Hope in the Wait of Suffering

By Susan Haase

Hope in the Wait of Suffering is a personal, intimate, heartfelt journey, expecting the fulfillment of God's promise.

Sarah, having had bone cancer at the age of seven, was scheduled for her first post-surgery bone scan to determine if cancer had metastasized. Taking the quiet time and praying, seeking God's assurance and peace about the bone scan, a thought was impressed on my heart. Scripture? As I searched the concordance, I found the verse in Psalm 91:16. "Him" in this verse was changed to "her," and it impressed me. I knew that this was God's promise to me.

Trips to Milwaukee, chemotherapy, prosthesis after prosthesis as she was growing. From the onset of her recovery, she wanted to be a doctor. Eventually some years later, she graduated from grad school at UW Madison, nurse practitioner, summa cum laude.

May 12, 2012, she was married the second time. Sarah married Greg. A beautiful celebration at the conservatory in Central Park, New York. A year later, she gave birth to Gisele. Several months later, Sarah told me she couldn't believe the effect she was having as she was drinking her first glass of wine.

And then...

• Language: English
• Publisher: Covenant Books, Inc.
• Release date: Mar 22, 2023
• ISBN: 9781685268565

Book preview

Table of Contents

Title

Copyright

Long Suffering

Sovereign Lord

Hope Continued

Pain

Cunning. Baffling. Powerful.

Contemplation

Letter

In the Wait

Another Miracle

St. Luke's Hospital Milwaukee

Awakened

UW Hospital Madison

God Waited

Is This Really Me?

Elusive Joy

Common Sense

Choices

Setbacks

The Meeting

Free Indeed

Gratitude

Reality

The Virus

Long Suffering

One Day at a Time

Fond Memories

Quarantined

Sovereign Lord

Waiting

Faith

Hope

No Yellow Cars! No Creeps!

The Unknown

Hope Continued

Elisha—Chariots of Fire

Expectant

Escapism

Needy

The Rest of God

Encouragement

Second Corinthians 9:8

Good Friday

Proclamation

Hope and a Future

Getting Close

Sarah Is 46 Today

You Are Faithful

Recognizing

More Thoughts

A Call to Comfort

More Thoughts about Sarah

In the Present

Sarah's Memorial

Eulogy

Resting

Thanksgiving 2020

About the Author

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Hope in the Wait of Suffering

Susan Haase

ISBN 978-1-68526-855-8 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-68526-856-5 (Digital)

Copyright © 2023 Susan Haase

All rights reserved

First Edition

Cover art by Gisele Olson.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Covenant Books

11661 Hwy 707

Murrells Inlet, SC 29576

www.covenantbooks.com

Hope is like a star, not to be seen in the sunshine of prosperity, and only to be discovered in the night of adversity.

—Charles Spurgeon

It was 1981, December 27. Late in the evening, as I was praying, meditating on scripture, a question came to my mind. Will Sarah ever have cancer again? Her first CT scan was approaching, and I was afraid. Earlier in September, Sarah had been diagnosed with osteogenic sarcoma—bone cancer. Sarah was seven. We'd been directed to take her to Children's Hospital in Milwaukee, Wisconsin. Sarah had a turnaround surgery. She was one of only four hundred patients to have this surgery. The surgery made it possible for her to walk and do almost everything with a prosthesis that a normal person could do. So back to my question: would cancer show up again? Then the words came to my mind: I will satisfy her with a long life and show her my salvation. That sounded familiar. Was it scripture? I took my concordance and found it in Psalm 91:16. Initially, it was troubling because the scripture said, I will satisfy him with a long life and show him my salvation. I looked up the word him in the concordance. It was an ungendered word. I believe Jesus spoke directly to my heart. Jesus has held this firmly in my heart until this very moment and forever. There were many troubled times throughout Sarah's life where God reminded me of His wonderful promise and that He was doing something eternal in Sarah's heart and ours.

Sarah began college in the fall after she graduated high school, fully expecting to become a doctor. After the first year, her grade point had dropped to a B. She knew she wouldn't become a doctor because of poor choices—alcohol and other drug use. Five years later, she graduated with two degrees—one in French and one in zoology—and a lot of debt. Soon after she completed college, she began evaluating her life and decided to become a certified nursing assistant, which she did. After that, she studied to become a registered nurse. Eventually, she decided to study at UW-Madison to obtain her master's degree and graduated with honors as a nurse practitioner.

Sarah married her first husband in 2006, and because of his alcohol dependence, they divorced in 2010. In 2012, she married her second husband, Greg. In 2013, we were blessed with our first and (would-be) only grandchild, Gisele. It was only months later that Sarah resumed drinking. Immediately we began to notice change, a dark change. That is where this story begins. God is in the midst. God is in the wait.

In early 2016, Sarah lost her first job because of drinking; however, she denied she had a problem. In early 2017, we could see a marked progression of alcoholism. She was hospitalized for fluid in her abdomen and was diagnosed with many physical maladies due to alcohol usage. As her disease progressed, her denial progressed. There's a saying in Alcoholics Anonymous that goes something like this: A man takes a drink, a drink takes a drink, a drink takes a man. We could see this progression taking place, and we were powerless to stop it. We meaning my husband Tom, myself, and Greg.

The date was January 12, 2019. Sarah was flown by helicopter to Froedtert Hospital, Milwaukee, Wisconsin. When Greg called to tell us she'd been transported to Froedtert Hospital, he said, We should prepare for her death. She had emergency surgery to repair a hole in her small intestine. We were told that she would become very sick because of the toxins that were seeping into her body. She was put on a ventilator. Soon after the surgery, she was put on dialysis. Healing was to take two weeks; however, she was in the liver transplant intensive care unit for almost four months. We were told she would need both liver and kidney transplants and that she would have a six-month life expectancy without them. We were hoping she would become eligible for a transplant while she was in the hospital; however, the team decided against transplant and would consider again after Sarah completed their requirements of treatment for alcohol dependence. Sarah was released from Froedtert in the middle of April. She seemed sincere about staying sober. She made amends to Greg, close friends, and us. She expressed an interest in going to church, and began AODA treatment. We were so hopeful. I thanked God for the current respite with Sarah and her family, praying that God would hold her so tightly for freedom from the stronghold of alcoholism. About the middle of May, she relapsed. I knew the signs. I was overcome with sadness, anger, and disappointment. I would cry out to the Lord for strength and help in the midst of my suffering and hers. Sarah denied she was drinking.

On October 31, 2019, I journaled this: Lord, the safety of Sarah is certainly on my mind. Please lead us as to what our responsibility is. I capture every thought and make it obey You. Please help me be a fearless warrior, one not moved by fear or panic. Help me discern what is of my flesh and what are spiritual attacks. ‘God is light and in him is no darkness' (1 John 5).

Since you are my rock and my fortress, for the sake of your name lead and guide me. "Free me from the trap that is set for me, for you are my refuge. Into your hands I commit my spirit; redeem me, O Lord the God of truth. I will be glad and rejoice in your love, for you saw my affliction and knew my anguish of my soul. You have not handed me over to the enemy but have set my feet in a spacious place. (Psalm 31:3–8, 22)

But blessed is the man who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him. He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit. The heart is deceitful above all things and beyond cure. Who can understand it? I the Lord search the heart and examine the mind, to reward a man according to his conduct according to what his deeds deserve. (Jeremiah 17:7–10)

The Lord is my strength and my