Therapy and Other Drugs

By Christina Brown

In life, there are choices. There is therapy, and there are other drugs.

Therapy and Other Drugs provides a first-hand look at mental health, substance abuse, and healing...from the therapist’s perspective. Readers will experience the raw emotions of working in the field of addiction; from relapse and overdose, to sobriety and survival.

Author Christina Brown explores the intersection between familial and professional experiences with mental health and substance abuse. Readers will gain understanding on how therapists have to simultaneously balance between taking care of others and prioritizing their own mental health. Stories of loss, heartbreak, and the perseverance of those struggling are highlighted throughout this eye-opening memoir.

Therapy and Other Drugs introduces the conversation of asking for help, even when you are the helper.

• Language: English
• Publisher: New Degree Press
• Release date: Mar 1, 2023
• ISBN: 9798885044653

Book preview

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Therapy and Other Drugs

Therapy and Other Drugs

Christina Brown, LMHC

New Degree Press

Copyright © 2023 Christina Brown, LMHC

All rights reserved.

Therapy and Other Drugs

ISBN

979-8-88504-442-4 Paperback

979-8-88504-465-3 Ebook

For the suffering. You are not alone. This one is for you.

Contents

Welcome to Therapy and Other Drugs

Fourteen Days

Pushback

Not Your Typical Therapist

Suffering in Silence

Anyone and Everyone

Milestones

The Numbing Reality

A Minute to Breathe

The Phone Call

A Work in Progress

Therapists Are Humans

An Empty Cup

Lessons Learned

There Is Always Hope

Acknowledgments

Appendix: References

Welcome to Therapy and Other Drugs

As soon as I leave this building, I’m going to shoot myself, are the words I hear down the hallway during my first week as a therapist. I peek my head out of my office and see police officers. They make eye contact with me and scream, Get back in your office now! I obey and close the door. Seconds later I hear feet shuffling in my direction. A shriek accompanied by nails scratching the outside of my office door. A click of metal handcuffs being opened and closed around what I assume is the patient’s wrist. More screaming and rustling and the sound of a stretcher being wheeled away. And then silence. I close my eyes and think, What the hell have I gotten myself into?

Substance abuse is a significant problem in the world today. Now more than ever the discussion of mental health is occurring and needs to continue to be discussed. People are more open about their struggles with mental health and addiction on social media, in movies, and on television. People, including therapists, are talking about their mental health struggles, myself included.

My path to being a therapist has not been straight. There have been bumps, mountains, and sharp curves along the way. I have felt overwhelmed, lost, scared, and have questioned how I would help my patients. I teach my patients a variety of skills to improve their mental health, but in the past, I have severely neglected to work on improving my own. I have counseled patients through their losses while I buried my grief so deep it physically ached me. I created the perfect façade to come off as someone who had their life together. I appeared to be the safe person to many because they didn’t hear the enemy in my mind.

Being a therapist and treating patients with substance use disorders is not easy. What is even harder is treating your patients while you helplessly watch someone you love fight this horrific disease. You are expected to have all the answers while inside you are slowly falling apart, and there is no one to catch you because no one knows you are suffering.

This topic of mental health and substance abuse is important to me not only because it is my career, but because it is a reality for many families, including my own. I have witnessed firsthand the disease of addiction slowly taking away people I love dearly. The blend of professional and personal knowledge helped shape this memoir. Through my familial and professional experiences with substance abuse, I want to paint a true picture of how therapists must simultaneously balance taking care of others’ and their own mental health; how addiction can happen to anyone.

These experiences have shaped me into the therapist I am today. Throughout this book you will witness my growth as not only a therapist, but also a person. In order to take you on this journey with me, I have included a few stories about my experiences working with patients. I want to make it clear the patients you will read about in this book are based off a compilation of characteristics from multiple patients. The stories are inspired by my real experiences, but the patients identified in this book are fictional. If you find yourself relating to the stories I share, this is intentional. This book is designed to be a safe place for all readers. For those who have ever felt invisible, this book is for you.

If you have ever felt alone in your struggles with mental health, this book is for you, whether you are in therapy or thinking about going to therapy or if you or a loved one struggles or have struggled with mental health or addiction. If you are interested in going into the mental health field but want to learn more about what it is like, this will surely open up your eyes. If you have ever stayed up all night waiting for the dreaded phone call telling you your loved one succumbed to their addiction, this is for you. If you are a therapist and have ever asked yourself, Am I even helping? this one is for you. I see you, I hear you, and to be honest, I am you.

In life, there are choices. There is therapy, and there are other drugs. I am going to show you the unfiltered version of the ins and outs of both.

Fourteen Days

You have no idea what you’re getting yourself into. You’re never going to last in this field. Good luck. What encouraging first words to hear as a brand-new twenty-four-year-old therapist.

As commencement for graduate school approached, I vigilantly applied for therapist jobs. I was a broke grad student. It was time for me to move home, get a big girl job, and save some money. I went to a few job interviews before graduating. I was offered multiple job opportunities, and I ended up accepting a job at a substance abuse facility focusing on medication-assisted treatment, specifically, methadone. This job was in the town my grandparents lived in. My grandmother passed away a few weeks before graduation, so my superstitious self believed this was fate.

Before accepting this position, I had to complete the interview process. I will never forget my first time arriving at the facility where I would soon be working. I arrived at the area an hour early to ensure I was punctual. I decided to wander the TJ Maxx across the street to pass the time. My stomach was filled with butterflies because I knew I wanted this job even before interviewing. I called my dad for a little pre-interview pep talk. He reminded me I was going to be great.

You go in there and show them who you are. You have studied hard, and you are so close to graduation. Do you have a copy of your résumé?

Yes, Dad, of course I do.

Great. You are going to be fine. Good luck, and call me after.

After a few more laps around the store, I decided to cross the street and head over to the interview. My stomach rumbled with nerves, and my palms were sweaty. I thought, This does not look like a methadone clinic. I am not sure what I expected a methadone clinic to look like, but I did not expect it to look like a regular brick building with freshly manicured landscaping. The parking lot was empty, and it was quiet. I walked through the doors and found myself in a pale blue hallway with floor-to-ceiling windows looking out into a courtyard. Birds chirped outside, and there was no one in sight. I stepped farther into the building and approached the front desk.

Hi, my name is Christina. I am here for an interview.

The receptionist presented a warm smile and gentle tone, saying, Welcome. I will check you in and someone will be with you shortly. Please have a seat.

I took a seat in the large lobby. My eyes wandered, and I observed credentialing forms on the walls, stating this program met all state regulations and standards. Building inspections and licenses were all up-to-date. I even noticed a recent credentialing certificate. I wondered what it took to be