Looks Aren't Everything

By Emily Carrington

Ash’s dads have embraced their nonbinary self and Ash feels empowered in their blindness, but their dads still won’t let them do anything alone. When Ash meets Theresa at a blindness conference, they long to slip the apron strings.

Theresa, blinded in a terrible incident, has fully embraced her transgender identity. What she can’t get past is her loss of sight. Meeting Ash, who is confident in their disability, seems like a gift, especially the first time they kiss.

But Theresa hides a terrible secret and she’s afraid between that and her disability she won’t be good enough for Ash. How can Ash possibly prove her wrong?

• Language: English
• Publisher: Changeling Press
• Release date: Jul 22, 2022

Book preview

Chapter One

Conscious that they wanted to whine, but also that they were nineteen, Ash modulated their tone. Candace, they said to their sister, it’s not that I don’t love our dads but… Lacking a way to finish that statement, Ash tried again. Do you understand where I’m coming from?

Candace shifted, her rocking chair creaking under her.

Ash liked that chair, but it was Candace’s favorite also and so, since this was her place, she got to sit in it. Aidan, one of their dads, had explained that for the blind, like him, or severely visually impaired, like Ash, rocking was a natural motion. And having a rocking chair gave a person an acceptable place to do it where they could feel the movement of the air on their face and the motion against their body.

Other people like to rock too, Aidan had said when he was teaching Ash to remain still during school and for social situations. But for some members of the blind community, it soothes something inside. So, don’t be afraid to rock but keep it to appropriate circumstances.

After a few moments, Candace said, Maybe I get some of it. When I moved into this apartment with Al, both Mike and Aidan freaked royally. She giggled. Aidan more than Mike, I think, but only because he’s even more protective and, well, anal about keeping everyone in his life safe.

Aidan was a black belt. A blind black belt at that. And still he thought the world would attack his family at the first chance.

Of course, between the man who’d attacked first Mike and then Ash… But that was over five years in the past! Couldn’t Aidan do like the song and let it go?

The National Federation of the Blind yearly conference is the safest place on Earth, Ash said, trying a different tack. There are sighted helpers everywhere.

That doesn’t fly. Considering that the NFB had to start a group for survivors of sexual harassment and worse.

Ash shook their head, feeling their hair fly against their ears. Those attacks happened in learning centers, not at conferences.

They happened in all places where female, and sometimes male, students felt uncomfortable and were touched without permission.

Ash threw up their hands. You sound like Dad.

Candace laughed. Which one?

You know I’m talking about Aidan, Ash snapped. Don’t make fun of me.

I’m not. But there was laughter in Candace’s voice. I’m just saying that argument won’t work against Aidan or Mike, especially since it’s full of holes.

Ash tried to blow their bangs off their forehead. Failing that, they brushed their hair back with both hands. Okay, fine. What do you suggest?

Actions speak louder than words, Candace answered at once. Show him, show them, that you’re mature and confident. She paused. Ash, do you think Aidan’s being anal and overprotective because you’re blind?

Ash scowled. Even though they’d accepted long ago that their level of light perception without the ability to distinguish forms by sight meant they were functionally blind, it still rankled sometimes to hear the b word come out of someone else’s mouth. Still, that wasn’t what was important here. Candace’s question needed an answer. Yes. They flopped backward against the couch cushions and covered their face with their small hands.

Okay, Candace said slowly. Let’s pick that apart a little. Is Aidan blind? And is he independent?

Yeah.

And did he and Mike freak out when I decided to move in with Al?

Not seeing where this was going, Ash answered. Yeah.

I’m not visually impaired or blind. Assuming it’s your blindness that’s set them off, why did they freak about my moving?

Because… Ash stopped. They’d never considered that before. Because you’re still in college and money is tight?

Nope. Because Al and I have been dating only since December. It’s now June. That is only six-ish months.

But you’ve known him for years! You’ve been great friends.

That was the argument I used, Candace affirmed. And do you think that went over well?

Ash shook their head. Probably not, they said morosely.

Exactly. Do you know why? She didn’t wait for Ash to answer. Because arguing with our dads is about as useful as arguing with a brick wall. They don’t listen to arguments or reasons. What they respond to best are actions. Like how I haven’t gotten pregnant yet because we’re using protection and birth control. And how Al and I are paying all our bills without help.

Ash frowned slightly and sat forward, dropping their hands. So, what you’re saying is I need to prove myself through actions. How can I do that between now and the first week of July?

First step is to tamp down your emotions, Candace answered seriously. The next step is to prepare for this convention with an eye toward sharing a room with our dad and maybe gaining independence enough to go to different luncheons than he does. You’ll be going to the students’ luncheon, right?

Ash nodded. Yeah.

And he’ll be attending the parents’ one. That’s a great opportunity.

What if he won’t let me do anything on my own?

Don’t go borrowing trouble. Give him a chance to untie the apron strings.

Ash giggled. They couldn’t help it. Aidan actually did have an apron that he wore when he cooked. It said, in print, Ash had been told, Saucy. They thought about the string being cut and relaxed a little. Okay. I’ll give him a chance to trust me. They stood and, honing in on the creak of the rocking chair, reached out for Candace’s hand.

Candace caught their fingers and squeezed. Better? their sister asked.

Ash nodded. Yes. Thank you.

Candace stood. Do you want to help me make dinner?

Definitely. And Ash followed their older sister into the kitchen.

* * *

Theresa considered the clothes she’d chosen for her first NFB convention. She was going to be spending time with others from her state of Pennsylvania at this first meeting of the conference. She’d been born in Philly but raised in Colton, which was an hour and a half outside the city, when her father became a doctor at the hospital there.

She never passed on a chance to dress up and the NFB gathering insisted that everyone be professionally attired. Theresa didn’t really understand why. If everyone was blind, what was the point? Still, she adored her five sets of dress clothes and was looking forward to wearing them.

First things first, she thought as she arranged the clothing she’d chosen for today on the hotel bed in front of her. Tucking needed to be accomplished.

She’d decided three years ago that she didn’t want to have bottom surgery to change her penis into a modified clitoris. She might eventually pursue a top surgery and have breasts implanted but she’d heard enough horror stories about that to feel trepidation.

She’d been a graphic designer before the violence that had taken her eyesight. She’d been living in another city, hell, another state, when it happened. Now, forced to come back home because she couldn’t support herself, she wondered how anyone who was blind succeeded at anything.

Well, Theresa thought resolutely, the National Federation of the Blind surely has a lot of money to be able to give me half a room for four nights and to pay for my noontime meals and the banquet too. There must be successful blind people here somewhere.

Turning her mind from that with a focus born of years of replacing unpleasant thoughts with good ones, Theresa began the task of dressing.

First, she tucked her cock, which was flaccid and more easily controlled at the moment, down inside her underwear. This was uncomfortable but not as much as having it get in the way of her skirt. Next, having shaved her legs the night before, she sat on the edge of the bed and put on her nylons. These weren’t the traditional nude color but a warm brown that matched her skin color. This done, she put on the bra with its fake size-C boobs already inside. She often wondered what it would be like to have her boobs squeezed and actually be able to feel it.

Finally, on went the skirt and blouse, both pink, the blouse paler than the skirt by half a dozen shades. Not that Theresa could see this, or anything else, but she’d gone with her sister, Charity, who had described everything with meticulous detail, the same way she did everything else. Charity was a year younger than Theresa but had taken it upon herself to protect her sister. Theresa was grateful, most of the time.

At last, she slipped into her shoes, which were flats. Not because she didn’t like heels. She did. A lot. But her balance seemed to have gone all to hell when her sight was taken from her.

Aware that line of thought would make her cry and ruin her careful makeup job, again done by Charity, Theresa sighed and stood. Sis?

I’m still in the bathroom, Charity called back. Give me a minute.

Theresa picked up her cane from the night table between their beds, unfolding it with a snap. Handy, these foldable canes, although she’d also brought a straight cane that she’d been given by the NFB when she lost her sight.

The bathroom door opened and Charity said, You look good.

Thanks. I don’t know why we’re bothering to dress up when no one can see us.

Charity laughed. Not that again. What if there are other sighted people there, like me? Or what if there are partially sighted people who can see how great your hair looks and the way the pink complements your skin?

You sound like you’re trying to set me up with someone.

Charity chuckled. Why not? What’s wrong with a little convention fling?

Theresa didn’t answer but picked her way carefully around the end of the bed, using her cane sparingly because she wasn’t quite used to the thing. Usually, she just took Charity’s arm. Or the arm of whichever sibling happened to be closest, like her older brother, Thomas.

Still, this was a relatively small room. There was little chance she’d get lost. So, she made her way toward the door.

Give me a sec, girl! You’re in such a hurry! Charity said as she passed Theresa.

Theresa settled with her back against the door, feeling grounded and safe. If she was forced to tell the truth, this conference scared the hell out of her, but she’d die rather than admit as much. So many blind people in such a large hotel! How would she manage not to run into person after person?

I’ll have to rely on Charity, she thought, and that’s that.

Dependence wasn’t her natural state,