Fence Sense: A Book about the Relationship between Ministers and Women

By Dale Fox

Ministers counsel with members of the opposite sex every day. It is often an important function of their jobs. What could possibly go wrong with this type of relationship? Unfortunately, our adversary (1 Peter 5:8) can take a seemingly innocent situation and create havoc. Good people with good intentions can find themselves entangled in a sinful situation as they cross fences that should never be traversed. That tragedy could even happen to a minister. In this book, we will explore areas such as geographical, locational, sensorial, and emotional fences that ministers, and those with whom they counsel, would do well to respect. Is there hope for ministers who have crossed the line and subsequently have repented of their sins? Should a minister simply resign from ministry and pursue another type of vocation since he might feel that his "moral authority" is severely compromised? Our adversary would say without reservation, "Yes, by all means quit!" God, on the other hand, tells us to never give up! This God we serve is willing and happy to forgive. God not only can help a minister to continue as an effective servant of His but also can help him to grow even more and be a powerful and effective force in His kingdom. This book is helpful not only to ministers but also to all people who from day to day are in various types of men/women relationships. Our working conditions throughout the United States have changed drastically over the past few generations. More women are the workforce outside of the home. The Apostle Paul challenges Christian's to "walk circumspectly" (Ephesians5:15). This means to step carefully, to be sure that we are on solid spiritual ground with each step we take. I believe Fence Sense can be helpful to us in that endeavor.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Feb 5, 2018
• ISBN: 9781641406444

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Fence Sense

Dale Fox

Copyright © 2018 Dale Fox

All rights reserved

First Edition

Christian Faith Publishing, Inc

New York, NY

First originally published by Christian Faith Publishing, Inc 2018

ISBN 978-1-64140-643-7 (Paperback)

ISBN 978-1-64140-644-4 (Digital)

Printed in the United States of America

Introduction

What a joy it is to be a minister! Just imagine, by choosing this profession, you are literally walking in the footsteps of the lamb of God who takes away the sin of the world (John 1:29).

Over the years, I have had many regrets, but never have I regretted becoming a gospel preacher. On a day-to-day basis, there are times when I don’t feel as if I have accomplished a great deal, but when everything has been added up, it certainly seems significant in volume. I’m sure that if you are a Christian, the same can truly be said for you, my friend. From God’s viewpoint, I feel quite sure there are many more items that can be added to the list that we can’t fathom. There are people we have influenced, individuals we have encouraged, and tired souls we have helped to revive, which we have no remembrance of, but He does.

Our influence can be such a powerful and viable part of our ministry. Sadly, it can be a detrimental force that can create and sustain damage greater than any hurricane.

I fully believe that our Heavenly Father has a plan for our lives. I believe He loves us, believes in us, and showers us daily with opportunities to do good deeds. God appeals to what is good, better, and best inside each of us. He desires us to seek first His kingdom (Matthew 6:33), and He will do His part to totally provide for us. I have never known that principle to fail. Our Father has taught us through His son and by the teachings of the Holy Spirit to think upon pure things (Philippians 4:8). We are challenged to bring all of our thoughts into captivity to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). Our savior teaches us to have pure hearts in Matthew 5:8, and we are exhorted to keep our heart with all diligence, for out of it are the issues of life (Proverbs 4:23).

Sadly, we realize, and all too soon, as we embark on the adventure of Christian living as well as the adventure of ministry, that the devil also has a plan for our lives. We understand fully that sinful desires emanate from ourselves (James 1:14). In addition to that, there are sinister forces seemingly at the employ of Satan (Ephesians 6:12), and things happen that reveal his ugly handiwork frequently in our lives.

The number of ministers who can attest to the power and subtlety of the devil’s handiwork is legion. Rarely, maybe never, would there be a minister who would embark upon a course that would end in any type of sin, including the sin of fornication, which this book will focus on primarily. I personally feel that the devil and his forces understand this principle far better than do we. While there may be opportunities that present themselves to a minister that could lead him through a door of immediate devastation and ruin should he choose to go there and those might upon occasion be useful approaches to the devil, I feel that he prefers a more cunning and covert approach. Thus, he likes to slowly and carefully develop situations and scenarios that can lead to serious problems.

I believe the devil invented the concept of the slippery slope as it applies to morality. Most of us have had the experience of standing next to a sign in front of a waterfall or a huge drop-off. The sign warns in no uncertain terms of the danger that awaits us if we dare to go past the sign and proceed to the extreme edge of the waterfall or the cliff overlooking the 300-feet drop-off below. Usually, there is a graphic reminder of the number of people who have fallen to their death. The question that has occurred to me upon occasions when I have seen such a sign is, How could anyone be so foolish as to nonintentionally die like that? Surely, they know that falling from a height of several hundred feet will take their life. I’m quite sure they believe that those who have constructed the danger sign, and usually a fence that is placed around the immediate danger area, know enough to have constructed such a sign and fence based on correct information. I’m even sure that they believe the words that inform them of the number who have plunged to their death. So why would they venture to cross the line from a safe area to an unsafe area? It must surely be because they cannot fathom such a thing as falling to a swift and certain death as being even a remote possibility in their case.

Perhaps if they would take the time to study about those who have lost their lives in this fashion, they might construct some lines of reasoning regarding the lack of success of those who crossed the fence and fell to their death and the obvious superiority they possess in contrast with those foolish people. They might rationalize the fall of others as occurring because they didn’t have an acute sense of when to turn back or the lack of ability to balance themselves as they simultaneously drew closer to the edge yet needed to be sure not to allow their body to pitch forward. They might conclude that some people are just not the going beyond the danger sign for a closer look at the falls sort of people.

Whatever the rationale might be, if there is one, in just a few seconds, it really won’t matter. With a scream piercing forth from their lips, they suddenly realize that life for them is over. Even though they may only be seventeen years old, they fall to a guaranteed death. Within minutes or maybe hours, the news spreads like a wildfire. Parents are numbed and devastated by the news. For many, their life has, for all practical purposes, also ended. Some will never regain their ability to actually cope with life again. Other loved ones will remember the last words exchanged with the now-deceased one. They will struggle to remember the last time they told them that they loved them. Other parents whose children befriended the deceased will scream warnings to their own children with tear-filled eyes. All the hopes, dreams, and plans that could have been accomplished have terminated in a matter of seconds. There will be no graduation from high school or college, no wedding, no children, and no life here on earth any longer. At some point, someone will whisper to someone else, I sure wish he would have heeded the warning on that sign. I can’t believe he ignored that fence.

There are some warnings and boundaries that may not be very significant and would carry little consequence if violated. We all get amused at the silly warnings on mattress tags. I remember the foolishness at least from my viewpoint as a first grader of my teacher designating the center court line in our gym as the line of demarcation between the boys’ and girls’ playing area. It seemed less foolish when I found myself being punished by my first-grade teacher for illegally crossing that boundary. The consequence for violating her rule still seems foolish to me many years later because of the nature of the so-called crime not being equal (at least in my mind) to the punishment assigned to it.

There are some warnings that exist, however, that are full of meaning when we contemplate them. For most of us, a Beware of the Dog sign accompanied by a loud bark emanating from the throat of a pit bull seems quite serious and worthy of our attention.

I believe there also are warnings that are very serious yet may often be ignored or underestimated in their value. Examples of these would be warning labels on cigarette packs, warnings about the eating of certain foods, or warnings regarding the proper intake of medicines.

There are many other types of warnings, but the one I want to focus on at this point is regarding the types of warnings our Lord has given to us. As Christians, we acknowledge that the Bible is full of warnings. Practically from the beginning of time, there was a warning given first to Adam and then to both Adam and Eve regarding the fruit of the tree in the midst of the garden (Genesis 2:16–17; 3:3). Note the nature of that warning. First, it was a warning given by one of superior intelligence to individuals with lesser skills of discernment. This reminds us of when we were children and our parents warned us about looking both ways before crossing the street. That warning didn’t mean much to me until one day when I dashed across the street without looking and heard a car horn blowing into my left ear accompanied by a screeching of the brakes. Then, I understood more fully what my parents had been trying to teach me.

Secondly, it was a warning with a threat that may have sounded ominous to Adam and Eve, yet it was a threat that exposed them to an entity that was heretofore unknown to them, death. To our knowledge, God didn’t explain death to them. Since we really don’t have a full understanding of death thousands of years later, it is highly unlikely they could have understood it any more clearly then. Of course, we have the advantage of witnessing the effects of death, and certainly, they didn’t. The death I am referring to was the death they would later witness with Abel, while the death God refers to is the beginning of a death process that all of life must deal with today.

Thirdly, it was a warning that carried a definite consequence. God didn’t say that there is a 70% chance you will die, nor indeed would God say something to the effect of there being another couple who had experienced the same thing that Adam and Eve had and this couple died. He couldn’t say, as Abraham did in Luke 16:25 when speaking to the rich man, Son, remember, because memory was not a viable factor in their situation.

Fourthly, it was a warning that allowed no capitulation on the part of He who gave the warning. There are times when some parents may give warnings with accompanying threats that will not be carried out because they change their minds. Typically, this will not happen with almighty God. The only times we see this in Holy Writ are when it seems that God desires man to in effect change His (Jehovah’s) mind such as in the case of Abraham recorded in Genesis 18 and Moses in Exodus 32. I believe in those passages that God had already determined the correct course to pursue and was challenging His servants to practice higher-order thinking to encourage them to determine and put into practice the righteousness God desires.

The communication between God and the first couple contained not only a warning but also boundaries. It is only fair to point out that the boundaries God established with first Adam and then Adam and Eve were fair and contained the proper amount of warnings and restrictions.

Let us note first the boundaries that were given to Adam. He was told, Of every tree of the garden you may freely eat; but of the tree of good and evil you shall not eat, for in the day that you eat of it you shall surely die (Genesis 2:16–17). So, the boundary line from God’s perspective simply stated, Don’t eat the fruit! It doesn’t take long to establish the negative parameters of God’s boundaries. It does take some time to establish the positive parameters of God’s boundaries in this situation. In other words, if I were Adam and Eve, what can I do with the fruit from the tree of the knowledge of good and evil? I know that we are looking at the probability of there being another tree (Genesis 3:22), but for our thoughts here, we will deal with the one mentioned in Genesis 2:17.

What can you do with the forbidden fruit if you were the first couple? The options are numerous. God didn’t say that you can’t go by and look at the tree every day. God didn’t forbid Adam and Eve from camping next to the tree so that every morning, the first thing they would see when they opened their eyes would be the forbidden fruit.

God would later tell the Israelites not to even touch the holy mountain that quaked with fire (Exodus 19:12). Many other boundaries were also established by the Father regarding this. From what we are aware of, God didn’t give that restriction to Adam regarding the fruit in Genesis 2:17. Eve, when interviewed by the serpent, pointed out that indeed, the touch boundary had been installed as a stipulation in this God/man contract bound upon them by God (Genesis 3:3). From a logical viewpoint, we could substitute the word God with the word someone because we don’t know if God, Adam, Eve, or Adam and Eve actually added this boundary. All we know is that the statement is from Eve herself. We know that the statement has been accurately recorded as coming forth from Eve, but we do not read in Holy Writ the giving of that additional boundary from the mouth of God.

There is no end to the philosophizing that can be elicited from a study of this event in the Bible relative to the relationship between God and His created ones. I believe we are safe in saying that we can see from this that God allows us to think for ourselves and to do the right thing or the wrong thing based upon our response to His will.

While some might think that God could have or even should have better equipped Adam and Eve in their decision-making process relative to the fruit by establishing more boundaries for them, it can just as easily be argued that God bestowed upon them a great honor filled with responsibility in allowing them to make decisions for themselves.

Perhaps, we can illustrate this more clearly if we could establish a numbering system between one and ten regarding what level of personal involvement God could have inserted regarding boundaries to prevent the eating of fruit. The number one would represent no involvement from God whatsoever.

The forbidden fruit from the tree would be lurking there, like a land mine, just waiting for Adam or Eve to crunch down upon the condemning substance. At that point, heavenly whistles would blow, alarms would ring, and the hapless couple would be introduced to death through no fault of their own. Like unsuspecting motorists who have entered a speed trap with no warning or awareness and find themselves pulled over by a policeman who informs them that they just should have known they were breaking the speed limit, Adam and Eve would look at one another and wonder why they weren’t told by God about the tree and the fruit.

The number ten would represent an arbitrary and totally controlling God. In this case, the cherubim (who are like a 24/7 security guard company, introduced in Genesis 3:24) are utilized instead to guard the tree. There will be no Eve wandering around the tree, getting closer and closer, and then being frightened away like a little mouse. She will not find herself standing next to the tree and being encountered by the devil at the most opportune (from his viewpoint) time. In fact, there will be no devil in any form because he will be helpless before the cherubim and sword. Eve could not be tempted by the lust of the flesh (the tree was good for food), lust of the eye (it was pleasant to the eyes), and pride of life (it was desirable to make one wise) (Genesis 3:6). Eve could not take the fruit and give it to her husband. With that being the case, Adam would not and indeed could not be involved in the entire situation.

We can certainly see that number one on our scale would represent an unfair God (from our viewpoint), and number ten would represent a God who treats us like mindless robots, incapable of making an intelligent decision. He would be like an all-wise Sheriff Andy Taylor working carefully with a bumbling Barney Fife and orchestrating everything so that Barney would feel as if he had passed the test or trial on his own.

So God gives the inaugural couple something in between. They can make a choice based on accurate instructions and warnings and with other options to help them not only survive but also thrive in their Edenic wonderland. Adam and Eve ultimately failed the test because they lacked faith in Jehovah. They crossed the boundary and paid the consequence. They had everything they needed to avoid falling in the way in which they fell. Pity them if you desire to, but they fell because they did not use the brilliant minds God had endowed them with to think properly and to make the correct choice followed by the correct action in their lives. It was their fault, not God’s.

I believe this same loving God likewise gives us ample warnings and appropriate boundaries today. He does this to stress the importance of following the rules and principles (fences) given to us by the One who truly loves us like no other.

For the purpose of this book, I want to delve into a specific area pertaining to ministry and focus in on the manner in which things should be done to help us in our journey from here to the beautiful place called heaven.

To that end, we turn to the living of the Christian life as we contemplate the minister and his interrelationships with the opposite sex. I firmly believe we are woefully inadequate in training ministers to understand more fully the boundaries that exist, or certainly ought to exist, as we move into this incredible world of ministry. I was trained in a school of preaching for about 80% of my religious educational preparation. I remember an instructor spending a portion of one afternoon telling us about the dangers that could await us if we had an improper relationship with a woman. As it turned out, he should have listened to his own lecture. Suffice it to say, we need to pay closer attention to some important boundaries relative to this aspect of our ministry. In the chapters that unfold, it will be my attempt to exhort and encourage all of us in this sensitive area.

Chapter 1

Minister, Counselor, or Both

When was it decided that a preacher or minister should also be a counselor? I know we can go back to the words of Isaiah 9:6 where our Savior is referred to as counselor. Perhaps, it could be reasoned that if this is one of the characteristics of Jesus as a minister, then it should be one of ours. If we use that line of reasoning, then shouldn’t we take other characteristics of Jesus also referred to in that same passage and apply them to ourselves as ministers? For example, Jesus is called mighty God. I don’t think I need to comment further on how that characteristic will never be on any of our resumes, although some preachers might be tempted to include it.

Jesus was the greatest counselor that ever lived. He could rebuke the censorious Pharisees, lift up the spirits of those who were hurting, challenge his somewhat timid disciples, and give peace to those who were anxious. He always said the right thing. He never said the wrong thing. He never said too much or too little. He was neither an enabler nor a doting Savior who excused unrighteousness, nor was he a faultfinder searching for motes in everyone’s eyes. He offered reachable goals for everyone with whom he contacted. He didn’t expect man to perform above his human level of potential, nor did He hand out attaboys to people who gave halfhearted efforts instead of full commitments.

Jesus continues to counsel today. Every day, He is quoted and lifted up as being the One who gives the greatest advice known to man or God. I will never be able to match Jesus when it comes to the ability to counsel. Nor will anyone else. He is our perfect example (1 Peter 2:21) in this area and in all other areas of righteousness. As ministers, we all look to Jesus and lift up praises to God daily for such a wondrous example we can pattern our lives after.

Please understand