Catch 44

By Franco La Monica

Where they walked was somewhat holy ground without the benediction of sprinkled holy water or eggs Benedict by a church that serves the hungry and without the benediction of anything holy. However, that sanctified ground was unknown to the duo to be holy at all. As a matter of fact, it lay in front of their willing feet that thread it. Nonetheless, the ground they thread was predestined and set apart like some sanctified spiritual eclipse that would cause a shadow by a passing moon somewhere onto the earth, and so their shadow did appear on earth, not because of prediction or being holy but by being "matter of factuality!" Their spiritual eclipse was inverted because of a weird type of light covered every inch of earth that their eyes could see. Because of their type of light, the entire species of earthly bats became totally blind. They also had to wear dark glasses like movie stars, carry a parasol like Michael Jackson, and were advised by a bat committee to liberally spread sunscreen on every inch of their batty skin! Holy Batman! The jokers who thwarted reality and destiny were real, more real than cartoons, and twice as real as characters of a fiction novel. "How real were they, Batman?" "Very real, Robin." And so the comedy begins.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Christian Faith Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Oct 28, 2020
• ISBN: 9781098050788

Book preview

The Duo’s Psyche

Some of the gifts that they both had were, they were masters on getting lost, masters at arguing their point with anybody, and masters at maneuvering their spaceship on the ground.

Their ship never went far out because it was always being manned by the duo where they stood. Also, what they had was the complex reasoning that the grounded spaceship’s onboard computers supplied each one of their brain.

Sometimes brainless and full of the extraterrestrial reasoning made the duo set apart, sanctified into some gifted shrine that does not bleed or cry but decreed a supernatural reasoning that amazes the masses. For instance, Herman would go to a beach and literally guess how many grains of sand were under his feet and would never be disproved by anyone, while Howdy Dupe would guess how many sunrays were scorching her white virgin skin. That is why they never frequented the beach.

Yes, sir, they were special souls that basically needed the nurture from one another’s aggravating presence. They needed each other like oil and vinegar needs a salad. They would make a nice tasting blend but never fully mix into one another. Yet they became the perfect salad with one another to spend a lifetime in their earth’s bowl.

Let’s not forget the salt in this perfect mixture, salty arguing added daily to their custom mix.

During some of their fighting scenarios with one another, Howdy would come up with egg on her face and Herman with a salad on his. On some extreme Kodak moments, Herman would come through the front door, walking the walk of shame after having lost something or forgetting to buy bread. After he would say, All right, all right, all right, before leaving the house at Howdy’s daily request of bread. Sometimes, Herman would think that Howdy was praying to him for her daily portion of bread.

In their relationship, jive talking had nothing to do with the Bee Gees. It had mostly to do with their jive talking in a sometime inverted fashion, and making up words that were not in any earthly dictionary became a fashion for the duo to sport in front of every English professor.

In addition, they both spoke the made-up word or phrase with boldness and with such clarity that credibility was automatically given to their jive talking. Their talk became their Ebonics!

They were special, and all who did not understand them were square! Even though they both knew that their secret was their secret, Herman thought, How can people know the inner dealings of the wise if they were not wise?

Not only did they feel that they were wise, they felt that they were elected to an office where the lever pullers were not allowed to vote.

Anyhow, they were never on any ballot. They were in their bubbles!

However, to be truthful, Herman was on a ballot once and won the race as a trustee of the town’s library. Boy, did he upset all the other trustees. They could not understand him like he understood them. And so it was.

Herman was of Italian descent, and his Italianism consisted of talking with his hands, biting his forefinger at a time of anger, or brushing under his chin instead of saying I don’t care.

Howdy Dupe’s Ebonics-like traits were Yiddish in nature.

What became a habit after many years of being together was that they began to mimic each other’s traits. Herman would say, Vait a minut, Milli, if I vipe any faster, I’ll git a rash. In turn, she would sometimes answer him with Rocky’s gravelly voice and say f——k off. This would be done in public, in private, and in between.

At times, they had much more fodder than thought, and sometimes they would mix the chaff from the wheat after it was separated.

Anyhow, they were not in the wheat, fodder, and chaff business. She was a salesgirl, and he was a glorified handyman for the rich and famous with only two hands. Sometimes he had more hands like a multiplying miracle of the fish-and-bread type. He would lend dozens of hands in a day only for a price.

Sometimes he had no hands left, but when he did, they were rough, chaffed from handling all the chaff and, strong from all the exercising of the muscles in them with his Italianism.

Yes, sir, he talked more than he worked according to Howdy, and according to himself, he worked more than he talked. Nonetheless, his hands were always