Dear Jason

By Hilary Eason

Jason and Carolyn were college sweethearts. After graduation, they bought a house together. Then they found out Jason had kidney disease. They tried to have a child before the inevitable happened, but the question is "Would they?" Would Jason have a child that he could see growing up?

Carolyn did find out she was pregnant; however, Jason would not see the child. Carolyn realized that not only was she now doing everything on her own, but she had to raise a child alone. She knew she needed to move to a larger home, as hers had only one bedroom, but she did not want to leave where she and Jason made so many memories.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Hawes & Jenkins Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 10, 2023
• ISBN: 9781637840153

Book preview

Dear Jason

Hilary Eason

ISBN 978-1-63784-014-6 (paperback)

ISBN 978-1-63784-015-3 (digital)

Copyright © 2022 by Hilary Eason

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, distributed, or transmitted in any form or by any means, including photocopying, recording, or other electronic or mechanical methods without the prior written permission of the publisher. For permission requests, solicit the publisher via the address below.

Hawes & Jenkins Publishing

16427 N Scottsdale Road Suite 410

Scottsdale, AZ 85254

www.hawesjenkins.com

Printed in the United States of America

Table of Contents

Dear Jason

Dear Jason,

Today was the day. I knew it was coming. We talked about this day for months, but I cannot move. I don’t want to think, but my thoughts are filled with you. I guess this is normal, but I don’t feel normal. I feel nothing. Empty. I want God to bring you back. I want everything back to the way it was before. We were so levelheaded and calm when we talked about this day, but now I am filled with sadness, grief, and rage—rage because there was nothing that I could do to stop this! I am just going to sit here by myself and wallow. I hear the phone ringing. It’s either your mother or mine, I’m sure, and I don’t want to get up to answer it. I just want to be alone with my thoughts of you. Of us. I am lying on the bed, smelling your pillow. I can’t even think of the fact that I’ll be sleeping alone from now on. Oh god, and our anniversary is next week. What do I do? Celebrate? I am so glad that you made the arrangements for the funeral. I don’t have the strength to do that. I’m so lost, Jason. Yes, I’m still taking my meds.

I will always love you,

Carolyn

Jason held Carolyn’s hand. You need to be prepared. I don’t want you crying and feeling so sad.

I will be sad! Carolyn exclaimed sadly. You’re not going to be here anymore.

Jason wiped away a tear that had fallen. Carolyn barely felt him touch her.

I think there is more we can try. Didn’t the doctor say you were on the list? Carolyn felt as though she were grasping for straws out of thin air.

Jason nodded, but his shoulders were slumped. Lyn, I’ve been on the list for months, and there hasn’t been a call.

What about having everyone tested again?

They all got tested, and there was no match.

Carolyn stifled a sob. We can’t give up, Jason.

Lyn, you need to be prepared. You can’t fall apart, okay? Do you want to go over the funeral arrangements again?

No! I don’t want to talk about this. I want things to be back to normal. I’ll do it. I’ll give you my kidney.

You weren’t a match. I wish you could give me one too. Hell, I wish anyone could give me one. But it’s not looking good, so I need to make the arrangements so that you won’t have to.

I hate how levelheaded you are.

Jason grinned at her. No, you don’t. You love that about me.

Yeah, well, right now I hate it. She sighed and kissed her husband’s lips. Okay, let’s go over the plans.

I have a plot too. I bought one for you to be laid next to me when your time comes.

I’m going to die of a broken heart, she told him.

He waved away her words. No, you’re going to live a full life, maybe find a new husband and have babies.

No! I will never do that to you!

You might. I want you to be happy, Lyn.

I won’t find someone else. Ever. I’m going to be an old spinster with a shrine to you in this apartment.

Jason snorted. That’s healthy.

*****

Lyn! a voice called from the other side of the door. I know you’re in there. Please let me in. I just want to make sure you are okay.

Carolyn groaned but got up to let her best friend, Lisa, in. Carolyn shuffled back to her bed and hopped in. I am not okay. Would you be?

Lisa sat next to her on the bed. No, but you’ve been cooped up in this apartment for three days. The funeral is tomorrow.

And I will be there, Carolyn assured her.

Okay, but you need to get out of this apartment. Go see your mom. She’s been calling and texting you.

I don’t want to see anyone. I don’t want to talk to anyone. I just want to be alone. Carolyn sighed. I just lost him, Lisa. I need to be alone for a while.

I disagree. You need people to be around you. Why not go out with me and Aaron tonight?

Carolyn grunted. Be the third wheel on a date after just losing my husband? No thank you. I will get out on my own time.

Carolyn’s cell phone rang. She ignored it.

I’ll answer it. It’s probably your mom. Lisa grabbed the phone and pushed the button to answer. Hello? Hi, Susan, this is Lisa. She’s okay, just wanting to be alone.… Yes, I’ll stay here for a while. Let me see… Lisa took the phone away from her ear and asked Carolyn if she wanted to speak to her mother. Carolyn shook her head. Lisa went back to the phone. I will have her call you later, all right? She pushed the button to end the call and handed the phone back to her friend. You have to call your mom sooner or later, Lyn.

I will. I will, she said louder to Lisa’s concerned face. I don’t want to do anything, Lisa. I don’t want to be around anyone. I don’t want to go anywhere. I don’t want to get dressed. I just want to be here and think, to remember.

Lisa patted Carolyn’s knee. I can’t even imagine this, Lyn. I loved him too. He was a great guy, and I’ll always miss him. But he wouldn’t want you to sit here day in and day out like a hermit, not talking to anyone or going anywhere.

Carolyn thought about that. Jason had been so full of life. He demanded the attention of every room he entered. He would never have wanted her to quit living her life. She rolled her eyes. Okay, okay. I’ll go out with you and Aaron tonight. But I will meet you there so I can leave whenever I want to.

That’s fair, Lisa agreed. She hugged her friend. Thank you. Now will you call your mom, please? She’s worried.

Carolyn smirked. I know. She and Evelyn have been calling me nonstop since that day.

Do you blame them? What about your brother? Has he called you?

Carolyn shook her head. No, but Chris is in Italy. So I don’t expect to hear from him until he’s back. I think that’s… What’s the date?

The seventh.

Oh, he is coming back today! Carolyn got up and went to the kitchen. Lisa followed her. She opened the freezer, took a pint of ice cream out, and grabbed two spoons. He’ll probably call or come over later.

Lisa dug into the ice cream. Don’t avoid him!

Carolyn licked the spoon. I won’t. I promise. I think this is just what I need. Ice cream and you. And music! She set down the spoon and went to the living room to turn on the radio to her favorite station. She went back into the kitchen and began eating the ice cream. She swayed to the music.

Lisa set down her spoon and took Carolyn’s spoon out of her mouth. Let’s dance! She led Carolyn to the large living room, and the two danced as if they were in a nightclub surrounded by tons of people. Carolyn waved her arms while her head swayed.

After a handful of songs, there was a knock at the door before it swung open. Carolyn ran to the open door and threw her arms around her big brother. She sobbed into his neck. Chris pet her hair.

Shhh, I know, I loved him too. I am so sorry I didn’t call. I didn’t think you were talking to anyone, so I left you alone.

Carolyn sniffed and squeezed him tight. "I didn’t talk to anyone. I miss him so much, Chris. I can’t