We Live These Lives

Based on real-life experiences, “We Live These Lives” captures the stories of twenty female professionals who towed various paths to achieve incredible success in leadership, career, marriage, and business.

The writers’ simplicity, humor, and candour make the book a must-read because neatly wrapped in these stories is a passionate intent to impact women’s lives globally.

This book is written to reinforce that when women are bound together in a sisterhood that protects and promotes a common interest, they create a support system that paves the way to help them achieve their goals.

At The Female Professionals’ Bookclub, where all the writers are members, we “read to dare our dreams”. Let us take you on a journey as you read to dare your dreams.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Paperworth Books
• Release date: Jun 25, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215842034

Book preview

WE

LIVE

THESE

LIVES

Women's Real-Life Journeys to Success

Edited by Ezinne Ibe &

Ngozi Onyesom

Copyright (c) 2023

Published by

The Female Professionals Bookclub

26 Island Way, Oke Agala GRA, Yemetu.

Ibadan

[e-mail]

Instagram: @TFPbooklcub

Facebook: Thefemaleprofessionalbookclub

The right of the authors to be identified as the author of this work has been asserted by them in accordance with the copyright laws.

All rights reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced, transmitted, or saved in a retrieval system, in any form or by any means, without permission in writing from the Female Professionals Bookclub.

For the young women who will someday tell their stories,

For the young women who will surpass legacies,

For the young girls who will become the voices of many –

unafraid to speak for themselves and others.

To women all over the world who have told their authentic stories to enrich the tribes of other women within and outside their network.

This is for you.

Contents

Introduction NGOZI ONYESOM

Part 1 ​African Women in History

1 ​African Women’s Struggles and the Place of Sisterhood OLUKEMI AWELEWA

2 ​Triumphs of African Amazons: Past and Present BOLANLE SOGUNRO

Part 2 ​Journey to Leadership and Career Success

3 ​The Twists and Turns of Leadership GBEMISOLA DARAMOLA

4 ​Impacting My Corner and My Leadership Style OMOLARA ADEWOLA

5 ​One Willful Action Per Time MOFOLUWASO ILEVBARE

6 ​Lessons from Social Interactions TITILAYO FALADE

7 ​Time Management CHINWE UCHENDU

Part 3 ​Journey to Wealth

8 ​The Days Of Little Beginning MOFOLUWASO ADIGUN

9 ​Behind The Scenes and Its Curves EZINNE IBE

Part 4 ​Journey to Happiness and Fulfilment

10 ​Love in the Right Places DORIS NWAGWU

11 ​Resilience Can Tame a Roaring Wave MERCY ADEJUMO

Part 5 ​Today's Woman

12 ​Changing Tides ABASIAMA-ARIT ANICHE

13 ​Learning Strengthens the Ladder to The Top CHINENYEM OBASI-OBONGA

14 ​Changing Roles and Terrain IBUKUN EMIOLA

15 ​Fighting Society Induced Battles VICTORIA CHUKWUNEKE

Part 6 ​Journey Through Life with Sisterhood

16 ​From the Backseat to the Front Lines IBIDUNNI ALONGE

17 ​Sisterhood and Life Phases ISIOMA ASIODU-OTUGHWOR

18 ​Sisters’ Speak Up for Sisters ADA UDUANOCHIE

19 ​Sisters Lifting Sisters ALERO ADEGBOLAGUN

20 ​Sisters Are Like Stars OLUWATOYIN ALADEJEBI

Conclusion EZINNE IBE

Authors Biographies

Acknowledgements

References

Introduction

NGOZI ONYESOM

In November 2020, The Female Professionals’ Bookclub (TFP) was reviewing a romance novel when one of us shared her trauma in an abusive marriage. She overcame the ordeal because of her sisterhood - her circle of girlfriends. They counseled, loved, prayed, encouraged, and believed in her. Their unflinching support buoyed her hopes that she would make it, alive and well, at the end of the day. As she delved into what transpired, her mother-in-law’s role, and that of her girlfriends, it dawned on us that stories of women supporting women during difficult times are not shared as much as they should be.

Growing up as a teenager in the late eighties, on many occasions, I heard comments like ‘women are their own worst enemies’ or ‘women hurt women more than men do’ etc. This happened especially when two women fought or after a women’s group broke up. Because I neither questioned the rationale behind such comments nor challenged it, I fell into the same trap of prejudice. I saw myself making the exact derisive remarks about women folk, not minding that I am also a woman!

Thankfully, as I matured in age and reasoning, gaining more first-hand experience relating to women and women groups, I realized those comments were false. Why? You may ask. All humans have the same emotions and reflexes, although expression degrees differ. Women fight. Men fight. Men’s groups fall apart just as women’s groups break up. Every human relationship has limitations imposed on it, either consciously or unconsciously, by the individuals involved. Disagreements remain part and parcel of human co-existence. Everyone cannot agree all the time, and poor handling of divergent views is one major factor in relationships breaking up. Disagreements are not exclusive to women and so it is unfair to stigmatize women for behavior common to both sexes.

A dearth of authentic stories by women helped by other women explains why misconceptions and faulty generalizations about women have persisted through the centuries. Comments such as ‘women are their own worst enemies’ strengthens misogyny and until we tell the many untold stories of the positive impact of sisterhood on sisters, we may never win this battle.

That brings us to why this book was written: to debunk the objectionable assertions against women. Women are best pals when a common interest binds them together. Strong supportive sisterhood has always existed, and many women have benefited from that system.

Seventeen years ago, I was a member of a women’s fellowship in a fledgling branch of a church located in a suburb. The qualification for membership was marriage. We had literate members (but not earning income), illiterate, petty traders, full-time housewives with no dime to their names, and an infinitesimal number of career women. Needless to say, the group constantly fell short of its mandatory financial contributions because the situation put a financial burden on the few who were earning income. Sadly too, we as a group could not fulfil the Lord’s command to support the poor.

Our leader, not the type to shy away from challenges, devised a plan. The plan was two-pronged to cater to all the different categories. The goal was to empower the women spiritually and financially. We planned to start a thrift society so those already trading could access interest-free loans, organize seminars and workshops to teach vocational skills, and educate members on how to save and keep reinvesting in their businesses until their businesses became self-sustaining.

By the end of the first year, many women were singing a new song! Some out-of-school children were back in the classrooms, and marriages that had issues because of money problems experienced a new lease of life.

You may ask, Did all the married women in the church consent to the plan? Yes Did all the women who agreed to the plan initially continue with it to the end? The answer is a resounding no! Mid-way through the program, complaints, disagreements, misunderstandings, and clashes of interest began to rear their ugly heads.

The executives swung into action not only to resolve the issues but also to eliminate them completely. Members who were patient during the crisis kept faith in the vision and eventually benefitted. But a few who could not stomach the situation stopped participating in the programs. The fact that a few members stopped did not deter the rest of the women from continuing. The objective of the program was laudable.

Many years later, something out of the ordinary happened after I left that church. I ran into two members of the group on the same day. The first sister I ran into was Sis Zy. She exuded so much joy and confidence. Even her dress made a statement. She had come to make a delivery worth hundreds of thousands of naira. She told me how she acquired more professional training such that her little business had expanded beyond her imagination. For the few minutes we talked, she could not stop praising the women executives for being so visionary and self-sacrificing. A few meters from where I met Sister Zy, I bumped into Sis T. 

Wow! What a pleasant surprise I screamed as we hugged. Don’t tell me your office is now in this area, I said bemusedly. Noooo! She answered, elongating the letter ‘o’ as if for emphasis.

I just saw Sis. Zy. You remember her? She was in charge of the Ruth Group. I think that was your group too. Right?

How won’t I remember her? It was the quarrel I had with her that made me quit the program and leave the church.

That’s true, I said, feeling guilty for bringing up the matter. As if she noticed, she touched me and said, It’s okay. I was the architect of my problems. A wrong mindset about women and women groups and a habit of endlessly comparing men and women cut me off from the group. I lost a rare opportunity to learn. Whenever I look back, I feel pain and regret. I would have, I should have...

Starting to feel awkward, I interrupted her. Sis, there is always a second chance, you know. There’s no point crying over spilled milk.

Yes, and I can’t thank God enough for another chance. Sis Zy is giving me free training in her catering institute. I came to buy the materials we need for a job order.

My face skewed the moment she said that, and she noticed it.

You mean Sis. Zy? The same one you...you...you... I was stuttering because I wasn’t sure I dared to complete the sentence.

Maama, I admit, I messed up big time. I owe Sis. Zy my life and that of my children. I don’t know where I’d be today without her.

As I mentioned the incident,  I could see the pain in her eyes as she struggled to speak.  But when I tried to hug her, she turned away, quickly flagged down a taxi and got in.

This book is replete with stories of women like her, twenty-first-century women who are what they are today because of support from other women or the sisterhood. As the title of the book shows, We Live These  Lives:Women's Real-Life Journeys to Success is a chronicle of women achievers written by women who are braving the odds to reach success.

Imagine if the lady in the troubled marriage had no support from her girlfriends or sisterhood? Or that all the disempowered women in my former church did not have the kind of platform that the women’s fellowship created to empower them? Or if Sis. Zy paid Sis T back in her own coin?

Generalizations and stereotypes have robbed many women of opportunities to maximize relationships that would have opened new vistas to them. We were created to depend on one another. Success is elusive without networking with people of like minds, similar interests and specializations. This book has been written to reinforce a well-known fact that women of all ages have supported themselves once they are bound together to protect and promote a common interest. Whether they are literate or illiterate, their resolve paves the way to achieving their goals.

The purpose of this book, therefore, is to hush the misogynists and provoke them to rethink. Women do not hurt women more than men do. We Live These  Lives: Women's Real-Life Journeys to Success depicts women as allies. Women being their worst enemy is far from the truth.

This book was also written to motivate younger African women in their quest for success and relevance in our predominantly patriarchal societies. A woman’s role, place, and assignment can never be adequately filled by a man. Women are different from men both physiologically and psychologically. Rather than bemoan our differences, we embrace them by forming alliances that help us attain our goals.

The book has six parts and twenty writers. Out of the twenty chapters, five are memoirs. Each memoir contains distinct perspectives of writers who employ unique writing styles in telling their realities. The stories are authentic and reflect their experiences with female mentors or joining forces with women groups. It is a rich blend of interesting exposés.

Part 1 focuses on the historical exploits of women who rose from ordinariness to become forces to be reckoned with in their communities.

Part 2 chronicles the different writers’ journeys to leadership and career success in various spheres. Anyone who has lasted long in a particular career knows that many intrigues and strategies are employed in climbing the career ladder. The writers discuss the lows and highs, the hurdles, connections, and alliances that aided their rise. The reader will also learn how they navigated the murky waters of office politics to reach positions of influence.

In part 3, the writers share the secrets behind their breakthroughs in developing business ideas and wealth creation. There is also insight into the most valuable skills and proven techniques that work for women in business.

Journey to Fulfillment and Happiness in Part 4, narrates the writers’ journey to love, marriage, and raising families. They also share, from their experiences, the way out of common difficulties in relationships. Female professionals needing hands-on tips on balancing work and family will love this chapter.

Part 5 on Today’s Woman x-rays the trends that have shaped and continue to affect sisterhood today. Even in years to come, the changes experienced today will still rub off on who we eventually become. As such, today’s woman needs to be ready.

Part 6, Journey through Life with Sisterhood, looks at the journey through life with sisterhood networks and associations in overcoming challenges. Come on board and enjoy the ride!

Part 1

African Women in History

1

African Women’s Struggles and the Place of Sisterhood

OLUKEMI AWELEWA

Introduction

African history is male-biased, and African women’s contributions to society were often not recognized until recently. Anthropologists and Christian missionaries were the earliest commentators on African women’s history. Later, there were western feminists, and the consensus was that African women were victims of patriarchy and backward customs. A growing literature, particularly those by African sociologists, historians, and anthropologists, has corrected this notion. Ifi Amadiume, in her seminal work, Male Daughters, Female Husbands: Gender and Sex in an African Society (1987), argued that much of anthropological studies on Africa and those on women in particular by British and American scholars were essentially racial. She noted that Africans and other groups from the third world were dubbed primitive, savage, and barbarians. Women were depicted as oppressed and powerless.

Moreover, Africa was often taken as a whole, and generalizations were made regardless of geographical and sociocultural variations. Amadiume, after her study among her Nnobi people of South-Eastern Nigeria, found that a great deal of what anthropologists and western feminists were writing about African women’s lack of power was incorrect. Today, it is known that many African women wielded real, substantial social, political, and economic power in the past. The African woman is an essential part of the growth and development of society. Although African societies were predominantly patriarchal, women played vital roles and were not totally subordinate. There was a gender division of labor, but women were fully engaged in productive and reproductive activities (Tamale, 2000; Mendy and Saar, 2017).

Ayesu, Gbormittai and Adum-Kyeremeh (2016) stated that African women's history in the precolonial and colonial periods received very little attention as women were often cast in men’s shadow as princesses, queen mothers, concubines, and slaves. Sheldon (2017) corroborated the fact that many writers on African history neglected and marginalized women. Amadiume (2017) opined that in marginalizing women, any theory based on the research on or experiences of only one-half of society is flawed. Undoubtedly, the African continent, from the Nile to the Limpopo, from Mauritania to Ethiopia, boasts of an array of historical amazons who thrived alongside their male peers in different areas of life. Women such as the Ethiopian Queen of Sheba, Amina of Zazzau, Fatuma of Zanzibar, Nzinga of Kongo, Efunroye Tinubu of Lagos, Aba Women of Eastern Nigeria, and a host of others. This chapter will examine African women's history and contributions to societal growth and development. It will analyze some of her social, economic, and cultural challenges. It will also attempt to investigate the role of sisterhood in mitigating some of these challenges.

General History of the African Woman

Archaeological and linguistic evidence shows that African women were involved in two of the most important economic activities of the precolonial era, agriculture and trade. Ayesu, Gbormittah and Adum-Kyeremeh (2016) described women’s life in precolonial and colonial Gold Coast as arduous and difficult. They noted that women were prominently active in food production, pottery, and cash-earning ventures such as washing gold and other minerals at the mines. They argued that women were more involved than men on the farm, worked alongside men in the mines, and participated in trading. They carried out all these in addition to other traditional roles as mothers, housekeepers, and caregivers. Women, in many cases, did most of the work in land cultivation and participated in a wide range of economic activities. Naturally, we would have expected that women would own large plantations of food and cash crops, but it was not the reality because land ownership was, in most cases, patrilineal. Schmidt (1988) reported that in the mines of Katanga and the Copperbelt of Southern Rhodesia (present-day Zimbabwe), women’s right