The Greatest Show on Earth

By Silas Weir

The glass was running over, and the stress level had hit its peak. Brian Minges was about to drop the grenade. A small trip to the ice cream store turned into a changing moment in his life, telling his wife that he was leaving her after thirty-seven years of marriage because he was gay and fell in love with another man. The wailing screams of death rang out in the parking lot. Hiding behind the curtain or in the closet, Brian made the decision to announce to his family the news. With two adult children and one grandson, a different day was about to begin. After accidentally meeting his soulmate in the DFW Airport, Brian could not get him out of his mind. Even after leaving the family for three days to escape with his soulmate, he is convinced by his son to return to the family and try to put the relationship with his wife Lacy together. Needless to say, it was a difficult road to travel. Over the course of the spring and summer, Brian could not get him out of his head, even after a number of family trips in a new motor home along with a family wedding.

When following his soulmate on his LinkedIn page and liking all of his postings, Brian got up enough courage to reach out. It took some time, but the connection worked. When Brian announced to his close coworker that "He" was back, he asked, "Do you still love him?" He said he never stopped. A long road in the changing of life kept Brian going even after loss and a sudden career change. With many mountains to climb, the road was difficult and tiring. Keeping the faith, would a long-term relationship with his soulmate work? Only time will tell.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Fulton Books, Inc.
• Release date: Jul 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781637109755

Book preview

THE GREATEST SHOW ON EARTH

SILAS WEIR

Copyright © 2022 Silas Weir

All rights reserved

First Edition

Fulton Books

Meadville, PA

Published by Fulton Books 2022

ISBN 978-1-63710-974-8 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63985-343-4 (hardcover)

ISBN 978-1-63710-975-5 (digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Contents

Preface

The First Ten Years: In the Beginning

Ages Eleven through Twenty-One: Growing Up

Ages Twenty-One to Thirty-One: My Professional Working Career

Ages Thirty-One to Forty-One: The Transfer to Home

Ages Forty-One to Fifty-One: The Changing of Our World

Ages Fifty-One to Sixty-One: The Story Is about To Begin

Acknowledgments

Chapter 1: The Worst Day of My Life The Climb Starts Now

Chapter 2: You Were Born This Way, Baby

Chapter 3: Breaking News

Chapter 4: The Day that Changed My Life

Chapter 5: The Big Move

Chapter 6: The Grind Continues

Chapter 7: Reality Sets In

Chapter 8: My New Work Life

Chapter 9: The Dallas Connection

Chapter 10: The Plan According to Chad

Chapter 11: Why Dallas?

Chapter 12: Emotional Breakdown

Chapter 13: The Healing Begins

Chapter 14: The Healing Continues

Chapter 15: The Talk with Alex

Chapter 16: The Summer of Healing with a Twist

Chapter 17: The Road Trip Home

Chapter 18: Wedding and Family

Chapter 19: The Mail Has Arrived

Chapter 20: Another Road Trip

Chapter 21: Here for the Party!

Chapter 22: The Turning Point

Chapter 23: Help for Me

Chapter 24: Things Start to Unravel

Chapter 25: The Unraveling Continues

Chapter 26: The Band-Aid Ripped Off

Chapter 27: Heart Break and Joy

Chapter 28: A Rough Spring Season

Chapter 29: End of Summer

Chapter 30: Sudden Career Change

Chapter 31: Adjusting to Change

Chapter 32: A Sad Winter

Chapter 33: Let the Show Begin

Chapter 34: The Long Road to Divorce

Epilogue: Thoughts and Reflection

Preface

I just knew I had to write this book. So many things have taken place in my life, and I know millions of men are fighting the same things I did—who you really are. You probably think that coming out as a gay individual at age sixty is something to think about. As an old gay man looking for his new life, I decided to come out at a time when I felt it was time. With career stress, family stress, and relocation stress, I have been fighting this feeling of being gay for many years from the time I was in elementary school and all the way through high school into my marriage of thirty-eight years. I didn’t think I could make it at times. It was so rough on me that I thought about ending it all. Opening the door to that dark space, I stood there numb and frightened. Would I do it? Can I do it? I felt there was so much more of life than ending it, so I turned around and left the dark space. I now know how someone feels when all seems lost. It’s so hard to explain and to get anyone to understand. To this day, I am still medicated for depression and anxiety. I have moments where my heart races and everything seems to close in on me. I’m strong and resilient! I was not going to throw in the towel. I didn’t need anyone to feel sorry for me, nor did I need to feel sorry for myself. I know who I am and what I am. I know so many people fight with these emotions to the point that it makes you sick and miserable. I decided to leave those emotions and build a new life—celebrate myself for once.

When I was in high school, I had my first encounter with someone that was everything I wasn’t—the perfect body and hair that flowed in a pattern across his chest, which was nothing like mine; it looked like weeds on a highway. His pubic hair was dark, neat, and thick; mine was blond and looking like weeds on the highway. It was comfortable, and I enjoyed the experience. So did he. On the second occasion, he stayed overnight with me in a camping trailer. We kissed and had oral sex all night long. The next morning, he left, and I started to feel bad—so bad that I called off work. I was starting to get depressed. What just happened? I know I enjoyed it while it was going on, but now I feel remorseful. Before I got married, I had to tell my fiancée and future mother-in-law. I just felt I had an obligation to do this. Honesty and integrity were coming out. They seemed okay with it and felt some things need to be unsaid. I was liked by the entire family. I did anything and everything they asked me to do. I learned to clean the pool and help with some construction, wedding planning, and cooking Italian and Lebanese food. I like fixing things, so any time I could help, I would. You name it, I did it.

I fell in the shadows of three successful older brothers. Being the fourth born, they say I am the most sensitive. My oldest brother, number one, was in the band and an outstanding auto mechanic. He could fix anything. Number two, Jeffrey, is a successful championship football player and track runner. He could run the hurdles like a pro. He ended up seeing some college time but enlisted in the Vietnam War. I was so afraid for him, but he had the same get-up-and-go as my dad. He did a great job and came home to us safe and sound. My number three brother, Andy, was another successful football player that landed him a full scholarship to the University of Pittsburgh. I was extremely proud of him and all of his accomplishments. He ended up tearing his ACL in his sophomore year, which caused a redshirt for his junior year. Unfortunately, the injury caused him to lose his last year as a senior. But he saw some great changes and history making at Pitt. They are great memories. Number five brother, Kevin, is my best buddy. We did everything together. We enjoyed going camping with my parents in the camping trailer. We made our own personal cabin in the back of the pickup truck while Mom and Dad slept in the trailer. We loved riding bikes, playing games, and being active in a number of activities.

As soon as someone knew or heard my name, they referred to me as one of the Minges boys, and I should be playing football. I tried in pee-wee and junior high, but I just couldn’t grasp the concept. I tried out for basketball, but never made the teams. I played church league basketball, which was a lot of fun. In high school, I took part in the theater as an actor. I truly enjoyed the stage and the acting. If I wasn’t interested in trying out for a part, I would be on the stage crew. I learned a lot of life lessons that I use today, honesty and integrity. I think this is where I reached back and got the courage to be myself. I was acting on stage just like the script that we all follow as men—married, with kids and job, and doing everything for everybody but yourself. How about being satisfied? Does anyone care? When you find other men in the same predicament, a connection follows. Stories are told, friendships build, and sex happens. It just does. The most sought-after men in an adult bookstore or movie theater are the married ones. Why do you think they are in there? They are not satisfied at home and problems in their life, and they need an out. It’s true: millions of married men have had sex with other men. Whether in the bookstores or connecting up on the Internet, you would be surprised how many are looking. They are all playing the role that was written for them by parents, brothers or sisters, wives, and other family members, hiding the real person in an adult bookstore or movie theater. If they get off script, then all hell breaks loose—questions, innuendos, suspicion, and the list goes on. Back to the script to maintain your stage character that everyone expects, you suck it up and become miserable for the family. This is the war millions of men tackle each day.

I was the same person. I wanted to write about my experiences so other men don’t feel bad about going through the same thing. It was the hardest thing I have done my entire life. But the Band-Aid had to come off, and the story had to be told. In the book is the story of my journey at age sixty. What a journey! Things are rough at the beginning, but as you turn around and look at that mountain you climbed, it only gets better. More mountains to climb are in your path. I’m going to give some history prior to my sixtieth year before the main story. I will do it in decades so it doesn’t turn into a hot mess of paper to get lost in. My goal is to tell my stories and let other men and women that they are okay and good people. Find yourself and have the courage to tell their stories. Step out from behind the curtain and push that character playing you off the stage. Tell it and be proud!

The First Ten Years

In the Beginning

Growing up in an 850-square-foot house with three bedrooms and one bathroom was a challenge—three boys in bunk beds in one room, two in another, Mom and Dad in one at the end of the hall, kitchen, living room, dining room, and some space in the basement. My parents started in the basement of the house. My mother used to cook wearing boots because of the water coming in around the foundation. It was built at the bottom of the hill, which caused spring water to run. Eventually, they added the top floor living spaces—a major expansion with a new bathroom but with no shower, just a tub. We didn’t think anything about it; we were uptown!

My dad, who worked in the steel mill, would run around and get other kids around the area to come and play football in the field next to the house. This went on each weekend. They also played basketball in the driveway as well. We had shingle strips on the ground for a driveway, not the most even surface, but it worked. I used to chase the ball when it went over the hill and into the weeds—anything to be accepted by the older kids. My way of having fun was messing in the kitchen when my mother was cooking and making bread, homemade noodles, and divinity fudge. I liked the kitchen and the dishes. Since my grandparents worked in pottery, I had an obsession with china, cups, and any dinnerware. When I was about six years old, I wanted a playset of dishes, but my mother wouldn’t get them for me; they were for girls. My stepgrandmother, Ila, bought them for me to play with when I was at their house. I truly enjoyed them. To this day, I’m a certified plate flipper. Everywhere I go, I am turning over plates to see where they are manufactured. Homer Laughlin China was the logo. Even at antique stores, I’ll pick up a gold-rimmed plate, flip it over, and see Homer Laughlin China. I felt a connection to my grandfather who used to paint the gold rim on the china, and my stepgrandmother put the decal on it.

As I entered elementary school, I tried to make friends, but some of the boys called me a sissy. This made me sad and scared. I made friends with the girls first; I felt a connection to them. I attended the same elementary school for six years. There wasn’t a kindergarten class; I went right into first grade. On my first day, Mom dressed me, made me lunch in my Flintstones lunchbox, which I still have today, and sent me to the end of the driveway to be picked up by the bus. That’s the way it was. If no one was driving you to school, you took the bus. This is where some of the boys made fun of me. I had a full head of wavy hair, and most of the comments were about my hair. The boys called it girl’s hair. The girls liked it and asked me if it was naturally curly. I had a hard time with some classes, so my mother would help me after school. I was moved around to different classes for some reason. I ended up with Mrs. Owings, who was very strict. Because I couldn’t spell a certain word, I had to throw away my art project, which caused me to cry and tell mom when I got home. A couple of calls were made to the school, and I received some help with the vowels and words.

Grades three, four, and five were growing and maturing years. My body and voice were changing, my hair got longer and thicker, and I was growing like a weed as my parents would say. Mom had to buy pants for me larger in the waist to fit me in my legs. She would sew a tuck into the waist to make them fit. I had big feet, and my brothers made fun of me saying I was going to be hung. What did that mean? I was starting to grow in the groin area, and hair started to show. Now I knew what they were talking about. I was going to have a big penis. I was cursed, or as Andy would say, I was gifted. He was in high school and seemed to have a lot of girl friends. He said I’ll know what to do with it when I get to junior high. By the time I hit sixth grade, the fear was the rumor of having to shower with other naked boys in gym class when I went to seventh grade or junior high. Holy smokes. What if I