SILVER LININGS: Stories about young people's Post Traumatic Growth

By Ben Cosh and Louise Fearn

Silver Linings is for everyone who felt grief while they were growing up. That is around 1 in 30 children and young people. These experiences can be transformative. They can lead to post-traumatic growth and huge achievement, but they can also lead to some people having a really tough time well into their adult life. This book aims to inspire yo

• Language: English
• Publisher: Life After Death CIC
• Release date: Nov 1, 2022
• ISBN: 9781915147653

Book preview

Silver Linings

Stories about young people’s Post Traumatic Growth.

By

Ben Cosh with Louise Fearn.

Illustrated by Sam Mayle

Copy right © 2022 Ben Cosh All Rights Reserved

100% of the proceeds from this book go to support grieving children.

Legal disclaimer. These stories are all about real people who suffered grief as a child. They are based on true events, and some details and dialog have been reimagined effect.

This book was years in the making. It would never have seen the light of day if it wasn’t for the support and encouragement of Corrie, my enduring wife, and Emma, my sister who travels this road with me. I also owe a debt of thanks to Louise, Sam, and Paddy, and of course all the people who have shared their stories.

Book Design by HMDpublishing

"Imagine living with a scream inside you.

And the scream is yours.

And no one else hear it.

That is grief"

Sid The Poet

If you have ever felt childhood grief, and heard the scream inside,

this book is dedicated to you. We travel this road together.

Contents

Preface

Roman Abramovich

Football

David Allen

Productivity Consultant

Annie Altschul

Nurse

Mary Anning

Fossil Hunter

Fatimah Asghar

Poet

Marcus Aurelius

Roman Emperor, Philosopher

Patrik Baboumian

Vegan Strongman

Lucille Ball

Aisling Bea

Actor

Kate Beckinsale

Actor

Ingrid Bergman

Actor

Sue Black

Computer Scientist

Cate Blanchett

Actor

Bono

Musician

Julius Caesar

Roman Emperor

Loyle Carner

Musician

Henry Cavendish

Scientist

Mario Capecchi

Scientist

Coco Chanel

Fashion Designer

Charlie Chaplin

Actor

Agatha Christie

Author

Martina Cole

Author

Nicolaus Copernicus

Scientist

Marie Curie

Scientist

Tom Daley

Olympic Athlete

Ray Dalio

Entrepreneur

Charles Darwin

Scientist

Daniel Day-Lewis

Actor

Thangam Debbonair

Politician

Edgar Degas

Artist

Cressida Dick

Police Officer

James Dyson

Inventor

Marianne Elliot

Theatre Director

Chris Evans

TV Presenter, Radio DJ

Ella Fitzgerald

Singer

Alexander Fleming

Scientist

Jane Fonda

Actor and Activist

Henry Ford

Car Designer

Dawn French

Actor

Clark Gable

Actor

Gemma Gibbons

Olympic Athlete

Kelsey Grammer

Actor

Paul O’ Grady

Comedian and former Drag Queen

Alexander Hamilton

Founding father of the USA

Angela Harnett

Chef

Mairi Hedderwick

Illustrator

Damon Hill

Racing Driver

Lubaina Himid

Artist

Ian Hislop

Magazine Editor, TV Personality

Alfred Hitchcock

Film Director

Barbara Hulanicki

Fashion Designer

Christiaan Huygens

Inventor and Scientist

Ice-T

Rapper, Actor

Eddie Izzard

Comedian and activist

Katherine Jenkins

Singer

Paul Jubb

Tennis Player

Garry Kasparov

World Chess Champion

Helen Keller

Activist

Donna Kinnair

Nurse

Christine Lagarde

Politician

Cleo Lake

Dancer, Writer, Lord Mayor

Rob Law

Product Designer, Entrepreneur

Mark Lemon

Author

Martin Lewis

Financial Journalist

Cariad Lloyd

Comedian

Ada Lovelace

Mathematician, Computer Programmer

Dawn O’Porter

Writer, TV Presenter

Madonna

Singer

Paul McCartney

Singer, songwriter

Michael McIntyre

Comedian

Dmitri Mendeleev

Scientist

Ant Middleton

Soldier, Adventurer

Bob Mortimer

Comedian

Eddie Murphy

Actor

David Niven

Actor

Simon Nixon

Entrepreneur

Blaise Pascal

Mathematician and Philosopher

Louise Pentland

YouTuber

Eva Peron

Politician

Tony Pidgley

Entrepreneur

Alan Rickman

Actor

Julia Roberts

Actor

Chris Robshaw

England Rugby Captain

JK Rowling

Author

Bertrand Russell

Philosopher

Colonel Saunders

Entrepreneur

Kristin Scott-Thomas

Actor

George Shelley

Singer, Presenter

Lauren Silver

Clown

Levi Strauss

Inventor of Levi Jeans

Barbra Streisand

Singer

Mother Theresa

Charity Worker

Charlize Theron

Actor

Daley Thompson

Olympic Athlete

JRR Tolkien

Author

Sarah Turner

Author

Madame Tussaud

Artist

Jacques Villeneuve

Racing Driver

Andy Warhol

Artist

Roger Walters

Singer, Songwriter

Robert Webb

Writer, Actor

Alek Wek

Model, Activist

Kellie Wells

Olympic Athlete

Marco Pierre White

Chef

William and Harry Windsor

Royalty

Hans Zimmer

Composer

Your Story

About the Author

Preface

Only in the English language has the Greek word pathos (originally meaning emotion), evolved into term of abuse (pathetic). Our post Victorian emotional repression may have served Britain well in times of conquest and war, but this rump does not serve us well today. Phrases like these do not help children: Keep calm and carry on; Children should be seen and not heard; Be brave; There is nothing to be done, so just get on with things; Put on a brave face; Man up; Chin up; Don’t complain; Don’t show emotion in public; Suffer in silence; Mustn’t grumble; Be positive.

Emotional repression only bottles up emotion, saves it for later. Eventually, such emotions will leak out in some form, at some point, even decades later. Usually when you don’t expect or want them, and sometimes with deeply burdensome consequences.

The statistics show that children grieving from the death of a loved one can sometimes benefit from post-traumatic growth and are more likely to be driven to succeed in their chosen role. There can be a silver lining to the tragedy. Light from darkness. Good from bad. But grieving children who are not able to emotionally process their grief can face challenges through their lives, as those unprocessed emotions come back to bite them with alcohol and drug use, relationship difficulties or other obstacles. What this tells us is that it’s not the death itself, it’s the way it’s handled, and often, in our post Victorian culture, it’s not handled as well as it could be. It’s a maze, and grieving children and their families often need support through that maze.

Today, psychologists can tell us a lot about what children and young people need after someone close to them dies. The ability to notice that emotions come about and pass, without repressing or reacting to them, is a kind of superpower.

Grief charities, books, podcasts, and meditation apps provide advice, guidance and support to children, young people, their families, and carers. It’s so important for children to be able to tell their story, to be able to meet others in similar situations, and to know they are not alone. They are members of a club that no one wants to be a member of. This book tells the story of some of the other members.

All the profits from this book go to support grieving children.

Roman Abramovich

Football

Once upon a time, there was a boy called Roman. He lived with an uncle, his uncle’s family and his grandparents in the Russian Arctic Circle, a place of wind, rain, and snow—where harsh conditions and dark days make it hard for things to grow. Roman’s parents had both died before he was three years old, his mother of an illness and his father in an accident on a building site where he worked. Roman’s family did not have much, but the young boy did not know any different, and was very much loved and cared for.

Roman was well-liked at school, with average grades. Later, however, he dropped out of two different colleges before having to join the army for his national service. Every young man in Russia must train with the army when they reach eighteen. It can be a difficult experience, as the older soldiers do everything in their means to toughen up the young recruits with beatings, alongside the daily grind of guard duties and unpleasant tasks like toilet cleaning. During this time, Roman learned a lot about how to stay out of trouble, and how to get on with all sorts of unsavoury characters. Needing money, he began selling petrol to army officers. It was his first taste of business, and he liked it.

The only problem was that Russia, then a communist state, did not allow an individual to make a profit. It was forbidden, as the communist doctrine dictates, in theory, that everyone be financially equal. This meant that many of Roman’s early ventures were illegal. Despite this obstacle, he created a business selling rubber ducks, then invested the money his wife’s parents gave him on their wedding day into buying perfume and deodorants to sell on the black market. These items were not allowed to be imported at that time, and so were not readily available for people to buy and had to be sold secretly. As Roman’s pot of money grew, he invested it into bigger projects—until he became the billionaire he is today.

Through hard work, self-confidence, and strategic thinking, he is now one of the richest men in the world and owns Chelsea Football Club in London.

Despite his success, Roman is a quiet man and has donated more money than any other Russian to build schools, hospitals and infrastructure in Chukotka, a distant region of Russia. The people there had very little, and living conditions were terrible. When Roman saw this, he wanted to help, and did.

David Allen

Productivity Consultant

Once upon a time, there was a boy named David who liked magic. When he was as young as five, he performed magic shows on the city sidewalks.

Five cents to see my show! he’d shout. Just five cents!

During primary school, David became a local child star and got into acting, which he loved. But all the adults said, To get along in life, you should really be a lawyer or a doctor.

David’s dad died when he was nine, and the family left the Texan oil rigs behind and started a new life in Louisiana.

Unlike the rest of David’s class, he had a desire to get away and experience other countries and cultures. He went to Switzerland on an exchange program and stayed with a family there for a whole year. It was unlike anything he had done before. Back in America, David went to a small university where you could plan your own studies. He learned about American history and philosophy, the legacy of history’s great free thinkers. He took up martial arts and explored his spirituality.

David had tried thirty-five different professions by the age of thirty-five! He didn’t think he was suited to any main career path, and he was a little lost. His mind felt cluttered, and he was making some bad lifestyle choices.

Using techniques he’d learned in martial arts, he found his own way of staying motivated, simplifying tasks, and getting things done. It worked, and he started to think about what he was doing and how he could teach it to others.

David’s friends saw that he had a skill for moving projects forward and paid him to help their companies organise things. He showed their staff how to do tasks easily and efficiently. At that time, this sort of work didn’t have a title, but before long it did: David was now a business consultant.

David’s talent became getting things done and helping others to do the same by managing their mindset, so that they could focus on their goals. He wrote a manual explaining his ideas titled Getting Things Done," and, in addition to still training people, gives talks about his life story.

Anything that causes you to overreact can control you, and often does.

Much of the stress that people feel doesn’t come from having too much to do; it comes from not finishing what they have started.

Annie Altschul

Nurse

Times were hard in Austria. The king of this small country had been killed, which led to the outbreak of the first World War. Annie was born at the end of the fighting, but unfortunately the difficulties the Austrian people faced did not stop with the war.

Mama, why do we have no food? she would ask. Is it because Papa died?

No Annie, her mother said. Papa died in a railway accident, but we still have a little money for food. There is no food in the shops, and so we must queue each day with everyone else to see what we can get.

Lots of children at school do not have a papa anymore.

Yes, that’s right. We are not that different to other families. Many fathers died in the war.

All around Annie, families were grieving for someone they loved who had died during the fighting. By the time she was thirteen, there was not much work or money to be made. Many children didn’t even have shoes, and people were literally starving. Food was so hard to come by that families had to live carefully, patching their old clothes, and stretching out what little bread they had to make it last.

At twenty, Annie was lucky to be studying mathematics in Vienna, the beautiful capital city. Not many young women went to university then, being expected to look after a home and children or find small jobs until they married. Annie was bright, though, and her mother did everything she could to support her daughter’s education.

In 1938, Hitler invaded Austria and Annie, her mother, sister, and her sister’s little boy fled to England a year later with just one possession: a small painting of the Austrian countryside to remind them of the home they had been forced to leave behind. They were a Jewish family and having heard how terribly the Jews were being treated in Germany, they were scared to stay in Austria, where Hitler was now in charge. In England, Annie couldn’t continue her math studies, so she took up work as a nanny in a wealthy house in London, helping a mother with her children so that she could learn English. She was then able to train as a nurse to help people, hoping one day to return home. During her nursing career, Annie also learned how to be a midwife, and how to look after patients with mental health issues. It is this work that made her famous.

Annie became an expert in nursing mentally ill patients, and instead of finishing her math degree, completed one in psychology, where she found out everything, she could about how the human brain works, and what type of care was best for helping those who were mentally ill.

In 1957, she wrote the first of several books that explained her findings on how closer care of patients resulted in them being calmer, and, in turn, requiring less medication. Annie taught at university level and was made a professor. The books that she wrote are still read today.

Mary Anning

Fossil Hunter

Once upon a time, there was a child who had an extraordinary start in life, because when she was just over a year old, an extraordinary thing happened. One day, three village women were looking after the little girl. When a rainstorm struck, they took shelter under a large, old tree. The storm had come in off the sea very suddenly, and the rain pelted down very hard. Thunder rumbled. Then lightning hit the old tree as well as the women, one of whom was holding the baby.

The woman holding the baby fell, the child thrown from her arms. The three women all died, and the baby was thought to have died, too. She was taken home and put into a hot bath. When her father, a cabinet maker, heard the news from his workshop, he ran home and picked up his limp child. He began to cry, and the tears fell on her face. To everyone’s amazement the baby opened her eyes and her little hand reached up to her father’s face. She was alive! Strangely enough, from that day on, she was an energised child, more curious and more determined than she had appeared before.

The girl’s parents lived in Dorset in England, near the pebbly beach at Lyme Regis, which had become a fashionable seaside resort. The father took his son and daughter to the beach every single day, come rain or shine, to look for curiosities that they could sell on a stall they’d set up outside their house.

You’ve got a keen eye, my girl, her father said, proudly, as she spotted curiosity after curiosity. The girl loved looking for them, even though she didn’t understand what they were.

One day, an educated lady came to look at the market stall. She told the girl that she had a collection of her own and took her to see it. There were things in the lady’s cabinet that the girl had never come across before. She studied them all for a long time.

The lady had a lot of books about the curiosities, which she called fossils, and was so delighted to find this young, accomplished fossil hunter that she lent the girl all her books. The girl avidly read the books, in every spare moment. She was surprised to find out that the fossils were imprints of creatures from another time, somehow locked in the rock. On finishing the books, she was as up to date on the subject as any leading scientist, and with far more practical knowledge.

While they were out fossil hunting, the girl’s father slipped down a cliff and injured himself badly. He didn’t recover well, and, a few months later, fell ill and died, leaving the family