Finding Joy: A Journey Through Depression in Poems

By Erin Troup

Finding Joy is a book of poems from a first-time author. A journey of finding one's way out of the darkness and into the light. Written as a journal in poems, this simple book reflects the grace of a loving God who grants us second chances. The author hopes to inspire the message that there is a place for all of us. These poems are the quiet story of one woman's redemption. A reminder there is healing in writing words and hope in speaking aloud what once trapped her in silence. May you find hope, follow the light, and find your joy in the morning just as she has. This is her prayer. Be inspired, dear friend. Be brave enough to write your truth as the Spirit of our loving God holds your hand. Be healed and be loved, for you always were.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781638441854

Book preview

Footprints

Snow is on its way

The sky was pink this morning blooming cloud flowers

Before it all fades to white

And silver and blue

Makes me think of wool and rabbits and the comfort

Of lying next to you

Maybe the shame is inescapable

It comes fast like flu entering the hurt places in me

Making storm and making waves,

Everything becomes black and blinding and gray

It strips me bare

I imagine myself before Jesus with nothing

Left, as if I am bereft,

Is this humility?

Is this necessary to find my way back

These sometimes holes of despair I fall into

Floating in a Universe of regrets and pain

Wondering what is on its way,

Remembering the soft down of their newborn heads

Or the smell of the crease in their necks the soft of their cheeks I

Kissed so many times in the quiet of morning

The dark of starry nights

My heart so filled with life,

Not even darkness could find me after the miracle of birth

I loved the sleeping hours,

The gentle rise and fall,

Little pink lips and toes and fingers

I touched every part

I ran every mile with fire in my heart

And now such fire you both possess,

You even raise your boy swords to me

Piercing my heart and surprising me with your fierceness

Your desire for independence

And I sometimes long for the days when you

Slept against my skin

Like a cloud from heaven

Earths sweetest blessing warming me for those short years

How swiftly they passed

How quickly the hardest parts return to me now

My feet move slowly in the snow, the white of my hair comes through

Reminding me I am sky bound someday

As I walk I leave little pieces of the past in a few secret places

The oak and the bird watch how I bend to place what I no longer need

All that I did not find is behind me now

Jesus where are your footprints,

Where are your hands

I know you are there somewhere

Like the distant sounds of the forest I hear

Though do not see

Come to me

O come to me

In my despair, like the streaks of blue in the sky

Streaks of white in my hair, streaks of tears upon my face

Streaks of sadness that bleed through my joy

Find me someday,

Tell me I have done my best

I fear you will remind me of my worst and leave me in the darkness with

What I do not know,

Though I want so much to

Be good

Through and through

For the snow to enter my mouth and fill all of my hopeless

Places,

Make me whole again

There is you, such a mystery

A goodness I could not dream

I feel unready and unworthy and unsteady

Still you always show me the sky and its beauty

The stars and their connections of light

A coat worn by angels that lights

A darkened heart

Cradles the body of an ailing mother

Holds her like she held the growing boys

Reminds her she is not alone

I never knew birth would come through me and to me

Giving and taking

Renewing and breaking

Filling and emptying my very tender heart

Keep me safe Lord,

Keep me steady on my way

Help me to love,

For I know not how and what to say

All of the mistakes

Form bruises on my words

Forget to sing like Spring birds

Find silence like pools of water in the wood

Like ripples from a drop