Married and Singles: Secret Strategies

By Bukola Agunbiade Olajide

God never created a marriage to fail, hurt, or be frustrated. The only reason marriage is failing today is simply because we are trying to do different things from what God designed it to be. Every couple has 100 percent chances for a successful marriage, only if they can do it the way God planned it. The problem is not with the marriage, it's couples' ignorance in understanding each other.

The best couples are the couple that realised they have many differences and make every effort to work on their differences. If you are already married but going through a rough patch or simply want to strengthen your bond by allowing God to restore your marriage, this particular book is for you.

If you're single, contemplating marriage, choosing a life partner is one of the most important decisions to make in life. The choice of life partner you make can determine the quality of your life in the future much more than any other decision you make in your life.

Many singles spend more time developing academic knowledge, deciding where to go to college, choosing the cause to study, building physical fitness, but spending little time or no time on choosing the right future partner which has led to many failures in marriages today. If you give God a chance to choose for you, he can give you a description of the kind of person that he desires you to marry. For you to have a successful marriage, and if you want God's blessing over your marriage, which you do, then it's better to listen to God about the kind of person he wants you to marry. Love alone is not enough reason to marry.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: May 6, 2021
• ISBN: 9781098049355

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Married and Singles

Secret Strategies

Bukola Olajide

ISBN 978-1-0980-4934-8 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-0980-4935-5 (digital)

Copyright © 2020 by Bukola Olajide

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Acknowledgments

Preface

Marriage Is a Garment

1

What Is Marriage?

2

Being in One Flesh

3

Dating

4

Before You Say, I Do

5

Healthy and Unhealthy Relationships

6

How to Restore Your Marriage

7

Divorce

8

Thirty-Days Relationship Challenge

9

Prayer for Your Spouse

10

Power Tools

About the Author

This is dedicated with love to my husband, Dapo Olajide, who has always been there for me ever since we were married. Even though we've been through hard times together, you are still a very precious gift to me. Nothing can compare to all that God has given me in you. Thanks for being a responsible father for your children. You are always my best friend forever.

Acknowledgments

With special thanks:

To my daughters: to my daughter Anjolaoluwa olajide, I want to thank you for being the inspiration—A good role model to her siblings. She's very smart, calm, intelligent and wiser than her age. Thanks for your prayers and love: to Oluwafikayomi Olajide, I cannot express enough thanks to you for your committed support and encouragement. A very beautiful and hardworking girl. Thanks for being there all the time—and to Mitchelle Olajide, thanks for putting up with me from the beginning of this book to the end. She's so smart and generous.

To my sons: I would like to express my deep gratitude to my caring, kind hearted, handsome and loving son Ayomide Olajide, thanks for your support and your words of encouragement from the beginning of this book to the end and I appreciate your determination in showing me I can do it.; and my little boy, Marcus Olajide, thanks so much for your cooperation.

To my daddy, Israel Agunbiade, from the bottom of my heart, I thank you and I appreciate all you've done in my life. You've influenced my life in such a wonderful and positive way that words cannot express. Thanks so much.

To my mummy, Eunice Agunbiade, the most kind, selfless, generous, and beautiful mummy in the whole world. I really appreciate your support and your prayers. A good mother indeed. No one can take your place. Thanks.

To my siblings, Mosebolatan Tijani, Seyi Agunbiade, and Seun Agunbiade—growing up as siblings, have made me realise that you are the most precious people in my life. I just wanted to let you know how grateful I am for all you've done for me from the beginning of this book to the end; and my special thanks goes to Seyi Agunbiade, I'm deeply indebted to you—This book wouldn't have been possible without your support. Thanks so much for your support.

To Olorunfemi family, mummy Olorunfemi, Folake Thontteh, Omolola Olorunfemi-Pefork, Biola Ugwuko, Peju Odu, Uncle Junior and his beautiful wife, Charlene Olorunfemi—they've been so wonderful to us and you've always been there for us all the time, especially my lovely Aunt, Ifejola Olorunfemi; she's just exactly as her name pronounced…she is full of love for everybody. She's so amazing! Thanks to you all!

To Doctor Bode Olajide, a man with fear of God. Dr. Bode Olajide, man of impeccable character and integrity. And to your wife, Dr. Folu Olajide. Thanks for your support.

To Ejiro Etaoma, a wonderful friend. She's full of integrity and God-fearing. Thank you so much for your prayers. Thanks so much for the words of encouragement and prayers throughout the journey of this book. You are one of my life's blessings, and I will forever be grateful that God gave me someone like you as a friend.

Idowu Agunbiade Akinyemi, thank you for being there for us when we needed you most, we deeply appreciate your kind gesture towards our family.

To Eniola Bolaji and her husband, Bros Gabby, thank you for being there for us through thick and thin, and thanks for your love.

Jennifer and Jason Yoder. I give my special thanks to my confidantes and friends, Jen Yoder and Jason, for their support and kind gestures toward me and my family. They are GodSent to me, friends that keep you covered when you are naked. You left your handwriting behind the success of this book. I will never forget you and your husband, Jason. Thanks.

To Tunde Itayemi, having a good brother-in-law is one of the best things in life. Thank you always.

My thanks also goes to Olaniran Olanrenwaju for being a good brother inlaw. Keep up the good work.

Preface

I wrote this book not because I was willing to write or to become an author. I have no idea how to write a book, and I never thought I would be a writer, but this was written by the leading of the Holy Spirit.

Sometimes, God will use our life experience as a stepping stone to get us prepared for what he has in plan for us. He can even use the thing that enemy tries to bring against us and turn it around and use them for our good. If we can focus on him, even when we don't understand, he will guide our steps.

If you pick up this book, probably you are single, contemplating marriage, divorced but want to remarry, or you are a marriage counselor looking for resources, this book is purposely meant for you. You didn't choose it by mistake but by the leading of the Holy spirit.

Do not be yoked together with unbelievers. For what do righteousness and wickedness have in common? Or what fellowship can light have with darkness? What harmony is there between Christ and Belial? Or what does a believer have in common with an unbeliever?

—2 Corinthian 6:14, NIV

Marriage Is a Garment

Marriage is like a garment, if you wear oversized, ready to drag it along throughout your lifetime; also, if you wear undersized, ready to feel and bear the pains for the rest of your life. One thing about this garment is that you can't remove it, no matter how uncomfortable or stressful it is.

To all the singles reading this book, when you are ready to buy your own garment, take note of these things.

Position: All garments are not placed in the same place, and also, they are not the same size. There are adult sizes, children sizes, junior sizes—know the appropriate place to get your own size. If you are an adult, you cannot get your size in the children's department; your size is not everywhere.

You cannot be a born-again Christian and be looking for your husband or wife at the clubhouse or on social media. Remember, bad character doesn't show online; your type is not everywhere. You can't be looking for a wife like Sarah at the club house. If you don't know what you want, where to get it, you can be matched with anything.

Perception: You are not allowed to try the garment before you purchase it. It will be nice to seek advice and counselling from people that have bought before or professional advice for choosing the right garment (pastors, counsellors, relationship coaches).

Before you purchase your garment, ask yourself these questions:

Where is it made (background)?

How much is it (his/her interest)?

What is the name of the company that makes this garment (are we sharing the same faith)?

Would it match the shoe I want to wear with it (whether he/she loves you unconditionally)?

What is the size (value)?

How long will it last (his/her character)?

In case you've purchased the wrong garment—maybe it is too big or small—it's still adjustable by consulting the manufacturer (God). You want to restore your marriage? Go to the manufacturer (God).

The person you choose to marry will have either a negative or positive impact in your life: your spiritual life, your call, your mental health, your physical look, your inner peace, your happiness, the love inside you, your thinking, how your children will be raised, your thinking, how you get through challenges, your breakthrough, and so much more. Choose wisely.

1

What Is Marriage?

If you ask many people to define marriage or give their perception about marriage, you will be amazed about the different answers you will get. Some people believe that the purpose of marriage is because of love, companionship, intimacy, social acceptance, economic advantage, or to provide for children or for sexual pleasure. People can get free sex when they cohabitate. All this can be accomplished at some level without marriage, and being married does not guarantee that you will possess all this. So then, why do people get married?

To be able to properly define marriage, you have to view it from God's point of view. Marriage is God's creation for the union of two individuals (a man and a woman) to be emotionally, spiritually, physically, intellectually, socially united together to fulfill and serve God's purpose for their lives, in the other word, it simply means when a right man and a right woman led by the spirit of God come together and obey what the bible teaches about marriage, they will have a blessed and fulfilled marriage but when they disregard what the word of God teaches about, it can be a disastrous.

What is God's Point of View About Marriage?

Marriage is one of the most precious gifts given to us by God.

The first marriage was instituted and ordained by God in the days of Adam and Eve. In Genesis 2:18, Then the lord God said, ‘it is not good for a man to be alone. I will make a helper who is just right for him. And God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep in Genesis 2:21–22, NIV: So, the lord God caused the man to fall into a deep sleep. While the man slept, he took out one of the man's ribs and closed up the opening, then the lord God made a woman from the rib, and he brought her to the man.

According to this scripture, it is perfectly clear to us that the first surgery was performed on Adam by God to create Eve in the Garden of Eden. He opened Adam's rib, brought out one of his ribs to make Eve—this is letting us know how marriage is crucial and important to God.

God devoted his precious time and energy to create marriage because he sees prospect in this institution, maybe that was the reason for showing a keen concern and interest to marriage. He realized that it would not go well if only a man (Adam) stayed alone in the beautiful garden, and so then he created Eve. If marriage is not important to God, he wouldn't have spent all his precious time to invent marriage.

If marriage can be this important and precious to God, why do some couples not feel valued and appreciated by their spouses? Why are some couples taking themselves for granted? Why some couples don't care about their spouses anymore? Why do couples treat themselves in a careless, thankless, and indifferent manner? Why have divorce rates increased over time? Why are there causes of conflicts in marriage? Why do couples betray themselves? The reason is due to the couple's approach toward their marriage and also because couples don't follow God's instruction about marriage. That's why a lot of marriages are falling apart.

Many couples are living together like roommates, simply because they don't read or heed God's instructions in the manual of marriage. If we had a very costly and valuable wristwatch, we wouldn't just wear it to the salon or leave it in the bathroom sink. We would treat it with care, put it in a safe place to protect it. Or if we purchase something valuable and expensive, such as cars, phones, etc., the first thing we want to do is to read the manual back-to-back in order to be able to operate and assemble it. If couples can value their marriage as much as they value their possessions that they take time to read the manual and follow the instructions in the manual, there would a great decrease in divorce rate.

God never created a marriage to fail, hurt, or be frustrated. The only reason marriage is failing today is simply because we are trying to do different things from what God designed it to be. All couples have 100 percent chances for a successful marriage, only if they can do it the way God planned it. God's way and his perfect plan for marriage is found in