Perfectly F*Cked up People: Meditations from a Gen X'er (Who Doesn't Know Sh*T)

By Matt Hess

I watched a David Lynch video in my “set-up,” while he described his “set-up." I grabbed a pad of paper, and eventually a pen, and I began to write about my "set-up.” It immediately evolved into choosing one word from the prior page, then on to the next page to write about that word while highlighting it on the prior page. A stream of consciousness that went on for 131 words until it naturally and beautifully concluded. It took a over six hours. These words were brought forward in the middle of a pandemic, in the middle of the night, early in January 2021, like fluid poured onto the page from nowhere. The meditations have been refined countless times, but the chosen words were from that night. It felt magical. I'm not saying the writing is magical, but the process felt a little out of my hands, like magic feels to an audience. Although, I know it was just me…and the rest of the universe.

• Language: English
• Publisher: AuthorHouse
• Release date: Apr 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9798823006231

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© 2023 Matt Hess. All rights reserved.

No part of this book may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted by any means without the written permission of the author.

Published by AuthorHouse  04/27/2023

ISBN: 979-8-8230-0624-8 (sc)

ISBN: 979-8-8230-0623-1 (e)

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

Because of the dynamic nature of the Internet, any web addresses or links contained in this book may have changed since publication and may no longer be valid. The views expressed in this work are solely those of the author and do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher, and the publisher hereby disclaims any responsibility for them.

Contents

writing

set-up

idea

akashic record

enlightenment

focus

work

identity

perfection

time

stealing

college

childhood

courage

assertive

game

threatening

control

honesty

sleep

diet

exercise

love

people

race

stereotype

natural

talent

gift

present

inspiration

killers

rugby

brotherhood

hillbillies

suburbs

pools

perspective

sculpture

display

offended

always

steer

driven

asshole

generally

infinity

imagination

priorities

bad

audience

positive

negative

text

intuition

connection

reflection

exist

gaze

intentions

football

pads

save

cool

wants

relatives

mother

bike

pretend

sacred

decisions

cosmic

artist

reciprocate

behavior

meditate

knowing

version

different

nothing

bend

future

measure

matter

leadership

water

oceans

wave

float

evolution

crazy

vision

capitalism

bees

extinct

balance

introspection

mental illness

normal

kids

pregnant

woman

listen

help

altruism

generosity

money

deserve

sky

consciousness

vulnerable

armor

disappointment

anger

hate

thank you

appreciation

smile

diabolical

boundaries

consistency

tough

women

beautiful

believe

God

approach

dilemma

end

Dedicated to:

Amy, Hayduke and Jude Hess, my mom, dads, my brothers - Andy and Sam Hess, my friends and all the other perfectly fucked up people out there.

writing

I sat down to write a world changing first line but couldn’t find a pen.

It usually sat in a juice glass on my workbench.

My mother says, Everything has its place.

I agreed yet my runaway pen caused me to sputter.

That was in fact, not the original first line at all.

Those words fell to the floor and crawled under my bench, with my pen.

That’s why you write it down when it’s fresh.

What inspired me was a David Lynch video when he said, "You have to have a set-up."

It’s a place

with your stuff,

so,

you can do your stuff

on your time, when inspiration strikes.

My stuff was scattered from the last project.

So… I leaned on my mother for insight.

The creation of writing was also likely the moment humans crested and began to devolve.

This new vehicle was massive, omnipotent

and helped us scheme ways

to unwittingly destroy ourselves.

Writing also gave us the tools to save ourselves.

The outcome is undetermined, but I remain optimistic.

Ideas: good, bad, ugly and awful all passed on exponentially

without consideration of truth, motive or the future.

Not unlike the internet.

If it’s written, it must be true.

Simply accepted.

Mass ideas spread.

Convenience spawned.

Importance became vague.

Want, want, want, over need, need, need, now we slide, slide, slide and tumble toward the end.

We’ve always slid toward the end I suppose.

The big question is, did we live a positive life?

Did we leave a positive legacy?

That’s the theme of these meditations.

A good, positive life.

It’s been written…

set-up

I’ve had a lot of set-ups over the years.

Some for music,

art,

writing,

sports.

The low ceiling of the dark Ludlow cellar had a flip top door to step down into.

I wrote stories mostly but picked up the guitar.

It sat next to me while I wrote.

Accessible, available, alluring.

I’ve had many set-ups between that one and my current one.

Currently, I’m in a shed that I built without forethought as a three-sided woodshed.

I’ve added a floor, a fourth wall, and a porch.

If I stood up right, I’d hit my head on the rafters at the back.

It’s dry, warm, and full of my stuff, and 3 inches out of square, like me.

There’s paint, canvas, amps, guitars, computer, pad and pen,

all surrounded by

art, tools, artifacts, oddities, and material.

When an idea pops everything I need to create is within reach.

There’s a cartoony sculpture of a devil head in the corner.

We bought it at a barn sale in eastern Ohio on our way to Ohio U.

We weaved our way through stacks of dangerously high piled antiques and oddities.

We bought roll down maps that hung in 50’s elementary schools to give as gifts to our teacher friends, a slide whistle, and the stool I’m sitting on.

If we had money, we could have filled a U-Haul.

My wife found the guy and said, My husband will love this. How much is it?

He asked, What’s it say on the tag?

She found me and told me about the conversation.

She was right, I loved it.

I said to the guy, "I’ll give you $75.00.

He asked, What’s the tag say?

I knew, but looked anyway and said, $95.00.

He said, It’s $95.00

I paid $95.00.

I added a Halo above his horns.

He keeps things tight and balanced.

idea

The elusive idea that’s there one second and gone the next.

I’ll remember it – poof - gone forever.

Some of the best ideas I’ve had, found me.

Most did.

They coincided with silence, stillness, and relaxation of my mind.

The idea for this project found me that way, sort of.

But I stand at the stream’s edge poised to slip in and see where a new idea takes me.

I jump further than I know I should and hope to be swept away into

the cosmic realm of timelessness, and boundless creation.

It’s almost not conscious.

Not unconscious, but more like not being conscious of consciousness.

Acting with the full resources of your being on impulses that are not directed by you or from you, but are, and always have been part of you.

Focused through you. Fully absorbed.

Stress is the enemy. It’s blinding, and binds like dry bowels.

Meditation is like hallucinogenic drugs.

It gives one the ability to see, what normally they cannot.

To see through the chaos.

Tap into what is, has been and always will be.

The Akashic record.

The collective conscious.

Knock down boundaries.

Let it speak.

There for the taking.

Do not seek.

You will find.

Something like that.

Write ideas down.

Evaporation is real.

Record songs.

They slip ethereal.

Put paint to canvas.

The flow will go.

While meditating, an image slipped into my mind’s eye.

I saw myself moving paint with an air compressor.

Techniques grew from there.

Some sold, some given away, others lay ready for the next booze and picture show.

They hang in my house, in my kid’s rooms, and all over my set-up.

I like them. Some more than others. I like most that I followed through.

akashic record

Everything that was, is, or will be is already known to the infinite universe.

All the energy that ever was, is or will be, already is, and