Who Am I: The Story of Rosita Jovani Bustos

By Jerry Martinez

Rosita Jovani Bustos survived abandonment, illness, loneliness, sadness, injuries, and abuse-all before the tender age of ten. Above all that, she stood strong, working to buy her medicine and writing her memoirs. She survives because she strongly believes that God-her Diosito, her Chuchin-has been her guide. Such is her faith.

Barely a few days old, Rosita was abandoned by her mother. Reyna dropped the baby on the side of a dump site. The fall injured her young skull. Rosita's loud crying led her grandmother to the site where she lay near death. She was rescued by Sinforosa, her grandmother. She was diagnosed with epilepsy caused by the injury to her skull. Because of her illness, she suffered daily convulsions. Her shadow was her companion, the light of the moon her guide through her darkness.

Rosita longed for the day her mother would give her a loving hug, but it never happened. Scorned by her mother and abused by her mother's lecherous friend, she was rescued by the nuns and taken to an orphanage.

Rosita grew up not knowing the identity of her real father. She wonders whether Reyna is her real mother. Her birth was not registered until she was six years old. Throughout her life, many people had asked her, "Who are you?", when they feel Rosita's incredible presence. She listens to the doves and smiles when they cooingly appear to ask, "¿Quien eres tú?" (Who are you?)

Rosita looks to Diosito in the heavens and asks, "Who am I?"

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jun 30, 2021
• ISBN: 9781640966840

Book preview

Early Childhood

I run within my own shadow, illuminated by the moon, guided by el lucero in the dawn hours. Full of confusion, my eyes full of tears, with fear because I cannot control my convulsions. I fall when my body feels faint, and I convulse; I lie on the ground or wherever I fall. After time lapses, I pick myself up, quenching my thirst with the blood dripping from my knees. I wrestle with my feelings, with my soul, in my path of life.

I regret going home, regret going to face more abuse, spankings, and sometimes whippings. I sleep where I can, except at somebody’s home. To do so would be inviting another whipping, so I wander seeking my little corner where I can speak with the stars, the moon, and even a stray cat. I am alone in this beautiful pueblo. I wait for dawn, wait for the church to sound its bells. That is my cue; I run to the Santa Cruz Church to talk with my Diosito.

I leave the church full of faith and anticipation that someday I will have my answer. Hurriedly I leave the church, running to leave my shadow behind; stride after stride my companion stays with me. I laugh. My laughter is short-lived as I reach Don Felipe’s small single room he calls home. The expression on the old man’s face reads like so many times before. He doesn’t speak, only points to the corner. My clothes are strewn in the corner of his small and untidy room. Reyna’s habit of leaving the pueblo without informing me or my older sister Ana is all too familiar. At least this time she left my clothes, unlike other times.

I am relieved that for a time I will be spared the abuse I suffer at her hands. At the same time, I am happy to be alone. Don Felipe can’t hold back his tears; he feels sorry for me. I run to my house, which is nearby. Soon I come back with a cup of coffee for him. He tells me that Reyna left without saying where she was going nor did she tell Don Felipe when she’d be back. All she said was for Don Felipe to hand clothes over to me. The viejito (old man) still had tears in his eyes. I said, Don Felipe, please don’t cry, remember you are the only mailman in the pueblo, and we all need you.

I run to the puesto (food stand) where Mama Lucia sells her tacos, enchiladas, and other goodies to her clients. Rosita, it’s so good to see you so early, mija. Tell me why you are so happy, but of course, it seems that you are always happy.

Mama Lucia, I am happy and sad at the same time. My mother is gone again, that’s why I’m happy. But sad because I don’t really have a mother. She left without telling anybody where she was going nor when she will be back. But Diosito tells me that the Virgin Mary is my mother, and she does love me and my sister Ana, and you too, Mama Lucia. Mama Lucia, I wish my grandmother Sinforosa returns to the pueblo and takes me away with her to her llano. I hug Mama Lucia, look up at her with teary eyes. I ask her, And you, Mama Lucia, are you my mother, and will you permit me to call you Mama forever and ever?

Of course, you can call me Mamá. She gave me a hug full of love, a hug I wish Reyna would find it in her heart to give me.

Mama Lucia, thank you for accepting me as your make-believe daughter. Mamá, I said, taking advantage of the opportunity to call her Mamá, can I leave? I want to go to the church.

Before she can answer, I dart through the doorway and stop running when I reach the church that awaits me with open doors. I reach the statues of my Diosito and my Virgencita Maria, and my tears flow. I kneel with tears still flowing. I look up and say, Diosito, even though the lady who carried me in her womb and gave me life doesn’t love me, I love her very much. But now I have three moms, one who doesn’t love me and two who love me, Mama Lucia and the Virgencita Maria.

Virgin Mary is the mother who loves me; although she doesn’t answer my prayers, she listens. My other mother is Mama Lucia. She accepts me as a daughter. She feeds me, she takes care of me when I have an epileptic convulsion. She takes care of me when Reyna leaves. She really loves me. I thank my Diosito for listening, tell Him I’m leaving, I make the sign of the cross before leaving. I am happy as I depart the church.

I run as fast as my little legs are able to carry the rest of me, trying to stay ahead of a convulsion. My second mother was busy selling tacos and other Mexican foods when I arrived. I cleaned myself up. Later when the later customers came, I helped Mama Lucia feed them. As the day was coming to a close, Mamá saw me dancing about, singing. I approached Mamá and asked her for a hug. Mamá, from this day forward, I have two more moms.

She looked at me with a puzzled look. Mija, how can it be that you have two moms, and who are they? I took a few steps as though I was dancing.

I said, Mama, it’s getting late. After I help you clean the puesto and while you are frying tomorrow’s carnitas, I will tell you who my mothers are. We finished cleaning the puesto. I readied myself for the trip to my grandmother’s hacienda where Mama Lucia rented a cuarto (room) from mamacita (Grandmother Sinforosa). Her room was built behind the bath and bathroom and near the outdoor oven often used for baking bread and other foods. We entered her cozy room.

I went outside where I lit the wood under the three rocks neatly arranged with a grill atop. I placed the frying pan atop the grill; it was ready for my second mama to fry her carnitas. I arranged a nice seat for us where we, Mama Lucia and myself, could enjoy the early evening. The two of us sat outside, the early stars beginning to shine, the carnitas sizzling, and me anxious to share with Mama Lucia my secret.

Okay, mija, tell me who your mothers are.

I placed my hands on my chin, my elbow on my knees, looking at the fire, tears slowly starting to flow, and then I finally spoke. My first mother is the Virgin Mary, I know that she loves me. She is the mother of the whole world and the mother of my Diosito.

Mama Lucia got up to stir the meat. Now, Rosita, tell me, who is the other mother?

You, Mama Lucia, is the other mother that I have. She stopped stirring the carnitas, approached me, and with tears in her eyes, gave me the hug that I’ve desired from my proper mom.

Thank you, Rosita, for choosing me as your mother, I will always be at your side. Rosita, being a mother has its responsibilities. I worry and it hurts me to tell you this. Rosita, I can’t provide you with your necessities of life. I am especially talking of money to buy you your medicine or money to take you to a doctor. I can help take care of you. I am here to help you confront your convulsions, and I can provide you shelter and food. Rosita, I want you to know that I love you but don’t have the kind of money required for your illness.

Mama Lucia, don’t worry about money. Today, as many other days, you helped me, and you’re always helping me. So please don’t tell me that you can’t be my mother. I am a hard worker and will always work and will never ask you for money to buy my medicine. Mama Lucia, I only ask that of what you can give me, love and hugs that a mother gives her child. When I asked you to be my mother, that is all I wanted.

Rosita, come here. She gave a big hug saying, I accept to be your mother, Lucia. I slept very comfortably that night.

The next morning, I leapt out of bed, ran to my house, and made coffee for Don Felipe. He was very happy, unlike yesterday. Maybe getting his first cup of coffee will make him happy. I cleaned his tiny room and dumped his urinal basin. Afterward, we sat down, and he wrote the information for my diary. I left the old man’s house and headed for Doña Tolita’s house.

My older sister Ana is working in the federal district and doesn’t come home on a regular basis. It is difficult to reach her, but she communicates periodically with Doña Tolita, one of our neighbors. She gives me the information I want. I dash to Mama Lucia’s puesto to help her out with the customers. That’s how I spend my days, working with Mama Lucia and always visiting my Diosito and the Virgin Mary.

I can’t complain about the customers, they treat me with respect and usually give me handsome tips. In fact, many propose marriage. But I know that they are just playing with me; besides, I’m too young for any of them. My convulsions continue; I’ve asked God for a cure, but He doesn’t answer me. I thank Him for putting Mama Lucia in my path of life to help me cope with this illness that I have.

I’m in church praying when my mind starts to close on me, I feel a convulsion coming, I brace myself. I wake up under the heavy wooden church bench. I don’t know how long I was passed out, all I can feel is an enormous headache, nausea and dizziness. I manage to make the sign of the cross before getting back on my feet. The gates of the church weren’t locked yet, I crossed the gates and ran to Mama Lucia’s puesto.

She was cleaning up when I arrived; seeing me, she asked, You got sick, didn’t you? I didn’t have to answer, she’d seen me in this condition many times before. Mama Lucia told me to sit. She came over to where I sat, placed a cold wet cloth over my head and another on the back of my neck. The cold wet towels felt good; she told me to rest. I felt horrible that she didn’t allow me to help her clean up. Soon we were on the way to her room. I took a cold, cold shower, dried up, and took a nap. I felt a lot better after the shower and short nap. I walked to the back where Mama Lucia was preparing the meat for the following day’s menu. She anticipated a big day, so I helped her through the night until two o’clock in the morning. During that time, we talked, and I sang. In time the conversation between us turned into questions that I always wanted to ask. I wanted answers, so I asked her questions.

I Learn about My Early Life

Mama Lucia, do you know where I was born?

Rosita, why do you ask, don’t you know?

I want to know because some lady told me not to play with her son because I was the daughter of the pueblo’s crazy lady. Now I think that everybody believes her, and I don’t want to go to school anymore. Many times instead of going to kindergarten, I go to the lakes or to my godmother’s house. Mama Lucia, you know Socorro, don’t you? She was my godmother when I was baptized.

"Yes, Rosita, I know your godmother.

Rosita, what do you do at Doña Socorro’s house all day?

Uuhh, Mama, I feed her pigs, and I give them baths. But first I clean out their sty. Yuck, it always smells horrible. Also she has a nice garden, and I pick some of the fruit, and I help her make juices. My godmother Socorro is very generous, many times the fruit or vegetables that we pick, she donates to the poor people that needs food. Through my godmother, I have met other kids that are cousins of mine. That’s what my godmother tells me.

But I have met other boys and girls who have told me that their mother is my aunt. They come and play with me in the sty while I wash the pigs. When I finish, she serves me some of the most delicious food, and always she eats with me. I look at Mama Lucia’s expression; I say, Her food is almost as good as yours, Mama Lucia. She smiles. My godmother is very kind to me. She tells me to help myself to any goodie in the store, but—"

What, mija, why the but?

"Ay, Mamá, her daughter is extremely jealous of me. Very sad that she doesn’t like me. Just the other day, she pulled me from my hair, but I didn’t say anything to my madrina. Instead I asked my Diosito to forgive her.

Mama Lucia, tell me where I was born. Also tell me what happened to me when I was born.

"Rosita, mija, your early life is a very sad one, very sad. I never saw when you were born, I’m not even sure that you were born here in the pueblo. It’s probable that you were born away from here, but I can’t say where. I know very little about your early days of your life. Your grandma Sinforosa knows much more than I do. What I know is that Doña Sinforosa left the pueblo because she was having a lot of problems with your mother, Reyna.

For over three years I didn’t know much about your life. The one who knows is Don Felipe. He has been living in the same place he rents from your grandma forever. He knows more than anybody what goes on in your house.

But you, Mama Lucia, you know a lot. Please tell me what you know. I promise not to have a convulsion, and I promise not to be saddened by what you tell me. I want to know the truth about my life—my being, please. Also I want to know where my grandma Sinforosa has her ranch.

"Okay, I will tell you what I know, but you must see Don Felipe, he knows much more. First, your grandmother’s ranch is a place far away, a place she calls her llano. I visited her ranch the time that I went with her. It’s a beautiful place, bigger than any I’ve seen around here. She has cows, horses, and a donkey or two, chickens and dogs and heaven knows what else. The closest city is Piedras Negras.

Rosita, don’t you remember that she took you to the llano with her, when you were very sick? Do you remember anything about her ranch and how good she treated you?

"I always remember how well she treated me, but I don’t remember much about the ranch. I do think about it all the time, especially her dogs and the chickens. Ah, I also remember a donkey, he was very loud and stubborn. I wish I was there with her now.

Mama Lucia, now tell me when my mother, Reyna, returned from el Norté.

Okay, mija, I will, but promise me you will be strong. When your mother returned to the pueblo from the United States, she was a little chubby. Your mother was the subject of a lot of gossip. Rumors about her started the first day she set foot back here in the pueblo.

I wanted to ask Mama Lucia questions, but I held back and allowed her to continue. People used to say, ‘Look at Reyna, appears that life was good up North, so why did she come back?’ Your mother had gone to el Norte and left her five daughters here alone. Many people despised her for doing that.

When she mentioned that, I had to ask, Mama Lucia, you mean to tell me that I have five sisters besides Ana?

"Yes, mija, you do, but let me finish telling you now about your mother. As I said before, your mother arrived back here in March 1981. She was a little plump, a little heavier, and that’s about the time that you were born. Now only your mother knows for sure when you were born and whether you were born in the United States, and she brought you here or that you were born here in the pueblo. If you were born here, somebody would know, but nobody knows or aren’t saying. Nobody around here knew that she was pregnant.

Reyna used to say that she gained weight because of the good life she lived in el Norte. After you were born, Reyna disappeared for a while. Your sisters didn’t tell anybody where she’d gone to either because they didn’t know or because she ordered them not to say. Your grandma Sinforosa took you with her and took care of you. Reyna is your mother. Even if she denied that she was pregnant, there is no doubt that she is your mother. I’m not sure when you were born, but I’m certain that your older sister knows.

I just stood starry-eyed, thinking, Sisters, I have sisters in el Norte, and one of them knows the truth of my birth? Mama Lucia placed her soft motherly hands on my shoulders and asked me if I heard enough. I hugged her, I said, No, no, I want to learn more.

Are you strong enough? she asked. I smiled, holding back my tears. I’m strong.

Rosita, those eyes never lie, I see a little fib, are you sure you want to hear more?

Please continue, tell me, when did you first know that I was Reyna’s baby?

"Mija, I will tell you, but if your Reyna knows that I gave you this information, she will evict me, Don Felipe, and others, and since Reyna is Sinforosa’s daughter, she will kick me out. However, I’m going to tell you anyway.

"It was late one night, I had prepared my carnitas for the following day. I could hear the leaves of the trees nearby, rustling with the gentle breeze. I had finished plucking the feathers of the chicken. I walked to the pile of trash to discard the feathers. Suddenly I heard a different sound, the sound of a baby crying. I dropped the feathers and walked to the edge of the patio. I saw a woman that resembled your mother running away from where the baby was crying. I kept looking at the woman, she ran toward the patio of your home. She didn’t see me.

"I walked toward the cries of the baby, and that baby—now we know that it was you. I ran to Doña Sinforosa’s house, I entered without knocking. Your grandma was really shocked to see me enter her house the way I did. I was short of breath and couldn’t speak right away. ‘Lucia, Lucia, what’s the matter? Talk to me.’ Doña Sinforosa was worried. Finally I said, ‘Doña Sinforosa, come with me, there’s an abandoned baby in the woods.’

Doña Sinforosa calmly got dressed and followed me to where we could hear the cries of a baby. Another lady that rented from your grandma heard the commotion. She happened to be Isabela, a teacher. Your grandma told her not to worry, so she went back inside her room. We reached the place where you were abandoned. Of course at the time we didn’t know that it was you. You were covered in a blanket, your head atop a rock that was lying on top of a stone wall.

I couldn’t hear any more. I sat on the floor, crossed my legs, placed my hands on my forehead, elbows on my knees, and cried. The stream of tears were shed for the loneliness I felt. The tears flowed for the hurt, for the pain I felt in my heart, for the heartless mom who bore me. I felt Mama Lucia when she put a blanket underneath me. I lay there for a while. I stood up and sat on a chair. Mama Lucia, please continue, I want to know more.

Mija, Doña Lucia said, I don’t think that you’re in a condition to hear more.

Mama Lucia, forget my tears, I want to know why Reyna abandoned me, please continue.

"Rosita, you are absolutely sure that you want me to continue? Fine, then I will continue. Sinforosa picked you up not knowing it was her granddaughter that she was rescuing. We took you to her house. When she saw the blanket in the dim glow of light, she recognized the blanket. It was the same one she had given her daughter, your mother, Reyna. She looked at me and asked, ‘Why is this babe covered in this blanket?’ She kept looking at me. ‘Lucia,’ she asked me, ‘what do you know about this?’ ‘Sinforosa, I saw Reyna run away from here, she abandoned this baby.’ Your grandma was so angry, she screamed, ‘Reyna, daughter of the damned, for sure you wanted to kill this innocent child of God. You son of a dog, I’m going to inform your brothers. You will be cast into the dungeon of criminals where you belong.’ Your grandma was on her way to see Reyna, but I stopped her. I told her that Reyna had left the house shortly after she abandoned you. Your grandma shouted toward Reyna’s house.

"One of your sisters came out of the house wanting to know why Sinforosa was shouting. Your sister noticed that Sinforosa was holding a baby, now you know that it was you she was holding. ‘Mamacita, why are holding that baby?’ she asked. Your grandma told her the truth, that Reyna had abandoned the baby she was holding. She also told your sister that you were injured. Mija, you were so beautiful, but at the moment that you started to cry, you also started to tremble. Your body became very stiff and cold, and your body started to turn a purplish color.

"After we took you to your grandma’s house, she told me, ‘I will kill Reyna with my own two hands if this little angel dies.’ I went for the curandero (healer, medic) that I knew. When the healer saw you, she apologized because she didn’t have a remedy that would help you. Instead she advised us to take you to the doctor.

Doña Sinforosa stated, ‘I will not permit this little soul of God to die. No, Doña Lucia, it’s not possible, for this child will die.’ Your grandma took you in her arms and ran to the doctor’s house. Doña Sinforosa prayed all the way asking Diosito not to take you with Him. Mama Lucia looked at me, saying, "See, mija, her prayers helped because here you are full of life.

"We got to the doctor’s house. His wife, followed by a bunch of barking dogs, opened the door when she heard the doorbell. While the doctor was examining you, we prayed and prayed. Doña Sinforosa said out loud—I remember it well when she prayed, ‘This soul will be saved, Diosito, this child’s life is in Your hands.’ The doctor finished examining you, he told us that you had a fever and wanted to know why you had a terrible bruise in your head.

"I let Doña Sinforosa do the talking. When she finished telling how you had gotten that bruise in your head, the doctor was going to call the officials. Somehow your grandma convinced him not to call the police. That’s when the doctor informed us that you had suffered an epileptic attack. We looked at each other, we didn’t know what that was. He explained what epilepsy was and how we had to take care of you. He examined your bruise in your head again.

"The doctor advised your grandma to take you to the hospital. He told her that if you died, he was going to press charges against your mother, Reyna. Doña Sinforosa asked what the charges were. The doctor told her to pay for the injections only. He didn’t charge for his services, rather saying that seeing you alive was his reward. He insisted that you be taken to the hospital so that a neurologist could examine you. Your grandma agreed.

Your grandma paid the doctor for the injections and signed the papers with her fingerprint. Your mamacita didn’t know how to write, so that was her way of signing the papers. Papers were required so that we could take you to the hospital. All this time I held you in my arms. I looked at your beautiful face and told you that from that day on I would love you. I told you then that you would be my priority and that I would always take care of you.

Thank you for always taking care of me, Mama Lucia. You said that my mamacita doesn’t know how to write.

"Yes, mija, that’s true. The doctor knows her and knows that she doesn’t know how to sign her name. He accepts her fingerprint as a legal signature. She may not know how to write, but she is very intelligent, and nobody takes advantage of her. We took off to your house, Doña Sinforosa was still fuming at your mother for abandoning you.

"Your older sister Victoria answered the door. Your sister was happy to see her grandma, but Doña Sinforosa was in no mode for greetings. She yanked Victoria outside the house by her shoulder. ‘Where’s your —— mother.’ Victoria didn’t know what to say. Your grandma continued yelling at Victoria, ‘Tell me, Victoria, who is the father of this innocent soul, this child your mother bore then abandoned? Don’t look like you don’t know, tell me, who is the father?’

"Victoria denied knowing who your father was. Doña Sinforosa asked Victoria if your mother had borne other children and abandoned them like she left you for dead. Victoria sounded surprised, and this is what she told your grandma. Victoria opened her arms, placed her hands on her head. She said, ‘No wonder Mama disappeared, we don’t know where she went to. Really, Abuelita, I don’t know where she went to.’ Your grandma was not satisfied.

"Again she grabbed Victoria, this time by her collar, and told her, ‘Tell me everything you know about Reyna.’ ‘Abuelita, I don’t know what you want to know.’ ‘Listen to me, Victoria, and listen good, I’ve heard that Reyna has done this before, and I’m sure that you know something.’ ‘Señora, please don’t ask me to say anything, Reyna will kill me.’

"Rosita, when your mamacita heard that, she pulled Victoria closer to her by the collar. She told your sister Victoria, ‘This is not your lucky day, because if you don’t tell me, I will tell Reyna that you did. So tell me what you know.’ ‘Okay, yes. Reyna has borne other babies before this baby. She has buried them here in the grounds under the floor bush near the bathrooms. She buried others in San Gregorio, where she lived with my father.’

"Your grandmother almost fainted, she cried and almost fell to her knees. Victoria tried to help her, but Doña Sinforosa pushed her away. She walked away with tears flowing. I heard her mutter, ‘Diosito, please forgive me for giving birth to that monster. Domingo, why did our daughter turn out to be such a horrible person, how can a mother kill her own children?’ Rosita, your grandma felt as though Reyna had taken a knife and pierced her heart. She took you in her arms, crying and crying, she couldn’t speak. I went home and left you two alone.

"The following day I took some clothes for you, including the baby blanket you always carry with you. That blanket I knitted myself. That night, according to your mamacita, you perspired a lot. I fed you, changed your diaper, and dressed you real nice. Your grandma was making arrangements to take you to the hospital when your sisters came wanting to see the new baby. Your grandma took your sisters aside and talked to them. She told them to be very careful with Reyna. She instructed them to say nothing to Reyna in the event that she returned anytime soon. ‘When Reyna comes back, I will have a meeting with her and her brothers. Reyna will hear what I and my sons have to say.’ She gave them money, told them to visit later, but now she was taking you to the hospital.

"When you and your mamacita came back, I visited to get an update on your condition. She showed me a bunch of papers the doctor gave her. The papers described what epilepsy was. But she said, since she didn’t know how to read, she confided in what they told her. ‘Lucia,’ your mamacita said, ‘if you could have seen what they did to this innocent soul, you would’ve fainted. They strapped cables all over her little head, stuck her with a huge needle full of medicine. I couldn’t take it anymore. I left the room. I found a waiting room and prayed and prayed. I waited about three hours, then the doctor finally talked to me.’

The doctor told your grandma that epilepsy has no cure currently and that you will have convulsions. All of this was caused because Reyna dropped you and broke your skull. The doctor told Doña Sinforosa not to return you, God’s innocent child, to Reyna. He feels that if she didn’t succeed in killing you this time, she will eventually. The doctor prescribed the medicine you are currently taking. You have to take this medicine, as you know, for six years, at which time you will be examined again. Your grandma did remember the doctor saying that it was possible that your epilepsy might go away when you start your menstruation or when you have a baby.

I was amazed at all the information I had learned about my mother. All I could do or say was to ask Mama Lucia what she meant by menstruation. When I asked her that, she looked at me with a smile before replying, Rosita, listen, at the moment, you are too young and innocent to know. In a few more years, I’ll explain what menstruation is, okay?

Mama Lucia, I don’t intend on having babies. I’m going to be a nun. What do you think that my mamacita told Reyna when they met?

"You know, mija, I asked her the same question. What your grandma told me is that she told Reyna that you were going to stay with her and that the world would end before she gave you up. She also wanted Reyna to tell her who your father was.

They had a big fight. Her brothers had to separate them. If Reyna would have revealed who your father was, Doña Sinforosa intended on finding him. If that didn’t happen, your grandma was going to register you as her own daughter. But here you are with Reyna. She threatened your grandma, and since she was alone without Domingo to protect her, she wanted to leave the pueblo, but she didn’t. Rosita, Reyna never revealed that she was pregnant with you. But if she is your mother, she got pregnant in el Norte, where she lived during the time you were born. Also, it’s possible that you were born there and not here in Mexico. A few days after the confrontation with your mamacita, Reyna took off again.

I just listened to Mama Lucia talk about a little girl that which happened to be me. It was strange; it seemed like a dream, or more like a nightmare. What kind of mother treats a child the way Reyna treats me? I continued to listen to Doña Lucia speak, wanting to interrupt, but I didn’t. When I heard the words pregnant and el Norté, I spoke up. I asked what pregnant and el Norte meant. Mama Lucia told me that I was too young to know about pregnancy, but within a few years, she would tell me what it meant.

El Norte is the United States and a very big nation. Your uncles and many people from Mexico move to el Norté to work. That’s where your mother worked when she got pregnant with you.

Aha, then it’s possible that the stork brought me to my mother in el Norté.

Rosita, that is the same feeling that your grandma has, she believes that you were born in the United States. Someday when you grow up, Rosita, you have to investigate as to whether you were born there. If you were, then you are a citizen of the United States.

Señora, you tell me a lot that I don’t understand, but I like living in my pueblo.

"Doña Sinforosa took care of you all those months Reyna was away from the pueblo. When she returned, your grandma and Reyna had another big fight. Then Reyna came to my house and got in a fight with me. Rosita, someday you will understand what I just told you. Mija, you are probably wondering why you didn’t stay with Doña Sinforosa. Reyna took your grandma to court, and being that she is your mother, the court ruled in Reyna’s favor. That’s when Doña Sinforosa told your mother that it was her fault you were epileptic. Reyna denied ever having abandoned you and refused to admit fault for your epilepsy.

Now you should go see Don Felipe and write everything down. He has more information about your mother. Ask him to write everything that he knows about Reyna. I could hear what Mama Lucia was saying. But to hear all that I learned about my life with my mother was painful. My mind started to drain. I closed my eyes; I was having a convulsion. Mama Lucia was at my side when I came to. She look worried and told me to rest. She didn’t want to continue telling me more for fear that I couldn’t cope with any more information. I told her that convulsions were part of my life and not to worry about me. I needed to know all the information she had about my life. It was very important to me and to please continue.

Uncle Santos Comes Looking for Me

She continued, "Rosita, after your grandma lost the lawsuit to Reyna, she came to visit me. She told me that she could no longer stay in the pueblo. She left for her llano, and every month she would come check on your condition and then leave. Soon after she left the pueblo, two men arrived at my puesto in a beautiful car. I’d never seen them before. One of the men asked me if I knew Reyna Bustos. I could tell that they were not from here. Anyway, I wasn’t going to give them any information until I knew more about them.

"He offered me money and promised to eat if I gave them Reyna’s address. I asked them if they were related to Reyna. At the same time, he put a green hundred-dollar bill in front of me. ‘Señora,’ he said, ‘appears to me that you know Reyna, why don’t you tell me where I can find her?’ I spoke up, ‘Yes, I know Reyna. What business do you have with her?’ ‘Tell me, señora, do you know if she had a baby recently?’ I didn’t say anything about the baby and that I didn’t want his money. But I gave him the direction to Reyna’s house.

"I was curious and wanted to find out more about them. I watched as they walked toward Reyna’s house. When they were out of sight, I ran to your house. I hid under the window. From there I could hear their whole conversation. I was curious, probably nosy, but I wanted to know what they wanted with Reyna. I felt a presence in my heart and just had to know. I could see most of the room, but they couldn’t see me. When Reyna heard the knock on the door, she peeked out the window. She didn’t answer the door right away. Reyna ran to Ana and ordered her to take you out the back door. Ana saw me for an instant as she ran out the door with you.

"Your mother opened the door. She pretended to be surprised to see them as they entered the house. Your mother recognized them. I was surprised when she mentioned them by name, she knew them. One of them was Santos. She wanted to know why Santos was in Mexico. He told Reyna, ‘You meant something to my brother Jorge when you were in Texas. Now I’m here to meet my niece, you know, the daughter you had with Jorge.’ Your mother didn’t like that at all, she was mad. ‘Santos, leave my house, I don’t know what the —— you’re talking about.’

"‘Listen to me, Reyna, you know darn well that Jorge was killed. Before he was killed, he told me about a daughter. I’m here for that baby.’ She denied having Jorge’s baby. She again told them to leave. But Santos wouldn’t leave. ‘Reyna,’ he said, ‘Jorge was close to dying when he told me about his daughter. He asked me to come for her, and that’s why I’m here.’ Santos handed Reyna a handwritten note that she had written to Jorge before she left Texas. Santos asked, ‘Reyna, that little girl your daughter was carrying in her arms out the door as we came in, is she Jorge’s daughter? Please, Reyna, tell me, is she Jorge’s daughter?’ ‘No, that baby you are looking for is dead. I lost her when I heard that Jorge was killed.’ Reyna pretended to cry. Santos again asked Reyna if the two girls he saw going out the door when he came in were her daughters. Again, Reyna denied that you were her daughter. She told Santos that only the older one was her daughter, the little one she didn’t know. Santos gave Reyna a card with his telephone number. ‘Reyna,’ he said, ‘I know that you are lying to me. However, should you change your mind, call me. We live in Texas, as you well know. You and Jorge visited my house when you lived in Texas with Jorge.’

"‘Santos, I don’t remember, but I’ll call you, but now, leave my house.’ Santos took out his wallet and placed a few green dollar bills on the table. ‘Use this money to call me when you change your mind about handing over Jorge’s daughter. The rest of the money is for my niece, I know that she is alive. I know that the baby your daughter was carrying is Jorge’s daughter. If you decide to give her to me, I will come for her. Don’t worry, nobody will ever know.’

Shortly after Santos and his friend left, I saw Reyna leave, carrying a small suitcase. Rosita, I couldn’t believe why Reyna was denying that you were Jorge’s daughter. Why didn’t she let you go with Santos? She doesn’t treat you like a proper mother treats her child, so why doesn’t she let you go? Your mamacita wants you, and Santos wants you. Now she takes off and leaves you alone. I still can’t believe that Reyna is Doña Sinforosa’s daughter.

I couldn’t stand to hear any more. The cloth I was using to wipe away the tears was soaking wet. But I wanted to know one more thing. I asked, Mama Lucia, if Jorge is my father, then Santos is my uncle? I have relatives in Tejas? But where is Tejas? Someday I am going to visit Tejas and meet my father’s family. I got up from the floor, walked over to Doña Lucia, and gave her a big hug. I thanked her for taking care of me and for all the information she’d shared with me. She picked me up, sat me on her lap, and I went to sleep in her arms.

I slept a few hours when the rooster’s crowing woke me up. I got up, Mama Lucia was sound asleep. I ran to the house, made coffee for Don Felipe. He was waiting for his coffee, and I was anxiously waiting for him to start writing. I told him all that I had learned from Mama Lucia, and he added some more information. He had much more to share, but I told him that I’d love to hear more, but I had had enough. That whole day I felt like a different person. I knew so much more about my being alive. Later that day, I asked Mama Lucia to tell me more about my life. She promised that tonight while she was preparing the food, she would tell me more.

That night after I had started the fire for her and she started to cook her carnitas, I was ready to hear more; we sat down. The full moon was more beautiful tonight, glowing brighter with its circles of color. Lucia started to tell me about my past. "Remember, mija, when I told you that I saw Ana running away from the house with you in her arms when Santos and the other man came looking for you? After I heard the conversation with Reyna and Santos, I went home.

"I was washing my clothes when a youngster comes up to me. He asked if I lived here. He was really scared and nervous. ‘Yes, why do you ask?’ ‘I come to tell you that the little baby that Ana was playing with is hurt very bad.’ He told me that Ana had taken you to the playground. There Ana took you up in her arms to the slide. Sliding down, both of you fell. ‘I think the baby is dead,’ he told me. When I heard those words, I almost fainted, the pail fell out of my hands and landed on my foot. The boy told me that when he got there, the police were wondering if anybody knew who you were, apparently Ana was too scared to speak. He knew Ana and where she lived, so the police sent him to inform us that you were hurt. I found out later that the police had taken you and Ana to the hospital in Taxco.

"Rosita, I don’t know what to think, all of those things that have happened to you at such a young age. I couldn’t take the bad news because I love you so much. I knelt because I didn’t have the strength to be standing up, and I prayed and prayed. I prayed to Diosito to spare the life of this innocent soul that God created. ‘This innocent child will someday be Your representative. Please allow her to live, please dear God, she is so innocent.’

"Aye, Rosita, I wasn’t aware that the boy hadn’t left. He asked me if I was your mother, of the innocent soul of God, he meant you. ‘Don’t ask me that, just tell me where the police took the baby.’ He didn’t know, but he showed me where you had gotten hurt. When we got to the playground, I asked the little kids if they had seen what happened to the little baby. One spoke up and told me that a daughter of Reyna and the baby she was holding were ejected from the slide and fell hard on the ground below. But nobody knew where they had taken you and Ana to.

"I went to the police department. They had a report that you were in the hospital but had died. They showed me the report. They had written that you were killed when you had fallen on your head and sustained a horrible blow. I couldn’t see the report, nor could I face your mamacita to tell her the bad news. All the way to Doña Sinforosa’s house, I thought of how I was going break the news to her. I couldn’t think straight. I got to her house, I entered the opened door. Nobody was home, I was relieved for a moment.

"As I was leaving your grandma’s house, I saw Ana. She also saw me. Ana ran toward me crying, ‘The baby is dead, my sister is dead! It’s all my fault, Doña Lucia, I killed my little sister. It’s all my fault that she is dead.’ I hugged Ana and told her, ‘It’s nobody’s fault, things happen. Ana, I don’t believe that she is dead. She is being watched by Diosito, He won’t take her away from us.’ ‘Doña Lucia, why do these things happen to my little sister? Why? One day Reyna said that she wished that my little sister would die.’

"I told Ana, ‘Your mother will not get her wish, because that baby will live. Reyna will not know about this because she has left the pueblo again.’ Rosita, I just had to tell Ana about Santos and the money he gave her. With that money, she found a good reason to leave her daughters alone. ‘Yes, I know that she is gone, Victoria told me. Reyna leaves all the time, she shows none of the responsibilities a proper mother shows her children.’

"Ana decided to go claim your body. The taxi driver had heard about you, and he offered to take us. On the way to the hospital, the taxi driver told us that the whole pueblo was talking about your mother and how irresponsible she was. When we arrived at the hospital, the driver didn’t charge us, all he said was to keep it to ourselves. ‘If the owner of the taxi discovers that I didn’t charge you, he’ll kill me.’ We chuckled and promised not to tell.

"We entered and went directly to the information desk. Ana asked about the baby the police had brought from the playground with a head injury. The nurse at the station mentioned that the baby was in the care of the doctor. The nurse wanted to know who we were. She asked if I was the mother. She also told us that the baby had no parents. Ana told them that of course the baby had a mother, but no father. ‘Well,’ the nurse said, ‘when the police brought the baby in, they told us that she didn’t have any parents.’ Ana explained to the nurse the situation with Reyna and myself. We were not permitted to see the baby until the doctor completed his examinations.

"The nurse wanted some information on the baby. I told the nurse, ‘Her name is Alma de Dios (God’s Little Soul). She hasn’t been baptized, so that’s what we call her, because she is in fact under the care of Diosito. The nurse wasn’t surprised. She said, ‘I believe that somebody from above is taking care of her. When the police brought her in, she was more dead than alive, yet she is still alive.’ Believe me, Ana was very relieved that you were alive.

"After a long wait, the nurse told us to follow her. Only I was allowed to enter to see you. The nurse told me to put in a long gown and gave me a mouth cover. You had cables attached all over your body and an oxygen tube inserted near your mouth. Rosita, you looked so helpless and so innocent. I again wondered why these things happen to you. I touched your forehead and gave you my blessing. The nurse didn’t let me stay but a few minutes before she kicked me out of your room.

"When Ana saw me coming out of your room, she ran up to me, and we hugged. I pulled away with my hands on her shoulders. I said, ‘The babe is alive!’ We cried. After a while we began to say the rosary, soon others accompanied us in prayer. We waited and waited, finally the doctor came looking for your mother. I stood. ‘For now, I am the mother,’ I told him. He mentioned that the studies showed that you had suffered another epileptic attack caused by the fall. However, the doctor couldn’t believe the impact of an epileptic attack. I guessed that he’d never experienced anything like your attack before.

"Ana told the doctor that the baby, meaning you, Rosita, had been diagnosed with epilepsy before. Ana showed the doctor the medicine you were taking. The doctor briefly examined the medicine. The doctor told me that he was changing the medicine. I told him we didn’t have money to pay for the hospital, much less the medicine. The doctor felt really bad. ‘Señora, this child has suffered too much, I will not charge you anything. Please go home and rest, come back tomorrow for this innocent little soul.’

"The next morning, the same taxi driver was waiting for Ana and myself. He gave us another free ride to the hospital. I told the kind driver that I would pay him with food, to stop by my puesto anytime. The doctor was very happy to see us. He told us that the medicine he prescribed had really helped you. He made us promise that we would take really good care of you. The doctor wanted to adopt you. He said, ‘My name is in this receipt, call me if you change your mind. You’ll know whom to give her to.’ He said, ‘For the love of this child, I too need your prayers so that I can continue to help other children. I have donated all the hospital costs this child incurred, you don’t have to worry about paying anything.’

"I wanted to make some kind of contribution, but the doctor refused. ‘But please do me a favor and bring this innocent child of God for a visit once in a while.’ Pretty soon after that visit with the doctor, I had you in my arms. I wrapped you in the same blanket, that same blanket. The taxi driver had returned to take us home. Ana and I were so proud that you were alive and going home. We stopped at your mamacita’s house, where she was anxiously waiting for us.

"Your grandma chastised Ana for being so careless. ‘And where is that good-for-nothing mother of yours?’ she asked Ana. Poor Ana she didn’t know what to say. ‘Mamacita, she left all of us, running away from her responsibilities. I don’t know where she went.’ Your grandma carried you in her arms, where you stayed during all the time we were eating. I told Doña Sinforosa that Santos and another man had come looking for the baby. ‘Santos is the brother of Jorge Bustos. Santos claims that Jorge is the father of this innocent child of God.’

"Poor Sinforosa, she almost choked when I told her that. Anyway, I told her everything, including how it happened that Ana had taken you away. Reyna had forced Ana to take you out of the house and hide you so that Santos wouldn’t take you away from her. I told Doña Sinforosa about the money Santos gave Reyna and what she was supposed to do with it. Your grandma sat with you in her arms, not saying a word until I had finished. ‘Lucia,’ she asked, ‘how did you get all this information?’

"‘Aye, Doña Sinforosa, I was wondering when you were going to ask me that question. Don’t start thinking that I spy on people all the time, okay? These two men, Santos and his friend, came to my puesto asking for Reyna. After I told them where she lived, I followed them like a spy, hiding all the way. I stood under the window, and I heard every word. I even saw when Santos placed the money on the table.’ ‘Lucia, you heard Santos say that Jorge Bustos is the father of this innocent child?’ ‘Yes, señora, I heard him say that. Santos believes that this innocent was born in Tejas.’

"Doña Sinforosa knows the family of Jorge Bustos. She told me, ‘I know Jorge, he is the son of Feliz Bustos. That tells me that that no-good Ruben Reza is not the father of this Alma de Dios. Ah, that is very good, now this Alma de Dios has a paternal family.’ Rosita, let me tell you, your mamacita looks at me and says, ‘Lucia, with everything that has happened to this child, who is she? For sure she is an Alma de Dios.’

"Your mamacita wanted to know more about Santos and the other man. I told her that Santos believed that the child Ana was holding in her arms as she ran away was Jorge’s daughter. He told Reyna that he was sure that she was the child he came looking for. That’s why he left Reyna money. That money was for the baby, and Reyna took it and ran from the pueblo. ‘Oh my Lord, why did I have a daughter so cruel, so heartless?’

"Reyna eventually returned to the pueblo, but she never told any of us where she’d gone to. Your mamacita was obligated by law to hand you over to Reyna. You continued to have epileptic attacks. Of course your mother didn’t know how to cope with them. During one of your convulsions, Reyna was scared, apparently she thought that the people were going to blame her for abuse. She ran out her house screaming for help. She ran to your mamacita’s house, but she didn’t open the door. Reyna then ran to Don Rafa’s house for help. Reyna told Don Rafa that you were dying. He told your mama to go for the priest and have you baptized before you died.

"Rosita, I have to give her credit, she actually went and got your padrinos (godparents) and went for the priest. That’s how Don Martín Castañeda and his wife, Socorro, became your godparents. The priest preformed an emergency baptismal service for you. Everybody thought you were dying. The moment the holy water touched your forehead, you let out a big healthy cry."

Mama Lucia, you know so much about my life, I really appreciate you telling everything you know. Tell me, how did you know that Reyna had me baptized?

"Well, Rosita, one day I went for groceries at Don Martin’s store. He wanted to know how you were doing. That’s when he told me that Reyna had asked him and Socorro to be your padrinos, that you were dying and you had to be baptized immediately. He told me about you reviving the moment the holy water touched your forehead. Everybody there was astonished when you cried. The priest said, ‘This child is truly blessed by the Lord.’ He said that Reyna was more shocked than surprised, he wanted to say more about her but stopped. But Don Martin did say, ‘We are now the godparents of Alma de Dios. Socorro and I are so happy to be her godparents and that she continues to have life.’

"I paid for my groceries. As I was leaving, it dawned on me to ask what name they had given you. I returned and asked. ‘Reyna told us to give her the name Rosa Maria Jovani Reza Bustos.’ I was totally surprised, your mother ignored the name we had given you—being Alma de Dios. I asked him why the surname of Reza and very upset that they hadn’t named you Alma de Dios. He asked me why I was asking about the surname. I told him, ‘Don Martin, this child has suffered so much in such a young life, now she has to face life with that surname, which is not real. Reza is not the father, Jorge Bustos is the real father. This child will someday know who her real father is, and it is not Reza.’

‘Doña Lucia, you know for a fact that Reza is not the father?’ Don Martin asked me. I felt sorry for Don Martin and Socorro because Reyna had deceived them. He wanted Socorro to hear what I had to say. Your madrina wanted to be sure that what I was telling them was the truth. I told them I heard it from Santos, Jorge Bustos’s own brother, claim that Jorge was the father. ‘Reyna had gotten pregnant with she lived in Texas with Jorge. Santos, his brother, knows that.’

Mama Lucia, then it is true, Jorge Bustos is my father.

"Yes, mija, that’s what I believe, but only your mother knows for sure. What I know is that Reza is not your father. He is the father of Ana, Victoria, and the other girls, but not yours. I know because Reza has been in el Norté in California, and Reyna was in Texas when she got pregnant with you.

"I thought, how could Reyna give you those names and not Alma de Dios? Worse yet, why did she give you that surname? I prayed for you, and finally I knew that I had to move away from there. I couldn’t take Reyna anymore, I couldn’t intervene in the abusive life you were living under that woman. I packed my bags and was about to head out to rent another place. Your mamacita arrived at my house just as I was about to leave.

"She placed her hands on her hips and asked me, ‘Lucia, where do you think you are going with those cartons full of your clothes?’ I told her that I could no longer live near Reyna and witness the way she was abusing you, Rosita. She invited me to her house to talk. Once we got to her house, she wanted to know what Reyna did this time to force me to move.

"I started by telling Doña Sinforosa that you had to be baptized because you were close to dying. When I told her that Reyna had named you Rosita Jovani Reza Bustos, your mamacita almost fainted. She was so angry because Reyna had given you the surname of her first husband, Reza. Mija, I will not use the exact words your mamacita used because you are too young to hear them. She said, ‘Why — did Reyna give my Alma de Dios the surname of that worthless first husband? She doesn’t know where in el Norté he went to. Lucia, in reality, I don’t know what to do with her anymore. I only wish that she would let me take Alma de Dios with me, but she won’t, and I don’t understand why.’

That’s when your mamacita told me she was leaving the pueblo. She would stay until after the Santa Cruz fiesta. That fiesta was a very busy time for her, she rented rooms to the people that came for the fiesta. She asked me not to leave. Well, mija, as you can see, I’m still here. Thanks to God that I stayed because I have you close to me.

I hugged Mama Lucia. Tomorrow, I told her, I will go to Don Felipe’s house, and he can write all the information you have shared with me. Thank you, Mama Lucia. Both of us were exhausted; we went to bed.

Next morning, I visited Don Felipe; he