The Abandoned Wives Handbook: A Gentle Guide to One of Life's Great Traumas

By Pat Backley

The pain of abandonment is huge.

The partner you loved and cherished for so many years has decided you are no longer required. Past your sell by date. Of no use to them anymore, so tossed out like a piece of garbage. Abandoned with barely a backward glance.

In an attempt to keep this a gentle, light-hearted read, each chapter is divided into letters of the alphabet, rather like a dictionary of distress, something you can dip into at any time.

I am not an expert, merely someone who has survived one of life's great traumas and has come through it as a stronger, more resilient person.

Pat Backley.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Pat Backley
• Release date: Feb 21, 2023
• ISBN: 9781991194435

Pat Backley

Pat Backley is English but decided to become a Kiwi at the age of 59. She now lives in New Zealand and when not writing she loves to travel the world, seeing new places, meeting new people and getting inspired. She is passionate about social history and the lives of ordinary people. My ancestors have no voices, so I am telling their stories." 

Book preview

Title Page

Copyright 2023 by Pat Backley

All rights reserved.

This book is a work of non-fiction.

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form, or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods, without the prior written permission of the publisher, except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical reviews and certain other commercial uses permitted by copyright law.

Pat Backley

www.patbackley.com

ISBN: Paperback: 978-1-9911944-2-8

ISBN: eBook: 978-1-9911944-3-5

Cover design by: formattedbooks.com

Formatting by: formattedbooks.com

Contents

Acknowledgements

The Shock

Definitions A -Z

A

B

C

D

E

F

G

H

I

J

K

L

M

N

O

P

Q

R

S

T

U

V

W

Y

Z

Where to Next?

Author Biography

Acknowledgements

This book is dedicated to all the wonderful women I have known throughout my life. You have all taught me so much about myself and life in general.

Having been an abandoned wife myself, I decided to write this little book to help other women through this dreadful, horrible time in their lives. I hope it helps!

As always, I dedicate this book to my darling daughter Lucy. Without her love and support I could not have got through those difficult years.

I must also mention my dear friends India and Sam Bottomley, who took time out of their busy Christmas preparations to help proofread this book for me!

Pat Backley. December 2022

The Shock

The shock is what hits you first.

Becoming an abandoned wife is, to most of us, such a shock.

That is why they call it abandonment.

It comes from nowhere, or at least it did in my case.

One day you consider yourself a happily married woman. The next, you find yourself an abandoned wife.

With no time in between to get used to the idea.

It is suddenly thrust on you, a bit like a dagger to the heart.

The pain is so deep, so cutting.

It feels as though it is cutting into your very being, leaving scars that will never fade.

After all the love, effort, and caring you have poured into this relationship, you are left hurt, wounded and scarred by their rejection.

Although this is meant to be a light-hearted handbook, I will make no attempt to downplay the anguish that abandonment causes.

It is a pain like no other.

The partner you loved and cherished for so many years (twenty-six years in my case) has decided you are no longer required.

Past your sell-by date.

Of no use to them anymore, so tossed out like a piece of garbage. Abandoned with barely a backwards glance.

If you are very lucky, they might consider your feelings a little, perhaps even being supportive financially. But for many of us, we are suddenly alone both emotionally and financially, and it is hard.

Hard to no longer have a loving partner by your side. Someone you thought would be there forever, someone you would grow old with.

In an attempt to keep this a light-hearted read, I have divided each chapter into letters of the alphabet, rather like a dictionary of distress.

That is not to decry the trauma in any way but more to try to ensure that this is the kind of book you can dip into at any time rather than being a serious self-help book written by an expert.

I am not an expert, merely someone who has survived one of life’s great traumas and has come through it as a stronger, more resilient person.

Pat Backley

A

ABANDONED

Abandoned is such a big word. It feels scary. It conjures up all sorts of negative feelings. Do not try to underestimate it. Being abandoned is a huge, traumatic event.

ANXIOUS

You will feel anxious, in varying degrees, at different times. Sometimes this anxiety will be slight. At other times, it will be huge, threatening to engulf you. Try to learn to just go with it. Worrying about feeling anxious will just make it worse. You have so much else to contend with at the moment.

ALONE

Suddenly finding yourself alone is a horrible thing.

Especially if you had expected to be part of a loving relationship until your dying day, there are no words that can make it better. People will try to tell you that you are better off