Conversations with Ted

By Elena Pratt

Ted is my husband. He is a retired veteran from the Army National Guard and works in the IT and security industry. While his background makes him a force to be reckoned with in many categories on Jeopardy, after being deployed for a total of three tours in his twenties and thirties, he missed a lot in the pop culture world. Pop culture is one of many topics that lead to hysterical interaction for Ted and me. Our life is full of adventure and laughter and this book is a peek behind the proverbial curtain at some of our conversations. A twelve-year-old with thirty-two years of experience, Ted has the most amazing imagination that leads us down many conversational rabbit holes. Join us as we talk about entertainment, travel, our neighborhood, and life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 16, 2021
• ISBN: 9781662412424

Book preview

Topic: Me getting home from work and waking Ted up to go to work in the evening.

Me. Hey, cutie, time to wake up.

Ted. What time is it?

Me. 6:30 p.m.

Ted. Wow! Did you make a detour on the way home? Like run an errand or hide a body?

Me, thinking to myself. Why is hide a body his first thought?

Topic: Watching the Masked Singer and discussing the Leopard.

Me. The clues and the height make me think possibly an athlete.

Ted. Well, it’s not Mike Tyson… He has both of his ears.

Topic: Training cats to do tricks.

Ted. Yes, you can. Remember we saw that cat playing piano on Dancing with the Stars?

Me. That was a chicken, and it was on America’s Got Talent.

Ted. Same thing.

Topic: Ted wakes me up on a Saturday morning to watch some real estate show on HGTV.

Me. You seem really excited about having me watch this show.

Ted. I am! I never thought this was in our grasp. This could help us with ourrrrr…ourrrrr…

Me. Our ability to become pirates?

Ted, light bulb comes over his head. It could! I wasn’t thinking that…but it could!

Watching show, ten minutes later.

Ted, to himself. We could be pirates.

Topic: Home repairs.

Me. I read the items required for installation of the new toilet paper holder. Did you have a Phillip’s head screwdriver, a wrench, safety goggles, masking tape, pencil, and a level?"

Ted. I had a drill…

Topic: Discussing Disney princess movies.

Ted. Shrek is more my speed.

Me. Well, that’s DreamWorks, not Disney.

Ted. No, I mean the whole I was hired to rescue you. I don’t care if you like it. I’ll just throw you over my shoulder and get you there and get paid.

Me. Ah, I see. None of that silly romance.

Ted. Nah. In fact, I think the princess—

Me, cutting him off. Fiona.

Ted. Yeah, Fiona. I think she had that thing where you fall in love with your kidnapper.

Me. Stockholm syndrome?

Ted. Yep. I think Fiona had Stockholm syndrome from being rescued by Shrek.

Topic: Watching Caribbean Life on HGTV.

Ted pauses program.

Ted. Look how they spelled it! C-a-r-i-b-b-e-a-n.

Me. Okay, Google, spell Caribbean.

Google. C-a-r-i-b-b-e-a-n.

Ted. Huh. What