Surviving the Men in My Life: Book One of a Trilogy

By M.J. AKA

I feel everyone has a story to tell and we all wear masks to cover who we really are. We want others to think our lives are perfect, but that is not always the case. Our masks hide the pain and suffering each of us may have endured at some point in our lives. It is with this book that I am lowering my mask to reveal to you who I truly am.

This first book will tell you about two of my marriages and the men in between. My first marriage was to my high school sweetheart who really didn't want to be married, but never found the courage to tell me. After a few years and an assortment of men, I married my second husband. Within a few months the mental and physical abuse began and I realized that I had made a terrible mistake. I blamed myself at first, but after years of trying to be a 'better' wife I realized that it wasn't me, it was him. You will understand by reading my book what I went through and how I finally escaped his dominance.

I hope this first book will entertain you and help you navigate down your own 'path of life'. I have suggested music to listen to while you read my book hoping it will help you understand my life. Music has always spoken to me, telling me a story. Listen to Annie Lennox singing "Why" and you will understand a little about who I am..."You don't know how I feel."

A portion of the profits made from the sale of this book will be donated to a Domestic Violence Program.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Newman Springs Publishing, Inc.
• Release date: Jan 18, 2023
• ISBN: 9781684985791

Book preview

Contents

Prologue

Bert

Charles

Computers Are the Future

Pete

Charles Again

Our Television Premier

No Career Path

The Robbery

Dye Job and Roommate

Dr. R.

Don

Bob A.

Hack

Bob H.

I Think His Name Was?

Bob A. Again

John

Bob A.

John and I Begin

Bob A.

Life Continues with Another Fancy Car

Near Death

Life Goes On

A Beach House This Time

Our Babies

#Me Too

No Questions Asked Again

Terry and Renee

Another Emergency Room Visit

Gone Again

Moving Again

Our Video Shop

An AKA for Me

A Serious Wrongdoing

Back to a Real Job

Macy and the Spec Home

Trying to Escape

The Inevitable

Falling Apart

The Escape

Vancouver, British Columbia

Jim

He Found Me Again

Back Home

The Priest Had Met a Devil

Epilogue

Prologue

So I’ve decided to write my book. I’ve been putting it off for a long time now, years in fact. I feel that the time has come, especially since I’m heading into my mid-seventies and I’m forgetting a whole lot of shit! So you must forgive this old lady. I am doing my best to remember my crazy life—the names, the places, and the circumstances. It’s everything I can remember, to the best of my knowledge, and how I think it happened. Writing this all down has really been very cathartic for me. I’ve been holding it in two small boxes for so many years, one in my head and one in my heart. Finally getting it down on paper has been very helpful to my well-being and sanity.

The other night I couldn’t sleep, so what else is new, and I decided that instead of writing a regular book, I would write all the insane circumstances that have happened in my life. I’m not going to have photos included in my book, but I will mention a lot of music. Including photos might bring back demons from my past which I truly want to stay in the darkness where they belong.

Music has always been a big part of my life, and each song that I mention has had a special meaning to me. I listen to a lot of music on Pandora, and I am proud of my diversified genre of music. Back when I was in my teens, I loved rhythm and blues music, i.e., Marvin Gaye, The Four Tops, Earth, Wind & Fire, to name a few, but I also loved The Beatles and the Rolling Stones. Crank up the volume and listen to Gimme Shelter or Paint It Black. Both are my favorites. As I was growing a little older, I branched out more and enjoyed Led Zeppelin, Foreigner, Journey, OMG, Steve Perry singing Faithfully. It’s something we are all seeking in our lives. The Bee Gees, Derek and the Dominos (Eric Clapton used to be their lead singer), and Faces (Rod Stewart was their lead singer). I could go on and on about music. It has always been there for me. When you have the time, go to YouTube and listen to some of the artists I mention. Listen to some of their songs, and you’ll get a little insight into whom I was as I was growing up. Also, on Pandora, make a selection by choosing the Christopher Cross Radio, Journey Radio, Patti Labelle Radio, Led Zeppelin Radio, and Whitesnake Radio stations. All those songs really take me back to my younger days, great music even to this day, so easy to enjoy with so many great artists performing. Remember, I was in my twenties and thirties listening to all this great music. Oh, and an interesting bit of information, most of the great solo singers once sang with a group. Teddy Pendergrass sang with Harold Melvin and the Blue Notes, and Phil Collins sang with Genesis before going out on his own. He was the drummer for the group and really could do both perfectly. Listen to him sing I Wish It Would Rain Down. It’s great! Rod Stewart first sang with Faces (when he sang Stay with Me and Maggie May) and three other groups before that. Then there’s Annie Lennox who sang with Eurythmics, Stevie Nicks who sang with Fleetwood Mac, but in 1981, she went off on her own. We can’t forget Michael McDonald who sang with the Doobie Brothers. Oh, and Darius Rucker who sang with Hootie and the Blowfish. Darius really changed his type of music when he went solo. He is leaning toward country music now, which I also love. There’s so much more and I could go on and on. Check all of them out, and then quiz your friends! Oh, and let yourself enjoy the music I’m recommending. I want you to really listen to Elton John singing Tiny Dancer as the song progresses. The symphony music that is accompanying him is so amazing. You should take the time to listen to them all. Just sit back and zone out.

I’m going to mention songs throughout this book that have a lot of meaning to me. Again, please listen to all of them at the very moment that I recommend the song. It’s so very important! This music will help you understand my life at that time and the situations I was caught up in. Earth, Wind & Fire has a wonderful song titled That’s the Way of the World. Listen especially to the parts about stay young at heart and a child is born with a heart of gold. Those lines are so true. We become who we are by the things we have seen and endured in our lives.

My last nursing job was working at T-V Orthopedics where I worked as a fill in physician’s assistant to a group of eleven physicians. It was the perfect job for me, and I loved working with so many different people and doctors. Each of the physician’s assistants would schedule me to fill in for them when they were going on a vacation or had an important event that they needed to attend. If I couldn’t cover for them, they would either change their dates of absence or ask someone else to cover for them. They really disliked another assistant covering for them, especially if it was for more than one day. It was inevitable that they would always come back to a pile of work that had not been done for them because the other assistant had their doctor to take care of also. When I covered their position, I took care of everything. In essence, I became them. Upon their return, I would hand all the work I had done back over to them, just like they had been there all along. It was perfect for both of us. I worked on my schedule and covered when I wanted to. Of course, there were times when someone would call in early that morning, ill, or had an emergency they needed to handle. I would receive a call from either Linda or Nancy, in management, asking if I could cover that doctor’s clinic. In almost all those cases I covered, it was extremely important to me to show that they could all depend on me, always. Although it was a sweet job, it was difficult. Each physician has their own way of doing things. Some of them were more difficult to work with than others, but I told myself, It’s not permanent. Just do it. And I did. What I really enjoyed were the people. All the employees were great, and over the years, we have remained friends. They are all waiting for this book to come out since a lot of them had heard bits and pieces when I was working. On the days that I happened to be there, I would go into the lunchroom, and more often than not, someone would come in the break room and say, "Oh my God, tell me another one of your stories!" It was hilarious to me that everyone thought that I was making these things up, but it was all real. It was my life, and I have lived through each and every thing that I am going to tell you.

My view of life may not be the same as yours, but I have found that this explanation works best for me: Life is like a huge garden. There are so many beautiful things to see and hear along the path you are traveling—trees, plants, flowers, birds singing, butterflies, hummingbirds. It’s all so amazing as more and more unbelievable things just keep appearing to you as you walk along your path. There are all types of gorgeous things that you will see, but I must also mention that there are many plants that are dying, have thorns, or may be poisonous. The insects and animals may also be very dangerous. They can sting you for no reason or spontaneously bite you with their deadly venom. It can be a very scary place on your path of life, and if you have chosen poorly, you may even lose your life. As your path continues, there are many forks that you will encounter on your journey, and you must choose which pathway to take. You cannot see to the end of either path that lies ahead, so you do not know what you may be getting yourself into by the choice you make. Just remember, once you have chosen a route to walk down, there is no turning back. You must continue down the path you have chosen and hope that your choice will be a beautiful and safe one.

And lastly, I have divided my book into the chapters of my life. Each chapter is named after the men who were in my life at the time. Please don’t judge me. Just read and hopefully it will entertain you. There was no other way for me to make sense of it all, so here it is. Listen to a newer song by Brett Young titled Chapters. It’s a beautiful song and is so true. We all have a story to tell, turning one page at a time. One very important song you must listen to before reading about my life is Annie Lennox singing Why. This song is about me and the life I have led. No one really knows how you feel. This is just the beginning of what I have gone through on the path in my garden of life.

Bert

Walking down life’s path, my first encounter with a young man was Bert S. I met him when I was just sixteen years old, and he was our neighbors’ brother. Bert was in the marines, a very nice-looking man, a little older than I was, and a genuinely kind person. He came home on leave one summer, and we met and talked off and on while he was visiting his family next to my parents’ home in Buena Park. It wasn’t too long after our first meeting that he had to return to his military base. Days went by and before I knew it, Bert was back. He was an amazing guy with so many interesting things he had done and seen in his short life. After all, he was twenty, and I was an innocent sweet sixteen. We met frequently while he visited, and the next thing I knew, he invited me over for dinner with his family. It was totally unexpected. But I spoke with my mom about it, and we agreed that it would be fine. After all, we knew our neighbors well, and I had done babysitting for their young child in the past. Bert came over to escort me to their home, and after our cordial greetings, we all sat down at the dinner table. There was one man there that I felt was a peculiar dinner guest. He had been introduced to me as the pastor of their church. I felt it was odd that this man was there. In the midst of our dinner, the pastor of their church suddenly asked if he could make a toast to the happy couple. He then went on to say, Congratulations on your engagement! Oh my God, what? I was in total shock to say the least, and I managed to make it through our dinner without throwing up. Bert walked me home, gave me a sweet kiss, and walked away without saying a word. It was all beyond belief. What had just happened? Bert never asked me to marry him. At least I didn’t think so. Was I that naïve? I didn’t sleep at all that night, and I talked with my mom at length about how I should handle the situation. Of course, she told me that I had to tell him that I was definitely too young and could not marry him. That pretty much went without saying. He never even asked me. That’s what was so weird. He had apparently told everyone at dinner, except me. That was not how I, as a young woman, imagined someone asking me for my hand in marriage. It was far from it. How could he ever expect me to say yes to that?

Well, early the next morning, without sleeping at all that night, I went over to our neighbors thinking I could talk to Bert about his nonverbal proposal, but it was too late. They told me that he had left very early that morning and that he had gone back east to visit with their mom and dad. I thanked them, got the address for their parents’ home, and ran back home to my mother to tell her the terrible news. I decided that although it was an awful thing to do, I would have to write a Dear John letter to Bert. There was no other way. I wish I had kept a copy of the letter I wrote to him, but I didn’t. I know in my heart that my letter spoke kindly of him, and I explained that I was just too young to marry. I let my mother read the letter. She agreed that it showed tenderness, but that it was to the point and hopefully he would understand.

I sent the letter right away that day, but I never heard back from him. It was probably about two months later that I spoke with his family about the situation and our misunderstanding. They told me they understood how I felt and were sorry it had happened that way. They told me they received a phone call from Bert and that he was heartbroken. He told them that he had reenlisted in the marines. Oh God, did I do that to him? He must have understood. He never even asked me properly. I thought we were just friends. It was all such a mess.

I never heard from Bert again, and I have always felt absolutely horrible about our misunderstanding. He was a really nice guy, a true gentleman, and I hope he eventually found his true love. Listen to Trace Adkins singing You’re Gonna Miss This. It couldn’t be truer. How we all want to grow up so fast!

Charles

My journey continues, and I meet Charles S. C. in high school. He was more my type most importantly because he was my age but also because he was nice looking and seemed to have a nice personality. We both attended a high school in Anaheim, California, and he had quite a following of girls on our campus and he knew it. He celebrated his birthday in late March with mine being in early February, making him a little younger than I was. My mother didn’t like that I was interested in a guy who was younger than me, even by a day. She would always remind me that girls matured more quickly than guys and that her and my dad were nine days apart in age, dad being older, so that was okay in her world. She was my mom and I respected her no matter what, but I didn’t think that Charles being a little younger than me would be a big deal. Boy, was I wrong.

My first actual meeting with Charlie was in our science class with Mr. C. We had the typical science desks, shiny smooth black surface, raised high with two students per desk sitting on bar stool-type seats. Charlie and I sat across the aisle from each other but never really spoke. A glance or a smile once in a while was it. Then one day, Mr. C. was handing out our graded test papers, and I had my desk mate’s results still in my hand. I heard someone say, Hey, Linda, what did you get? No response. Again, Linda, what grade did you get? I turned to look at Charlie directly across the aisle from me with a quizzical look on his face. Looking directly at me, again, he said, Linda, what did you get? Oh my God, he was talking to me! I was holding my desk mate Linda’s test paper in my hand and he must have seen her name on it and thought I was Linda. I was so in awe that I nonchalantly replied her score to him. Really, what was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn’t, but then again, he was speaking to me! Hey, remember, I was just sixteen at the time, and boys were everything. It didn’t matter that my name wasn’t Linda. He was really speaking to me, in a way. How young and stupid I was, not to speak up. I just went along with the ruse and continued to be Linda for over the next week. We would see each other in the corridors, in the lunchroom, and even in the courtyard between the buildings, and