Rae

By Robin Whitten

Imagine looking into a mirror expecting to see the same awkward teenager who haunts your every waking moment, wishing for a transformation, a new beginning, and finding one. Rather than the luscious Miss America persona you are looking for, you see an animal. Not a tame house pet, but a wild animal, black and sleek, fur as soft as velvet. Rae's adventures begin when she unknowingly shape-shifts while playing in a high school soccer game. The events that follow change the course of her life forever. Powers that she never knew she possessed are revealed to her by her father, who is a shaman, and Nate, a friend from the past. They lead her to the underworld, where she discovers other shape-shifters like herself. Rae becomes involved in a battle between good and evil with the upper world and the underworld, and she ultimately controls who will win in the end.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Page Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Nov 26, 2018
• ISBN: 9781642141559

Book preview

Chapter 1

My fingers tingled. They often did while I ran. This time, the sensation felt more like lightning running up the length of my arms. My head buzzed. The sky, the grass, everything around me, their colors became distorted, like a prism. I couldn’t focus. My legs begged for movement. They would go whether I let them or not. I focused on Heidi, my best friend, who lay on the ground, writhing in pain. Then I saw the girl who had taken the ball away from her, and followed her path toward our goal.

I changed directions, away from Heidi and toward the ball. A gust of wind passed through me, around me. The scent I picked up of sweat, anger, and fear all bundled into one enticed me. I sensed the blood racing through the girl’s body as her heart drummed against her chest. She ran fast, dribbling the ball down the court toward our goal. I caught her and manipulated the ball from the girl’s deft footwork. Someone screamed behind me as I kicked it into their goal. The world slanted in slow motion. I turned, trying to make sense of the sounds. People stood paralyzed, their eyes on me, their mouths hanging open.

Feeling light-headed, I spun around, hoping to see Heidi up and cheering me on. I didn’t see her, so I searched the bleachers, hoping to find Samuel, my boyfriend. When I finally located him, I saw Samuel’s eyes were closed, his arms flattened to his sides, his fingers twitching. I watched him, not comprehending. His lips moved like a marionette’s. I didn’t understand what he was doing. I’d never seen him behave like that before.

A familiar voice called my name. It startled me, yet I couldn’t place it. As I studied the bleachers, I saw James, Heidi’s boyfriend, standing next to Samuel. Instead of staring at me like everyone else, he had his head turned. I followed his gaze to the other end of the field and noticed that the girl who had knocked Heidi down lay in a heap, her coach crouched next to her. My legs seemed to have a mind of their own. They carried me to her. Her coach saw me coming, stood, and walked toward me.

Is she hurt? I barely whispered the words.

The coach put her hands on my arms and held me to the spot. No. You just knocked her off her feet. I think it scared her a little. She tried to smile, but she only managed a grimace. I’m actually not sure what happened.

The coach tilted her head as she spoke and turned back toward the girl on the ground. You should go back to your own team. She nodded toward the other end of the field. As I turned to leave, I felt the coach watch me. She was wary of me; I could smell it.

I raised my head to find Heidi and caught her scent. An ambulance pulled up to the area in the field where she had been knocked down. Two men ran around and opened the back of the vehicle. They pulled out a stretcher, so I started to run, ignoring the person calling my name.

Rae, don’t go over there. Hold on. Stop! The voice pulled at me and wouldn’t let me think. It was Coach’s voice. Why would she try to stop me? She knew how close Heidi and I were.

Heidi! I called, desperate to get to her. The fog in my head seemed to be clearing.

Heidi reached for me from the stretcher as the two men carried her toward the ambulance. Her gaze could have burned a hole through me as I ran up to her. You need to come with me, Rae. She grabbed my hand. Don’t stay here without me.

I climbed into the back of the ambulance after telling the driver that I was her sister and her only relative up here. Heidi had a firm grip on my hand and wasn’t about to go anywhere without me. Her agony was written all over her face. I wondered what her father would do when he found out what happened. He never approved of her playing soccer.

Even though my mother hated soccer, she made most of my games when she didn’t have to work. The only reason she wasn’t here today was that she had to meet a deadline for her job. I understood. She wanted to keep the house. I wished for the hundredth time that she had come.

When we arrived at the hospital, my stomach rolled as I waited for Heidi’s parents to finally give the okay for her surgery. The air in the building smelled of blood and rotting meat. It seemed like hours, after we filled out all the paperwork, before she was prepped for the operating room. After I watched the gurney finally take Heidi away, I walked to the cafeteria and bought some french fries. I’d always heard hospital food was bad, but how could they ruin french fries? I dumped the tray into the trash and headed up the elevator to find Heidi’s room.

As I sat alone in her room, waiting for her to get out of surgery, I tried to replay the events of the game. I still couldn’t make sense of it all. Why had the people stood and stared afterward as if they were in some kind of trance? Samuel looked like he might have had a seizure. I needed to talk to him to find out what happened. He hadn’t come to the hospital, and I didn’t have a cell phone.

I didn’t know how long I sat in Heidi’s room before I heard the rhythmic squeak of a gurney as it rolled down the hallway, intruding into my subconscious. A chill ran through me as I felt a change in the air. I looked up as a silhouette of my body flashed on the hospital wall. For a second, the darkened shadow looked like it stood on four feet with a tail. I closed my eyes and tried to erase the vision.

Two orderlies transported Heidi onto her hospital bed. I smiled at them as they prepared to leave. One of them nodded back at me; the other rolled his eyes and looked away. What was it about me that turned off guys? After watching Heidi’s still form for a few minutes, I decided to stretch out in one of the two hard vinyl chairs provided for the family’s comfort. It looked like it had a stain from some dark, murky substance that could have been blood or urine, but it had a fresh coat of polish and smelled like Lysol. I sat and stared at the IV bags that dripped from Heidi’s arm as I visualized the game.

The last thing I remembered clearly was watching the scoreboard as it changed to 2-0, to our favor. During the final half, things had gotten more physical. We weren’t surprised. The pushing and shoving had intensified after our last goal, as did the occasional trip here and there. This was the third year our team had played in the nationals. We had a great team, even better than the last year.

As the other team became increasingly agitated, Heidi and I decided to put on the pressure. Coach Johns warned us about antagonizing the players on the opposing team. Her warning didn’t faze us. We smiled and reassured her that things were under control. Weren’t we winning? I smiled, remembering how great everything felt at that moment.

We continued to push the other team, provoking them, until one of their forwards couldn’t contain herself any longer. She ran up behind Heidi, who had just managed to steal the ball from their center forward. The girl pulled on Heidi’s jersey as she brought her leg around in a wide arc and kicked Heidi’s foot out from under her. A loud crack resonated from her falling form. Heidi’s face contorted as she screamed in agony. It all seemed to happen in slow motion. The girl who kicked Heidi took the ball, seemingly unaware of what she had done, and ran with it. Everything in the periphery of my vision started to blur after that.

I watched Heidi sleep. Hopefully, she could tell me what happened if she ever woke up. I sniffed and smelled the sweat and dirt that covered my body. There wasn’t a shower in the bathroom, but I managed to clean up some before curling up into a ball to watch Planet Earth. It was the only channel that didn’t have fuzzy lines all through it. They showed some of the remote islands off the coast of Ireland. The narrator described the country and its beauty as he drove through pastures, green and overgrown, to the wild cliffs that bordered the ocean.

* * * * *

A feeling of freedom and happiness overwhelmed me as I ran through the lush green fields, faster, then faster. Someone ran behind me, but I didn’t want to look back. I climbed a rocky outcrop that hung over the ocean and pushed back against the force of the wind as I looked over the water. The clouds in the distance moved in and out as they curled around and through one another. They traveled quickly and ominously toward the spot that I had claimed. I turned, studying the figure next to me, a wolf. I thought I caught a glimpse of a smile just before he raised his head to howl.

I heard myself yell Nate! as I awoke, sucking in the odor of the vinyl seat. I shook my head, hoping it had only been a dream. Heidi lay in front of me, her eyes open and glassy.

Hey, girl, I said as I grabbed the hand that didn’t have a hundred tubes hanging out of it. I loved Heidi. She was my best friend. I could hardly bare to watch her in pain.

Her voice sounded hoarse. What happened to you yesterday? Her words slurred together. Her eyes were puffy, her lids heavy.

That big center we kept doubling up on crushed you and you fell the wrong way on your ankle, I said. Don’t you remember?

She waved her other hand at me. I know that. She shook her head. She was gunning for me the entire game. She closed her eyes for a moment. I feel a little dizzy. Give me a minute.

You don’t have to talk, I said. They’ve given you a bunch of pain medicine. I stood to get closer to her. Didn’t you feel her pull on you and knock you off your feet?

Her head rolled back and forth on the pillow. No, dummy, I mean after all that. What happened to you?

I stole the ball back from her, I said as I squeezed her hand. She didn’t have—

You’re so dense. Her eyes closed.

I made a goal. I hesitated. Did you see how far I kicked the ball?

I’m not talking about that, Rae. She tried to laugh but coughed instead.

What else is there? I asked, frustrated. I wanted to show that girl she couldn’t push us around. I shrugged, embarrassed that I didn’t get what she was talking about.

Don’t you remember what actually happened? She seemed to be coming out of her fog.

You mean before I made the goal? I don’t think I hurt her, I said. At least not as bad as you were hurt. My hand started to sweat from the heat of her palm on mine. I pulled it away slowly.

Oh my god, Rae, you transformed! It was so wild. She tried to roll her body toward me. You growled.

Now I knew she was high. No, I didn’t.

Heidi shook her head. No, your body started to—she swallowed as she struggled to find the words—fade in and out. First there was you. She closed her eyes, as if visualizing the event. Then there was, like, a ghost of you.

She turned her head toward me as she searched for the right words. It could have been an animal with four legs. I don’t know. I couldn’t see much. Too many people were in my way. She put her hand out to me. But what I did see was outrageous.

Heidi always told me that I looked different when I ran, like a wild animal. She said my face would sharpen, look almost feral, and my eyes would change in intensity. I just laughed at her when she told me these things. I knew I was different from other kids; I just never wanted to know how different.

I sat back down in my chair and held my head. If what she said was true, it would explain why everyone looked at me so weird. Then I remembered James and Samuel. Samuel must have thought I was a freak.

I turned back to Heidi. Are you sure?

Heidi stared at me, her eyes bleary. Listen, Rae. Don’t worry. It all happened so fast people will think they imagined it. It already seems like some kind of dream to me.

That’s because you’re on drugs. I just wanted to jump out the window. I would have considered it if we weren’t on the first floor.

Did James come by at all? Heidi’s eyes closed again.

No, I said. And now I understand why. I walked to the window. The coach talked to your parents last night. Leaning into the coolness of the glass, I studied the reflection of my face, drawn and sad. The glare in the window produced shadows that surrounded me, making me look translucent. I could have been a ghost.

I turned to see if Heidi was still with me. Coach Johns said she’d talk to me on Monday. She acted so strange when she came by here. She kept saying that there was something she needed to tell me, but she couldn’t remember what it was.

The coach said they called the game on account of the injuries. She couldn’t explain what happened after Heidi fell. I asked her if my goal counted. Coach Johns acted like she didn’t even know I made a goal. She seemed to be avoiding my questions. After she checked on Heidi, she couldn’t get away from me fast enough. Maybe I was just being paranoid.

I shook my head. I guess the team headed back to North Carolina after that.

It’s funny, Rae. You remind me of a cat when you run. I guess I always knew the sum total of you equaled more than just you. She chuckled quietly and groaned. I think the painkillers are wearing off.

I wanted to ask her what she meant, but I couldn’t let her suffer. I’ll get a nurse, I said as I headed out of the room.

After the nurse left the room, Heidi grabbed my hand. She slurred her words slightly. Listen, you and I are a team, right? Her eyes closed for a moment. I could tell she could hardly think straight. We’ll get through this together. The first thing we’ll do when we get home is talk to your mom. Maybe she knows what’s going on with you.

Okay, Heidi, whatever you say. I still didn’t know if I believed her. Maybe she dreamed all this.

Someone has to know. If not her, then maybe your dad.

Well, that’ll be impossible. I rolled my eyes. Don’t you remember, Heidi? He’s gone. He left two years ago.

Heidi yawned. I could barely hear her speak. Samuel really likes you, Rae. I know he does. He likes you because you’re different. We’ll deal with the boys when we get back.

She drifted off. I thought she was asleep, but she startled me when she opened her eyes and said, So . . . did we win?

Chapter 2

Heidi’s parents came to get her the day after her surgery. When Heidi’s doctors talked to her parents, they said her recovery would require a lot of physical therapy. They weren’t optimistic that she would play soccer next year. I cringed as I listened. I felt like I hadn’t protected her like a good friend should during the game. I would make it up to her somehow.

Listen, Heids, I’ll make sure you get all your schoolwork so you don’t get behind, I said.

Heidi and I sat in the back of her dad’s Cadillac. Heidi was laid out, with her cast draped over my legs.

What are you so worried about? Heidi asked as she smiled. I only have a broken leg, after all. I don’t have brain damage.

We laughed until our eyes watered. Her parents didn’t find our humor at all entertaining. They seemed pretty put out by the whole incident. Heidi’s dad had to miss a day of work to get her from the hospital. Apparently, he never missed work for anything.

Mom sat in her favorite chair, sewing, when I walked into the house. Her pose seemed familiar and comfortable to me. When she heard me come in, she looked up and scrutinized me for a moment before she smiled. Sometimes when Mom watched me, I got the impression that she was waiting for someone or something. It could have been my dad. I didn’t know for sure. Lately, everything in my life felt uncertain.

My father never managed to be a big part of my life when I was growing up. Mom always said his life’s work involved travel. She accepted his need to be gone all the time. I didn’t. I always felt like he was just avoiding me. The night of my fourteenth birthday, he surprised me by coming to my room to talk. He didn’t approach me often, so right away I felt something bad was about to happen.

You’re a very special girl, Rae, he said. He didn’t say weird, although I knew it was what he meant. There are going to be changes in your life very soon that you won’t understand. He walked toward me. It’s because of these things that will happen to you that I must leave you and your mother tonight. He studied something on the floor. I must do this.

He stood by the large picture window in my room. The reflection of him in the glass impressed me as otherworldly. At that moment, he could have been a spirit, large and translucent. I stepped back, afraid he might disappear in a puff of smoke right in front of my eyes.

I started to ask him what I had done to make him leave, but before I could form the words, he said, You’ll understand the things I’m telling you in time.

It looked to me like he floated toward me. He never did show me physical affection, and I was worried he might then. He stood for some time and studied me. Then in slow motion, he nodded and turned. That night, he walked out of my life without another word.

I walked toward the couch slowly and sat down next to my mother. She put her arm around me and pulled me close. She smelled like Dove soap.

Your coach came over to the house to talk to me last night. She paused, taking a deep breath. Do you want to tell me what happened at the game?

Without hesitation, I jumped in and told her everything. She sat and listened patiently. When I was done, Mom stared down at her sewing for some time, then at me, as she organized her thoughts. I had never been one to just sit and be patient; I began to feel stiff and agitated, so I shot up and walked over to the fireplace to fidget with the pictures on the mantel.

Rae, come sit back down. She patted the seat next to hers.

As I walked away from the mantel, the sleeve of my T-shirt snagged a picture of my dad. It tumbled to the ground. I picked it up and carried it to the couch.

Mom took it from me and studied it. Your father’s life and yours are so intertwined. There are times when I think back and wonder if I made the right choice bringing you into the world.

I stared at her. It sounded as though she was sorry she had me.

She pulled me close to her warm body. I was selfish, I know. He asked me not to get pregnant, and I did it anyway.

This caught me off guard. Maybe that was why he avoided me so much. Maybe it was why he was gone now. I didn’t respond. I knew my mother would continue when she was ready.

She sighed. I think it’s time that I told you the story of how your father and I met.

I rolled my eyes and jumped in, hoping she wouldn’t continue. I think you’ve already told me. And really, what does that have to do with anything? I asked. I felt like I might crawl through my own skin. I stood up and almost tripped over a stool that her legs rested on. I mean, really. I’ve got a major problem. I was beside myself. I thought my brain might explode with the burden of it.

Honey, I would prefer that you sit down, she said. I need to tell you something about your father that you might find interesting. Her brows furrowed with the seriousness of what she wanted to tell me.

I sat down on the couch, and Mom held my hands with her soft ones. Mom never showed any aggression, no matter the situation, with me or my father. We were such polar opposites.

It all started in India, she began, when I did research at the Harappan dig. It was an archeological dig that I used in my thesis. She stopped and looked off at some imaginary point in the distance.

I squeezed her hand to bring her back. I only had so much time before I needed to get over to Heidi’s, after all. I really didn’t want to hear about her digs right now, so I gave her one of my most fatalistic looks. She didn’t seem to notice.

I walked into the inner recesses of a cavern, trying to locate artifacts of that period, and faced the only entrance to a very small hole in the wall. Suddenly, I felt a puff of wind pass through me, then a slight pressure on my cheek, as if someone touched me.

She stopped and touched her cheek, and then she lowered her eyes. I turned to find a very tall man standing in the cavern with me, looking confused and haggard. She smiled. It was your father, although I’ve never been able to figure out how he got into the cavern and around to my back.

She stared at her hands for a moment. He was so handsome, with his dark skin and bright blue eyes. White saffron surrounded his body. His presence mesmerized me so that I couldn’t even scream.

I’d heard this so many times. Mom, what does this have to do with me? I wanted to scream. I couldn’t listen to her slobber over the love of her life, who, need I remind her, up and left us without a penny to our name.

Well, needless to say, Rae, we fell in love. She did that staring thing again. I let my head drop onto my chest. He seemed so mysterious. He never gave me any inkling as to the nature of his work, except that it was part of who he was.

Mom, I said, allowing my voice to reach a high-pitched whine, how does this have anything to do with me? He obviously followed you back to the States, or we wouldn’t be here having this discussion.

She raised her head slowly. Her eyes were moist and full of anguish. I would rather she tell me what could be causing her so much pain, so I waited patiently for her to put her feelings into words.

He followed me back here, she said. He left his family and colleagues to come to the States with me.

Family? I asked. I didn’t know he had family.

Yes, Rae, he has a family. I’m sure you’ll meet them one of these days. Then you’ll be taken from me. You are, after all, one of them. She leaned over and pushed a wisp of hair out of my face.

"What do you mean I’m one of them?" I asked.

It’s hard for me to explain.

Well, now that you made that comment, you’ll have to, I said, rolling my eyes.

I know something happened to you at the game, something that wasn’t supposed to, at least not quite yet. Not until you were a bit older.

I could see the fine wrinkles peek out at the corners of Mom’s eyes and mouth. She seemed so pale. Her skin was thin and almost translucent.

Just tell me, I said.

He was supposed to come back and get you when you had matured and were ready to hear about your past, she said, sighing. He wanted to take you with him when he left this last time, but I insisted that you finish high school. I demanded he allow you to have a normal childhood.

Am I the reason he left?

Mom’s eyes shifted.

I was angry when my father left us, not that I ever saw much of him when he was living here. He worked long hours. Mom said he worked in the medical field, yet she never quite went into any details about what he did exactly. Even when he wasn’t traveling, he would go out in the evenings. I never knew where he went.

When I was young, I would sit up way past my bedtime and wait for him to come up the driveway, then hide behind an old couch we had in the living room. It was brown and smelled of cigar smoke. There were worn patches on the armrests that I would lay my arms in when I sat on it.

Around the back of the couch was a large hole where I would place my special toys. Mom always thought I put them in my room when she asked me to pick them up. When they finally bought another couch, many of my hidden treasures were buried with the couch at the dump.

From my hiding place, I would watch Dad as he floated through the door of the garage. He looked like a shadow when he moved, a giant with his long thin legs. He always stood straight, never slouched, even when he talked to my mother, who was much shorter than he.

He’d walk into the living room and fall unceremoniously into a little easy chair that sat alone, pushed back into a dark corner of the room. It but disappeared when he sat in it, his long lanky arms covering the breadth of the sides of the chair. Then he flicked his left index finger in front of his face, a noise similar to the one made when two pieces of paper rub together following. He would examine it for a minute, turning the finger this way and that.

As he stared at his finger, he would say, Okay, Rae, you can come out from behind the couch now.

I didn’t know how he did it. I was quiet as a mouse, and I knew it. I’d slither out from the dark place, where spiderwebs were in abundance, wipe off my legs and behind, and stand before him. He sat with his hand supporting his head and examined me as if he had never seen me before.

I could feel the heat crawl up my neck, and then my ears would burn when he studied me so closely. It couldn’t be helped.

Then in his thickest Irish brogue, he would ask me in a tone that belayed any emotion, Why are you still up? Did you have a bad dream?

Mom shook her head and began to talk, pulling me out of my reverie. When you were born, we knew right away you inherited his gifts. Your eyes were a frightening shade of red. She turned to me. "As you grew, you would complain about dreams you had of other worlds. You were always stronger and faster than other children, more aware of your surroundings. The night you were born, the nurses were afraid to hold you. You meowed like a