In and Out and...: Loot and Booty, #3

By Zeke Biddle

I charge in hard. Then out. Then in again.
Teleporting into the big, fancy castle brings more grief than comfort. Instead of welcoming us, the king tries to have us killed. To make matters worse, we can't escape the palace intrigue when Alexandra begs our party to help save her mom, the queen.
But the worst part is making any progress involves more confounding teleportations. Each time I plunge into one tight spot and then pull back out, more of my women get left behind when the portals block their way.
Of course, the bad guys never seem to have any trouble finding me wherever I am and causing constant trouble. But when the One-eyed Monster steals two of my women, I must prove I'm the bigger man, show him who's the boss, and save my women and the queen.

 

WARNING: This book contains an active harem and the explicit, kinky love scenes that make them so much fun. Consider yourself warned.
 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Zeke Biddle
• Release date: Feb 8, 2023
• ISBN: 9798215322000

Zeke Biddle

Zeke Biddle loves fantasy, and monsters, and sexy babes. The more the merrier…in his books at least. Sign up to his newsletter to learn about new releases and special promotions: https://bit.ly/ZekeBiddle

Book preview

Chapter 1

W elcome back home, my prodigal daughter, the king says to Alexandra while scowling at the rest of us.

Don’t worry, Father. Alexandra makes the word sound as much like a curse as when she calls me wizard. We won’t be staying long. We wouldn’t be here at all except for the teleport spell that went wrong. Tell your Elite Guards to stand down, and we’ll be on our way.

A gasp goes through the guards that is quickly stifled as they regain their composure.

The king squints at us suspiciously. Teleport? You know how I feel about the evils of magic in my castle. If I had my way, it would be—

Yes, Father. We all know you’d ban it throughout the entire kingdom and kill all magic users if you ran the world.

His nod of agreement chills my blood and makes me wish I were wearing anything other than my wizard’s robe.

Alexandra continues in a rush. Anyway, a magical teleport spell brought us here, but don’t get your panties in a bunch. All we did was press some dumb button in some dumb cave after killing some dumb dragon and here we are. As I said, we’ll be leaving now.

She practically growls the last words, daring her father to defy her.

Clearly upset, the king takes a step toward Alexandra, but a hand on his shoulder brings him to a halt. Some advisor in fancy purple velvet clothes whispers in his ear. The king frowns but nods at whatever the advisor said.

Forgive me, Daughter. I’ve let my emotions get the best of me again. We will have a feast in your honor tonight and make plans for your future arrangements.

My stomach growls in anticipation. I can barely remember the last time we ate anything at all, and I’ve never had anything that would count as a feast. Despite all the tension in the room, I want to experience what such a fancy meal would be like.

Alexandra changes the subject. Where’s my mom?

The king’s eyes dart around the shadows in the courtyard as if expecting spies to jump out with recording devices. Not that such recording devices should exist in the game unless they are magical. The king seems like the sort who would start a war over any magic being used around him.

Perhaps you should take your friends to your quarters and then meet me to discuss—

Where’s my mom?

We can talk about her in private later.

Even I can see the king’s evasive body language.

I knew I couldn’t trust you. What did you do to her? Alexandra demands through gritted teeth.

Your mother makes her own problems just fine without any help from me.

But if she were to get herself stuck clinging outside of the top window of the tower, you sure wouldn’t have any trouble giving her a push to help her on her way.

When her hands drop to the swords hanging off each hip, the entire Elite Guard springs forward, ready to defend their king. Based on the king’s apparent distrust of magic, I don’t really want to draw attention to myself, but I’m not going to stand by idly if the shit hits the fan.

I place my hand against the small of my warrior’s back and whisper, Maybe swords aren’t the best option right now.

She looks down at her hands, as if realizing for the first time what she’s done. She pulls her hands away from her lethal weapons, and the muscles in her shoulders relax a tiny fraction.

Still, she doesn’t back down from her question. Father, why isn’t my mother here to greet me, too? Is she ill? Or maybe traveling the countryside? I surely won’t be able to take another step until I know her whereabouts.

If she grits her teeth any tighter they will shatter.

The king does nothing to ease the tension. Daughter, I told you I would talk about it in private.

Alexandra stomps her foot. Her face turns red with rage. You fucking killed her, didn’t you? Setting yourself up to marry into another kingdom to grow your power? Marrying a commoner with no connections or even a history sure was a stupid political decision, but you shouldn’t have killed her just because you made a stupid mistake.

The guards shift nervously.

The women in my harem fan out into battle formation.

The king storms across the courtyard, coming to a stop inches from his daughter. Even as tall as Alexandra is, the king towers over her.

Alexandra doesn’t flinch an inch.

I did not kill your mother, he hisses through his teeth. She’s...trapped.

Trapped? Alexandra whispers back. Where? My friends and I will rescue her from whatever mess you got her into.

The king strokes his thick beard. "’Twas not I, Alexandra. Your mother has been...different since you left. Worried. One could easily say you brought this upon your mother."

Brought what?

She’s disappeared through one of these portals that brought you to us just now. We have the portal safely stored in the tower, but until we discover where she’s gone, she’ll remain...wherever she ended up.

Alexandra takes a step back and turns to stare down all the guards. She shouts, Then what are you all doing standing around here with your dicks in your hands?

A kingdom has many moving parts, Daughter. There is a party looking for clues about her whereabouts. Many of our warriors have tried to follow her through the portal, but it has deemed them not worthy. The rest of us have a kingdom to run, a war to prevent, and, now that you’re back, a wedding to prepare. But first, we feast.

He claps his hands above his head and storms past his daughter without sparing her another glance. The guards scatter, returning to their tasks.

All except one.

He’s a tall but skinny man with a long sword barely thicker than his thin pinkie. He smiles at Alexandra and twirls his long mustache like some kind of silent-movie villain.

Alexandra relaxes in his presence, though, so I stop imagining what his mustache will look like when I set it on fire.

What is really happening around here, Felix? Alexandra asks when no one else remains in the courtyard.

He raises the butt of his sword to his forehead in some kind of salute. Lots of rumors. Very few facts. The only thing anyone knows for sure is the queen really has teleported. There are as many rumors about where she went and how she was able to pass through the doorway that blocks all the rest of us as there are people in the kingdom. But, if you ask me, it smells like the king’s hand had no small part in it all.

How so? I ask.

He frowns. And just who the hell are you?

The sword drops to a much more threatening position just off his hip with the tip pointed at me.

Relax, Felix. I’m with him. This is Marcus.

"You’re with him?"

I’m as surprised as you most days, but he’s done a great job of leading us through trouble I wouldn’t have survived on my own.

The guard looks at my robe like he thinks the only place my attire belongs is a slumber party.

I’ve got to find something cooler to wear.

I clear my throat and ask Alexandra, Could we head up to your room now so we can figure out what to do next?

Alexandra rolls her eyes, and Felix shakes his head as if I’ve come up with the worst plan in the history of planning.

Felix says, They’ll kill you, right as Alexandra says, You all will never make it out of my quarters alive.

The two friends look at each other, and smiles spread across their faces at some inside joke before they start laughing.

It’s good to have you back, Alex, Felix says.

I raise my eyebrows at the nickname, waiting for Alexandra to shove her sword up his ass.

Instead, she gives him a hug. "It’s