I will be read.: Book Number Two of the 'I am read.' Trilogy

By I.W. Inred

 

OH MAN, where to begin?

How about this?

It starts in a cemetery and ends on a back road.

In between?

A Bank.

A Diner.

A Deer.

A Rainbow Trout.

An Asshole,a Wacko and a Fly.

A couple of gates.

A couple of bridges.

A couple of rancid steaks.

A pickup w

• Language: English
• Publisher: Timothy John McConvey
• Release date: Mar 16, 2023
• ISBN: 9786277670061

Book preview

I will be read.

CHAPTER ONE

It has all the equipment, and the equipment is the best on the market.

It is too slick for what I need, a cement room would suffice.

It feels like I am riding in a hotel lobby.

I do not need to ride beneath a chandelier and drip sweat on a marble floor.

I stare at the dimmer switch while I ride.

I am reluctant to adjust it.

I am trying to keep a low profile.

I know it will not last long.

On Tuesday, a girl got off her treadmill and turned it down.

I have been coming here for a month.

I am trying to spread myself out.

It is easy to continue something that you did not want to finish.

I read that sentence again.

Put ‘come to an end’ instead of ‘finish’ and you will better understand what I am trying to say.

I was waiting until the summer ended to start again.

It is now early November.

The clocks changed, dark at five and I felt the pull.

Tonight, is the night I will start.

It is a Saturday.

It is raining outside.

I watched six movie trailers before I clicked on ‘Word.’

There was one that looked good.

I want to switch to black type, but I will stick to red for a little longer.

It lets us get reacquainted again.

I hope all is well with you.

I like the label on the beer can in front of me.

I am at my dining room table.

I am going to do a little warm up,

kind of like stretching before you ride.

I don’t stretch, I get on and go.

I am going to get on and go here.

I was going to tell you about the music that

You start  the car on a winter morning a winter that is winding down you are up early and daylight is hours away you sit and wait for the seat warmers to kick in as you stare at the ice crystals on the windshield the sky is clear the stars are out you put some music on and then turn it off because the silence is nice you put it in drive and listen to the tires crunch the last remaining patches of snow that hardened up during the

Where are you going on mornings like this?

I am back.

I got up and cut the tag from my shirt.

It was itching, no it was scratching the back of my neck.

Shit, hold on.

I am back.

It was scratching even more.

I did not cut it short enough.

Fuck.

I am taking it off and wearing it inside out.

There we go.

I moved.

I moved to a new city, and now go by my nickname as my first name.

I pretended I had an early flight to catch.

I wanted to relive the feeling of going somewhere.

I visualized the departure lane at the airport, but I knew my real destination would be the Diner on the edge of town.

I had seen it a couple of times, but never stopped.

I had not been out of the house for a couple of weeks.

I had been out for walks, but nowhere by car.

My laneway was a kilometre long and crossed a bridge.

Shit, there are more fucking tags down at the bottom.

I will be back in a minute.

I am now in a comfortable, old, untagged T-Shirt.

I stopped on the bridge and put down the passenger window.

The stars were shining, and I could make out Venus behind a tree branch.

The moonlight was reflecting on the tiny rapids.

I watched for a long time.

A creak in the old wood bridge snapped me out.

I got to the end of my lane and made a left.

The roads were dry.

The car was now a comfortable twenty-two degrees.

I put on some music.

Classical.

A nice way to warm up the ears.

The dashboard lights complimented the dark sky.

I had a coffee before I left, but I wanted a second.

I will pick up the pace.

I drove fast.

I saw a ‘Deer Crossing’ sign and slowed down.

That did not last long, sorry.

There was forest on either side of me.

I hoped to see a Deer.

I wanted to see a Deer.

I needed to see a Deer.

I did not see one.

Deer and I have an interesting relationship.

It started one Monday in October a few years back.

My life was a bit of a ‘mess,’ and I was in a bad situation.

A situation that I had made even bigger in my head.

I was riding my bike and I came around a corner.

Thirty metres ahead of me stood a deer.

Neither of us were expecting each other.

It froze, I froze.

It made the first move.

It bowed its head, turned, walked across the road and into the forest.

The bad situation ended the next day.

I now look for a deer when I am troubled.

I arrived at ‘The Three Forks.’

I had a coffee at the counter and ordered my breakfast to go.

I wanted to be back home.

I loved my new home.

I read the local paper and made small talk with the waitress while I waited for my order.

It was me, her, and the cook.

I could see his ball cap in the framed rectangle that he passed the orders through.

I thought of changing my mind and staying, but it was too late.

The waitress placed my order in front of me and he had triple wrapped it to keep it warm.

I got back to the car and placed it on the passenger seat.

I looked for an obscure station that played obscure music on an obscure morning.

I stopped when I came across an opera and put the volume to eight.

The parking lot was empty except for a pickup in the far corner.

The road was still new to me.

I arrived at the entrance to my lane going too fast and had to drive past it.

I drove until I was able to turn around and head back.

I pulled into my lane and drove as slow as possible.

I took my hands off the wheel and steered with my knees.

I stretched my arms over the wheel and brought them back over my head.

I found this place in ten minutes and bought it in five.

It ‘had me’ the moment I pulled into the lane.

Ten metres in, you are at peace.

Not peace with yourself, but peace with nature.

I would take any peace I could find.

I bought the house with the condition that I could have everything in it.

It would be easier to get rid of a few things, then to bring everything in.

I say everything, but really everything was my clothes.

I made it to the house without touching the wheel.

The only light on in the house was the light over the stove.

I picked up my breakfast and got out.

It was still dark, and the wind had picked up.

The stars were now covered by clouds.

I wanted to be at my desk for the day.

I write better in a storm.

My feet made the same sound in the remaining patches of snow as my tires did.

I banged my boots on the side of the entrance.

I took them off, and I took my socks off too.

The cold stones felt good on my bare feet.

Go barefoot in your house in the winter.

A warm sweater, comfy pants and barefoot.

It is like opening the window a bit when your car gets too warm.

I went in and placed my breakfast on the counter.

I ate over the sink, still wearing my coat.

The cook had given me extra of everything.

I put the seven extra Ketchups on the shelf in the fridge.

I crumpled up the bags and put them in the fireplace along with two logs.

It was still smoking from last night.

I knelt and blew until it ignited.

I stood with one hand on the mantle and watched everything catch.

I turned on some music and fell back on the couch still wearing my coat.

I placed my head back and stared at the ceiling.

It is Sunday.

I called it a night a paragraph back.

I was surprised I had to scroll this far to get here.

It is nice to stop when you are on a good roll.

It makes it easier to pick up when you hop back on.

Today is going to be different and I have known for a few days.

I am going to have a guest.

It will be my first guest, and the first person to see the place.

I was on the bike today and coming up to the hour and a half mark.

I was staring at the floor and trying to make the marble veins look like different countries.

Guess who walked in?

I will leave some space so you can guess.

MAKE GUESS HERE

The woman from the other gym.

Yes, her.

I have this ‘gift.’

I can predict exactly what will happen in situations that I do not want to happen.

Watch, I will show you.

HE WILL USE ME AND THE BIKE I AM ON TO DEMONSTRATE ITS FEATURES.

She was being given an introduction tour from a guy on staff.

They were at the other end where the weights are, but I knew they would be my way soon.

The tour stopped at my end as he pointed out what was available.

I kept my head down at a slight angle, and I used the mirrors.

I lifted my eyes as far as I could below the rim of my ball cap.

She looked over two times.

I know she was not listening to what he was saying.

‘Here it comes.’

He walked over to my bike to show her what it can do.

I sat up straight from the handlebars as he showed her the screen.

I could smell her perfume.

It was Chanel Number Five.

The screen was blank.

I do not turn it on, I just ride.

He looked at me, then got on the bike beside me and turned it on.

He showed her all the things it could do.

I leaned down on the handlebars, as they walked down to the other end.

I saw her look back at me when he held the door open to leave.

I am going to come up with a name for her.

As I typed the above sentence the name arrived.

Lucy, Lucy from ‘The Peanuts.’

Lucy, Lucy from ‘The Peanuts,’ at her booth.

‘Psychiatric Help 5 Cents, The Doctor is in.’

I got up from the couch, hung my coat and made my third cup of coffee.

I walked over to my desk and turned on my laptop.

The previous owners made a nook that hung out from the house.

It had windows on all sides and fit a desk.

It is like working outside, inside.

I sat down and read what I had written the night before.

I was pleased.

I just opened the fridge and took out a fresh carton of chocolate milk.

I took two mouthfuls from the carton and shook the shit out of it.

I poured it into a glass to show off the bubbles.

I am looking at it right now as I open my Pop Tarts.

I looked up and decided I needed a blast of fresh air before I began.

I put my coat back on and walked down to the lake.

The thin layer of ice that formed near the shore was being broken up by the waves.

It made a tinkling sound.

I sat on a rock and put my hands in my pockets.

I stuck my mouth down the neck of my coat and breathed the warm air in and out.

I watched the broken ice roll on the waves from the corner of my eye.

I wondered how much more time I would spend here at the house alone.

I missed him as much as I wanted to be on my own.

I wonder if this could be turned into a mathematical equation.

M + N(M – N) = A

A = ‘Asshole’

The decision to be here on my own was not a decision.

It happened.

For fuck sake, it happened, it just happened.

What is happening now is what is happening after it happened.

‘What happened?’

I left.

‘What is happening now?’

I am sitting on a rock.

‘Seriously? Come on.’

If I have an issue, I become two people.

The person asking the questions and the person giving the answers.

One time I caught myself saying ‘pardon?’

Okay, nothing is happening now.

‘Nothing?’

Yeah, nothing.

I was going nowhere with this session and my rear was getting numb on the rock.

I slid the pressure over to my left cheek.

I got up and picked up three rocks.

I threw them at the ice that had not yet broken.

Two hit and one missed.

I put my hands in my pockets and headed back to the house.

My session was over.

When doing something physical I can push myself.

I can push myself while I am pushing myself.

Like a newsperson breaking in on breaking news with breaking news.

When thinking about myself, I do not push myself.

I can stop myself while I am stopping myself.

A girlfriend told me I was fearless.

It was an incredible compliment.

I lay in bed that night and thought about it.

I am fearless when it comes to anything physical.

I am a coward when it comes to anything emotional.

I texted her this the next morning.

Do you want to know her response?

One emoji.

A hammer.

I thought of going back and sitting on the rock and trying another ‘session.’

‘It will be far more comfortable inside,’ I told myself.

I placed another log on the fire.

I picked up my laptop and sat on the floor with my back against the couch.

I watched the flames as it powered up.

The book was doing well.

I was glad the tour was over.

I bought this place to see if I had another one, a book that is.

I think I do.

I know I do because I have started.

I was apprehensive at the start, but quickly let that go.

By day three, I was well on my way.

I wrote during the day, but I was most productive early in the morning.

It is my agent that is coming to visit this afternoon.

CHAPTER TWO

I was thirty when I moved in here.

I moved here because of a ‘roommate.’

I left on a Sunday at six in the morning.

I took whatever I could fit in my car.

The rest I left behind.

I lived beyond my means.

I partied beyond my means.

I loved beyond my means.

I did everything beyond my means.

I had to rid myself of that lifestyle.

I did and it has been four years.

Things were going well until last Tuesday.

I lost my job.

Better still, my job lost me.

I could not do it anymore.

I resigned after lunch.

They said, I could leave now, and I did.

I drove home.

I stood in the kitchen with my coat on.

I was in debt, had no savings but I owned my place.

Is this fearless?

I had two choices.

Lie on the couch or do something.

I knew what lying on the couch entailed but the doing something, I had no clue.

I walked into the living room and saw the couch.

I kept walking and continued to my bedroom.

I threw my blazer on the bed, changed my clothes, and headed out for a run.

I was expecting the run to have a strange feel.

I am thinking of an example.

It is like returning to your home after being away for a long time, everything feels a little different.

It did not.

It felt like the run I always had.

I finished my run and caught a late afternoon movie.

On my way home, I could have stopped at countless bars for a beer.

I did not.

It was a good sign and the signs remained good over the next few days.

I liked running along the lake but on Monday I looked for a different route.

I headed north and found a nice road.

I could see a sharp curve coming up ahead.

At the end of the curve there was an impressive black metal gate.

It was anchored on either side by two stone pillars.

It was not your usual gate, the size of it was intimidating.

It was the back entrance to a cemetery.

I went in.

I was alone, the trees were green, and the sky was blue.

It felt like I was on a lane leading to a lakeside home.

I ran through the winding roads and never saw a car.

I should do this more often I told myself.

On my way out I stopped at a tombstone.

It was not particularly big, but it had an interesting shape.

It was an open book.

I was reading the inscription and a guy walked by pushing a lawn mower.

I watched him go six rows down, pull the cord and start it.

That is a job I could handle right now I thought.

Be on you own and push a mower all day, nice.

I was looking at the tombstone, but I was really watching him.

He was wearing headphones and never looked up.

He stopped to move a branch.

I gave a half ass wave and got his attention.

‘Sorry to bother you, do you know if they are hiring?’ I asked.

He looked at me.

I knew he knew I was asking something.

He lifted the headphone off his left ear and turned off his mower.

‘Yeah, sorry to bug you, do you know if they are hiring?’ I asked.

‘There is a new mower in the shed. You should go to the office and ask,’ he said.

‘Thanks,’ I said.

He put his headphone back down, pulled the cord, and returned to cutting.

I continued my run and left through the gate.

A few blocks away, I stopped and went back.

I ran back through the gate.

I saw him off to the right and he looked over.

I was looking for the other entrance, the main entrance.

It must be where the office is.

The roads were confusing.

They wound and came back on themselves.

I stayed on one that looked like it was the most used.

I came to the top of a hill.

At the bottom was a Tudor house.

I did not want to go in wearing my running gear.

I turned around and ran home.

I had a shower, printed off my resume, put on some good clothes and drove back.

I parked out front and entered through the old wood door.

I was met by the receptionist.

I told her why I was there and how I had met one of her staff.

‘Summer has begun, and I would love to give you a hand,’ I told her.

She handed me an application.

It was not more than my name, my age, and my address.

She told me the manager was out, but she would let her know I was here.

I thanked her and walked back out to my car.

I saw the guy pushing his mower and walking down the hill.

I walked towards him.

He removed his headphones.

‘You don’t fool around,’ he said.

‘This is the job I want to do right now,’ I told him.

‘And you drive that?’ he said looking at my car.

I shrugged and thought if he only knew.

I have always had trouble with ‘If you only knew,’ verse ‘if only you knew.’

Funny eh, same four words but switch the middle two and I get confused.

I am going to stick with the former or is it the latter?

Former is the first one, right?

Insert spiralled eye emoji here.

‘Mark,’ I said and stuck out my hand.

‘Ryan,’ he said as he stuck out his grass-stained glove.

I told him the manager was out, but I left an application.

It was hard to get a conversation going with him.

I was thinking of what else I could say when a black Cadillac appeared.

Ryan turned and watched it approach.

It stopped in front of us.

The window rolled down, and the woman said, ‘Section D looks great Ryan.’

‘Thanks,’ he replied.

He nodded in my direction and said, ‘this guy left you an application.’

I stuck out my hand and introduced myself.

‘A pleasure to meet you Mark, I am Caroline,’ she said.

She was dressed in a black blazer and had her hair in a neat bun.

‘What is your landscaping experience?’ she asked.

‘I worked Golf Courses all of my High School summers,’ I told her.

She reached over to the passenger seat and got a brown envelope.

She was about to hand it to me and then put it back.

‘Give me ten minutes and meet me in the office,’ she said.

She drove off and parked by the house.

She yelled ‘is this your car Mark?’ from the landing of the stairs.

‘Yes, it is,’ I responded as she walked past and looked in.

I walked with Ryan to the small barn behind the house.

‘Shit, it is an ‘S’,’ Ryan said as he walked by my car.

It is still my favourite car.

I got a new one a few weeks back.

It is identical but a newer model.

Guess, what colour I got?

Ryan slid the barn door across and put his mower inside.

I was happy to see a new ‘Lawn Boy’ sitting against the back wall.

It still had the tags attached.

He nodded as he got on his bike and rode out the entrance.

I killed time waiting for Caroline.

I walked around, kicked a few stones, and balanced across the parking blocks.

The door opened and Caroline walked out.

I had a good feeling about her, I knew we would get along.

I thought her first question would be, ‘why do you want to push a mower?’ but it was not.

It was ‘when can you start?’

‘Tomorrow,’ I said.

I thanked her and possibly over thanked her.

I got in my car and drove to ‘Best Buy.’

I bought the headphones I had my eyes on.

I woke up at six the next morning, one hour before my alarm.

I went for a run, had a shower, put on a Stussy T-shirt and a pair of jeans.

‘Reduce me, seduce me, dress me up in Stussy.’

Remember that one?

Insert trophy emoji here.

I liked my new work clothes, no suits.

I liked my new hours, 8:00 to 4:00.

I liked my new transportation, I rode my bike.

No calls, no emails, no texts, no computer, and nothing to take home.

Heaven.

I rode up to the barn and I saw Ryan in the back.

He was filling the new mower with gas.

‘I had a feeling I would see you this morning,’ he said.

He had started three weeks before.

I knew he had developed his own rhythm.

Red.

The cemetery had been divided into sections and each section was given a letter.

It stopped at ‘W’.

‘I like to be on my own,’ Ryan said.

‘Cool,’ I said.

‘If you see a procession, hit the mower off and stay out of site,’ were his only instructions.

Caroline pulled in as we were pushing our mowers out of the barn.

‘All good Mark?’ she asked as she rolled down her window.

‘Yeah, I am in good hands,’ I told her.

‘How are you, Ryan?’ she asked.

‘Good,’ he responded.

‘Have a great day,’ Caroline said as she backed her car into her spot.

We walked up the hill.

He had his headphones on, and I left mine off.

I was curious to see what volume he was at.

I asked him a question and got no response.

Seven or above, I thought.

Yeah, I got a red one.

Go figure.

I was all set to get another black one.

It was in the showroom on a spinning display.

It spun a metre away from me as I sat at the saleswoman’s desk.

‘It is the only one we are getting,’ she said.

When things ‘appear’ like this, I do not question it.

It was even spinning.

We went around two corners and down a hill.

Ryan pointed at an ‘H’ letter marker sticking out of the grass.

I stopped and he proceeded up the road.

I pushed my mower up on the grass.

The silence made me smile.

I had found the perfect job.

The cemetery was old, and the trees massive.

Most of the stones were waist high and three colours, black, grey, and kind of a salmon colour.

I started my mower on the first pull beside a black stone with an Angel on either side.

I found my playlist, hit shuffle, put on my headphones and the mower fell silent.

I went up and down.

At eleven, I took a break and sat down with my back against the end of a stone.

I took off my headphones.

All I could hear were