What Every Mother Should Tell Her Daughter

By Tracy McCall

In What Every Mother Should Tell Her Daughter, Tracy McCall presents an inspirational, faith-based guide to help mothers and daughters navigate life's greatest challenges. Citing real-world examples, McCall describes the psychological aspects of growing up and illustrates how to address a child's needs based on the development of core beliefs an

• Language: English
• Publisher: Palmetto Publishing
• Release date: Feb 23, 2023
• ISBN: 9798822905825

Tracy McCall

Tracy McCall is a psychotherapist with a passion for counseling. She founded The Pearls, a church ministry addressing the emotional, spiritual, psychological and mental health needs of young women. She received both her undergraduate and graduate degree from Wayne State University in Detroit, Michigan. A mother of two, she has been happily married for 27 years and resides with her family in Detroit.

Book preview

From Trials to Triumphs

O

ur trials, trauma, and tragedies can make us better or bitter. When we hold on to secrets, the cycle of abuse continues. When we share the lessons learned, healing begins.

The journey that I went through prepared me for the plan God had for my life. I now share my testimony and struggles with other women, letting them know that with God there is always hope. I wanted to write this book not just to share my testimony and things that I have observed in my work and my ministry. I also wanted to be able to help someone as Jackie Mize’s book helped me. Reading Supernatural Childbirth helped me realize that I needed to put my faith into action, but I couldn’t do that until I had a relationship with my heavenly father. In order to profess his word and confess the promises that he gave to me, I had to know them. I also learned how to use my faith to overcome fear in every aspect of my life and became more aware of how important it is to share our testimonies with others. The testimonies in the book, including Jackie’s, were so powerful.

Sometimes the things we struggle with the most are the things we want to hide, but our struggles may be a living example for others to learn from. I am reminded of a client who went through tremendous physical and sexual abuse in her life. This woman was abused at a very early age, yet she still believes in and trusts God. Once she finally started telling her story of abuse, I was in awe of her strength. The first time, she was abused by a man who called himself a preacher. No man of God would have done to her what he did, yet she told me in one session she can always point out times in her life when God was present, although at times he felt far away. She believes if it were not for God, she would not have survived the abuse. I was the therapist, but she was also teaching me. To go through the physical and sexual abuse she went through and not blame God but praise him is the ultimate show of faith and God’s love. My husband and I struggled to have children for years. I would get pregnant, but the pregnancy wouldn’t hold. I never made it past ten to twelve weeks. I had already experienced three miscarriages. According to the world’s standards, I was already old and my biological clock was ticking. I prayed, my church family prayed, my friends and family prayed for me, but three times pregnant and no baby. I got pregnant a fourth time, and I knew that this was it. I confessed God’s word, I prayed, I believed with all my heart that this was the baby who would see the world. It was very disappointing when I went for my ultrasound and the doctor had to inform me that they saw a sac but no baby—they call it a blighted ovum. This happened with my third pregnancy as well.

There were times when I wanted to give up. In fact, my last prayer before the nurse from the hospital called was, God, if it is not meant for me to be a mother, please take the desire away from me. No sooner than I ended that prayer, the phone rang. It was the hospital. The nurse said, We don’t understand—your blood work is showing that you’re pregnant, but no baby was seen on the ultrasound. I don’t want to give you false hope, but we need you to come back in. My response was, All I have is hope. The rest is history. I went back for the ultrasound, and this time they saw the baby right where he should be, in the sac. Today he is sixteen years old, and his brother is twelve. Yes, God didn’t just bless me with one son, he blessed me with two. What a mighty God we serve. Just because you don’t see something with your naked eye doesn’t mean it’s not there. God’s timing is perfect.

Letter to Mother

D

ear Mother,

If you have been blessed with a daughter, make sure she knows her value. She is God’s masterpiece. She has been fearfully and wonderfully made by God. There is no one like her in the world. She has a distinct purpose in her life, given to her by God. Let her know that she is loved, wanted, strong, capable, beautiful, worthy, intelligent, and priceless. Your daughter needs to hear and believe these things at an early age in order to build up her confidence, competence, and character. She needs to hear it and see it on a continuous basis.

It’s one thing to tell someone something, but it’s most powerful if what you say matches what you do. Therefore, demonstrate to your daughter what you’re telling her. In other words teach through your actions. If I tell my daughter she’s beautiful, I can’t body shame her for her weight. I can’t put extensions in her hair down to her behind when her hair is not even at her neck. Remember your words are powerful and carry a lot of weight.

Remember there is more power in presence then there is in presents.

Remember you want her to grow up to be a strong, confident, capable, and powerful woman of God. In order to do that, you must teach her the ABCs:

Affirmations: Words that express how strong and powerful she is. I am strong, I am beautiful, I am capable, I am smart, I am disciplined, I am proud, I am resilient, I am loved, I have abundance.

Biblical Truths: I am loved unconditionally. I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me. With just a little bit of faith, I can move mountains. I am the head and not the tail; I am fearfully and wonderfully made. If I delight in the Lord, he will give me the desires of my heart. I never have to be anxious about anything, but in every situation—no matter what it is—I can pray and petition God with thanksgiving and present my request to God. The peace of God that transcends all understanding will guard my heart and my mind in Christ Jesus. (For reference, read Philippians 4:13, Deuteronomy 28:13, Psalm 139:14, and Philippians 4:6–7.)

Christ-Centered/Connections: Christ is at the center of it all. Without Christ I am powerless; however, with him I am powerful. Connecting to and with her heavenly father will be an important part of her journey.

Internalizing these ABC’s will help ensure that your daughter learns God’s truths and will for her life. Connections with others are key. Remember: bad company corrupts good character. Teach her the importance of making good connections and how to be discerning with the company she keeps.

One last important thing: if you are a single mother, remember not to immediately introduce your children to everyone you date. You need to take time to get to know the person first and see if the relationship is going anywhere. Also, if you become intimate, only have the person spend nights over when your children are not at home or spend nights out, and make sure your children are with someone you trust.

Letter to Daughter

D

ear Daughter,

I’m not sure where you are in life, what challenges you’ve faced, and what emotional struggles you’ve endured. If you have or had a wonderful relationship with your mom, what a blessing. Share your wisdom, your experiences, and your love with your daughter or other young women in your life.

If you are a woman reading this who has struggled with your relationship with your mom, know this. I have found that most people do the best they can with the knowledge that they have. Sometimes we are victims of other people’s traumatic experiences. It’s hard for a person to express or show love if they weren’t loved themselves. You might say, But my mother was able to love other people—why not me? I don’t have an answer to that question, and perhaps the only one who could answer it would be your mom. Sometimes people are so traumatized by their challenges in life that they transfer their pain to others without even knowing it. If a person never deals with their unsettled, negative, or painful emotions, they continue to live in darkness, never experiencing the beauty of light while continually creating a cycle of hopelessness, despair, trauma, and pain. The only way to break the cycle is through the act of forgiveness. Remember, daughter, forgiveness is not condoning. It protects you from having your heart destroyed, so you can live a life full of purpose and passion, not bound and held back by negativity, anger, resentment, fear, and frustration. These emotions weigh heavy on our hearts and can keep us from moving forward, thereby missing the wonderful life God intended us to have.

I pray that you have a wonderful, blessed, and prosperous life, leaving the emotional hurts of the past behind and using them as lessons learned and steppingstones toward the wonderful journey God has in store for you. If you’re struggling with emotional hurts in the present or from your past, I urge you to take your burdens to the Lord in prayer and find a good, qualified therapist to assist you in processing your pain. The only way to heal is for you to address the wound. If you break your leg, it’s put in a cast for protection; you don’t expose open wounds to germs, or they will become infected. The same can be true for emotional wounds. You must address and protect them by not exposing them to more negativity and toxicity. You must find a safe place and a safe space to address your pain.

Matthew 6:15, Psalm 32:1, Mark 11:25, and 1 John 1:9 are scriptures on the benefit of forgiveness. Remember, forgiveness is for yourself and others. Also, read these scriptures for emotional healing: 1 Peter 5:10, Psalm 147:3, John 14:27, 1 Corinthians 10:13, 1 Peter 2:24, Isaiah 54:17, and Romans 8:28.

Introduction: What Every

Mother Should Tell Her Daughter

I

n 2021 I went to a workshop on toxic mother-daughter relationships.

The workshop sparked my interest because I had begun writing