Listening For the Voice of God!

By Cynthia Burton

MY NAME IS MRS. Cynthia Marie Burton, and I am the mother of seven grown children-one daughter and six sons-and two grown stepdaughters. All our children are grown. God took care of them, but life doesn't go on forever!

I want to let the whole world know how I actually made it by putting God first. That is the key to everything. Put God first, number one, and all will at least go somewhat right for you. I will always and forever put God first in my life, because God has been good to all of us. Sometimes, God will allow things to happen for a reason, to mold you into who you are and shape you.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 21, 2021
• ISBN: 9781636922959

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Listening For the Voice of God!

Cynthia Burton

Copyright © 2021 Cynthia Burton

All rights reserved

First Edition

NEWMAN SPRINGS PUBLISHING

320 Broad Street

Red Bank, NJ 07701

First originally published by Newman Springs Publishing 2021

ISBN 978-1-63692-294-2 (Hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-63692-295-9 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter1

Chapter2

Chapter3

Chapter4

Chapter5

Chapter6

Chapter7

Chapter8

Chapter9

Chapter10

Chapter11

Chapter12

Chapter13

Chapter14

Chapter15

Chapter16

Chapter17

Chapter18

Chapter19

Chapter20

Chapter21

Chapter22

Chapter

1

My name is Mrs. Cynthia Marie Burton, and I am the mother of seven grown children—one daughter and six sons—and two grown stepdaughters. All our children our grown. God took care of them, but life doesn’t go on forever!

I want to let the whole world know how I actually made it by putting God first. That is the key to everything. Put God first, number one, and all will at least go somewhat right for you. I will always and forever put God first in my life, because God has been good to all of us. Sometimes, God will allow things to happen for a reason, to mold you into who you are and shape you.

I would love to go into detail of how we suffered abuse and pain at the hands of our dad. It was agony but crucial. I can still see myself and my sister very vividly, begging our dad to stop hurting and abusing the both of us. No matter how we cried or screamed, he would not stop abusing us. He only wanted to hurt us more and more. He never once said he was sorry.

To this day, we still don’t understand why he only wanted to hurt us more and more. I can’t understand why he didn’t love us as his children. Not only did my sister and I suffer abuse from my dad, but my mom was abused by his hands also. We would always try to help her fight him off, but it only made him want to hurt us.

Once, he threw me into a stereo while I was trying to keep him from hurting my mom. After that, I knew he didn’t love me, and I couldn’t understand why my mom didn’t see it or recognize it. But when I turned twelve years old, my mom, she finally had enough and finally took me and my two sisters and one brother to Chicago, Illinois, to live with our aunt.

Everything went fairly well for a while at my aunt’s house until my aunt beat me for washing my hair in her basement beauty shop. She really hurt me, and I told my mom what happened and what my aunt had done to me, and they fought. I was scared because of what my aunt had done to me.

That evening, we moved out of my aunt’s house, and all of us went to stay with a neighbor who were parents of a friend of mine at school. After a few days, we moved to a mission church across from the Sears Tower in Chicago.

My aunt beat me unconscious. Once again, I was afraid in life. When my mom found out, she was very angry, and I was afraid. I didn’t know what to do, so I prayed. I couldn’t believe what had happened, and I didn’t know what to do. I love everybody in the Lord and always will, and no matter what you go through in life, God is always good!

Life was scary living in the mission church because I had to go to school sometimes by myself, and that meant getting up at four in the morning and walking to school while it was still dark. God was with me because every day before I went to school, we went to church. I enjoyed church all the time, and we had church every day, and God protected me and us every day while living in the mission church.

My mom finally called my dad to come to Chicago, Illinois, to come and take all of us back to Greenville, Mississippi. I didn’t care as long as he didn’t abuse us, so in 1982, we were back in Greenville with a dad who wouldn’t give us the necessities in life.

Once, I caught chicken pox because my dad made me rub calamine lotion on my sister’s back while she had chicken pox. I missed three weeks of school because I caught chicken pox too after he caused her to give it to me. I thanked God that I still managed to keep my grades up in school and passed to the eighth grade.

I enjoyed school very much. That was happiness for me. I took French classes and learned to speak the language, but after all that I have been through for the past years, I can barely remember French the way I used to. I enjoyed my teachers. They were very nice. No matter what I went through, I always managed to keep my grades up as a young girl.

I would always go to church with my friend and her family. My friend’s dad was a pastor. I never could understand what he was saying. I didn’t understand much because of all the abuse in our lives. My friend was a sweet friend. We would spend the night together as little girls and play outside all day long. I love my friend, and I haven’t seen her in over thirty years. I can’t say their name because I’m not sure the person I’m speaking of would agree that I use their name.

I had a lot of friends. One of my friends’ mom, she would always buy Hostess CupCake for all of us to snack on, and she was very nice. I don’t know where my childhood friends are, but I love them and hope that they are all alive and well. All my friends and their moms were nice too. Their moms were very kind to me. I miss all my friends, but I know they are well. I really miss them.

God speaks to us in many ways. Some ways we don’t understand, but God knows what’s best for us all. I lived my life in a not-so-well fashion, but I tried and did the best I could. I love everybody, but that doesn’t mean people will love you back. I thank God, though, through writing my book so that I can help others and accomplish something.

I know my parents do love me even though they showed it the wrong way. They kept us alive, me and my three sisters and one brother. I am thankful for that. I love them, and I thank the Lord Jesus and God. Without God, nothing can be blessed.

Church made me feel better. I felt ugly. I grew up thinking I was ugly. When someone treats you so badly, you feel like you’re ugly. But I feel beautiful now because I have God and Jesus. The best friend because I love God and Jesus. Praise the Lord! I love the Lord. He heard my cry, and he rescued me.

I know that I am a beautiful woman of God, and it took me a long time to see this. When you have been abused all your life, it’s hard to trust people, but you must forgive and move on. God has something good in store for you. Never think that you are nothing. God loves you. Keep being strong and moving forward.

This is a photo of my mom, Mrs. Bernadette (L); my dad, Mr. Malcolm Sr. (M); and my stepbrother, Fred (R).

Chapter

2

Everybody is somebody and more. Never give up. Keep pushing forward.

I love all my children. We have had hard times, but I will always love my children. I thank God for them. I was a child myself when I had children. By the age of twenty-three, I had given birth to seven children. It was very stressful and painful, but I was happy. It was all God’s plan. What a blessing. Thank you, Jesus, for your blessing and my blessings! God is good! All the time! I love the Lord!

I tried hard to be in our children’s lives, but Child Protective Services took my children away from me, and the foster parents wouldn’t allow me to talk to my children or see them, which was wrong! When I was nineteen years old, the Department of Health and Human Services took my first three children from me. I love my children very much. I love all my children, and I was a child myself trying to be a good mother.

I wish I could change what the Department of Health and Human Services did to us at the time. It was very wrong what happened to me and my children. But as I got older, I realized that was God’s plan for us. My two oldest sons’ dad would abuse me in front of our children. He abused me from the time I was fifteen until I reached nineteen years old. I used to be afraid of him, but not anymore.

He would always fight me and scratch my face up, but God made all the scratches go away. With the way he had done me so wrong by fighting me every day, I finally lost all my children. He tried to make me have an abortion when I was pregnant with my little girl, and when she was born, he called my little girl names and said she had nappy hair.

I realized I couldn’t keep allowing him to scratch my face up and hitting me, so I finally got stronger after losing all my children. I miss my children. I love them and always will. I was young and didn’t know what to do, and sometimes, life deals you hard beginnings, but it always turns out well in the end.

The one thing I wasn’t doing was going to church when I moved back to Mississippi in my teenage years. I couldn’t understand why people went to church mainly because of the abuse I suffered at my dad’s hand when I was a little girl. We would go to church and be good little girls and still get the daylights beaten out of us.

My dad abused just me and my sister and my mom. I was abused so much I thought it was normal. I thought it was love. But as I got older, I realized that love is not supposed to feel that way. All my life, I have been the victim of abuse. I realized that loving yourself is the key before anybody else can love you.

I was abused so much in my childhood and in my teenage years that I never learned how to take care of myself. I was young and depressed, but I seemed to keep a smile on my face. I never really knew God when I was younger because I didn’t see too many things that was good in my life, so Jesus had to talk to me to let me know how real God really is. Jesus actually talks to me, and I talk to Jesus.

God will never leave his children. I made a mistake and gave up three of my precious children because I was being mistreated. After I lost my first three children, I couldn’t seem to stop getting involved with bad people in my life. My children, God’s precious children that God gave me to love and care for, I was so sick that I couldn’t take care of them anymore. I was exhausted and tired and searching for happiness. My children are my happiness and joy, and I thank God for them.

God won’t put on you more than you can bear. We have been through so much, me and my children. I felt like something was wrong with me, but I realized that all that I had been through in my life was mainly because I was different and my children were different!

No one ever asks to be abused by anyone. No one asks for that because that is terrible. I ended up having a nervous breakdown and started taking medication for my condition. The medicine made me feel special and better because God provided the medicine for me.

When I lost my children and they were in foster care, I started hanging out in clubs and hanging out with people who did drugs. I also experimented with drugs and alcohol. I was so traumatized after losing my children that I couldn’t think straight No one took the time to tell me to go to church or to pray. I thought something was wrong with me because no one seemed to care.

As time went on, I realized that God cared about me and that God loved us. Women are not punching bags. I was so afraid of men and traumatized by my babies’ dad. I don’t even know why I didn’t leave him when he was abusing me every day, but abuse was the only thing I was used to. He never left me alone until I had to hurt him. I didn’t want to hurt him, but he really left me no other choice. He just always liked to scratch my face up and also my body.

I was only fifteen, and I really had no other place to go, so I was stuck living with someone who was mean and hateful. He enjoyed beating me. It made him feel like a man. I was afraid, and I didn’t know what to do. I had nowhere else to go. I was going through so much that I was lost. Women are not punching bags. I was so afraid of him that I wouldn’t even fight back. But after losing my children, I said no more abuse. I finally defended myself for once in my life, and when I defended myself, I defended my children too.

I was so happy I got away from him because he didn’t care about me or his children. Children are supposed to be loved. When you love children, you love God. God is Love of his children. I love all my children more than anything in this world.

I have grandchildren whom I haven’t even seen. I thank God for all my grandchildren. I thank God for all the children of the world. Because when you love God, you love all children. I lost all my children, and hopefully, they’re all still alive. I don’t even like to think about it because it makes me feel so bad and sad that we got treated so unfairly by ungodly people.

My children’s dad contacted me after twenty years, asking me and my husband for money to buy his heart medicine. It might sound crazy, but I actually gave it to him so that he could get his heart medication. I am a part of God and Jesus, and my blessings come from above. For all the things he had done to me, I forgave him. God will bless us for doing good for others.

I finally got the nerve to fight back against my children’s father because I couldn’t take it any longer. I ended up seeing another guy after leaving him, and I got pregnant by a married man. I didn’t know he had gotten married because he didn’t tell me, and I ended up getting pregnant the same day he got married. He got me pregnant. I was devastated. That was so evil what he had done to me. I didn’t know what to do. I just wanted to die.

But I still love my little girl that God blessed me with. She is beautiful and very smart. After all I had been through, God gave me a little angel. It was very wrong what he had done, but I loved my beautiful little angel. I couldn’t believe he had done that to me.

He also had the nerve to deny it after I asked him if he got married to another woman and spent his honeymoon with me. He said he didn’t get married. He had destroyed my life, and I thought he loved me, but I was given a beautiful blessing out of all the pain. He made my life so special after all. Her name is Miracle, and she is beautiful.

I am glad I got away from all the men in my life who didn’t mean me any good. For some reason, I attracted bad men. I still love my children even though their dads were not good.

I never knew love or how a real man is supposed to treat you right because of the abuse at the hands of my own dad. He used drugs, and that was part of the reason why he treated us so badly. He knew what he was doing wrong, but he didn’t care. He destroyed me and my sister as little children, and she might deny it, but she knows it is true.

One time, he was abusing her and beating her, and she asked me to help her. I was afraid, but I wanted to help her. He destroyed our lives. He didn’t love us or appreciate us, but I still loved him because he was my dad.

He treated my mom so badly. I mentioned the abuse that he did to us back then, but she denied it, but she knew it was true. I don’t know why she denied it, but I know one thing: it was terrible. No one should have to go through that. I am lucky to be alive. No one should have to go through abuse like that.

I am a grown woman, and I have been through a lot, and it all started with my family. The love I wanted from my family I never received. All they cared about was trying to destroy you. All they cared about was mistreating you. I did all I could for my mom and my family. It was always take, take, and take and never give. I did my best because deep down inside, I knew they loved me but just didn’t know the proper way to show it.

It all started at an early age. After suffering from all the abuse at the hands of my own dad, I was very sick. I couldn’t think, I couldn’t function, and I was too afraid to tell anyone. As I grew older, I was a nervous wreck. If you can’t trust your family, who can you trust? I was very young. He shouldn’t have done that to me and my sister and mom. That was wrong!

I never knew what love was, and I really didn’t know how to open up my mouth and talk. I was afraid of everything. I allowed people to run over me and mistreat me because I didn’t know that it was wrong because that was how my dad treated us. He only abused me and my other sister who was younger than me by one year. I was so abused and terrified of him that I wouldn’t bathe or anything.

I didn’t act normally. I was very sad and hurt, but he didn’t care. I was very sick for a long time, and now I have to take medicine for depression and mental illness. I went to church but couldn’t figure out what church was about because nobody really explained it to me. I had to learn on my own, and I did learn the Bible!

When someone abuses you so badly, you lose touch with reality. You become confused. He was not a father