One Secret I Never Told: Black Rose

By Lenga Arch

Her best friend, Chausiku, is the one who has captured Sabrina's heart and soul.
She longs to be the rising sun that makes Chausiku feel whole.

Chausiku's life is complicated by secrets she cannot share.
Will Chausiku be able to trust and be elated about this new love, or will she deny the love?

Sabrina longs to be the only one that Chausiku cares about.
She dreams of kisses in the sun and love without a doubt.

As Sabrina and Chausiku navigate their complex lives and fall deeper in love each day, they have to learn to trust, survive, and find their own special way.

Love is a journey that's never easy, but it's worth the risk and the pain.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lenga Arch
• Release date: Jun 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798223593355

Lenga Arch

I write comfort novels that bring comfort and love. I have parents who are in a toxic relationship so I do not like writing books about unhealthy relationships. I dream of a relationship where both partners feel safe and supported. It might hurt some days because even if it is a healthy relationship does not mean it is an easy relationship. Grab a coffee and a piece of cake, cuddle under the duvet and enjoy...

Book preview

Chapter one

You throw one cheating boyfriend out the window and end up in a mental institution.

The window wasn't even that high up. It was from a first-floor window.

Some people were sissies.

It didn’t seem fair, Chausiku thought as she paced the length of the small ten-foot-by-ten-foot room. A very narrow space separated the twin wooden beds, leaving little room for pacing. She moved from one side of the room to the other in four steps.

She lit a cigarette and went to open the window, irritated.

The windows had thick black window bars, which seemed appropriate given where she was.

Wouldn’t want anyone to escape this hell hole or jump out.

She had to push the window hard before it moved a little. It would have to do, she thought as she stood there. The smoke from her cigarette finally escaping.

Take me with you, she thought as she looked at the smoke wafting out, only to melt into the wind.

How would it feel to be that free in life?

She had worked hard at university for the last four years to be among the best engineering students in her class, only to end up in a mental institution three months before her graduation, labeled as crazy.

There was nothing different between her and a madman. One’s got to laugh at the irony of the situation.

She knew that mental health was more than that. People who look normal may have mental illnesses.

But she always thought she was stronger.

That she was better and in more control of her mental health.

An hour ago, her mother said her stay at the mental hospital would be good for her. It would allow her to be herself again. Find herself again.

She got where her mum came from, but she did not appreciate it.

Her ex-boyfriend's attorney had stated that if she spends six months in a mental hospital, they would accept an out-of-court settlement.

If she refused, they would take the matter to court and prosecute her with assault. That carried a minimum of seven years in prison.

They had only one witness to the assault.

The hooker her ex was cheating with when Chausiku caught them.

When she finally calmed down and the police asked her what happened, she said that Martin had jumped out the window. She was a Good Samaritan who was going to check on him when the police pulled her back.

This was a ridiculous lie. She knew it; they knew it.

She would have gotten away with her lie if it weren't for the security camera.

She could still remember the smug look on her ex-boyfriend’s face as he sat in the boardroom next to his lawyer.

They had her. It was the mental hospital or jail.

The bandages wrapped around his hand, and legs gave her a little comfort. A broken wrist and twisted ankle were the least he deserved.

Which reminded her, she had a video of Martin flying out the window buck naked.

Getting her phone from the back of her pocket, she created a new tik tok account under a pseudonym and posted the video. She then copied the link and sent it to her best friend, Sabrina, via WhatsApp.

Share this in the class WhatsApp group.

She could not share it herself, that would be slander.

Got it, Sabrina sent back a WhatsApp text.

She did not want to open her class WhatsApp group. She could picture how people were talking about her.

She met Martin when they first started university. At first, they were academic rivals who fell in love. As the best students in class, they were the IT couple at the university. The future was bright for the power couple.

Chausiku did not love Martin, but she loved the recognition and the fame being a couple brought her. Most of all, she loved the fact that people respected her. This year between taking care of her little sister, taekwondo competitions and finishing up projects in school, she had not had time to spend with Martin.

Martin grew up in a strict religious family and he believed they should not have sex before marriage, which was okay with her because sex gave her the ick.

It was nothing personal. She did not like it when anyone touched her.

She was going to break up with Martin after graduation.

That was why that fateful evening she had felt guilty and paid Martin a visit. She wanted to cuddle with him because he enjoyed cuddling, watching some movies together and falling asleep together.

Even though she didn’t like him, she had a soft spot for him and wanted to see him happy throughout their time together.

She had a key and when she walked in; she heard the moaning.

At first, she thought he was watching some porn, so she wanted to catch him by surprise and make fun of the upstanding mama’s boy watching porn.

When she opened the door, the first thing she saw was a woman’s gyrating butt.

Her boyfriend was moaning as if his life depended on it.

He lied to her that was the first thing she thought of. He should have told her.

He should have respected her enough to tell her he wanted an open relationship.

They were not doing it and he had needs. She would have respected that.

He presented himself as one thing and did something else, like her step-dad.

At that moment, a wave of hatred washed over her, and before she knew what she was doing, he was flying out the window while his hooker screamed.

Someone might have called the police. They pulled her back as she prepared to go after him. She did not talk or make a sound until she regained control.

Thinking about it made her mad. If she'd gotten in more punches, the mental hospital stay would have been worth it.

She was about to light another cigarette when she heard a message on her phone.

Putting down the lighter, she took out her phone and read the message from Sabrina. Done.

Thank you.

A second later, you can thank me in person.

When the door opened, Chausiku was still frowning at the message.

Sabrina was shorter than Chausiku, for Chausiku stood at 5 '7 Sabrina was 4' 10, making her the most adorable human being that Chausiku knew. She didn't love many people in this world, but she loved her.

When she was down, Sabrina was there to help her. She looked after her sister for her when she had things to do. She even dragged her out to adventures during the weekends.

They met on the first day of university, they were both looking for a classroom and struck up a relationship that has lasted four years. Martin was her boyfriend, but Sabrina was her soul mate.

Case in point.

I got admitted to the psych ward. Sabrina said to the still stunned Chausiku, who had even forgotten to light up the cigarette. The nurse who had brought Sabrina into the room eyed Chausiku’s cigarette, her face contorting with disgust.

The nurse was about to comment on the cigarette, Sabrina turned to her with a bright smile. Thank you so much for bringing me here. Without you, I wouldn't know the direction.

Pleased, the nurse relaxed her face and smiled at Sabrina.

What a delightful girl, the nurse thought, No problem, no problem at all.

Sabrina took the nurse’s hand into hers and slipped her something. We must thank you for your hard work.

The nurse looked down to see a thousand-shilling crisp note folded about four times and a burst of happiness went through her.

She stuffed the money into her scrubs and scampered out of the room as if they would change their mind and take back the money.

Her son came home for half term and the nurse did not have enough money to buy him dinner. It was still mid-month so her salary date was still far off and she could not take another advance from her salary because she had gotten one last month when her son fell ill.

With this one thousand, she could buy him something delicious.

Happy, she retrieved her phone from her pocket and made a call. Kevin, I am sending you some money right now. Buy some meat and have your aunt make you some rice and meat for lunch.

God bless that girl for the bribe.

The price to look the other way was really low.

Chapter two

Back in the room, Chausiku chuckled, you made that woman’s day.

Shrugging, Sabrina struggled to carry her bag over and place it on the bed. It’s no big deal. She turned and looked angry but Chausiku thought it was cute. I told you to stop smoking.

Smiling, Chausiku answered, I did not know you would catch me.

Sabrina rolled her eyes at her.

What are you doing here? Chausiku asked Sabrina again.

Sabrina came from a wealthy background. Both her parents were surgeons, and they had only one child, Sabrina. There was a lot of money to spend on their child, but not a lot of time.

From the moment she started school, she had only gone to the best private schools. When she finished her KCSE and scored an A, they wanted to enroll her into a private university. Sabrina insisted on going to a public university to experience the real world.

Since she was studying engineering, her parents were happy with her. After all, when she graduated from her bachelors, they would send her off for her masters in the best school in Germany.

Her parents thought this was a phase for her.

That was where she met Chausiku and quickly became friends. She rented an apartment opposite from Chausiku on the first day of school.

Apart from when Chausiku had to go for taekwondo practice, they spent almost every day together. During the weekends when Chausiku did not have taekwondo competition; they went on adventures around the country together. The three of them were Chausiku, her little sister, Saki, and Sabrina. Sabrina loved it; it was like having sisters.

As a little girl, she had always wanted to have siblings who would play with her. Apart from the nannies paid to take care of her, she was always alone.

She now had two sisters she loved.

I got admitted for a checkup for the weekend. I told my therapist that I was having suicidal thoughts, so they sent me her for a psychiatrist checkup to ensure I was not a danger to myself.

You did not have to do that, Chausiku said, looking down at the unlit cigarette in her hand, trying hard not to cry.

Of course I did. How can I allow you to explore by yourself? Had to come and make sure that they treat you right.

I will not cry; I will not cry; Chausiku thought as she played with the cigarette in her hand.

How is Saki? Sabrina asked.

Chausiku got herself together as she answered, She had to go to boarding school early.

Chausiku regretted that her sister had to leave to attend boarding school. Her mum was always traveling, her stepdad was her step dad so her sister now had no one to take care of her. They had always planned Saki to go to boarding school in class eight next year because it was the school policy that all class eight must board, but now her sister had to go in earlier.

She had failed Saki; she thought as she crushed the cigarette in her hand.

Sabrina said nothing, came and gave her whole body a hug. Since she was shorter than Chausiku, her hands went around Chausiku’s upper arm, trapping her and squeezing her.

Which was exactly what Chausiku needed.

It’s going to be okay.

Taking a deep breath, Chausiku placed her hands on Sabrina’s waist and held on.

For the first time, she believed that.

Chapter three

Later that night, as Chausiku lay in bed, she let the darkness seep into her bones as she stared at the dark ceiling.

Chausiku didn’t know when she knew she was never getting married.

She could not pinpoint the exact moment the truth seeped into her bones. She was never tying the knot with anyone.

It might be the moment she stood in the middle of her little sister’s door, the coldness of the floor at midnight seeping into her bones, holding a knife in her hand asking her sister if she was okay. Because her stepfather had stayed over that night.

She wasn’t sure if it was because every time her step father visited; she had to sleep with a knife under her bed.

She didn’t know if it was the night she felt so cold. The blankets couldn’t keep her warm as she listened to her parents argue about STDs. Her stepfather had been sleeping with other women, and gave her mother the disease.

Or it was the number of times she watched her mother crying over how unfair life was.

She was not even sure if it started when one night, when she was twelve years old, her stepfather tried to rape her.

Her biological father hightailed it out of her life when she was a baby and she had never known him. As a child who loved Parent Trap the movie, she had dreamed of one day her parents getting back together. The only flaw in that plan was that she didn’t have a twin sister to help her realize her dream, and her younger brother didn’t seem to care.

That day, she bragged to her friends about her new dad after her mother introduced them to a new man. Her mother explained that she had met the man of her dreams and that they were moving to a new city to begin a new life.

Chausiku felt relieved. Like all the other children, she would soon have a father.

As long as he made her mum happy, she cared little. All she cared about were her books that she loved reading so much. Especially Nancy Drew.

Within the folds of the books, she could be anyone.

As she read, she imagined herself as a brave hero, someone who solved problems and stood up for justice.

Bad people only existed in the books. There weren’t bad people in the real world.

Or so she thought.

It began slowly, like the vested interest her step dad paid to her.

The little secrets he told her to keep between the two of them.

She had always been a clumsy kid who lost a lot of stuff, not because she was careless, but material stuff held little value to her. One day at school she was playing during lunchtime and she forgot her lunch dish in the field and someone stole it.

The previous week, she had already lost a sweater and some socks, so she knew her mum would be furious. She looked for it until darkness and her stepfather came to pick her up from school. After she told him what happened, he bought her a new lunch dish, and they promised it would be their little secret. Her mother never knew about it.

At that moment, he was her hero.

In her eyes, he could do no wrong. They were a team; she always knew her mother loved her brother more than her, but finally she had someone on her side.

Someone who loved her even though her mum and dad never did.

Or so she thought.

Until the night it happened.

It was a normal school night, and they had gone to bed after finishing their meal. Their parents could not afford two bedrooms, so she shared a bed with her brother. Up to this day, Chausiku believed that having her brother sleeping next to her had saved her. If she slept alone, she didn't know what would happen. She woke up in the middle of the night with someone’s hand caressing her pubic hair. She was twelve years old, for god’s sake, a child.

She lay still, not daring to breathe. She did not want her stepfather to know she was awake.

It was the longest two minutes of her life as she lay there trying to pretend it never happened because it never happened to her.

She never stood up for herself. She did not tell her mother or brother.

She had always considered it a blessing he did not rape her, but the near rape messed her perspective.

When she read about Nancy Drew or Hardy boys or even Harry Potter, she saw these young boys and girls who were heroes and stood up to the bad guys, but not her.

She was no one’s hero, not even her own.

She didn’t tell her mother or anyone else about that night.

What scared her was that her mother would not believe her and blame her for trying to break up their marriage. Or her mum will believe her and they would be back to having no father and her mother would be sad.

She did not want her mother to be sad again, so she kept quiet, but it ate her up inside.

As she grew older, she developed insomnia because bad things happen to you when you are sleeping and not on your defense. She began sleeping with a knife under her mattress, certain that if anything happened to her, she would protect herself this time.

She barely slept when he was around and was on constant alert for the creak of her younger sister’s door. Nothing was going to happen to her sister, not on her watch.

The night in question resulted in more than insomnia. She realized she had never felt sexual attraction to men when she was twenty years old.

Her friends had crushes, but she rarely looked at a man and thought to herself, Hey, I’d like to climb him and sex him up. She came up with a plan in case anyone asked, a Thai actor with a large following. One day when her friends asked who would be her celebrity pass, his name bubbled up in her mind.

She admired his intellect, despite being a famous actor and world renowned musician. He also had a PhD in physics, she wanted to get her PhD too. She was very excited when she found out the university selected her to study engineering.

Her stepfather told her she had a low chance of getting into a good university because she was shy and withdrawn. The smile on her face was a permanent addition when she told her grandmother the best university had chosen her to study engineering. She was now the family’s first engineer. A female engineer.

Wem, the Thai actor, was her fail safe crush when her friends asked her who attracted her. They did not know that she was more interested in his success than in his body or what he could do to her in bed.

When she finished secondary school, she had gotten a boyfriend, like all the rest of her friends. Eric was smart, kind, and from a rich family. He wanted to marry her and make her his wife and they would live happily ever after. She wanted that, too. She really did. She tried her best to love him back, but whenever they were alone, she felt like an elephant was sitting on her heart and she could not breathe. She let him touch her, but each touch made her want to crawl out of her skin and leave her skin behind for him. It was torture, but she told herself to breathe through it. He loved her, she could love him.

That is until she lost her virginity to him and realized it would never work. Watching him heaving on top of her as her mind wandered off to the university packing list she had compiled, she knew she would never love him.

If she could not love him, the perfect Mr. Prince who she had always dreamed of, then she would love no one.

When he climbed off her, all she could feel was his disgusting sweat running down her stomach, and she couldn’t wait to get out of there. She winced as he tied up the condom and threw it away, getting out of bed, changing her clothes, and fleeing as quickly as she could.

He tried to catch up to her, walk her home, but she couldn’t, so she ran until she boarded a motorbike and told the motorbike man to take her home. Fast.

She cried because she knew she broke his heart, but she could not do it.

She could not pretend to love him.

He called her so many times that she gave her cousin her line to answer. Thank God Eric did not know her home because her step-dad did not like when she dated.

It was the beginning and the ending of her grand adventure in love.

It was sad to think that she would die alone, but there was no need to dwell on that now; instead, she focused on her sister Saki.

Her thoughts wandered back to the night before she left for college.....

Chapter four

Chausiku was about to leave for college when her sister was seven. She might hate her step father but she loved her little sister who was born because of his marriage to her mother. It had not been long after her little sister was born before her step father started cheating on their mother.

He slept with random women he met at the club without protection. When she was in secondary school, a boarding school, she heard he would slap her mum around. But never when she was around. She hated him with a passion.

Their mother traveled a lot and her younger brother was still in secondary school, boarding, so he was not at home. It was the two of them and their stepfather in the house. But she was prepared. She hoped he would give her a reason to shove the knife under her bed into his heart and call it self-defense. The only reason she had not done it yet was because her little sister adored her father and Saki would never forgive her if she did.

She loved her little sister too much.

That was why, when she was leaving for college, she decided she would not leave Saki alone with her step-father. She had talked to her mum and laid out the reasons she should go to college with her sister.

At the top of the list was the fact that her mother was never present, and her stepfather worked too much and would never be available to care for a young girl.

But what she really wanted to put at the top of the list was her fear that her sister would be raped if she left her at home.

She had gotten into college the previous year, but