G.E.M.S.

By Daphne Valcourt

In the ancient traditions, inspirational life lessons and words of wisdom were passed on from one generation to the next through the oral tradition; modern technology (television, electronic games, gizmos, and social media) however has replaced these oral traditions resulting in important life lessons and impactful stories that help to strengthen character and build resilience not being passed on. This book was written as a legacy to my daughter to help preserve these life lessons for generations to come; in so doing, these lessons will not be lost or forgotten. In times of crisis or distress, most people tend to revert to a more primitive form of existence to seek for strength, but conceivably, if the life lessons were never learned then there would be nothing to revert to; it is then that they give up in defeat. This book has valuable life lessons, impactful stories and research discoveries, which are called “G.E.M.S” and is shared to encourage and strengthen you in your personal journey. Enjoy the Journey!

Daphne Valcourt PhD, CPsyD, MA, MS, LMFT, LMHC, CQSW, Notary public

• Language: English
• Publisher: Xlibris US
• Release date: Nov 8, 2022
• ISBN: 9781669847724

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Copyright © 2022 by Daphne Valcourt.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be reproduced or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the copyright owner.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

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Rev. date: 10/21/2022

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CONTENTS

Acknowledgements

Foreword

Introduction

Part I GEMS FOR THE JOURNEY

Your 1st Gem KNOW WHAT YOU BELIEVE

Your 2nd Gem YOUR LIFE’S JOURNEY

Your 3rd Gem FLY WITH EAGLES

Your 4th Gem FINDING YOUR PURPOSE IN LIFE

Your 5th Gem STRUGGLE AGAINST THE ODDS

Your 6th Gem TAP INTO THE SOURCE OF YOUR STRENGTH

Your 7th Gem MOVE FROM FEAR TO FAITH

Your 8th Gem HAVE A VISION

Your 9th Gem STOP SINGING THE BLUES

Your 10th Gem THE BLESSING IN HELPING

Your 11th Gem GET UP FROM THE DUNGHILL

Your 12th Gem YOUR CHANGE WILL COME

Your 13th Gem KNOW WHO YOU ARE

Your 14th Gem BUILD YOUR CHARACTER

Your 15th Gem THE SKY’S THE LIMIT

Your 16th Gem CULTIVATING FAITH THAT WORKS

Your 17th Gem OBTAINING GOD’S GIFTS AND FAVORS

Your 18th Gem YOU CAN REACH HIGHER

Your 19th Gem YOUR POWER TO GET WEALTH

Your 20th Gem THE KEYS TO SUCCESS

Part II STAYING THE COURSE

Your 21st Gem STOP CHASING AFTER SUCCESS

Your 22nd Gem BLOOM ABOVE THE DIRT

Your 23rd Gem SHARE THIS LITTLE BIT OF FOOD

Your 24th Gem EVEN ROOKIES CAN TAKE DOWN GIANTS

Your 25th Gem WALK ON WATER

Your 26th Gem YOU MUST SURRENDER

Your 27th Gem A DEMOTION CAN LEAD TO A BIG PROMOTION

Your 28th Gem YOUR DAMASCUS ROAD

Your 29th Gem YOUR TICKET TO HELL AND BACK

Your 30th Gem LEARN A LESSON FROM JOSEPH’S RISE TO FAME

Your 31st Gem LEARN FROM DANIEL’S CHOICES

Your 32nd Gem LEARN FROM THE COST OF ESAU’S BIRTHRIGHT

Your 33rd Gem LEARN FROM THE WOMAN WHO WANTED MORE

Your 34th Gem BASK IN HIS PRESENCE

Your 35th Gem WHEN THE FISHING NET IS EMPTY

Your 36th Gem LORD, I NEED A MIRACLE

Your 37th Gem JUST SPEAK TO YOUR MOUNTAIN

Your 38th Gem IT’S TIME TO CROSS YOUR RED SEA

Your 39th Gem POT SHOTS AT YOU

Your 40th Gem LETTING GO AND STARTING OVER

Bibliography/Source Materials/ Acknowledgements

Acknowledgements

G.E.M.S

A Mother’s Treasure Trove of Life Lessons for Success, Mental Health & Spiritual Growth

G.E.M.S.

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DAPHNE VALCOURT

Dear Reader,

This book is my personal legacy to my daughter. I published it initially unedited, just before the COVID-19 pandemic shut down, so that should I become a victim of COVID, this information would be available. Hopefully, you the reader and those of you whose lives I may have touched may also benefit from the contents of this book. Growing up, I have had many mentors to teach me these life lessons, but I have also had to learn some the hard way. I am therefore gifting these lessons to you for the time to come when I may not be around. These valuable life-changing and inspirational lessons are supported by research and bible-based teachings and are shared as a source of encouragement to you on your personal journey. It is my hope that in reading these lessons, you will develop faith and self-confidence; build resilience through spiritual intelligence and develop enough courage to follow the path that leads to your success and mental health.

Acknowledgements

This book is dedicated to my parents and maternal grandmother; also, to the late Dr. Wesley Plummer, who prayed fervently for the success of this book. Sadly, he passed before its publication.

Acknowledgements go to Dr, Pastor Simone Lord Marcelle who started me off on the book publishing journey. Brother-in-law Patrick Folkes, aerospace engineer who, even though a self-professed atheist, took time to read the entire manuscript and requested his own copy; sadly, he also passed before receiving his copy. I am profoundly grateful to Oluwaloni (Loni) Adeniran for painstakingly going through each chapter of the manuscript and providing helpful feedback, and to my daughter Sarah for her thoughts regarding cover design. Licensed Clinical Social worker Andre Hoover, my sister Beverly Stephenson, professor and former council woman of Spanish Town, Jamaica and Sharon Terrelonge, nurse practitioner specializing in holistic health also provided valuable feedback.

My gratitude goes to my husband Serge, educator and poet and my sister Joan, retired banker, and entrepreneur for their ongoing support and to Allison Francis - a sweet soul whom I have come to regard as my personal angel, for her constant encouragement and urging to write, finish and publish this book. Finally, I thank God for His amazing love, favor, and guidance throughout the years.

Copyright © 2015, Library of Congress

To My Precious Gem,

This is my personal legacy to you as you launch out in life. This book has taken me over ten years to write so guard it carefully. It contains powerful and inspiring life lessons that you will not learn in any one book. In the ancient traditions, life lessons and words of wisdom were passed down from one generation to the next through the oral tradition, but modern technology (television, electronic games and gizmos, and social media) has replaced the oral traditions - resulting in important life lessons not being passed on for generations. I have authored this book so that these life lessons and impactful stories will not be lost or forgotten. In times of crisis, most people tend to revert to a more primitive form of existence to seek for strength, but conceivably, if the life lessons were never learned then there would be nothing to revert to; it is then that they give up in defeat. This book has valuable life lessons and research discoveries, which I call G.E.M.S (an acronym for God and goals; Education; the Mind and money, and Self-control). You must read this book and learn from the life lessons shared. These lessons will help give you direction and secure your anchor during the storms of life. This book will help you become spiritually intelligent in the face of life’s challenges - and there will be many challenges in your journey of life. You must take time to read and reread this book. There are profound nuggets of wisdom in each life lesson that you must learn, unearth, and never forget. Your success in life depends on it. These life lessons will lift you from the depths of despair – the dunghill of life and strengthen your faith in God. You will be encouraged to reach for new heights in attainment - soaring like the eagle.

Affectionately, Mommy

Foreword

Listen to a father’s [Mother’s] instructions: Forsake her not, and she shall preserve thee: love her, and she shall keep thee. Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Exalt her, and she shall promote thee: she shall bring thee to honor, when thou dost embrace her..… Proverbs 4: 6-8 (KJV)

In your hand is a unique book full of powerful life changing GEMS that are dedicated to your success, mental health, and spiritual growth. My initial title for the book was "Up from the Dunghill" and was aimed at providing a spiritual response to adversity, but realizing the intersection of science, mental health, and spirituality, overtime its scope has expanded to combine bio-psychosocial science and scholarly research with intrinsic life lessons learned along life’s pathway - hence the title and acronym GEMS. It is my hope that the contents will serve as a mentor to help guide you through adversity; offer new insight on coping with life’s challenges and provide you with the encouragement you need to become the confident and successful person that God intends that you should be. Most importantly, you will understand that God has a purpose for your life and that even adversity can turn out to be your pathway to achieving incredible success.

I am particularly grateful to those who have shared their insight and knowledge to benefit others and to my mother and maternal grandmother for the life lessons they were able to share with me; now I am passing these lessons on to you. The insights shared have helped me and many others obtain freedom from a caged bird mentality. By a caged bird mentality I mean ideas, thoughts, behaviors, and relationships that are crippling and can prevent you from becoming your personal best. These nuggets are shared to give you hope if you are in the depths of despair and the courage to stand up again if you are feeling knocked down. It is my hope that it will help move you from your lowest point, to accomplishing your greatest good - soaring like the eagle. This book is not a substitute for seeking professional guidance, but it may help you to recognize when you need to do so.

You will find that the contents include my life experiences and the shared spiritual experience and yearnings of individuals past and present who have struggled against enormous and extreme social, emotional, and material circumstances that had placed them at a disadvantage in life and yet they were able to bounce back or rise to incredible success. Their stories have been an inspiration to me, and I am sharing them for the sole purpose of illustration. This does not suggest that I agree with all their decisions, life choices or spiritual beliefs. The aim of this book is to go beyond being motivational to provide you with spiritual nourishment for the body, mind and spirit and sound insight for successful daily living. You can only benefit from reading and re- reading this book.

I have quoted extensively (with permission) from one of my favorite authors, Ellen G. White, who lived from 1827-1915. Growing up in the Seventh-day Adventist church, I have seen people use her name to control others. They would say Sister White says this, or Mrs. White says that, as the final authority to quiet the enquiring mind - so much so that there are individuals who are dismissive of her writings and do not read her work. Some even speak ill of her and her writings. This is unfortunate because there is much inspiration that can be gained from her writings. Ellen White is a prolific writer whose formal education ended when she was only nine years old and yet she has written over 40 books and numerous manuscripts on a wide variety of practical topics. Much of her work, especially the book Desire of Ages testifies of the love of Jesus. I have found her devotional writings when read in conjunction with the Bible to be truly inspirational and a blessing in my life. In some of my darkest moments of self-doubt and uncertainty, her writings have provided me with incredible insight and comfort. The quotations shared were excerpted from her work, with permission from her estate and are my interpretations - intended only to inspire and encourage you on your spiritual journey. I have also quoted from various versions of the Bible, but the King James and the New International Versions. Unless otherwise stated, the quotes are from the King James Version or New International Version.

I am not a theologian so my spiritual beliefs about God and my relationship with Him are based on my personal experience of God; the lessons learned from attending Sabbath School and from my maternal grandmother, a kind and loving God-fearing woman. I also studied religion at the Oxford University Advanced [A] level in England. My second doctoral degree in Christian Psychology obtained from seminary in the US has further served to enhance my understanding of theological concepts and insight in human behavior; however, I have spent much time in my own personal search for an understanding of the purpose of life, adversity, consciousness, the meaning of success and in exploring different religious faiths and belief systems in an effort to find answers for the many life questions that have puzzled me. I have learned since then that my brain is filled with many spiritual beliefs and disbeliefs that are based on my knowledge, cultural exposure, life experiences and my relationship with God. These experiences result in the values I hold and the choices I make about what I believe and what I ignore. My beliefs and experiences also help to determine my level of spirituality and my emotional and intellectual responses to life’s challenges.

I am an avid reader and a receptive learner, so I cannot remember all the sources, authors, pastors, teachers, or friends from whom I have gained insight. Therefore, I am here and now giving full acknowledgement and appreciation to all in case I overlook anyone.

Introduction

I was encouraged to write this book by my family and friends. My sister Joan, her husband Patrick and my husband Serge were especially encouraging. However, it was the continual urging of Allison Frances, an elderly lady with a spattering of gray that frames her face like a halo, a warm smile and the most angelic face that has kept me motivated to write. I don’t know much about Allison except that she grew up in an orphanage and she heard me speak once at my home church and told me that I ought to draft a book and that it will bless many - especially the despairing. Each summer, for several years Allison frequented my home church and at each visit she would ask for her copy of the book. Each time I would humor her in response, Oh, it’s coming soon. However, it took me a while to put pen to paper until I felt encouraged by the Bible verse in Acts of the Apostles, which says: But rise, and stand upon thy feet: for I have appeared unto thee for this purpose, to make thee a minister and a witness both of these things which thou hast seen, and of those things in the which I will appear unto thee; (Acts 26:16). My daughter’s disillusionment with God during her pre-adolescent years, after losing three of her young friends - one died in a tragic car accident and the other two through chronic medical conditions, which afflicted them, all before the age of ten provided me with added impetus to do research and write this book.

The life lessons shared are many and cover a myriad of topics such as cognition and beliefs, faith, and adversity; mental health and relationships; success and money matters. Every case example, illustration, story, and analogy are based on lessons learned along life’s pathway and shared to help strengthen, encourage, and inspire you to be the best you that God intended that you should be. This is not the usual banal success or motivational book. I have read many of those books and have found them to be encouraging, but most are devoid of a spiritual foundation and do not counsel against practices, beliefs and behaviors that might sabotage your success or even prevent you from maximizing your potential. The propagation of the idea of sitting back and manifesting riches through supernatural forces or dishonest means is also foolish and panders to the minds of those who believe in achieving success without effort. The wise man Solomon admonishes against laziness: "He becometh poor that dealeth with a slack hand: but the hand of the diligent maketh rich" (Proverbs, 10:4). He also warns that An inheritance may be gotten hastily at the beginning; but the end thereof shall not be blessed (Prov. 20:21). I believe this to be true based on my years of experience in working with adults and teens who became criminally involved. I saw firsthand that individuals who committed criminal acts or engaged in illegal activity to make money would appear to be flourishing materially and even live a lavish lifestyle, but after a while their lives would be cut short or they would lose it all through imprisonment, drug dependency, government confiscation, poor money management or death. Living and working in large cities, it was common to know or hear of individuals who participated in illegal drug activity getting shot over a drug deal gone bad. Many were poor teenagers that drug cartels used as runners; these kids would get killed over skimming off the top of their drug sales and using the money to buy flashy brand name clothing and jewelry as a way of strengthening their fragile egos. The life lessons to be learned from this book are many and because I want to help you remember them, I am introducing you to the acronym GEMS:

*G* represents God, Goals and Giving. There are many gods in this world, but you must know what you believe and decide which god you will worship, and in which god you will anchor your faith. It is possible to make a god of yourself, your spouse, your children, your jewelry, your possessions, your achievements, your job, or even certain beliefs.

Just be mindful that these gods will eventually let you down because they are byproducts of the true source. There is only one true God, the one who is the creator. Revelations 4:11 says: Thou art worthy, O Lord, to receive glory and honor and power: for thou hast created all things, and for thy pleasure they are and were created. Why worship the byproduct of creation rather than the source? It is like worshiping a few carats in diamond when the White Dwarf Star (discovered in 2004 by astronomers and nicknamed Lucy after the Beatles song Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds), equals a diamond of 10 billion trillion, trillion carats. The creator God’s resources are limitless. Ps 50:7-15 says: Hear, O my people, and I will speak; O Israel, and I will testify against thee: I am God, even thy God. I will not reprove thee for thy sacrifices or thy burnt offerings, to have been continually before me. I will take no bullock out of thy house, nor he goats out of thy folds. For every beast of the forest is mine, and the cattle upon a thousand hills. I know all the fowls of the mountains: and the wild beasts of the field are mine. If I were hungry, I would not tell thee: for the world is mine, and the fullness thereof. Will I eat the flesh of bulls, or drink the blood of goats? Offer unto God thanksgiving; and pay thy vows unto the most High: And call upon me in the day of trouble: I will deliver thee, and thou shalt glorify me. You must daily acknowledge God as your creator and submit to Him all your plans, dreams, fears, aspirations, and your life goals, realizing that "There are many devices in a man’s heart; nevertheless, the counsel of the Lord, that shall stand" (Prov. 19:21).

You must set goals in life in order not to wander through life aimlessly, for if you aim at achieving nothing in life, you will achieve nothing. When a dart player plays darts, he aims for bull’s-eye; similarly, in life you must have targeted aims and goals. Setting goals will motivate you to move forward in life. In establishing your life goals, be sure that your goals are clearly defined, are achievable, and are realistic enough to be reached within a certain time frame. Having a belief in an all-powerful God, knowing what you want to achieve in life and establishing goals to achieve them will help you become successful. Success in any line demands a definite aim; you must also focus intently on achieving that aim, for without goals, and plans to reach them, you are like a ship that has set sail with no destination, says clinical psychologist, Fitzhugh Dodson. Finally, as God blesses you, you must be willing to give back: For unto whomsoever much is given, of him shall be much required: and to whom men have committed much, of him they will ask the more (Luke 12:48). Giving back to God, to your family and to those less fortunate will lead to even greater blessings.

*E* represents Education, Enthusiasm, and Enquiry. You must embrace an educational experience that will prepare you to establish yourself as a productive human being, but you must be enthusiastic about doing so. The wise man Solomon, from his own life experience stresses repeatedly in the book of Proverbs, the importance of acquiring wisdom: Proverbs 4:7 says: Wisdom is the principal thing; therefore, get wisdom: and with all thy getting get understanding. Proverbs 23:23 says: Buy the truth, and sell it not; also, wisdom, and instruction, and understanding. and Proverbs 13:20 reads: He that walketh with wise men shall be wise: but a companion of fools shall be destroyed. Dullness and ignorance are no virtue, says E.G. White. She goes on to say: The highest culture of the mind, if sanctified through the love and the fear of God, receives His fullest approval. All who engage in the acquisition of knowledge should strive to reach the highest round of the ladder. Let students advance as fast and as far as they can; let the field of their study be as broad as their powers can compass; but let them make God their wisdom" (E.G. White, Fundamentals of Christian Education, p.47). You must make the most of your time and opportunities to develop intelligence and a balanced character. The intellect should be cultivated, the memory taxed. All intellectual laziness is sin, and spiritual lethargy is death (E.G. White, Gospel workers p.18). You cannot achieve success if you are not prepared to make the effort to achieve it. Education requires effort and focused mental application. My Jamaican grandmother used to say, if you want good, your nose has to run. In other words, success comes with struggle and effort. In your struggle and effort to achieve, you must show enthusiasm and a positive mental attitude. Enthusiasm says Dale Carnegie is a little- known secret to success. I would say, education is the ladder to success, but enthusiasm is a vital rung on the ladder that leads to success. Another rung on the ladder of educational success is Curiosity or Enquiry. All great discoveries and research came because of curiosity and enquiry. Albert Einstein, who developed the theory of relativity and the equation E=mc2, which is noted to be one of the two pillars of modern physics (alongside quantum theory) once said: "I have no special talent. I am only passionately curious." My own masters and doctoral degrees resulted from enquiry, or I should say my curiosity and a desire to get answers to perplexing life questions that puzzled me.

Enthusiasm and enquiry are key rungs that will help you maximize your potential as you pursue higher education. Pursuing higher education with a goal of getting a degree is a good goal but knowing how you plan to use the degree will be an even better goal. I Thessalonians 4:11 says: …And that ye study to be quiet, and to do your own business, and to work with your own hands, as we commanded you. Think creatively of how you can utilize the knowledge you have gained from pursuing higher education to help you become financially independent, fill a need, solve a human problem and be a blessing to humanity. When your curiosity and enquiry lead you to pursue something or a subject that is of interest to you, you will be more enthusiastic about making a success of it.

*M* represents the Mind, Mental Health, and Money Matters. According to neurobiologists, the brain receives information through our five senses: Sight, smell, touch, taste, and hearing; whereas the Mind is the activity part of our brain which thinks, feels, perceives; acts and determines how we understand and respond to life’s events and challenges. The mind and the brain are terms sometimes used interchangeably to mean the same thing, but they are not the same. In basic terms, the brain is the physical aspect, and the mind is the mental. Like the computer (although humans are way smarter), there is hardware and software. Similarly, the brain is the structure that consists of physical matter - cells, blood vessels and nerves, with specific functions that are located within regions of the cerebral cortex. Each area can make computations and store the information it needs. There are also neurons and synapses - the electronics of the brain. The mind is like the software - the thought that resides in the brain and manages such things as your emotions, memories, and dreams. The average human brain is said to house over 100 billion nerve cells (neurons) with each connected to 10,000 or so other cells. These nerve cells connect with one another via electrical and chemical signals known as neurotransmitters. Neurotransmitters then communicate and transmit signals from one nerve cell (neuron) to the next. When the communication is disrupted, a neurotransmitter imbalance is likely to result. Everything we do – all our movements, thoughts, and feelings – such as: depression, anxiety and other mood disorders are thought to be causally related to imbalances with the neurotransmitters.

That is why colloquially speaking a person can lose his or her mind in the same way that you can lose electrical connection. I have seen many individuals lose their minds through drug induced psychosis. You must protect your mind from harmful substances. Jesus, the Savior was so protective of his mind that even on the cross, writhing in pain from physical torture, and dehydrated and dying of thirst after having walked the long road to Golgotha, carrying a wooden cross and having not had anything to eat or drink since his last supper with his disciples (approximately 15 hours without food or drink), refused the wine vinegar and gall mixture intended as a narcotic or sedative to dull his senses (Matt. 27:34).

A mind is a terrible thing to waste is a well-known slogan, which was developed by the advertising company Young & Rubicam to promote the United Negro College Fund. Unfortunately, certain destructive lifestyle practices and life events such as trauma can so distress, cripple and destroy the mind that it becomes wasted. Like the computer, you must protect your brain and be careful to input data into your mind that will be useful upon recall. Avoid seeing, hearing, tasting, or touching anything evil like you would avoid a killer virus. Philippians 4:8 says: Finally, brethren, whatsoever things are true, whatsoever things are honest, whatsoever things are just, whatsoever things are pure, whatsoever things are lovely, whatsoever things are of good report; if there be any virtue, and if there be any praise, think on these things. You can repair or renovate your mind through a study of the Bible and by putting away destructive thoughts and practices… From a study of the Bible, your mind can be expanded, elevated, and ennobled. If you are, like Daniel and become hearers and doers of the word of God, you may advance as he did in all branches of learning. Being pure minded you will become strong minded. Every intellectual faculty will be quickened. You may so educate and discipline yourself that all within the sphere of your influence shall see what you can be, and what you can do, when connected with the God of wisdom and power (E.G. White. Ministry of Healing, pp. 464-466).

Money – is a token of exchange which plays a central role in your life. Money can improve your opportunities and your quality of life; without it you cannot meet your basic need for food, clothing, and shelter because money answers everything (Ecc.10:19). However, how you obtain money and how you feel about money will determine if you control it or if it controls you. Be careful that money does not control you.

Money controls you when it defines who you are, and you have sleepless nights worrying about not having enough. If money controls you, it has become your master, which means you are a slave to it. When you are a slave to someone or something, you become totally dependent on that person or thing. Jesus pointed out that No man can serve two masters: for either he will hate the one and love the other; or else he will hold to the one and despise the other. Ye cannot serve God and mammon. (Matt. 6:24). You must understand how money works, but you must choose not to make a god of it, for ultimately whatever controls you, or your decisions, is your master or your God. There are enough scriptures to suggest that God wants you to be free from bondage in every area of your life - including money; therefore, you must Master Money- Matters; know how Money works and how to save, budget and invest your Money, for whatever you are able to master can no longer have control over you.

In the United States, the motto "In God we trust is imprinted on all paper money. According to history, this motto first appeared on silver coins in 1864 during the American Civil War, when the country was divided over the abolition of the slave economy in the south versus the growth of industrialization in the north; fears were percolating over the Republic of American being shattered so in response, the motto In God We Trust was imprinted on coins as a reminder to the American people to trust in God rather than in the monetary system. In Jamaica there is a saying that one pound of fret cannot pay one ounce of debt, so do not worry about money; instead, start thinking creatively about how to make money and how to invest it so that you can become a financial blessing. It is the love of money and not money of itself that is the root of all evil. Money in the right hands can do much good and create opportunities for yourself and others. Solomon, a wealthy man himself once said: He that trusteth in his riches shall fall; but the righteous shall flourish as a branch." (Proverbs 11:28); and He that hath a bountiful eye shall be blessed; for he giveth of his bread to the poor (Proverbs 22:9).

*S* represents Self-Mastery or Self-control Self-Mastery or Self-control is the one ingredient that can make or break you as a successful human being. Self-control is being able to manage your feelings, attitude, behavior, and responses. Proverbs 25:28 says: He that hath no rule over his own spirit is like a city that is broken down, and without walls. Your potential increases with self-discipline when practiced.... An ordinary mind, well disciplined, will accomplish more and higher work than will the most highly educated mind and the greatest talents without self-control (E.G. White. Christ Object Lesson, p. 335).

Self-control in the face of adversity is like a solid house built with cement blocks and a firm foundation that can withstand hurricane winds. In the world of computers, it is like a firewall. A firewall is a network security system that monitors and controls network traffic. The purpose of a security system is to establish a barrier or a wall between a trusted, secure internal network and any outside network that is assumed not secure or trusted. Similarly, you must establish a firewall against triggers that will cause you to lose self-control. You must monitor your thoughts, behavior, actions, and associations. You must take personal responsibility for your emotional response to slights and hurts, and how you react without blaming others for your own lack of self-control. My grandmother would sometimes say: If you spread your bed, you must lie in it. In Chinese culture, Confucius’ thinking sees self-control as commanding the greatest influence in life. Virtue and self-control are both a personal quality and a requirement for leadership, individual dignity, communal solidarity, and political order more so than wealth and power. Confucius thinking came about when China was in total disorder and people had no control over themselves; now such thinking has become a way of life for the Chinese. The following are three meaningful quotes from Confucius to live by: Respect yourself and others will respect you. Behave toward everyone as if receiving a great guest; and Ask yourself constantly, what is the right thing to do?

If you never finish reading this book, I wish for you to imprint this acronym GEMS in your mind and learn as much as you can about each word represented. However, because I expect you to continue reading, for sure, you will learn a lot more on your journey through this book. Enjoy the journey.

Part I

GEMS FOR THE JOURNEY

Your 1st Gem

KNOW WHAT YOU BELIEVE

Lord, the God of our ancestors, are you not the God who is in heaven? You rule over all the kingdoms of the nations. Power and might are in your hand, and no one can withstand you (II Chron. 20:6 NIV). We must go back and reclaim our past so that we can move forward; so, we understand why and how we came to be who we are today. Ancient Akan principle of Sankofa

Your core beliefs are the lens through which you view yourself and the world around you. Cognitive behavioral specialist, Mark McMinn describes core beliefs metaphorically as a tumor that starts from childhood and grows within throughout life. Ultimately, those beliefs shape the direction your life will take, how you perceive yourself, the relationships you form and the decisions you make. Some of these core beliefs become convictions. Knowing what you believe is therefore your first and most important GEM.

Behavior & Beliefs: Knowing what you believe and what you believe about yourself are fundamentals of a healthy mind, for when your belief is not consistent with your behavior you will experience discrepancies or what psychologists refer to as cognitive dissonance. In life we should seek for consonance or consistency between what we believe and how we live. Knowing what to believe however is often confusing and can be frustrating because we live in a world where there are many beliefs, religions, and philosophies. Knowledge abounds and is easily accessible through electronic media; as a result, it is quite easy to develop cognitive dissonance by deciding there are just too many beliefs so it’s not worth believing in any one thing and reconcile to just sticking with what you know; you may even rationalize your behavior although you know it to be wrong. Because you begin to form your beliefs about yourself and life from an early age, these beliefs may remain with you into adulthood or until such time that you begin to question them or recognize that what you have believed is not in sync with what is true or what you have experienced. Reflecting on my personal experience of growing up in Jamaica for example, I recall that the lessons I learned about England and America from textbooks and television were vastly different from my personal experience of living in these countries. Similarly, certain beliefs and myths that I grew up with, through my study of history, anthropology, biology, and neurology, I now know are not true. When your beliefs and reality collide and what you had believed to be true is no longer valid, it is then that the need to search for truth and understanding begins.

Christian Beliefs: I grew up with Christianity as fundamental to my core belief system. Overtime, however, as I studied history and the various sciences, I began questioning aspects of Christianity that did not make sense to me as a person of color. Christianity is ranked the largest religious belief system in the world, which started in the Afro-Asian region with Jesus and mushroomed in Europe with many Christian martyrs. Through picture books and the legacy of colonialism, I grew up associating Christianity with white Europeans. Every picture of Jesus and other biblical characters were portrayed as white and European, so inevitably I developed a Eurocentric view of Christianity until I came across a painting of Jesus by a Chinese artist who portrayed Jesus as Chinese. This led me to question and to recognize the influence of European art on our perception of Jesus. Art was used by the clergy in medieval and Renaissance Europe as part of worship and to educate the unlearned, not only in Europe but also in the colonies. As a result, Eurocentric images of Christ and Christianity have prevailed.

Living in Europe and traveling to other parts of the world, I was surprised to find that Christianity as a religion was on the decline among Europeans and North Americans but growing rapidly among Africans and Asians. In line with the beliefs of the Akan people of Ghana, it is good to take from the past what is good and bring it into the present. It’s as though the Afro-Asian region is reclaiming its history by embracing Christianity, which it once rejected.

Based on my research, the decline of Christianity in Europe started with Rationalism, which is the belief that reason is the path to knowledge; its decline progressed with Darwinism – the belief in the evolution of species by natural selection, followed by New Age religions. Philology – a study of the language of the bible as a mere book about history, poetry and parables also contributed to the decline. Christopher Hitchens’ popular book God is not Great further makes the argument that religion is manmade and a distortion of our reality.

Strong evidence of the decline in Christianity can be seen in the decline in formal church attendance. It’s as though what the Afro-Asians are giving up, the Europeans are embracing or adopting and vice versa. This can be seen in the increase among Europeans in the wearing of nose rings, tongue and belly piercings, the stretching of the ear lopes and other Middle Eastern and African practices.

Historically, after slavery, people of color living under the influence of colonialism did not redefine themselves in relation to Christianity; instead, they embraced Christianity in its European form and added their own flavor to the worship experience. It is not surprising then that even among people of color, there has been a noticeable decline in church attendance.

With increased access to knowledge, there are some who have dismissed Christianity outright as the White man’s religion, in part because of the European influence and the incongruence between Christian beliefs and the legacy of un-Christ like behaviors and beliefs perpetrated by colonizers in the name of Christianity. Mahatma Gandhi who experienced apartheid in South Africa is noted to have said to Stanley Jones, a missionary: I love Christ, it’s just that so many of you Christians are not like Christ. Take the Atlantic Slave trade for example, in order for Christians to engage in human trafficking, which was a financially lucrative venture for the colonizers, it was necessary to dismiss, rationalize and come up with all sorts of laws, theories and bible based distortions such as the curse of Ham; and slaves submit to your masters not to mention the unscientific conjectures of social Darwinism’s –survival of the fittest – all to appease the conscience and justify the inhumane treatment of one group of people