoanut Grove fire in Boston, Massachusetts, in 1942. He worked at the Massachusetts General Hospital and examined the normal and abnormal reactions experienced by those grieving individuals. Alexandra Adler, M. D., who collaborated simultaneously with bereaved survivors of the fire in the emergency room of the Boston City Hospital, appears to be the first individual to recognize the effects of trauma on grieving. Dr. Adler, M. D. believed it was not just the death and loss of a loved one, but the horrific circumstances of the death. She viewed the trauma itself as the most difficult aspect. Her paper Neuropsychiatric complications in victims of Boston’s Cocoanut Grove disaster" began the research on traumatic distress.

Current work is underway with bereavement specialists and traumatologists working together, uniting the two fields of study. Based on its early beginnings, grief has broadened its foundations and become multidisciplinary. Researchers from many disciplines are now contributing to our understanding and treatment of grief.

Although the study of grief is a comparatively new occurrence, the emotion of grief has been a universally felt phenomenon since the beginning of time. In actuality, the Bible is the oldest existing source of grief.

The Origin of Grief

There are many psychological definitions of grief, but only the Word of God gives us its origin. We must look to Genesis, the first book of the Bible, where we have the story of Adam, the first man who was molded by God from the dust of the ground, and Eve, the first woman who was constructed from Adam’s rib. They lived in the Garden of Eden, a perfect place for a perfect couple. Satan was also present in the garden and tempted Eve to eat the fruit from the forbidden Tree of the Knowledge of Good and Evil. God had said if they ate from that tree, they would die. Satan enticed Eve by telling her a deceitful lie that she would be like God if she ate the forbidden fruit. Eve succumbed, ate the fruit, and disobeyed God’s command. She then gave some fruit to Adam, and he, too, disobeyed by eating. Later in the cool of the evening, they heard God’s voice calling them, and they hid. They knew they had sinned, and for the first time, they were aware of their nakedness. God confronted them about eating the fruit from the tree and placed a curse upon them. They were expelled from the garden forever, lest they "would eat" from the Tree of Life and remain in a cursed position permanently. God also cursed the ground, and it brought forth thorns and thistles; Adam had to till the ground from which he was taken. Eve would now bear children in pain, and Adam would rule over her. This act of disobedience brought great loss to Adam and Eve, and grief had its beginning.

God also suffered a great loss in that the perfect people He created were now sinners. Adam and Eve lost their original perfect character and their fellowship with God. Blood sacrifices were set in place to atone for the sins of all human beings and continued until Jesus came to offer Himself, once and for all, as the sacrifice for all humankind.

As time went on, the growing population became exceedingly evil, and God said in Genesis 6:6, And it repented the Lord that he had made man on the earth, and it grieved him at his heart. This is the first mention of the word "grieved. It has a variety of meanings. It is worry, pain, anger, displeasure, grieve, hurt, be sorry, and vexed." I am certain God experienced all those feelings, and human beings have felt these same feelings since the beginning of time.

There are many misunderstandings as to what constitutes grief, and I want to share more biblical definitions. Some biblical definitions include "broken heart, a shattered heart, deep sorrow, and pain of body or mind. God never intended for human beings to experience such feelings. Other meanings of grief are to cause pain, or grief, to distress, and to irk. The most common usage is sorrow over someone or something that is lost."

While traveling life’s pathway, every human being will encounter losses, and at that time, grief will become their companion for a portion of life’s journey. Even though grief is an uninvited and unwelcome companion, it can be persistent, pervasive, and sometimes overpowering with its presence.

Regardless of diagnostic terms and categories, the many faces and forms of grief will always be with us. Since there is no vaccination to prevent grief, the helping professions, believers in the Lord Jesus Christ, and other concerned persons must stand ready to assist the multitude of people that the years may bring. I applaud you for your courage and concern in meeting that challenge! "Bear ye one another’s burdens, and so fulfil the law of Christ" (Galatians 6:2).

The uniqueness of grief is found in its 100 percent predictability of invasiveness. All people, if they live long enough, will experience the emotion of grief. No one will escape its clutches; we will all succumb to its grip from time to time. Every day people lose