Charles Collins: Inhibitions

By Teddi Blakely

Charles Collins was raised with a silver spoon in his mouth. He was raised to have good morals and values and lived his life as a kindly person. He thought his life was perfect. Everything was seemingly in order, and he never questioned this perfection. Until Richard.

Richard was an openly gay man who was so beautiful in all his masculinity one had to do a double take when they saw him—and this was both women and men. It was no different for Charles.

This was when Charles realized his life was not perfect in the way he was led to believe and lived. He had to make a choice to live his life as he had been taught or live his life according to his heart.

These are the trials and tribulations of Charles Collins.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 30, 2020
• ISBN: 9781662405587

Book preview

How Did I Get Here?

We were in the lobby, giggling like two girlfriends while waiting for the elevator. He was happy and I was eternally grateful that he was happy too. His name was Richard, but I called him Richie. I walked into the elevator behind him, looking at his perfect long body, slightly curly brown hair that hung to his broad shoulders like a god’s, and long legs that seemed to go on and on forever. He was six foot four; and I referred to him as a tall drink of cool water. He was so unassuming that he did not realize how he affected people. His beautiful face was always pleasant even when he was sad. Sadness never happened if I had anything to do with it. I would do anything to ensure happiness. My job was to keep sadness out of his life and it was the only option.

Once in the elevator, Richie turned around. His face was so beautiful, it was like looking at the sun, the moon, and all the stars in the universe. His eyes, like the bluest ocean, so brilliant and perfect. What could I say about his lips? They were full with a natural pout, a touch of blush, as were his cheeks. I was enamored. For now, he belonged to me. He looked at me with the smile of an angel and I stared as if a hypnotic spell had come over me. He saw the wonderment of him in my eyes, showing all over my face. He instantly became shy and let his gaze drop to the floor. His eyelashes were long and full. I lost my breath every time he looked directly at me, slowly fluttering those lashes like a mysterious being of the night. He turned around and leaned against me and I instinctively wrapped my arms around him as if he needed protecting.

A few minutes later, the elevator stopped at the penthouse we were currently sharing. He grabbed my hand, laughing again as he pulled me into the living room. He gently pushed me onto the couch and left the room. I stiffened and I got nervous, but all he did was return with two glasses of champagne for a nightcap before we turned in. I relaxed. We had been together for a while, and I still felt uneasy when we were by ourselves. We sat across from each other, talking about the evening we had just shared, laughing about events that took place, and we paused every once in a while to take in each other’s beauty. We finished the drinks, which added to our somewhat already inebriated state and went to the bedroom. The bedroom. Which sometimes scared the hell out of me even after all this time together.

Richie undressed and I sat in a chair, doing what I always did, watch him. I did not think there could have been anything so grand than seeing all his glory become free from his clothing. Sometimes he would look up and see me watching him and would do a little striptease. I had to smile… he always made me smile. It was my turn. I undressed to my underwear… nothing special, just me taking off my clothes until I was in my boxers—and I walked to his side of the bed. We looked at each other, and I hugged him with a gentleness that I never knew existed. I was sure Richie felt the same way. I laid him down, covering him over like he was a beloved child, because I always wanted to take care of him and protect him. I walked around to my side of the bed and covered myself, sinking into the blankets, which were soft and full, like being surrounded by clouds, as I imagined they would be.

Richie, half-asleep, slid over to me and we lay face-to-face. He stared at me through sleepy eyes and I stared at him with not-so-sleepy eyes. His eyes penetrated mine before he closed them for the night, like he was looking into my soul, like he was trying to go into that part of my heart that seemed so close to letting him in, but not yet. Deep in my mind, I knew not ever. I could not let him in ever. His breath was warm on my face and smelled of the sweetness that his whole essence was made of.

I could feel his manhood push and pulsate on my legs. I caught my breath because I was internally aroused and I struggled to keep myself in control. My mind was on fire and I wanted to pull Richie to me. My body felt like a roaring lion ready to devour it’s prey. I struggled, fighting with my body’s wants and needs. Yes, I needed Richie and my body’s dominance was almost more than my mind could bear, but once again, I resisted the challenge I had to continuously fight day and night. I could not let this beautiful creature explore me… nor would I explore him.

I took his manhood, which felt like ivory in my hand. It was so hard and straight. I felt heat radiate through my body. I was in excruciating pain. I put his manhood down by my legs and confused as to what I really wanted to do with it. I came to a reluctant resolve and put the sheet gently between us. We stayed like that… not holding each other, just staring at each other. I was well aware of his manhood pulsating on my leg. That soft tapping kept fueling the longing pain of wanting and needing to unbearable depths. I… remained strong. He eventually fell asleep.

Not me. I had not really slept in months because I could not let this vision of beauty lie next to me and miss such wonderment. I looked at this man while he slept and I wondered… How did I get here? We had been together for several months and had never consummated this relationship. He promised he would wait for me to want to go to the next level as long as he could. I was so afraid he would not wait for my inhibitions to become uninhibited. I wonder… would that ever happen? I was always told to never say never, but as much as I wanted him, I was repulsed by myself for even thinking that I would ever know him like that. How did I get here?

My mind reflected back to when I was a child, youngest of two. My parents were brilliant doctors and they were in high demand everywhere because of their intellect, their moneymaking skills were off the charts. My brother and I were afforded anything we wanted. It was James, my older brother and then there was me… Charles. My brother was about six foot six. He was very handsome and a go-getter. I was less of a go-getter, but if I did not go for it, James made sure I got it anyhow. I like to think that I was close to my brother, and I guess we were close. He was much closer to my father than I was.

Sometimes, I let the closeness between my brother and father cloud just how close my brother and I were. I do not know how could I think that, but when you are young, what you perceive visually can sometimes be what you are not really seeing. My dad was a man’s man and when he was not operating on someone or teaching classes, he and my brother were always into something and I followed along. My father was what one would think in terms of being an alpha male. He was never afraid of anything, always the first to do something, and he believed in man over woman. My mother adored and doted on him. I believe he liked being Superman to her. There was always the private smiles and jokes. They seemed to always know what the other was thinking or maybe my mother knew what he was thinking.

In school my brother was the man, captain of this, captain of that, and I was usually his cocaptain. James was six foot six and I was six foot nine. We were extremely popular and had our choice of the girls. James definitely took advantage of that. I, on the other hand, was somewhat shy when it came to the opposite sex or anyone, for that matter.

My parents were successful surgeons born with a silver spoon in their mouth. They did not have time to be worried about what we were doing. There were unspoken perceptions that were in place and we had better not get in trouble or cross our parents in anything. They expected us to be faithful to what they upheld. James pushed the limits all the time but somehow remained the child they expected him to be. I, on the other hand, rarely pushed the envelope. So… no worries.

When we graduated from school, my parents gave James and me a very generous inheritance—and I do mean generous—then they seemed to say goodbye to us and have a good life. In other words, it is time to go. My brother, James, went into the NBA, and I played overseas. At six foot nine, I was a big guy in Europe. I am not a braggart, but I was something of a phenom if I do say so myself. I had everything I wanted, I had homes, cars, endorsements, and business ventures all because I was very savvy with the money I already had and the money I made.

I never had a lack of companionship. I could have any lady I wanted, but I usually dealt with one at a time. I had always thought it too tiring to try and juggle more than one beauty. I had some times when I desired a couple of women at the same time and did my thing with the beauties, but it was exhausting. Basically, I treated the opposite sex as if they were like a priceless piece of china and had to be handled with care. I had fun, I enjoyed the ladies immensely, and they enjoyed me because I was honest with them and I treated them good. I was never lonely. I was the type of man the ladies were looking for. I can now see I never fell in love. I often dated one girl for a while and I told her up front that I was not ready for marriage or anything serious at the time. She could make the decision to stay around or leave. I had the belief I would marry one day and have a couple of kids. I sometimes would imagine what my intended looked like. Pretty, long brown hair, piercing blue eyes, full lips tinged with red, cheeks that always seemed flushed, and built like a brick house. The most important thing would be that she would love me like no one ever had.

Ha ha!

Going Home

Ten years passed, and I decided to go back to the States and retire. I wanted to invest in more stateside ventures. I owned a lot of things in Europe and a few things in the States, but I wanted to be financially creative a little more stateside. I had a lot of offers to invest in various areas of business and I was offered some endorsements, so I thought it was time to do something different. Although I was well-known in Europe, I was just as known in the States also. The paparazzi has invited themselves into my space a few times because of stupid things. I do believe that the women I was with alerted the paparazzi that we were there.

I left Europe and went to a penthouse I owned in a very prestigious hotel. It was a great place and I decided this was where I would set up my home base. I sent for Cookie, my housekeeper / house manager, so she could continue to keep my life in order. No one knew me like my Cookie. She was not judgmental, she kept everything in order, and she knew what I wanted before I knew it. If things were like they were in Europe, I would hardly see her, but there would be evidence that she had been there and was near. She was the only woman that I loved all the time and always.

My Cookie had no family and never married. She considered me her family. She was kind of like a mother to me. I trusted her with everything I owned. She had permission to act on my behalf for everything I owned. She was to be treated as if she were me. It worked out well, because she knew my business as well as I did. If need be, she could run interference with anyone or anything.

I disclosed my plans to Cookie and asked her if she would come with me. She agreed but wanted a liaison in Europe so she did not have to fly back and forth, looking after my business while we were in the States. This person would take care of my affairs as Cookie wanted them to. This would take a great deal of pressure off her. Cookie did not want to be away from me too long because she felt I needed her there with me. She was right about that. I believe she saw things in me that I would never ever in a million years think would pertain to me. She knew I would need her and she was absolutely correct about that. Inside, I was smiling because I was one happy person knowing she was coming with me without a hassle.

I loved Cookie. I always bought her little trinkets just because. Cookie owned a couple of businesses, had a beautiful collection of jewelry, and was a wealthy little lady. I made her wealthy. I also willed my fortune to her. The ironic part about that was she willed her fortune to me as well. I was her only family. She watchdogged everything about me and would let nothing or no one try anything treacherous against me. She knew what she was doing. She also kept an eye on the women that came through. She always gave me good sound advice.

I’m Back

When I arrived in the States, I met up with a friend that I knew from high school. He became my shadow, or maybe it was the other way around, I became his shadow. We went to the hottest clubs, the most jumping parties, and the best restaurants for fabulous cuisine. We went to Vegas and just about any place we wanted to go. He was an investor that did very well and loved to party. We got invited to anything and everything. Ladies galore! It was the life and it was fun. I was heavily involved in mergers and acquisitions. It was not fun and games all the time, but life was great. I was enjoying it.

My friend came to me one day and said, Charles, a new club opened and we got to go man. This place is going to be lit, and it’s totally private. No paparazzi, no nothing that can interfere with our life. The new place was called The Club, and Anthony, whom I called Tony was adamant that we go. I agreed to go with him and told him to pick me up. Tony was very excited and there was no way I was going to rain on his parade and take his joy from him. So of course, I did my usual and followed him. I always followed him. He was a lot of fun.

He picked me up in the limo and as soon as I go into the car he handed me a drink. He was animated and excited