Novice Youth Director: A Practical Guide for Doing Youth Ministry

By L. Seth Duhs

After being on staff for nearly a month, the youth director was suddenly summoned into the senior pastor's office. The pastor quickly shut the door and, skipping all pleasantries, boldly announced: "I'd love to help you, I just don't have time for you." Uncertain of how to respond and with no questions allowed, the youth director was dismissed. That was the last meeting he ever had with the senior pastor.
Weren't there supposed to be ample amounts of excitement for the newly appointed, fresh youth director? This fresh, but now confused, youth director wanted to do a good job, but had no idea where to begin. He was young and everyone was too busy to mentor him--even when he had asked for help. Perhaps you're in a similar situation but you're hesitant to admit it out loud.
This book is a practical guide aimed at helping anyone struggling with escaping the tempting, isolated island of youth ministry and building a network of kingdom-minded students, parents, and church members focused on living for Jesus Christ in what sometimes seems like a Jesus-less world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Resource Publications
• Release date: Jun 15, 2023
• ISBN: 9781666770179

L. Seth Duhs

L. Seth Duhs is an ordained pastor within the PCA and an Air National Guard chaplain. He currently resides in Mississippi with his wife and children.

Book preview

Introduction

I don’t have all the answers. This is not an exhaustive research project. This book stems from many things; mainly from my experiences and struggles I encountered when I was a youth director for over seven years. I once had a seminary teacher tell our class, You shouldn’t write anything theological or helpful for ministry until you’ve had at least thirty years of experience. For this area of ministry, I don’t think anyone should wait that long.

I’ve been told many things over the years during my youth ministry experience. A few positive, encouraging moments here and there, but mostly negative. If you haven’t figured it out yet, let me suggest this to you: the church is a dirty place. As one of my former pastors once said, It’s amazing that God actually puts up with us. But not only us—it’s amazing that God has put up with me for so long. By his grace I’m still breathing and try to be as faithful as I can (2 Tim 2:13).

Why read this book? I write this as an encouragement to all men and women involved in youth ministry. The focus is on youth or student ministry, as many churches call it these days. As a leader or director of student ministries at your church, there will be times when you feel inadequate and lost, like a hiker meandering through the desert. There will be times where you feel like your ministry to students hasn’t done a dime’s worth of good. There will be times where you feel like coasting along because no one notices what you do anyway . . . right? There will be times where you pray selfishly over and over that a certain student won’t show up as I sinfully did hundreds of times—mainly because I didn’t have the energy to adjust to their social awkwardness. There will be times where you want to cancel youth group because it was completely bogus the week before. So why keep going?

All in all, my friends, remember this: Jesus doesn’t expect you to do this student ministry stuff alone. Christ was never alone when he walked the earth as we see throughout the Gospels. We aren’t either. It may feel like it since your pastor or boss hasn’t talked to you in over six months, but believe me, the work that we do for God does have eternal significance. Keep fighting the fight even when you feel like your breath has been sucker-punched out of you, because God has called you to serve in his kingdom. He has given us a purpose!

Therefore, my beloved brothers, be steadfast, immovable, always abounding in the work of the Lord, knowing that in the Lord your labor is not in vain (1 Cor 15:58).

Seth Duhs

1

What Is a Youth Director Anyway?

It was over ten years ago when the conversation took place. I remember the night well. I was a junior in college, returning home for Christmas break. I went to a friend’s house and found myself in a day-to-day discussion with someone I hadn’t seen in a while. We were swapping stories about our new lives and the conversation took a twist once he found out what I was doing with my life. I revealed that I was the youth director at the Presbyterian Church and how I was enjoying the job. This is what followed: Well that should be a pretty easy gig because you don’t really do anything right? I mean you only work one day of the week; it must be nice!

I was offended too easily. I had visions of throwing him into the pool we were standing next to and walking away. But, I played it off smoothly. What disappointed me was that for the next thirty minutes or so, I attempted to persuade him that my job was a real job, and that it was worthy in the eyes of the world. I tried explaining that my job had value and success based on what I had done and not what Christ had done through me with the Holy Spirit. Every time I think back on that night, I shake my head in frustration at my response—more so than the original, offensive question that was asked of me.

How do we respond to statements like his? To throw out a made-up statistic here, I would argue that eight out of every ten people believe the exact same thing my friend did that night. People see us on Sunday mornings and Sunday nights for a few hours, and that’s about it. Is there more to youth ministry? Are Sundays our only day to shine or is every day game day in the eyes of the Lord?

Two objectives in this chapter:

1.Developing a bigger perspective for youth ministry

2.Defeating the lone-wolf syndrome

Developing A Bigger Perspective for Youth Ministry

So, you’ve just been hired by a church as the new youth guru. You’re sitting in your new office (if there’s even one for you), looking over what the previous youth guru did or didn’t do, and you have no idea where to begin. You’re overwhelmed. Do you try and organize your office? Do you text some students from an old list you’ve been given, hoping they might respond? Do you Facebook- or Instagram-stalk them in the shadows? How can you make the youth program gain any sense of momentum when everyone usually has their own hidden agendas and expectations of the youth program anyway?

Develop a bigger perspective! What does that mean exactly? We must develop an aerial view of the current situation before we can land the plane on the ground and start exploring. It’s easy to find a few students that come regularly to youth events and only focus on them, but Scripture teaches that we’re not to play it cool and show favoritism simply because it’s easy. Paul says in Rom 2:11 that God shows no partiality. We’ve got to get a sense of how big the flock is before we start ministering to them. We do this by getting each student’s contact information and their parent’s contact information. If you’re a new youth director that was hired last week and your first youth event is next Sunday, one of your first goals is to host a parents meeting where you can introduce yourself and share with them your ministry goals. You want to be open and available to the parents of your students. It’s never good when one the current parents says I didn’t even know you worked here when you’re about to host a parents meeting, as a former church member once told me (wish I was kidding). There seems to be no polite response because it’s one of those statements for which any answer you give will sound rude: You’re right, I never worked here . . . just kidding! Or How could you not notice all the wonderful and majestic things I’ve already done? No one can escape the shadow I’ve cast over this place! Or It’s OK, I didn’t notice you either!

We also don’t want the parents to feel like they’re sending their students to a babysitting service that the church provides at no cost. Sadly, this is a view many parents will have without saying that, but really, what are we trying to do as youth directors? Do we throw out some Bible trivia, wing a lesson because we didn’t have time to prepare, hold hands while praying and call it a night, or is there more? The most crucial thing we can do for the parents and students is show them their need of a Redeemer. Respectfully, yet boldly show them that no one can save themselves! We participate in youth group because we know that we will meet Christ and experience his love not only through our actions, but our words as well. Check out these two passages:

As it is written: None is righteous, no, not one; no one understands; no one seeks for God. All have turned aside; together they have become worthless; no one does good, not even one. (Rom

3

:

10–12

)

For since, in the wisdom of God, the world did not know God through wisdom, it pleased God through the folly of what we preach to save those who believe. (

1

Cor

1

:

21

)

It’s eerily normal for teenagers and college-age students to assume there’s no need for a Redeemer. I convince myself of this daily in one, two, or fifteen-plus ways. It’s also easy to think that opening my Bible every couple of days to read is all I need in order to develop a full and satisfied relationship with Christ, but did you notice in 1 Corinthians that through preaching we are saved? The importance of participating in youth activities is crucial for parents to understand. We cannot be content with huddling up in a corner and only reading the Bible amongst ourselves—that’s a lie for anyone on all accounts.

Instead, we point our students to the cross and to the resurrection of Jesus Christ in more ways than one. Not only do youth directors do that, but the parents must be challenged and encouraged to do this too. We are the bumper-strips or the side grooves on the highway for our students twenty-four-seven.

I call this figure many things: the big picture, an aerial view of youth ministry, making disciples, and the overall goal.

Let me explain:

1.You know when it’s a late night and you’re sleepy, but somehow you find yourself driving on the road? You start to doze off and your car drifts into those extremely loud bumper strips that have been grooved out of the asphalt. Or maybe you were texting while driving (shame shame) and your car veers off, causing your tires to make a loud noise? What does this cause you to do? Hopefully, to course correct your vehicle and most importantly, to wake yourself up and get back on course! This is what the youth director and the parents do, hand in hand, as a team—every day of every week.

2.The curved arrow represents our students’ struggles in everyday life, going back and forth, wondering where life is going to take them next and how they cope with daily stressors and conflict.

3.The road is the students’ life and where they are headed. The main question we’re asking them: is their life headed to the cross of Christ? Most importantly, do they know where their life is headed and why they should care?

4.The youth director and the parents must work together to guide and course correct our students’ paths, serving as the barriers and side grooves of their highways called life. We direct them to the cross every chance we get—whether it be through Bible study, Sunday School, game nights, school activities, etc. They should always know deep within their hearts what our intentions are and where we’re leading them. They must also know that the intentions, goals, and plans we have for them are in their best interest—not because we feel like being the no fun people in the room, but that we are generally concerned for their physical and spiritual wellbeing.

I urge you to use this figure as a blueprint for your goals in youth ministry. If you’re new to the youth ministry scene, this figure will help you develop a bigger picture for what you’re truly trying to accomplish in youth ministry. If you’re simply trying to run a babysitting service or be your city’s greatest teenage entertainer on Sunday nights, you may want to get out now while you’re ahead and start a fun-zone building down the road!

Defeating the Lone-Wolf Syndrome

A couple of years ago, I was chatting with a friend of mine (not the same one from the introduction) and we found ourselves having a conversation about how youth directors are always interesting people, especially when it comes to hosting group events with other churches. We discussed how you don’t see the group hang much because every youth director has their own strong opinions, a methodology of doing things, and a personal theology of ministry. Because of this, youth directors tend to operate on their own terms and can live on their own personal islands. My friend then said, Youth directors are kind of like the lone wolf in the world—fending for themselves and doing their own thing.

Is this statement true or false? I can’t answer that for you in your current environment, but while I was doing youth ministry, the lone-wolf syndrome was prevalent in the majority of my youth jobs. Why? Doesn’t anyone care about the youth director? Aren’t we equipping leaders of the future? Doesn’t anyone ever give the youth director a hug?

One of my former youth ministry supervisors once told me during my first week on the job, I would love to help you out, but I just don’t have time for you. Another boss that I had would get so impatient in our bimonthly meetings that he literally told me to talk nonstop and tell him everything I needed to vent about so we could get done faster. After I would hyper-talk for over thirty minutes, he would respond by saying, What else? Anything? Another boss didn’t even show up on my first day because he said he had more pressing things to do.

So what do we do? Pastors are extremely busy people (as they should be). Some pastors seem like they want to help, but others sometimes can and will put you on the back burner. How can you move forward? Three helpful guidelines:

1.In your first meeting with your new pastor or boss, stress the importance of having a personal, working relationship and friendship with them. You are a team, working together in God’s church, both glorifying God by edifying the students and people of the congregation where he has placed you. If it seems like your pastor is unwilling to have this relationship with you after a few meetings, ask about finding an elder or deacon in the church you can form that relationship with and meet maybe once a week or two to three times a month. Talk to someone else besides your significant other about your struggles in ministry. Your significant other is not your personal, pastoral counselor—so don’t inadvertently or purposefully treat them that way. There are things your spouse needs to find out about youth students / church members on their own, instead of acquiring your own personal emotions toward that person.

2.It’s easy to become overwhelmed. I was a guilty lone wolf myself—still am sometimes. Ironically, over the years, this lifestyle can easily turn into people pleasing more than anything. Let your students and parents know that you are a sinner and that you will mess up despite how perfect you and your youth program may appear to be. There will be some sort of conflict or trial that comes your way where you may not have the most holy response at first. If people know that you’re willing to say, Hey, I messed up and I’m sorry, could you please forgive me? Let’s work on ways to improve, etc. then they will respect you and grow with you.

3.I don’t know what it is, but people assume that since you’re a youth director and especially if you may/may not be currently in seminary, you’ll have all the answers when it comes to religion—whether its biblical knowledge, parental discipline, cultural issues, moral issues, etc. Whatever it is, if you don’t know something, it’s best not to fabricate a theological jargon response! For example, I once had a parent who was afraid to discipline their child over a certain incident. The father called me and asked me what he thought I should do. I was twenty-five at the time and didn’t have any children, so I had never experienced, as a parent, having a seventeen-year-old boy who had an inappropriate itching for junior high girls in the youth group. I could have said with a sophisticated, smart-sounding accent: "Well, according to the Bible in Prov 22:6, it says, ‘Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it.’ We must make haste and give your son a spiritual cleansing and make him focus deeply on his sanctification . . . " and I imagine the father on the other end of the line drifting off into an abyss of dreams, or sheer panic. What good would this do besides causing this father to never call me again after hearing me jabber for almost thirty minutes?

Proverbs 22:6 is an excellent foundational verse for parents raising children of any age, but in that given situation, would I be using the verse for a beneficial purpose, or would I only be trying to elevate myself with my biblical knowledge of impressing this distraught father over the phone? What did I say when I didn’t know the answer? I’m really glad you called me, and I think we can work this out over time. I don’t know what we should do because I have never been a parent and I don’t know how to raise a seventeen-year-old boy, but I would very much like to help you to the best of my ability and solve this issue biblically. Only by the grace of God was I able to give a calm, tactful, thought-out response. Deep down I wanted to say, I don’t know dude, you’re his dad! Ever try disciplining the kid? That wouldn’t have gone well.

Summary for Defeating the Lone-Wolf Syndrome:

1.Don’t be the lone wolf yourself. Talk to other youth directors in the area. Develop relationships with them and with officers