A Woman of Faith in Chronic Pain

By Sandy Lankford

Sandy's life was busy and fulfilling. She loved the Lord, her family, and working with children. Being a teacher, working in music ministry, and having a private music studio were her expressions of her love for her Lord and using the gifts and talents He'd given her for His kingdom. When her life was completely interrupted by chronic pain and fatigue, she found herself bedridden with a prognosis of lifelong illness that would never improve. Why was the Lord allowing this? This is her account of her questions, doubts, struggles, and fears. Would her life ever be normal again? Would the Lord ever bring healing and a sense of purpose to her life again?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Sep 3, 2019
• ISBN: 9781645693703

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A Woman of Faith in Chronic Pain

Sandy Lankford

Copyright © 2019 by Sandy Lankford

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.

832 Park Avenue

Meadville, PA 16335

www.christianfaithpublishing.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Chapter 1

Chapter 2

Chapter 3

Chapter 4

Chapter 5

Chapter 6

Chapter 7

Chapter 8

Chapter 9

Chapter 10

Chapter 11

Chapter 12

Chapter 13

Chapter 14

Chapter 15

Chapter 16

Chapter 17

Chapter 18

Chapter 19

To my husband, John, without whose encouragement and support this book would never have been written.

Prologue

Iam standing in front of my desk at school trying to remember what we were discussing. There are only two days left to prepare my class for national spring tests, and we’re working hard! I’m standing because it hurts too much to sit, but eventually my back gives way, and I must sit for a while.

My mind is in such a state of confusion. It feels like I’m in a fog that just won’t clear. And my back—could it ever hurt worse than this? I look up at the clock and see it’s almost PE time. I’m supposed to walk my students down to their PE class, but right now that feels like several blocks away. I can hardly make my body move. What if I go to the school clinic and just lie down for a few minutes during their PE time? Surely that’s all I need. Just lie down and rest for a minute. My body is so racked with pain that when it comes time to move, I can barely get up. It takes a great effort to make myself walk.

When I get the students in line, I tell the first one to just lead them to PE, and I’ll watch from the hallway. My class has been well trained. They walk in perfect formation down the hall. In relief, I begin the slow, painful process up the hall in the other direction to the clinic. It is embarrassing for an energetic young teacher to be moving like this, and I try not to meet anyone. When I get to the clinic, the nurse, a wonderful friend, lets me lie down on one of the back cots. It is with a sigh of relief that I carefully lie down, noticing that there aren’t any children there. Another good thing. I close my eyes and try to rest, telling myself to hurry and get over it; I only have about twenty minutes left. About ten minutes later, I try to get up, and my body has become a lead weight that I can’t make move.

I call the nurse and ask her to send for my afternoon aide to get the kids from PE and start them on the next subject and that I’ll be there in the next few minutes. But despite my best intentions and trying with everything I have, I never make it back to my class that day or the rest of the school.

1

Before I Begin

Iwant to expl a in my book a little before I begin. When I started, I was very angry. You’ll know why as I write and you learn more about me. I was praying that by the time I finished, I would know the reason why my health had so disrupted my life. I was praying for total healing, for understanding why this had happened to me and what I was to learn by it. At the beginning, it was a way of expressing myself in words, much as a journal would have been. I so desperately wanted my life back as it had been that I was looking for clues to get it back.

That was over twenty years ago. I look back now and know so much, have experienced so much, endured so much, and now understand so much more than I first expected. If you take this journey with me, I pray it will help you too. If you have bought this book because you have a loved one that you’re concerned about, first, I applaud you for caring enough to want to help the one you love. I’m going to go deep into my past. Please take the time to read all of this book before you rush to any judgments. If you are reading this for yourself, know that your experience will be different, but I’m hopeful that we will find common ground. If you know you are a Christian, this book is written with you in mind. If you think you might be but are not sure, please keep an open mind. If you’re positive you’re not, take the time to read this anyway. We come to our belief systems through the filters of our environment and what we’ve been taught plus the experiences life has given us.

In the last pages of this book, there are Bible verses that will lead you through the process of being sure you have a relationship with God according to His Holy Word, not through any religion. If you don’t believe this, wait until you’ve read the entire book to make up your mind. I can’t express the importance of understanding my walk with Christ and my understanding of everything else in my life through that specific perspective. But if you are a skeptic, I understand and am not threatened by this. I hope you take the time to read it anyway.

I actually started off trying to write two books, one for Christians dealing with chronic pain and one just addressing the illnesses I had. I found that I couldn’t do it. My faith is such an integral part of me that I can’t look at my illnesses without looking through that filter. For now, I’m not going to say what I’ve been diagnosed with because medical science can’t explain why I’m sick and in so much pain. At present, there is no cure. There are medical help, natural products, and alternative treatments. Through having a small group which represented people from all walks of life that had multiple reasons for debilitating pain and illness, we found a common bond. Will you walk this out with me? I will share with you what I’ve learned and hope you’ll find some answers. You are not alone!

2

What Is Life?

Everyone sees life in different ways. Some see it as a battle. The Bible says in Psalms 18:39, You have girded me with strength for battle. Joshua 1:9 states, Have I not commanded you? Be strong and courageous! Do not tremble or be dismayed. For the Lord your God is with you wherever you go. Deuteronomy 20:1–9 says, When you go out to battle… When I looked for verses that used the word battle , they were all over the Old Testament. The Israelites were constantly expecting battles and war. We see this especially when they were trying to get into the Promised Land or trying to keep it. In the New Testament, they are more metaphoric, usually talking about our spiritual walk. Ephesians 6 comes to mind. Verses 10–17 talks about putting on your armor and being ready for battle because we are not battling fleshly things but an enemy that wants to destroy us. Verse 13 states, Therefore, put on the full armor of God, so that when the day of evil comes, you may be able to stand your ground, and after you have done everything, to stand. Battles are described in the Bible all the way up to the end of time as prophesied in Revelations.

Some people see life as a journey. Jesus traveled throughout the Middle East, especially through the land of the Hebrews. For three and a half years, He walked, going on the journey God had prepared for Him. He never owned a house or a bed. In Luke 13:22, there is a reference to His journey, stating, And He went through the cities and villages, teaching and journeying toward Jerusalem. Verse 33 continues, Nevertheless I [Jesus] must journey today, tomorrow, and the day following. Moses and the Israelites took an epic journey that lasted forty years. Exodus 40:36 says, Now whenever the cloud lifted from the Tabernacle, the people of Israel would set out on their journey, following it. Paul, who is widely considered the first Gentile evangelist, traveled throughout much of the known world of his time. Philip’s journey was recorded in Acts 8:26 in which the Lord tells him to go to a certain junction in the road. Acts records his amazing trip as the Lord instructs him to wait. Then there’s the man from Ethiopia, a eunuch of great authority to the queen who is traveling, who just happens to be reading Hebrew texts and not understanding them. Philip was instructed to speak to him and show him the path of salvation.

The amazing story of Philip continues with him being caught up by the Holy Spirit to another place. Philip was on a journey, and so was the Ethiopian, who went back to Africa with astonishing news, and scholars believe that the beginning of the good news about Jesus to that African nation and the surrounding countries can be traced to that historic event. Many times in both the Old and New Testaments, it describes people who sought wisdom from God before they began a journey to see if it was His will. Judges 18:5 and 6 says, Then they told him, please inquire of God to learn whether our journey will be successful. [The priest answered them], ‘Go in peace. Your journey has the Lord’s approval.’ Third John chapter 1:6 says, You will do well to send them on their journey in a worthy manner. Look up the word journey. You’ll find so many references in the Bible.

Other people see life as a struggle. The forces of good versus evil, happiness versus sadness, health over sickness, wealth over poverty—you get the picture. There are plenty of Bible verses explaining this as well:

My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness. Therefore, I will boast even more gladly about my weakness, so that the power of Christ may rest upon me. For the sake of Christ then, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and calamities. For when I am weak, then I am strong. (2 Corinthians 12:9–10)

For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)

Little children, you are from God and have overcome them, for He who is in you is greater than he who is in the world. (1 John 4:4)

The light shines in the darkness, and the darkness has not overcome it. (John 1:5)

Others see life as a race. My own father gave me the verse 2 Timothy 4:7: I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith. He told me this to remember to fight every day, remembering who the real enemy is. He knew my situation and had seen me struggle with my illnesses. The analogy of running a race has been used many times, especially in the New Testament, as believers saw that they not only had to fight the flesh and the enemy of our souls, but they wanted to finish the race well. Paul cautions Timothy in both of his letters to him: Fight the good fight of the faith. Take hold of the eternal life to which you were called when you made your confession in the presence of many witnesses (1 Timothy 6:12). Later, when Paul knew he was going to die, he told Timothy again in 2 Timothy 4:6–7, I am already poured out as a drink offering, and the time of my departure has come. I have fought the good fight, I have finished the race, I have kept the faith.

For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places. (Ephesians 6:12)

Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love Him. (James 1:12)

Therefore, since we have so great a cloud of witnesses surrounding us, let us also lay aside every encumbrance and the sin that so easily entangles us, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us. (Hebrews 12:1)

Holding fast the word of life, so that in the day of Christ, I will have reason to glory because I did not run in vain or toil in vain. (Philippians 2:16)

Paul certainly saw life as a race.

Then there are those who see life as a story. The Bible is one long story, beginning with the creation of earth and ending with its destruction and rebuilding. Jesus liked to tell stories. People understood the life lessons He would use when He spoke in parables: the Good Samaritan, the prodigal son, the mustard seed, the lost sheep, the unforgiving slave, the pearl of great price. He spoke in many more. If you’re not familiar with these stories, please look them up in context so you can see what Jesus was trying to teach. I was a teacher, something I’ll get into later. I read stories all the time to my students. Instead of preaching or debating, a good story can put the hearer into the situation, helping them relate to the underlying theme so that they can understand it.

I see life that way. The story of the earth and the heavens is written in the Bible. The story of Satan’s great fall when he was in a place of such glory and exaltation (Ezekiel 28:11–19, Isaiah 14:12–14). The story of Jesus who was God Himself, not a created being but a part of the Godhead. He who came to mortal man and became one of us. To know everything we feel: loneliness, betrayal, misunderstanding, joy, laughter, friendship, and love—every human emotion, the frailty of our flesh, but did not sin (break God’s laws).

Each person’s story is their own. Are we predestined? Are we free to find life in our own way? Can we find fulfillment in our own lives devoid of God? Are we ill because of our choices or God’s design? Or Satan’s? If we’ve gone down the wrong path, can we change that?

I’m going to tell you my story. Like everyone’s story, there is great joy, sorrow, and everything in between. I’ve asked so many questions, wondered if I’d just taken another path, would my story be different? You will relate sometimes, and other times you won’t; but being a human being means you’ve searched for love and acceptance, felt betrayal and pain, wondered why you’re even here and, for those of us who live in chronic pain, why hasn’t God healed us? There are a lot of stories already written out