Parenting Your Child Leader: Strategies for Helping Your Child Achieve Their Leadership Potential

By Darryl Bodkin

Darryl Bodkin has written a wonderful treatise on child development and leadership. He writes from a childs perspective on parenting and provides invaluable insight on the subject of leadership growth and development. When I was 11 years of age, my life was torn apart by the loss of my father in a tragic construction accident. It was a defining moment for me. Fortunately, my godly grandmother sat down with me and told me that I had to be the leader in our home since I was the oldest child. From that moment leadership was thrust upon me. Reading this book has caused me to reflect on that landmark day in my own childhood when I started on a leadership journey. I commend Darryl Bodkins book to you for your enjoyment and personal growth. I believe every parent who reads it will benefit from the lessons taught on parenting and will gain an understanding of how to encourage the development of leadership qualities in children. Proverbs 3:56 is a sterling reminder of the potential for vital Christian leadership within every child that is born into Gods big world. Dr. Stan A. Toler Bestselling Author Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

• Language: English
• Publisher: WestBow Press
• Release date: May 24, 2013
• ISBN: 9781449795221

Darryl Bodkin

Darryl Bodkin has an undergraduate degree in Physics from the University of the West Indies. He is a graduate of the Caribbean Nazarene College with a Bachelor of Arts in Psychology and Counselling and Human Resources Management. Darryl served as youth ministry leader for five years at his local church. In his professional career, he functions as the Operations Manager for a civil engineering consultancy based in Trinidad and Tobago. He represented his country at the regional level and has been a facilitator for the annual Barbados Youth Leadership Retreat. His blog can be read at darrylbodkin.com. He can be followed at Twitter.com/DarrylBodkin.

Book preview

Copyright © 2013 Darryl Bodkin

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All Scripture quotations, unless otherwise indicated, are taken from the Holy Bible, New International Version®. NIV®. Copyright © 1973, 1978, 1984 by International Bible Society. Used by permission of Zondervan. All rights reserved.

Scripture quotations taken from the Amplified® Bible, Copyright © 1954, 1958, 1962, 1964, 1965, 1987 by The Lockman Foundation Used by permission." (www.Lockman.org)

Scripture quotations marked (NLT) are taken from the Holy Bible, New Living Translation, copyright © 1996, 2004, 2007 by Tyndale House Foundation. Used by permission of Tyndale House Publishers, Inc., Carol Stream, Illinois 60188. All rights reserved.

Scripture taken from The Message. Copyright © 1993, 1994, 1995, 1996, 2000, 2001, 2002. Used by permission of NavPress Publishing Group.

Scripture taken from the NEW AMERICAN STANDARD BIBLE®, Copyright © 1960, 1962, 1963, 1968, 1971, 1972, 1973, 1975, 1977, 1995 by The Lockman Foundation. Used by permission

ISBN: 978-1-4497-9521-4 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-9523-8 (hc)

ISBN: 978-1-4497-9522-1 (e)

Library of Congress Control Number: 2013908794

WestBow Press rev. date: 05/23/2013

Contents

Dedication

Acknowledgements

Foreward

Introduction

What Is Parenting About?

How Does Your Child Learn?

Leadership Potential and Your Child

Inspire Them!

Support Your Child-Leader; Be a Caddie

Invest

Communication

Create an Environment of Growth

Helping Them to Manage Relationships—Friends, Associates, and Enemies

Dealing with Major Purpose Killers in Your Child’s Life—Addictions and Sex

Special Advice for Children with Parents of a Failed Leadership

Appendix – Prayer for Parents

Contact Darryl

Dedication

To my parents, Harold & Sharon Sealey, your sacrifices did not go unnoticed.

To my father, Rolston Bodkin, may you be blessed as you lead others.

To Rev. Victor George and Marilyn George, your commitment to parenting is exceptional.

To the many persons who have been parents, mentors and advisors in my life, God will bless you because of your goodness towards me.

To each person who is thinking about writing a book. I did it, so you should go ahead and publish yours.

To all of my friends, associates, and social media followers for your support, comment and suggestions as I practiced and pursued my passion for writing and speaking through the internet and in public seminars.

To my pastor, for inspiring me with several other book ideas as I had the opportunity to receive from your ministry.

To the Lord, who owned this book before I did.

Acknowledgements

This project could not be completed without the support of my family, the prayers of my pastor, Rev. Cheryl-Ann Cardinez, and the encouragement of my companion, Akia McFarlane. I also wish to thank the many persons who partnered with me on this project by providing finances, prayer and other resources in order to complete this dream. Special thanks to Dr. Toler and Dr. Eversley who willingly gave their creditability to this project. I am grateful to Russell Léonce for his belief in this work and for lending his creative talent to the project. Thank you, Mrs. Butcher & Mc Lean for reading the manuscript and identifying how it related to your practical experience of parenting. I was also humbled to have the Quality Systems Manager of the Caribbean Nazarene College, Dr. Anthony Manswell and my friend Mrs. Ayana Chester read the manuscript and provide valuable feedback, your time and effort was sincerely appreciated. It was a pleasure working with the team at WestBow Press and I thank you for your patience and guidance.

Foreward

Darryl Bodkin has written a wonderful treatise on child development and leadership. He writes from a child’s perspective on parenting and provides invaluable insight on the subject of leadership growth and development.

When I was 11 years of age, my life was torn apart by the loss of my father in a tragic construction accident. It was a defining moment for me. Fortunately, my godly grandmother sat down with me and told me that I had to be the leader in our home since I was the oldest child. From that moment leadership was thrust upon me. Reading this book has caused me to reflect on that landmark day in my own childhood when I started on a leadership journey.

I commend Darryl Bodkin’s book to you for your enjoyment and personal growth. I believe every parent who reads it will benefit from the lessons taught on parenting and will gain an understanding of how to encourage the development of leadership qualities in children. Proverbs 3:5–6 is a sterling reminder of the potential for vital Christian leadership within every child that is born into God’s big world.

Dr. Stan A. Toler

Bestselling Author

Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Introduction

The Concept of the Book

T he greatest need in our world today is righteous leadership. Governments, communities, schools, and families are continuing to grapple with complex and diverse challenges as they attempt to reduce crime, stimulate economies, and address social ills. The leaders who are tasked with confronting the concerns that face us today develop their skills and competencies from their experiences at home with parents and caregivers.

Imagine the possible damage that can be inflicted by parents who are unable to nurture the unique gifts and talents within their children. Dr. Myles Munroe, internationally renowned, bestselling author and consultant, notes that leadership is achieved through self-discovery¹, and thus parents are vital partners in aiding this process. When children are able to discover their leadership abilities, then they can make valuable contributions to the world at a younger age and with greater impact.

I was born out of wedlock to a young couple who was unsure about the responsibility placed on them by virtue of my birth. This is not uncommon in our world today. In fact, it has become a societal norm for people to be born to young, unmarried couples. Fortunately, I had the support of my mother and her extended family and later my new father. This is as much as my memory allows me to recall. My aunt and grandmother did good work with my brother and me, ensuring we were well mannered, studious, and groomed.

When I was young, around seven, my mother married, and we moved into a new house, with the resultant change in family structure and culture. I received instruction, advice, discipline, and personal development from two primary sources (my mother and father). However, growing up I had a critical perspective of parents. It seemed to me that they were not aware of what was required of them as parents and how their actions or inactions were affecting their children.

I retained a very observant and critical outlook on parenting throughout my childhood, and my increasing age added to the sharpness of my views. I began to be involved in leadership from the age of twelve, when I enrolled in the Trinidad and Tobago Cadet Force and my church’s hospitality ministry. Throughout my experiences as a child-leader, I felt that on several occasions my parents were unsure about how to treat with my leadership interests and pursuits. I was both a child and a leader.

I continued to discover and experience the dilemma or challenge of being a child-leader. First, I was a child, which meant I was considered to be (or at least I felt I was) unable to make significant decisions and was too young to be trusted with the responsibility of others. Being a child also meant I was dependent on the support of my parents and well-wishers for finances, technical advice, and emotional and spiritual guidance and support.

However, the second dynamic of this title is that I was a leader. Therefore, as a child, I wrestled with the reality that despite my age, I was expected to make decisions in the best interest of those I led. At home I may have been considered too weak or young for the mantle placed on me, but I had no such response from those who expected me to perform within my domain. I was a follower at home and a leader in the field.

This book is for parents, caregivers, and those who have or will be required to exercise a leading role in the lives of children who are involved in any area of leadership. In this book, I would use Dr. Munroe’s definition of leadership in which he states, Leadership is the capacity to influence others through inspiration, generated by a passion, motivated by a vision, birthed from a conviction, produced by a purpose.² Children who are involved in leadership need the ability to lead with a level of autonomy while being in an environment that nurtures their gifts and talents. Parents and caregivers play a crucial role in the success or failure of the child-leader.

This book is written from the perspective of a child to a parent. It is my desire to share some personal lessons and concepts I have come to accept are important in creating a healthy parent-child relationship. As a youth leader, I have seen too many children fail to achieve and pursue their potential because of flawed parenting. Be blessed, challenged, and encouraged as you read. It is a challenge in today’s society to help children become the leaders they are meant to be, but despite how challenging the circumstance, remember: I can do all this through him who gives me strength (Phil 4:13). If you are feeling powerless or ineffective as a parent, then you can be assured that through Christ, you can be a great parent.

This book was written with a bold mission in mind: to give a fresh perspective on parenting and create opportunities for parents to evaluate their efforts. I have humble and exceptionally supportive parents. They gave me and my other siblings the best they had in virtually every aspect of life they were responsible for. My parents provided discipline, exposure to various learning opportunities, instruction, and a sense of priority. However, we were both brought to laughter when I asked them if they knew what they were doing with us as children.

My mother was very vocal and said that on many occasions she felt like she was sailing in the wind. Even after four children, parenting still seemed dubious at times. That is why this book is important and relevant to you as a parent or caregiver. As a child, teenager, adolescent, and young adult, I asked myself questions about parents and parenting. But I also asked, How do I want to be developed? or How could they have responded to this experience differently that may have helped me learn better? The suggestions, topics, and concepts in this book were drawn from my experience as a child and youth volunteer. I can tell you some of the things that matter to children, and many of them are rooted in a biblical worldview. There are several challenges in the world for healthy leadership, and I believe one solution is to take a closer view of the parent-child relationship.

I dream of a world where parents intentionally nurture the leadership spirit within their children. My mission is to share this passion with you through this book. Hopefully the suggestions provided will inspire you to apply and share them with others. Our communities can be changed one family unit at a time by parents who become developers and nurturers of their children’s potential.

1

What Is Parenting About?

I f you are reading this book and are uncertain about the role of a parent or caregiver, then this chapter will provide some answers, even if you have several children. The truth is many parents guess their way through the parenting process. Behold, children are a heritage from the Lord, the fruit of the womb a reward (Ps. 127:3 AB). A heritage is something to be treasured, honored, and cherished. This means parents ought to have a long-term interest in their children so their value is shared with all they come in contact with.

I believe many of the world’s problems began with poor parenting or with homes where children were not developed to become the leaders God intended them to be. Many parents would admit that the family plays a pivotal role in nurturing the culture, philosophy, and destiny of a child, but not enough are committed enough to maximizing on the great wealth of potential in their homes. It is time for you as a parent to begin the revolution the world needs by becoming more passionate about parenting in a manner that promotes the purpose and leadership of your child.

Tedd Trip, the bestselling author who wrote Shepherding a Child’s Heart, makes it very clear that parents are the ones who have been given the delegated authority or jurisdiction to develop and nurture God’s purpose for their children. He remarked, You discharge a duty that he has given. You may not try to shape the lives of your children as he pleases you, but as pleases him.³

It is my prayer that parents would not reduce their role in the lives of their children as to only supplying the physical needs of food, clothes, and shelter. Parents have a greater job to fulfill than that. In fact, if you were only required to cater to those basic needs, then many of the world’s children would be great successes. But this is not so, and hence, many parents are missing out on a lot more that God expects of them.

What are some of the purposes of parents? The duty of a parent could be the subject of an entire book by itself. However, I have found a few to be key roles all parents must be aware of and pursue. Some of the roles of parents are as follows.

1. Instruction

The Bible says God made the heavens and the earth. Teachers say a natural phenomenon created it. The Bible says you should flee sexual immorality and even the appearance of sin. Some in the media say, Try it safe, Once won’t hurt, and Drink responsibly. You say, Come home by 9:30, but society says, I should live my life as I want, so come home whenever you feel like. This is just