Walking Forward: Using the Power of Habit to Navigate the Chaos of Life . . . One Step at a Time

By Sarah Hepburn

walking forward ... one step at at time

Sarah Hepburn is a writer, storyteller, and consultant who is passionate about living a life of clarity, calm, and confidence. In Walking Forward, she shares her proven process to help calm the noise and navigate life's chaos by using ha

• Language: English
• Publisher: YGTMAMA Inc.
• Release date: Mar 28, 2023
• ISBN: 9781998754168

Book preview

footprints of life

Why write a book?

Will anyone read it? Why bother sharing anything I’ve learned with others?

The short answer? Because everyone has a story that matters. It is just that simple.

For the longest time, I didn’t think anyone would care what I had to say.

I thought my life was average and unfolding along a predictable path. Graduate high school and university, get a job, get married, buy a house, have kids . . . ride off into the sunset?

It all seemed so prescribed. So . . . inevitable.

Until one day I started to write my boring stories down. At first, I wrote for myself. I wrote as a way to remember. As a way to understand. As a way to find my voice like I never had before. The more I wrote, the more confident I became. I started to untangle stories I had told myself.

The more I wrote, the more I realized I had things to say.

When I started sharing a few of my stories as a personal blog, people actually read them! Not only did they read them, but they would reach out and tell me things they identified with.

I didn’t know others felt that way.

I thought I was the only one.

I learned something today.

I kept writing. I kept sharing. I came to realize that in sharing pieces of my story, others felt like their story mattered too. I found a connection with others through common experience.

This book is about how I’ve used the power of habit consciously and unconsciously to navigate chaos in my life. It is how I have found clarity and figured out what I want my life to look like. It is full of personal stories with actionable takeaways for you, the reader. There are tools on my website you can download and use again and again as you power up your own habits to find calm amid the chaos in life.

I hope you will find nuggets here and there on how you can use habits to walk forward in the story of your life.

one foot in front

of the other . . .

A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step.

–Chinese proverb

Some thirty years later, I was back in Scotland. I had been there once before, for an international synchronized swimming competition as an eighteen-year-old. The event was held in Glasgow, and to be honest, I don’t remember much about the country except a day trip to Edinburgh and an adventure on the local bus system trying to find a Catholic church in very Protestant Scotland so one of my teammates could attend her weekly Mass. We were too busy having fun as a team to take in the sights. I definitely remember the Scottish accents, though. Just as thick as everyone said they would be.

Now, as a wife, mother, and full-fledged adult, I was back in the gorgeous country. My husband and I wanted an active holiday, and for the first time, we weren’t constrained by the kids’ plans as they were all either at camp or working. After some research, we decided to walk the West Highland Way, a 154 km trek that stretched from just outside Glasgow in the south to Fort William farther north.

I was beyond excited about our trip. I spent the months leading up to it making sure I was getting hikes in on the local trails each week. I worked on my leg and core strength so I could navigate the ups and downs and uneven terrain. I researched and planned all the details. Travel logistics, equipment needs, food. You name it, I probably had a list for it.

Our Scotland trip came on the heels of a busy season of life. Our older boys were graduating high school; our youngest, grade eight. My husband had a ton of work-related deadlines, and I was racing to finish the first draft of this book. There were family events and weekends away with friends. It was a wonderful and very full few weeks.

Leaving the chaos of home behind, en route to Glasgow, we spent the weekend in Halifax celebrating a friend’s fiftieth birthday. It was a weekend filled with laughs, old friends, live music, lots of drinks, and little sleep. By the time we arrived in Milngavie, the town where the West Highland Way begins, we were exhausted. A perfect way to start a seven-day, 154 km trek, right? Spoiler: no!

We set out on our first day bright and early. The guidebook promised a fairly easy 19 km walk to kick things off. I would love to write that all my preparation in the months leading up to this day paid off, but the truth is the first day on the trail was not my best. I was really tired. I was hot. My backpack was uncomfortable. My hip hurt. I was winded and walking super slow. Basically, I was a salty mess. My husband even took a picture to poke fun at how grumpy I was. I look at it now and laugh at the expression on my face. But I wasn’t impressed at the time when he took it!

I got through the day and heaved a sigh of relief as I took my hiking boots off. I was ready for a hot meal, a warm shower, and an early night. Day two was completely different. My energy was refreshed, and I was ready to go. We hiked up the hills beside Loch Lomond. We walked among lush green ferns, past waterfalls. We listened to the water lapping at the shore. We ate dinner at a different pub each night and recounted the day with giggles and pride.

By day four, we had found our groove. We were now deep in the Scottish Highlands walking through Rannoch Moor and into Glencoe where centuries ago Scottish clansmen fought, and more recently, where the James Bond movie Skyfall was filmed. The land was wild, and the scenery outstanding as we navigated the old military paths along our route.

There was a simplicity to our days: wake up, eat breakfast, walk, pause, walk some more. Each day ended at the pub followed by a warm shower and falling into bed at night. One foot in front of the other, step by step, we moved forward. We knew where we were headed, and we took turns cheering each other on when we needed to.

On our second last day, I could feel the sniffles starting. It was the shortest day of our trek at only 14 km long, but I hadn’t slept well the night before and every step felt heavy and labored. At lunch, we lingered longer than usual, and I closed my eyes and had a trailside nap. I woke feeling refreshed and ready to continue. The scenery continued to shine, and we celebrated at the pub at the day’s end. Once in our hotel room, I took some extra vitamin C, added some more supplements, and popped a few Tylenol to help with the achy feelings. Most of all, I didn’t get mad at my body. In fact, I spent a few minutes with my journal writing about how proud I was of how it had carried me this far.

On our final day on the trail, it was hot and the sun was relentless with no shade on the wide open paths. Scotland was having an unprecedented heat wave, and no one had prepared for hiking in 30-degree-plus weather! I was still feeling crappy but eager to get going and see what the day had to offer as we trekked our final 24 km. As we rounded the corner near the end of the day, Ben Nevis, the highest point in the United Kingdom, soared into view. It was thrilling. We both paused, feeling a huge sense of accomplishment. Any sniffles and aches I was feeling faded as I stood and celebrated the moment.

I learned a lot on that trip:

I learned that preparation pays off. I never would have been able to complete the trek if I hadn’t continued my training plan during the busy month leading up to our departure.

I learned that just because you have one bad day on the trail doesn’t mean you are going to have two.

I learned that pausing and having a nap, even in the middle of a hiking day, makes a world of difference.

I learned that I can do things to help my body recover along the way.

I learned that hiking—like life—is truly one step at a time.

And I was reminded life isn’t meant to be lived alone. The encouragement and humor from my husband are what got me through the hard spots.

These are some of the lessons I’m going to share with you in this book. With a little clarity and consistent steps forward, you, too, will be able to navigate the chaos of life. Let’s get started!

habits are freeing

"Habits have enabled me to find calm

when life feels chaotic."

–Sarah Hepburn

Some habits, like brushing my teeth, I learned at an early age. My mom taught me how to hold a toothbrush, how long to brush for, and which direction to move the bristles as a toddler. Now, as an adult, it’s automatic. How many of us think about our technique when we brush our teeth?

Other habits, like applying makeup, I acquired over time. I keep my makeup in a toiletry bag on the bathroom counter. When I’m getting ready in the morning, I start by taking everything I need out of the bag and placing it on the counter. Then, as I use each product, I put the item back in the bag. For me, this habit means that I know what I have already used and what I still need to do. I don’t have to pause and wonder if I have already applied deodorant!

Brushing your teeth, putting on makeup, and tying your shoes are all examples of daily habits that many of us do without thought. For me, habits are behaviors that have not only helped me function with basic life routines, but they’re also tools I have leveraged to enable positive change or provide stability.

For example, many years ago, we went on a family heli-hiking trip. I was so excited about the adventure but was in the worst physical shape of my life. The added pressure was that my youngest son, who was a year and a half at the time, would be carried in a hiking backpack for a lot of the trek. And he was particular about who carried him: Momma! This meant I had to whip myself into shape. I had to commit to daily movement to achieve my goal. I had to build the habit. At first, it was hard. But I started small. And I was consistent. I kept showing up each day, and bit by bit, my strength grew. The trip has long since passed, but physical activity has remained a cornerstone of my daily life. And that hiking trip is easily one of the most memorable experiences of my life.

When life feels chaotic around me, I rely on my daily habits for a sense of comfort and stability.

Pandemic-land put my daily routine to the test. When schools were closed and we were all at home, everything felt topsy-turvy. At the start, it was hard to stay motivated. The urge to stay in pajamas all day was strong. It felt pointless to go to bed at a consistent time or wake up early and journal like I usually do. But after mourning what life was like before, I was able to find stability in my daily routine. In doing so, it strengthened my ability to weather the various pandemic punches that just kept coming.

In our family at one point, I was the repository for everyone’s schedules, planner of all meals, and manager of the house. My brain was ready to explode. Now, we have a centrally located whiteboard that everyone refers to so they know what is happening when (mostly without asking me!). They all have a dedicated place to put their crap when they come home. Meal planning has never been my strength, but I added a basic outline of dinners for the week and the kids, now that they are older, are helping to brainstorm ideas and sometimes even prep food. Implementing these systems and habits has enabled our family to talk about things we want to instead of yelling at each other because of miscommunication.

Regular, predictable daily habits can seem boring, mundane, blah. But they aren’t. Habits and routines that are created intentionally establish a foundation that enables us to live our best lives. A deliberately crafted set of daily habits helps me do more of what I want with the people I love.

It is the moments when I’m distracted that things seem to go sideways. The moments when I turn my brain off and my body keeps moving, irrespective of what is in front of me. Sometimes, it’s as simple as tripping over a tree root while hiking. I have walked into doors because I was talking and not paying attention. Bruised ego, perhaps a bruised knee from falling, but often nothing more would come from some of my mental diversion.

There have been times, though, when the consequences of my distraction have been a little more than I bargained for. Shit will happen in life. It just will. All the best-laid plans can go awry in a nanosecond. But what I also know is that it is what you do when times are calm and stable that makes a difference when chaos happens.

When I slowed down long enough to listen, when I was intentional with what I was doing and not distractedly running through life, I was able to get clear on what worked for me. Not what worked for others. Not what I should be doing. Not what was expected of me. But clarity on what I wanted.

I came to understand that expecting nothing to happen just isn’t how life goes. Crap will happen. Once I accepted that chaos is a given, I was able to focus on what was in my control.

I started to build habits that were focused on a healthy body and mind. Movement every day and quality sleep at night were key. I started small and walked every day for at least thirty minutes. This was something I was able to do consistently, and it helped build on my movement goals over time. Through walking, I was able to slow life down. I felt calm. I did—and still do—my best thinking when I’m walking. There is something about the rhythm of putting one foot in front of the other that helps calm the chaos around me.

I also worked to understand more about my body, what I could do to bolster my immune system, what supplements would help, and importantly, what I could do to minimize the effects of an allergic reaction or any health event. I worked on my mindset and my mental health. Years of wobbly physical health had taken their toll on my mental health, and I had grown increasingly anxious about what would go wrong next and skeptical about what I was able to achieve in life.

As I understood more about myself, why I behaved how I did, and what it was that I wanted, I began to develop habits that worked for me. Knowing what I wanted meant that I was able to sustain my new habits.

With consistent forward progress, I have come to find kindness and forgiveness for my body along with a level of gratitude for what I can do that I never had before. Habits have been the tools that I used to move forward. Habits have been the tools that I use to find