Reflections of an Old Man

By Doug McPhillips

The first step of anything is the beginning. It's exciting because it's the first day of a new life. This is where the awakening and healing started. This little guidebook is from the random thoughts of one who lived by the rules of denying what God had destined for him in preference to living in accord with the laws of what the world had to off

• Language: English
• Publisher: Doug McPhillips
• Release date: May 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9780645422177

Doug McPhillips

Doug McPhillips, poet, singer, songwriter, author, commenced his creative journey of discovery after life changing experiences. Doug has written five novels, two book of poems and recorded two albums of songs inspired by his adventurers. The spiritual aspects of his journey are a guiding light to a lotus flowers of creative ideas that flow from his pen. This is another of such written expression.

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Also by Doug McPhillips   

Poetry:

From Darkness to Light.

Awake to my gutted dreams.

Novels:

The Sword of Discernment.

I, Prophet.

Santiago Traveller.

We is me Upside Down.

The Guru of Jerusalem.

Masters at my Table.

The Wicklow Way.

Ace McDice, Stretch Deed

& Moonshine Melody.

Instant Karma & Grace.

The Credo.

A Camino Guidebook.

Albums:

Country Camino.

Santiago Traveller.

Soul Fact

© Doug McPhillips 2023.

This book is copyrighted. Apart from any fair dealing for the purpose of private study, research, criticism or review, as permitted under the Copyright Act, no part may be reproduced by any process whatsoever without the editor’s written permission.

ISBN: 978-0-6454221-6-0

This book is a work of fiction. All the characters in this novel are fictitious. Any resemblance to actual events, locales or persons, living or dead, is entirely coincidental. Where poetic license is used to turn fact into fiction, names have been changed to protect the innocent.

        To whom it may concern

        For the betterment of knowing.

Answer to my prayer.

I asked for health, that I might do greater things,

I was given infirmity, that  I might do better things…

I asked for riches, that I might be happy;

I was given poverty, that I might be wise…

I asked for power, that I might have praise of men;

I was given weakness, that I might feel the need of God…

I asked for all things so that I might enjoy life;

I was given life so that I might enjoy all things..

I got nothing that I asked for - but everything I hoped for.

Almost despite myself, my unspoken prayers were answered.

I am among all men most richly blessed.

                                                                    (Author unknown)

INTRODUCTION.

The first step of anything is the beginning. It’s actually really exciting because it’s the first day of a new life. This is where the awakening and healing starts. This little guidebook is from the random thoughts of one who lived by the rules of denying what God had destined for him in preference to living in accord with the rules of what the world had to offer. To get to the top of the heap it taught him dishonesty, a belief in the material at the expense of the spiritual essence of his soul purpose, self-destructive addictive behaviour in his acceptance of an artificial egocentric half-life. For he in his search for happiness lost his way, his integrity, his humility, and his lack of willingness to put others before himself. In belief in service, in giving an account of his stewardship, it was always about his own recognition. Then comes the getting of wisdom after a lifetime of a fall from grace. Then came the recognition of powerlessness over all that he had become. The recognition that he had for so long had his ladder planted firmly against the wrong wall. He had striven for money and fame, for glory, for self-satisfaction, only to find that it was all empty.

So in the unfamiliar state of getting spiritual wisdom life seems daunting at the new start, but fortunately like all on an inward journey it becomes easy with one step at a time. He simply began to admit that he was powerless over his addictions, powerless over people, places and things. It was in a new awakening that he developed a faith in a Power Greater than self. He ultimately handed over his all to that power with faith and total surrender. And to do this, he had to understand the present time: The hour has already come for him to wake up from his slumber because, in spite of his despair, salvation was nearer now. The night was for him the darkest just before dawn. Life took him of his own making through deeds of darkness and ultimately he found the armour of light. He had to learn discernment in the light of day and not in carousing and drunkenness, not in sexual immorality and debauchery, not in dissension and jealousy. Rather, he learnt to clothe himself in the grace bestowed by his God and not the need to gratify the desires of the flesh.

This is the story of one man's transition from fumbling in the darkness of his base nature to embracing the spiritual waters of life in a newfound freedom. Now in his dotage, random thoughts come from time to time in reflection. It is these that he ponders and writes for the benefit of you the reader and his further well-being. So it is that he goes back to the very beginning. Now read on.

CONTENT:

Introduction . 5.

Chapter 1. Consciousness. 9.

Chapter 2. Pain and Acceptance. 19.

Chapter 3. Sacred Reading. 29.

Chapter 4. The Transformation of the Spirit. 39.

Chapter 5. The Purification. 47.

Chapter 6. Handing over your heart's desire. 59.

Chapter 7. The choice is always ours. 67.

Chapter 8. Teach the children. 79.

Chapter 9. Swimming back upstream. 89.

Chapter 10. Epilogue. 101.

Being wise is better than being strong;                                            yes,  knowledge is more important than strength.                          After all, you must make careful plans before you fight a battle, and the more good advice you get, the more likely you are to win.

                                                                    PROVERBS 24:5-15

                                            CHAPTER 1. 

    CONSCIOUSNESS           

It was a place of restful content. A peaceful place of the serenity of being in a vast space, floating on the fluid within a host vessel that was feeding this growing organism. There was somewhere deep inside this miracle of matter the realisation of being interdependent of the whole, and yet a pending consciousness of something unfamiliar steering the process in anticipation of a major event. It was a prototype of all that had passed and was to come, a prelude before the Big Bang, a reflection of an event that had transpired and yet was still in the process of perpetuation after the event.

The suddenness of being propelled through a shaft of painful magnetic force, and rebelling against it with a wilful power. Then bursting forth into the awareness of an unbearable light force of which it had no control. This new life form in its beginning gasped for the first breath of air, then in proof of life screamed a cry that could be heard then and there and in the present.

At the beginning of the universe was the breath of life at the Big Bang. Its vibrating sound can still be heard if one cares to listen. I imagine my life started that way too. A replica of all that exists in me as it does with the Maker of all things visible and invisible. For I was consciously aware of my beginning then, as the Infinite God in his wisdom made me, and all that has conceived to be of purpose at the deepest level of being, even though I choose to ignore it most of the time.

She was the Mother channel of my life on this earth from the very first moment of my living awakening. There was an awareness of love there but it was remote. Like she could not allow herself to have the magnetism of embracing that sense of serenity of being, of feeling deep down affection. She went through the motions of motherhood, but her feelings were locked in the depth of postnatal depression. She could not control her own inadequacy to overcome the tremor of childbirth, her own childhood abuse and the witnessing of the cruelty dished out upon her siblings by an overbearing father figure. I in my childhood innocence felt this to the very depths of my being of consciousness. Her milk dried up within days of the birth and this did not help the sense of abandonment that I was to feel as a small child.

Snuggling to the mammary glands of a foreign source of the ‘elixir of life’ granted me survival but not of spiritual nor loving kinship. And it was for me one more foreign cord that lessened my attachment to my mother channel who had already emotionally abandoned me. Looking back now I fully understand her anguish, her depression, her purging of physical self to cleanse her body of unwanted feelings. In her mental disease, she sensed she was