Leaving a Family Legacy: Raising Kids of Character Who Will Impact Their World

By Kari Alvaro

In our current culture, is it even possible to raise kids of faith who are governed by character, have solid family relationships, and are contributors to their world? Yes, yes, and yes! Leaving a Family Legacy is written to instill confidence in you to courageously raise your children in the ways of the Lord.

Rather than delivering formulas, the Alvaros share principles found in God's Word, which can be implemented uniquely within your family. Through real-life scenarios, Kari and Gerald share successes, failures, and the lessons learned from both. They invite you to cast a vision for your family and choose the values you wish to impart and then offer strategies for implementing ways of living into your goals. You'll walk through character development, the four primary stages of parenting, how to restore peace out of chaos, and how to develop strong family bonds of love and trust. With an emphasis on reaching the heart of your children as much as influencing their behavior, you'll learn to inspire them to walk with God and equip them to make wise choices for themselves. Designed for putting principles into practice, each chapter is followed by application steps for implementing strategies as well as discussion questions for small group study.

Leaving a Family Legacy offers you hope and guidance in the daily activities of raising your kids to know God personally, bring joy to your family, and make a difference in their world.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 2, 2023
• ISBN: 9798887512662

Book preview

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Leaving a Family Legacy

Raising Kids of Character Who Will Impact Their World

Kari Alvaro

ISBN 979-8-88751-265-5 (paperback)

ISBN 979-8-88751-266-2 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Kari Alvaro

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Personal Note

How to Use This Book

For greater benefit, take time after each chapter to spend time on the Application section.

Introduction: Encouragement for the Journey

1

Keeping the End in Sight: Training, for What?

Keeping the End in Sight

2

Parenting from Convictions: Values and Character

Parenting from Convictions

3

Raising Enjoyable Kids: Boundaries

Raising Enjoyable Kids

4

Who's in Charge? Authority and Discipline

Who's in Charge? Authority and Discipline

5

Capturing Their Hearts, Not Just Their Behavior: Building Relationship and Trust

Capturing Their Hearts, Not Just Their Behavior

6

Cultivating a Relationship with God: Spiritual Tools

Cultivating a Relationship with God

7

Dealing with Conflict: Conflict Resolution and Communication

Dealing with Conflict

8

Embracing Your Teen: Common Complexities of the Twenty-First Century

Embracing Your Teen

9

Alvaro-isms: Leading Your Family Legacy

Alvaro-isms

Afterword: No Guarantees

NO GUARANTEES

Appendices

Appendix A: Key Values Continued

Key Values Continued

Appendix B: Additional Resources for Character Development

Additional Resources for Character Development

Appendix C: Ideas for Getting into the Word

Ideas for Getting into the Word

Appendix D: The Healthy Way to Duke It Out

The Healthy Way to Duke It Out

Acknowledgments

Notes

About the Author

Praise for Leaving a Family Legacy

Gerald and Kari are very clear about the challenge we all have in this day and age with so many distractions and easy shortcuts that don't work. In this thoughtful and interactive book, there are very practical resources for all of us that have children. There are no lofty ideals or fancy catch phrases. It is full of real-life examples (both wins and losses) and clear pathways to be able to actively focus on raising your children to be the best people they can be. If you are serious about raising your children to know God personally and be a blessing to their community, then this practical resource will be of immense benefit to you.

—Rob Westwood

Former Director of Discipleship for Youth with a Mission Australia, International Speaker

Gerald and Kari have hit the nail on the head. Leaving a Family Legacy is full of quips, practical advice, and timely encouragement to lead you on your parenting journey and grow you into the parent you want to become. Their Christ-centered approach and biblical model for godliness set an example, yet their words carry a strong weight of grace for the times we stray off the mark. They encourage parents to focus on the development of their children's hearts and provide opportunities for life lessons to steer them closer to Jesus.

You are holding an absolute gem in your hands and your family will be blessed with this collection of valuable teachings as my family has been. It's a personal companion helping you to navigate the myriad of choices parents face each day, and you'll be returning to it for years to come!

—Lindsey Slivensky

One of the most consequential jobs many of us will ever do is to raise children. Do we prepare as if we believe that to be true? Gerald and Kari have given an impressive amount of thought to parenting—not only when designing this curriculum, but every step of the way in raising five wonderful kids. Leaving a Family Legacy does a great job sharing their accumulated wisdom, including foundational perspectives, practical insights, and creative ideas. It is biblical without being overly dogmatic, and it will certainly challenge, illuminate, and inspire. Above all, it will point you toward God to equip you for this high calling. This is the best parenting study we've taken, and we recommend it highly.

—Chris Ahlin

PhD Professor of Economics at Michigan State University

Kari and Gerald's parenting book is different because it helps you parent leading from your own values and principles. What is important to you? It is not a book of rules; it is a book that asks you to consider what you want your own children to look like, to work with the end goal in sight. Rather than telling you what they think your kids should look like, they give you space to consider it for yourself. What kind of kids do you want to raise? Once you have pondered that question, the book then guides you through how to implement those desires. I have seen the fruit of Kari and Gerald's parenting with five beautiful children (young and adult), and the proof is definitely in the pudding. This book is not theory; it is practical, hands-on, and ready to implement from day one. Do your children a favor and put these principles to the test. Your family will benefit enormously.

—John Parmentier

JP Counseling in Sydney, Australia

The Alvaros have been our go-to parenting mentors throughout our eighteen years as parents. Their grace in the tangles of parenting and their willingness to adapt parenting styles as their children move through life's challenges and triumphs make them ideal guides for novice as well as experienced parents.

Rebeccah Burns

Leaving a Family Legacy is one of the best parenting resources we've come across. The Alvaros come alongside you as friends in your parenting journey, sharing their own parenting successes and failures to convey practical ideas and biblical principles that can be applied in any family. Their guidance is practical, Christ-centered, easy to apply, and most importantly, its goal reaches beyond temporary behavioral changes to shape a child's heart for eternity. Leaving a Family Legacy offers the continual reminder that one's greatest asset in parenting well is to seek guidance from the greatest parent of all, our Heavenly Father. Parents in every stage of life will be greatly blessed by the wisdom and encouragement shared by Kari and Gerald.

—Karsten and Emily Harns

It is amazing to me how we can go through years of formal schooling but seldom receive training for the most important job ever, raising our kids. Thank you, Kari and Gerald, for writing a book that helps parents consider God's design and purposes for their children as well as the principles and practices to help their children along His path for them. With God's Word as a guide and candid real-life examples, the Alvaros offer parents wisdom and encouragement for raising kids who will develop not just the character and relational skills but the heart that will make them a blessing to others. Read the book on your own or work through it with a small group and become better equipped to enable your kids to become more of what God created them to be.

—Jeff Loaney

Assistant Pastor at Chesterfield Presbyterian Church in St. Louis, MO

Leaving a Family Legacy encourages parents to be intentional in raising up the next generation to live authentic lives centered on a Christian world view. Gerald and Kari have opened their hearts and home to many parents in need of encouragement and direction as they've navigated the rough waters of developing a Christ centered home. Now they share the wisdom and experience gained as they've followed Jesus on their journey of parenting within this wonderful and heartfelt book.

—Carli Hargett

Striking the perfect balance between freedom and boundaries, the Alvaros encourage parents to love the Lord and their kids well. Kari and Gerald's experience and advice will be helpful to anyone on their parenting journey. How I wish I'd had this book twenty-five years ago!

—Christy Duffy

There are two reasons I am happy to recommend this book. The first is that I have seen Gerald and Kari's own kids in action. I have seen the fruit of this book lived out in the lives of their amazing kids. The second reason I'm happy to recommend the book is that I've learned from it and already applied some of this learning to my own four kids. I'm not sure there's a better compliment for any author or teacher than using what they've shared. If you want be a better parent and learn some new ways to love and raise you kids (or grandkids), this is worth a place on your book shelf.

—Toran Scott

Lead Pastor of the Local Church GR in West Michigan

If you want to experience growth as a parent(s) and see your kids grow to be responsible, caring children, I highly recommend this book. Gerald and Kari's passion to see families leave a lasting, healthy legacy shines through this whole book. The practical tips at the end of each chapter are so helpful and encouraging to construct a plan for putting these tips into practice. This book is a gift to parents.

—Jason Nagel

Pastor of Care and Community Life at Corinth Reformed Church in West Michigan

Personal Note

Although this book is penned by me, Kari, it is coauthored by Gerald because we learned these lessons of parenting together, and the content of this book reflects our joint endeavor to pass them on to you.

To Jonathan, Madeleine, Elise, Rebekah, and Justin.

Your dad and I hope that one day God blesses you with children of your own and you will partake in the incredible journey of parenting and passing on a legacy. Throughout our imperfect parenting journey, God has generously offered us wisdom and grace that has shaped the way you were raised and proven to be helpful in our family. Those are the ideas, thoughts, and suggestions we wish to pass on to you as you forge your own path. We love you to the ends of the earth, and our family has been one of the greatest gifts God has given to us. Our hope is that you will experience the same joy and peace in raising your own families.

How to Use This Book

Although this book can be read straight through to glean principles and practices, we've designed it for opportunities for great growth for your family.

For greater benefit, take time after each chapter to spend time on the Application section.

Following each chapter, you will find a section entitled Application. This is a space provided for you to reflect on the content of the chapter and ways you can implement principles and strategies offered within. This will be where the rubber meets the road! If you're married, we strongly recommend doing the Application section together so that you will be unified in your parenting.

For maximum benefit, study the material with a small group of parents.

We believe that parents walking through their parenting journey with other parents are an invaluable resource to each other. Our best learning takes place when we digest information with others and apply effort to integrate it into our lives. Within this book, you will find many suggestions and scenarios, but when you meet together with other parents, you will be able to discuss the principles shared and then help each other with ideas of how to best apply them to your personal situations. You will be able to pray together for your families, encourage each other, and hold each other accountable in areas you desire to grow in.

After reading each chapter, gather to discuss the Application section and points For Further Discussion. We would love to be there with you hearing your ideas and sharing a few of our own. Since we can't be with everyone, we've offered a few comments to contribute to the discussion and you'll find these in italics within parentheses.

We have been a part of numerous small groups like this and can't emphasize enough the tremendous benefit and support each of the members found in learning and living life together.

So find a few friends or other parents in your neighborhood or church and set up a time to start going through Leaving a Family Legacy together!

Introduction: Encouragement for the Journey

Encouragement for the Journey

Have you ever felt conflicted about how to handle a situation with your child? When your son scrapes his knee, do you comfort him or make light of it to strengthen his mettle? When your teen leaves her dishes out again, do you confront her or let it go because it's not the right battle? Will your response draw them closer to the Lord or push them away? Which battles will you pick? Which approach will you take? Parenting is full of hard decisions and muddy waters, especially in a world of strongly diverse philosophies and opinions.

In this book, Gerald and I want to un-muddy the waters of parenting with you. We want to help clarify your vision and role as parents. But before we begin, you should know this is not a how-to manual for creating a perfect family. It's not about formulas and guarantees. Instead, we will be sharing practices and principles gleaned from two decades of walking alongside families while raising our own five kids (plus a few extras God brought to us for seasons). Through our wrestling, celebrating, praying, searching, sweat, tears, and praise, through both successes and failures, God has taught us many lessons; and we want to share these to make your journey easier as you raise up the next generation. This book isn't about all we've done or achieved, nor is it an exhaustive discussion on all parenting topics. It is simply about invaluable, time-tested lessons learned along the way.

What you will find in this book are tools to give you a fresh confidence in your parenting as you gain clarity on the direction you want to go as a family, determine what is important to you, and discover specific ways you can instill these in your children. We will take you through biblical principles and possibilities for applying them to your unique situations. And we will encourage you that you've got this! God placed your children into your family, and He will equip you with all you need to raise them well.

God's Encouragement to Us as Parents

Two verses have had a powerful impact on us as parents. When the kiddos were young, we clung to Isaiah 40:11, which reads, He gently leads those that have young. Actually, that's just the end of the verse. In full, it reads, He tends his flock like a shepherd: He gathers the lambs in his arms and carries them close to his heart; he gently leads those that have young. We were often encouraged by the reminder that God is gently leading us with our young.

His gentle leading is for you too. Invite the Lord to lead you. Ask for His wisdom. Over the last twenty years, my most consistent prayer has been