Always Stay True: How I Navigated a Sexist Work Environment

By Robbie Bradford

Always Stay True is a true journey through a relatively sexist work environment that favored a predominantly male presence. It defined me as a woman of strength, at times a woman of weaknesses, but overall a woman who came out on the other side a better version of myself in my working capacity. There has been no greater journey and no greater reward. Navigating disparity was an ultimate challenge to which sometimes I wanted to give in. Quit fighting the good fight, and walk away. Unwavering persistence never wavered and outweighed the unfortunate circumstances created by such a select untouchable few.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 28, 2022
• ISBN: 9798885054393

Book preview

ALWAYS

STAY TRUE

How I Navigated a Sexist Work Environment

ROBBIE BRADFORD

Copyright © 2022 Robbie Bradford

All rights reserved

First Edition

Fulton Books

Meadville, PA

Published by Fulton Books 2022

ISBN 979-8-88505-438-6 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88505-439-3 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

To Nick, my moral compass and voice of reason for your loyalty and endless support.

It’s October 3, 2020, just a few weeks after my twenty-year mark with the department. I just returned to the facility a few days ago from a two-month medical leave to fix a foot injury that has plagued me since about 2012. My sexist ADW (boss) and my deputy warden informed me I would be going to third shift in a few days. I am the second senior lieutenant in the facility that is riddled with new sergeants, acting lieutenants with little to no experience, and two captains who are homeboys with the ADW. It’s a kick in the teeth, but okay, I’ll play along with their games and go to third shift. It is not desirable; third shift is a place not my speed and those out of the door to retirement. I do not think I am lame, and I am nowhere close to retirement. There’s a positive here: it gets me away from the bro club, good ole boy club, or whatever you want to call it. I strategically scheduled surgery earlier for my foot injury to get a break from the bro club. My captain is a ten-year wonder, and my partner is a five-year fish acting lieutenant. Both are homeboys with the ADW. My captain spends many hours playing cards and doing word searches on the computer. He also dips on shift and disposes of his spit in the office bathroom. Considering tobacco is not allowed on grounds, it irritates me. My young partner is more concerned with kissing that bro club ass and being one of the homeboys that he is almost useless to me. We are here to do a job, not be one of the cool kids and shit all over the ones that aren’t. It disgusted me, so I decided it was time to get surgery scheduled and put myself first for once, not the facility. The two months away from a toxic, vile working environment, and the bullshit bro club was a stellar success—a cleanse of negativity, mistreatment, broken trusts, and poor dynamics. I felt like a woman, an awesome mother, and a completely positive and happy human being. I was rid of all negative worry and energies. I was feeling the genuine comforts of my home, my family, and my mental freedom from the shit show of my workplace.

I knew my first day back would deflate me and steal my joy, my positive state of mind. You see, everyone says not to let the place take that from you. It is easier said than done. I was deflated for sure after I left that first day back. Fast-forward two days, my warden emails me requesting I call him. I don’t want to, but I dial the damn phone. He tells me he has all these concerns for me; he is hearing I do not treat staff right, the facility does not have issues with diversity, it is not male against female, and my statement to the deputy warden that the bro club is out of control is not accurate and that I should not sabotage myself like that. I have no words, and I let it go. There is only one other female supervisor, a sergeant who is relatively new to the department and has spent most of her time on third shift. There are clearly things going on downstairs that upstairs is not aware of. I do not say anything further to my warden because I have been around long enough to know how that goes. The person who is in the middle of the bullshit getting shit on gets the short end of the stick and ultimately loses the battle and is retaliated against or is blackballed to no end. It creates more problems than relief.

I hang up the phone with my warden feeling frustrated. While I know the department is not what it used to be and younger generations change the face of it, I am stuck in my ways from fifteen years earlier. I don’t understand how I am mistreating staff. I guess holding them accountable and actually thinking they should be doing their job is no longer appropriate. I don’t know; probably someone’s feelings were hurt. Or is someone feeding bullshit information to shit all over me? Maybe both. I admit my style of supervision is not perfect and perceptions vary, but damn it, just do your job. Isn’t that why we are there? I had a moment after I ended the phone call and decided to not reflect too much on it, reason being, just prior to that, I spoke with my previous captain who is the most grounded, intelligent, reasonable captain I have ever worked for. He had previously moved on a few years ago to Central Office. He is always my voice of reason and gets my moral compass back on track. He is my biggest supporter, and he is one of the few I truly respect. He tells me he put in a good word with his boss to backfill behind him while he filled a deputy warden position. His boss contacted the facility only to be told I was off on medical. My luck right there, my ship comes in, and I am at the damn airport! The exposure in Central Office would have been a good thing. But I do believe everything happens for a reason, and there is a lesson to be learned. So I’ll take it on the chin and keep moving forward, and start third shift with a good attitude, learn the daily duties, and add that to my continually growing foundation that is building my career. Goals can only be achieved by working toward them. I have never had shit handed to me in the department. I do not suck ass, I do not undercut, but I work with many who do. I am not in the car, nor do I care to be. I have made plenty of mistakes. I have learned from shortcomings. It helps build my skill set; it also is a form of investing in myself I think. So I think to myself, Keep hustling in silence and let success make the noise. It helps me stay true to myself and committed even when things get tough. Is being the bro club clown tough? That’s what I feel like most days at work. But according to the warden that does not occur at the facility and I am self-sabotaging. Karma, it all comes back around. I have seen it bite people at the facility before. People shit on others to get theirs. Sometimes it takes months, sometimes years, but it does come back around. Burning bridges, seen that over the years, burned a few myself. It’s difficult to find a balance and not burn a bridge when you are also experiencing a shit work environment with your supervisor, peers, and subordinates. Sometimes the truth cannot be exposed because then the bridge burns and it is so frustrating.

It’s October 6, I will start third shift tonight. I have not been at work since last Thursday; it is Tuesday. I have had time to wrap my mind around this shift change, and I feel light, confident, and relaxed. It will be good to be rid of selfish, lazy, ass-sucking supervisors who are my peers. Most are young, lack leadership, think they are entitled, and work harder at being one of the good ole boys than they do at making shift better. It makes me sick and disgusted to watch them. Granted, when shit hits the fan and the wheels fall off, they handle the business. But isn’t leadership and integrity about doing the right things when no one is looking? I told myself I need to approach third shift with a positive attitude, take it on the chin, and keep moving forward. It is important to me, so I will find a way to make the most of it, and not find excuses to not keep moving forward. I need to stay committed to my career and goal paths. To do this, I guess I must also be somewhat committed to the facility. Not easy, the guys get everything handed to them, most who do the bare minimum, if that. I always try to give 100 percent each day because nothing is ever just given to me. I don’t speak to administrators unless I am required. I sure as hell don’t name-drop, and I don’t jerk off my boss like his little harem of boy club pets do. It’s just not respectable. Staff with anything about them don’t either. It pollutes the facility and shits on staff who try to do the right thing. Attitude is everything, mine has not always been positive, but I keep it true. It’s a new day, new strengths, and new thoughts. I don’t need them to believe in me. I believe in me.

It’s October 7; I survived my first night on third shift. Everyone was welcoming. I still feel light. But it is early on. I quickly think what a vast contrast from first shift. I do not experience an ADW shitting on me by going around me to discuss pertinent shift details with my subordinates—specifically the union president and his VP. When I was acting captain on first shift, the ADW, my boss, always contacted them on the radio several times a shift. Nearly everyone carries a radio. That means nearly everyone heard him calling them multiple times a shift. It is degrading, humiliating, and frustrating. They always discussed pertinent information and deliberately left me out of it. It makes me look incompetent, and it infuriated me. I was not the ADW’s choice for that acting captain position. The deputy warden entrusted me. She essentially back-doored me with it to the ADW. After that, he constantly was up my ass, checking me on everything. Thankfully I am organized, have good time management, and can multitask. I can easily throw my responses back at him because my shit was always turned in timely, relatively accurate, and on point. I think he would have just wanted me to fail because he certainly treated me as if I was failure. But I was not failing at all. That perception only drove me harder to not fuck up and stick it to him. His homeboy was acting captain on second shift. Of course, he wanted him on first shift. He is so far up the ADW’s and deputy warden’s asses daily I think I saw his head coming out their throats. While he is smart and handles business when needed, he is not motivated and shows preferential treatment. Nonetheless, I keep moving forward. Staff begin to bring to my attention the differential treatment I experience from the ADW. Luckily, I have support from many of them who see through to the root of my problems. It is these staff who kept me going; without that, I would have told the admin to shove it up their asses when I was acting captain. I maintained that attitude for the last six months of the acting captain position on first shift. The inspector continually reminded me to not let them win. It’s about that time the bro club gets another name. The nut hugger club. Also, the ADW’s homeboy captaining second shift is granted preferential treatment to work four ten-hour shifts. This was not afforded to me as an option. The ADW and his second shift captain carpool to work together because the ADW has been punted to second shift hours to do staff temperature checks per COVID-19 protocol requirements. There were many other preferential treatments afforded to the second shift captain not afforded to me. It seems a bit unfair, but it was what it was at the time. I’ve never despised anyone as I do my ADW. He’s fake to my face and treats me as if I am incompetent on a daily basis. He is vindictive and malicious, but only to those who are not part of his harem of pets. There is a double standard going on, and he is allowed to keep practicing that behavior. It’s frustrating when fair and equal treatment is nonexistent and poor behavior is not corrected. I continued to tolerate it while I was acting captain on first shift, trying to not let them win. It was mentally draining. I had no fight left. The system is broken. I have enough shit to prove disparity of treatment. I have been around long enough to know the person at the center getting shit on gets shit on worse for filing claims or attempting to bring the issue to light. It always makes for hostile environments. I was stuck—with no real outlet for relief. But that relief came later when they shit me out to third shift to make room for the ADW’s five-year wonder ERT homeboy as acting lieutenant and the arsenal sergeant as the other acting lieutenant to his homeboy who he gave a permanent captain position to and bumped me from my acting to accommodate his other homeboy. I have twenty years in and got shit on for someone who fell prey to the bro club sucking the ADW’s rear to stay on first shift. What in the actual fuck is going on here? I have no energy in me to be nice at this point. I told the deputy warden, and it falls on deaf ears. The old school good ole boy program is thriving. Staff with anything about them roll their eyes. I don’t understand how it has been allowed to get so far out of control. How do these guys not have any conscience? I am impatiently waiting for it all to self-destruct. It’s sickening to watch. Thankfully, today, months later, I am clearheaded and moving forward; hopefully I will be able to move on to another facility with a genuine support system where a positive work ethic and leadership brings integrity and betters the work environment. In the meantime, I have the peace and quiet of third shift even if I was sent to the shift maliciously to make room for the homeboys.

It’s October 24. I am still in a good place mentally on third shift. It is a crisp fall early evening. I am sitting outside. I feel light and clearheaded still. I haven’t felt that way in over a year. I slept good after shift this morning. I am getting more sleep on third shift than I ever did on first shift—a lot more, like several hours more. And I actually sleep. I do not have a heavy mind when I rest