In Search of Self: The Diary of an Adoptee

By Briyell Jones

In Search of Self is the narrative of a young woman in search of identity and belonging. A sense of abandonment leaves her asking the big question, Who am I?

She recounts her life from birth where she was left in the care system and had to adapt to the stigma of being abandoned.

She discusses the issues and challenges she faced growing up in an urban society from childhood to her transition into adulthood.

Despite her struggles, she tries to remain strong and speaks of the beauty of life and her family, friends, and God who have kept her going.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse UK
• Release date: May 22, 2023
• ISBN: 9781728393148

Book preview

In Search

of Self

THE DIARY OF AN ADOPTEE

BRIYELL JONES

39364.png

AuthorHouse™ UK

1663 Liberty Drive

Bloomington, IN 47403  USA

www.authorhouse.co.uk

Phone: UK TFN: 0800 0148641 (Toll Free inside the UK)

UK Local: (02) 0369 56322 ([phone] from outside the UK)

© 2023 Briyell Jones. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or

transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

This book is a non-fictional narrative based on true-life events. All names have been changed to protect the identity and privacy of the individuals involved.

Published by AuthorHouse   05/19/2023

ISBN: 978-1-7283-9313-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-7283-9314-8 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models,

and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in

this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views

expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the

views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

Acknowledgements

1     A Brief Encounter

2     Background History

3     The Early Years

4     Changing Faces

5     New Beginnings

6     Trust vs Mistrust

7     Life and Loss

8     Bad Education

9     Setting Goals

10   Conversations with Grandma

11   Baby Talk

12   The Break-In

13   Escapism

14   Hit-and-Miss

15   The Breakdown

16   A New Lease of Life

17   The Calling

Acknowledgements

To God, my children, nephew, and nieces.

A Brief Encounter

1987

Briyell was happy to see her after all these years. To be within arm’s reach of her, touch her, hear her voice, and most importantly, be in the same room as her, even if it was only for a few hours. She marvelled at the sight of her. She was 5 foot 7 tall, slender, and soft-spoken. Her piercing brown eyes complimented her golden-brown complexion. She wore her hair out and her curl patterns danced each time she moved. Her oval-shaped face was unblemished, and she had small features. She wore high-waisted jeans and a black polo neck with long sleeves. Every so often, she would hold the sleeves as if she were nervous or cold. She was told to take a seat in the living room.

Briyell’s foster mum Joy called her into the kitchen. She handed her a patty that had been repurchased from Barbados; it was steaming hot and smelt delicious. She took the plate, proudly walked into the dining room, and handed it to her biological mother. She said, ‘thank you,’ and dug straight in. It was like she had not eaten in a while! Realising she had forgotten her drink, she rushed back to the kitchen to get it. Before swiftly leaving the kitchen, Joy stopped her in her tracks and asked, ‘Briyell, how do you feel?’ ‘Happy!’ she promptly replied and sped off, spilling some of the drink in the process. ‘It was cool having two mums,’ she thought as she dashed back into the living room, handing mum her drink. When her mum had finished, Briyell took the plate and glass back into the kitchen. Joy snatched the items from her and abruptly threw them in the bin. Briyell was gobsmacked! Joy then turned to her mother and scowled in her Bajan accent, ‘muh nah wah catch nain!’ Briyell did not understand her response as she felt that washing up liquid did a good job at keeping germs away.

She walked back into the front room, where Brandon was sitting on their mum’s lap. She asked Briyell to join them. She was ecstatic! Cradling them in her arms, she sang Jackson Five’s number one hit ‘I Want You Back,’ and she sounded beautiful. Briyell felt she was singing to them, and the song was symbolic; she kept repeating, ‘Oh baby, give me one more chance’ as if asking them to do just that. She then stopped, asked to use the toilet, and went taking her handbag with her.

She was a while; Briyell felt like going to check on her but never did. Suddenly, the toilet flushed, and the door swung open! As she came downstairs, she did not seem the same, and she looked disoriented and drowsy. Eventually, she made her way into the living room and slumped into the blue sofa. To Briyell´s horror, she noticed some holes in her wrists; she wore a long sleeve top, so she could only imagine the entire arm. It was disturbing! She remembered earlier when she was holding her sleeves; it wasn’t because she was nervous or cold. She was trying to hide the state of her arms. She had gone to the bathroom for a quick fix; To inject a dose of heroin. ‘Was seeing us too much for her?’ Briyell thought fearfully yet hoping that she would get back to ‘normal.’ Once Joy saw the state she was in, she asked her to leave. This was upsetting, and part of Briyell wanted to go with her, but she could not even