Real Men Are Cowboys And Women Love Them

By Don Bendell and Dr. Janet Bendell

 

 

Attention Men and Women! Men - Are you getting all of the love, respect, and admiration you desire? Women - Are you feeling as passionate, sexy, and romantic as you hoped to be with your partner?

Or have you failed to meet the man who deserves all of your body, heart, and soul? Why are you

• Language: English
• Publisher: Strongheart Entertainment Corporation
• Release date: Jan 28, 2020
• ISBN: 9781647861339

Don Bendell

A best-selling author and Pulitzer Prize nominee, Don Bendell has penned 33 books with over 3,000, 000 copies in print worldwide. A 10th degree black belt Grandmaster, Soke, (Head of Style) in 2 martial arts (Shita Jujitsu & Shita Judo), a 7th degree black belt Grandmaster in 2 other martial arts (Song Moo Kwan Tae Kwon Do & Freestyle Karate) , and a black sash instructor in Muay Thai, as well, Don is a 1995 inductee into the International Karate & Kickboxing Hall of Fame and 1996 inductee into the Martial Arts Museum of America and retired from owning a successful karate school, Bendell Karate, in southern Colorado which he operated with his late-wife Shirley, a 2009 inductee into the Hall of Fame. His son Brent took over running the school in February, 2014 after Shirley's passing and opened a branch in Florence, CO and another in Penrose, CO. Don and the late Master Shirley Bendell are the only couple in history to both be inducted into the International Karate and Kickboxing Hall of Fame. A former Green Beret, in the early 1970s, Don taught a combination of tae kwon do, kickboxing, and jujitsu at the Fort Bragg (NC) Boxing Club twice per week to members of Special Forces and the 82nd Airborne. He also helped then Commanding General Hank Emmerson set up the US Army's "Fit to Fight" program. ​ He was previously on the National Advisory Board of the American Indian Registry for the Performing Arts along with such notables as Burt Reynolds, Wayne Newton, Will Sampson, and Jonathan Winters. In 2007, Don was highly-honored in a speech by US Secretary of Veterans Affairs James Nicholson along with friend NFL Hall of Fame quarterback and Denver Broncos President and General Manager John Elway. Secretary Nicholson said in his speech that Don was the ideal example of what a disabled veteran could do with a good diet and healthy lifestyle, pointing out that at that time, Don was 60 years old and doing 1,000 pushups at a time, 1,000 crunches per day, and more after surviving illnesses and being wounded, taking on alcoholism in 1969 and not having a drink since, and quitting smoking 4 packs per day in 1983. Despite eating and exercising well, according to the Department of Veterans Affairs, Don developed Ischemic heart disease and Type II diabetes "due to excessive exposure to Agent Orange." He is rated by VA as a 100% disabled Vietnam veteran. ​

Book preview

Introduction

Hello my friend. I am Dr. Janet Bendell, and I want to first introduce you to my husband and best friend, Don Bendell. Don and I found each other late in life. He was seventy years young, and we will just say, I consider myself a seasoned citizen. We were both very surprised to discover that our lives, although from very different backgrounds, intertwined, and our pathways intersected at the perfect time and place for both of us. Don had lost his wife of thirty-three years and married on the rebound, which did not last, and never intended to marry again having been married four times. I had been married twice before but had been single for over a quarter century and was bound and determined to never sell myself short and marry again, unless God put the very best man for me in my life. I would not allow myself to cop-out and settle for less than what I deserve. I wanted to win the Grand Championship.

I consider myself, not just a strong woman but a strong person, who is independent, liberated, and free to realize my human potential. However, I felt lonely and unfulfilled. I dated doctors, investment bankers, and affluent men from many professions only to discover that many American men are actually little boys in grown-up clothing, regardless of their station in life. There was always something missing, but I just knew I had not found Mr. Right yet… until I met Don.

A best-selling author, Don has had very successful careers in several fields, starting out as a US Army Special Forces (Green Beret) officer who served on a 12-man A-Detachment at the height of the war in South Vietnam in 1968 and 1969. He rose to the rank of captain, returning to Fort Bragg, North Carolina as a civilian and taught martial arts at the Fort Bragg Boxing Club and owned karate schools for decades. In fact, Don was inducted into the International Karate and Kickboxing Hall of Fame in 1995. He wrote, produced, directed, choreographed stunts, and co-starred in a low budget action/adventure feature film, The Instructor (Shapiro Entertainment Corporation/Vestron. 1984: Hollywood, CA.), which was sold and shown in 164 countries worldwide. Don has written non-fiction books, westerns, military thrillers, and science fiction novels and hit number one on Amazon best-seller lists three times. There are over 3,000,000 copies of his 29 books in print worldwide, and in 2011 was nominated for the Pulitzer Prize for one of his non-fiction books, Tracks of Hope… a Modern Day Western (2011: GoldMinds Publishing, LLC: Nashville, TN).

Don has had longtime friendships with people as diverse as retired Green Beret Colonel Roger Donlon, theVietnam War’s first recipient of the Medal of Honor, and ٣-time World Heavyweight Boxing Champion Muhammad Ali. From the Duke, NFL Hall of Fame quarterback and Denver Broncos president John Elway to the real Duke’s grand-daughter Anita LaCava Swift, John Wayne’s oldest grandchild, and from beautiful actress and honorary Green Beret Bo Derek to gorgeous actress and stunt coordinator Julie Michaels; who played the villainess, Denise, in Road House with Patrick Swayze and Sam Elliott to beautiful and highly-respected Fox News anchor Shannon Bream, a former Miss Florida and Miss Virginia to CIA and Special Forces living legend SGM Billy Waugh who captured the infamous Carlos the Jackal.

As Don told me story after story about events that occurred to him in his very own life, I realized that I had finally met a Real Man, or what I call a Cowboy. My husband is a modern-day John Wayne. He embodies the character traits and behavior of a true hero, symbolized by the Saturday matinee cowboys of the Old West. Don wrote the Code of the West many years ago and has lived his life by those principles. He daily demonstrates the character traits of faith, decisiveness, integrity, fairness, courage, boldness, trustworthiness, leadership, respect, accountability, strength, dignity, and happiness. There is a bonus and that is humor, lots of it. However, he balances all of that with huge amounts of ambition, action, power, excitement, risk-taking, honor, plus romance, understanding, kindness, caring, sensitivity, supportiveness, and more humor. All of these traits that Don possesses and expresses generated immediate respect, admiration, and appreciation within me. Passion and burning love were ignited. He was indeed the man I was looking for and finally found.

Our backgrounds were divergent, but somehow converged. I was born in New York state and have lived a distinctively urban lifestyle. I was commissioned as a second lieutenant in the US Army in the Adjutant General Corps and rose to the rank of captain. I am proud to be a Vietnam Era veteran and was stationed in Germany. After earning a Masters degree at Rutgers University, I pursued a career with the federal government in several locations as a social psychologist. My special area of practice was equal employment opportunity. During that time, I earned my Doctor of Education degree in Organizational Behavior and Psychological Education from the University of Massachusetts. After retirement from government service, I remained in Colorado Springs and established a business that I still own, a 501c3 non-profit corporation named Anger and Stress Management Institute. I have trained individuals with anger issues who were referred to me by the courts as an alternative to incarceration.

I truly believe that the information contained in this book can be critical to the happiness of many women and men right now, no matter what you have believed to be true in the past. When men are manly, women feel free to be more feminine. This is what creates chemistry between men and women. Many men and women have lost awareness of this simple fact. I invite wives, girlfriends, mothers, sisters and friends of American men to read this book and tell somebody about it. I welcome all men, of all backgrounds, American men, men all over the Earth, to read this book and open your minds and hearts to the possibilities of real manhood that instills true love and happiness. No matter how strong and self-sufficient a woman is, most women want a dashing knight to be her hero, her comfort in times of pain, and her protector who keeps her safe from any danger. Every woman wants a gentleman who opens doors for her and makes her feel secure. She wants someone who makes her feel exclusive . . . his woman.

Over the years, I dated so many gentlemen looking for a special lady to join them on life’s journey, but I was unwilling to make a commitment. With each man, I found him to be lacking something, but it was unnamed, unclear, and bothersome. Then, I met the most interesting man in the world - Don Bendell. Our first lunch date lasted five hours as we discovered that we had a lot of values and opinions in common. We have been together ever since. There are times in life that you just know that something is right. This was one of those times. I had found Mr. Right.

As a Social Psychologist, I concluded that Don has the experience and stories, and I have the education and analytical ability to ascertain the significance of some of those memorable events in his life that he relates herein. I convinced him to write down some of these stories, and I will present to you how they illustrate the hallmarks of a Real Man, which I call a Cowboy, that so many women deserve and desire. Our objective is to share what we have learned, so that other people may become aware of some of the characteristics of Cowboys that spark attraction and the urge to bond for some American women like me. I certainly recognize that this is not for everyone, but it works for me, and I know it will work for you, too.

Sincerely,

Janet Bendell

Don Bendell’s Code of the West

Cowboys should treat women like ladies, period. Cowboys fight fair, they fight only when they have to, and when they do have to fight, they win, period.

You know exactly where you stand with a cowboy.

There are no gray areas, only black and white, but not when it comes to skin color.

A cowboy is only as good as his word.

A cowboy protects his family, spread, and community.

A cowboy will fight for, and take care of orphans, widows, and those who are oppressed.

A cowboy will go out of his way to avoid a fight and is always willing to share his grub, campfire, and water. A cowboy believes in his God, and he believes in America and will fight and die to protect either.

Preface

In this book, we use the word Cowboy. By that term, we mean a Real Man, not a guy who goes to redneck bars on weekends, drinks beer, and gets in fights, wears dirty jeans, a greasy Caterpillar baseball hat, and has a can of Skoal in his hip-pocket. When we were young children, our heroes were cowboys on TV and in film, and that is the type of man we refer to when we use the term Cowboy herein.

Don and Janet Bendell

The Cowboy

This book has been written for you if you are a man and:

star-bullet You think you are constantly being criticized for being you, or

star-bullet You think the media is sending out messages that you are unacceptable, or

star-bullet You think women cannot be pleased by you, or

star-bullet You want to stop trying to be something or someone you are not, or

star-bullet You want to be yourself, or,

star-bullet You are willing to put effort into self-improvement, or

star-bullet You are a woman interested in finding and keeping a Cowboy (Real Man) as a mate

Let me assure you that after reading this book:

star-bullet You can change for the better

star-bullet You can become your best self

star-bullet You can gain more acceptance

star-bullet You can be more admired, respected, appreciated and loved

star-bullet You can be a Cowboy (Real Man)

star-bullet You can Cowboy Up!

This part of the book will help you learn what it takes to become a real Cowboy and Cowboy Up! The steps are listed below:

star-bullet Self-Awareness

star-bullet Self-Development

star-bullet Self-Actualization

star-bullet The stories by the role model Don Bendell

star-bullet Inter-disciplinary theories and techniques from humanistic (positive) psychology, sociology, and social psychology as well as organizational behavior and military science presented by Dr. Janet Bendell.

What is a Cowboy?

The Cowboy is any man who wants to be a Real Man. He isn’t trying to be perfect. He’s just doing what he can do to become a better man. The John Wayne character of a Real Man is an ideal. He is a hero. It’s something to strive to be. Every man wants to be his authentic self and his very best self. That’s what the Cowboy, as we define him, endeavors to accomplish. He believes in himself and he attempts to attain his dreams. He knows he’s a work in progress. So, he takes his life as it comes with all its stressors, challenges, and adversity and uses these experiences to become the man he has imagined himself to be. He attempts to realize his human potential. He is a Self-Actualizer.

Self-Actualization

The psychological researcher and theorist Abraham Maslow set the framework for Self-Actualization. Maslow’s model for Self-Actualization involves a hierarchy of needs for psychological well-being. The physiological needs of food, water, clothing, shelter, air, sex, warmth, sleep, and oxygen are at the bottom of the pyramid and vitally important to survival. Rising up from the base of the triangle are safety and security needs. Everyone needs to be protected from dangerous environments that threaten health, resources, and mortality. Once these needs are satiated you can focus attention on the next level up, social needs, like love, affection, intimacy, belonging, family, and friendships. Fulfillment of the lower order needs is normally essential before an individual feels self-worth, confidence, and respect from others. They are all considered to be deficiency needs. At the apex of the hierarchy are growth needs. These needs motivate a person to realize their potential, use their creativity, pursue excellence, and feel fulfilled as a unique individual. Self-Actualization is often accompanied by peak experiences which are episodes of bliss, elation, harmony, and meaningfulness. Beyond Self-Actualization is the ultimate state of transcendence where the person ascends above personal needs to serve the needs of others or answer a call of altruism or spirituality.

Don fits the Self-Actualization profile.

star-bullet He accepts himself as he is

star-bullet He evaluates situations honestly and accurately

star-bullet He is tolerant of the uncertainties of life

star-bullet He is self-reliant

star-bullet He is authentic

star-bullet He is spontaneous

star-bullet He believes in something beyond himself

star-bullet He has an internal locus of control

star-bullet He is autonomous

star-bullet He is resourceful and industrious

star-bullet He appreciates the simple things in life

star-bullet He has substantial relationships with a limited number of people

star-bullet He enjoys his life

star-bullet He has a sense of humor and fun

star-bullet He has had peak experiences

star-bullet He is humane and compassionate

star-bullet He is creative

star-bullet He is adaptable

star-bullet He has a sense of purpose for his life

Don is a Role Model

Don is a role model because he is a Cowboy. He is a modern-day John Wayne. His story represents how one man’s life is a process of change, development, growth, and maturation. He has made choices based upon expansion instead of apprehension. He makes healthy selections because that is what he truly prefers. He is self-determining because he listens to his own voice, follows his heart, and takes conscious actions. Don is a fully-functioning man. He is in touch with his innermost values, beliefs, and feelings. He trusts his urges and instincts. He is balanced, resilient, and innovative. He is a whole person, Individuated, Integrated, and Self-Actualizing. He has created a life that has his original signature.

Don is an example of a Cowboy, but anyone can be a Cowboy. In fact, everyone has the raw material for being a Cowboy because you are a human and alive. You can be a Cowboy regardless of sex, race, color, religion, national origin, age, gender orientation, disability, or anything else. You don’t have to ride a horse or work on a ranch wrangling cattle. Anyone can develop the traits of the Cowboy and utilize them to improve their life whatever their lifestyle. This book can be a helpful guide, therefore for anyone, anywhere, anytime. However, this book was intentionally written to reach out to men to counterpoise a deleterious social movement.

Toxic Masculinity

There is currently an identity and gender cataclysm underway in our society. Toxic masculinity classifies traditional male roles and qualities as dysfunctional for the male and harmful to society. Men have been labeled as violent, unemotional, sexually compulsive oppressors and intimidators. Men are categorized as angry, cold, hard, detached, tough, aggressive, competitive, dominating, independent, greedy status seekers. Men are accused of not only benefitting from patriarchy but also subordinating women and anyone who does not adhere to traditional gender roles. Basically, men are being shamed for not being more like women. Some people would like to reduce men’s power and transform them into insecure, soft, confused creatures. This is a very harmful socialization trend. Change agents talk about celebrating diversity, but traditional masculinity is excluded.

Personally, as a heterosexual woman, I want my man to be masculine in a traditional sense. When my husband takes charge, I can relax. When it’s necessary, my husband wants to take the leadership role in a specific situation. Since he is comfortable and effective at it, I agree that he can do what works for him and it works for me. When my mate acts manly, I am actually liberated to be more feminine. I don’t have to be hyper-vigilant when my husband is powerful in situations that require it. Our feminine and masculine personas create equilibrium in our relationship. Equal does not mean identical. Most women actually appreciate the differences between men and women. I certainly do!

Extreme masculine or extreme feminine attributes are unattractive and unhealthy whether men or women are expressing them. However, not all men manifest these dysfunctional and toxic masculine traits, nor do all women manifest dysfunctional and toxic feminine traits. There are some men who exhibit extreme feminine traits and some women who have a proclivity to be extremely masculine. Excessive masculinity or excessive femininity can be like drinking too much whiskey or eating too much cake. In the end, it makes you sick.

Masculine and Feminine Strengths

Hale and hearty men and women express both masculine and feminine strengths. They are functional and healthy traits for anyone to express. They are indicative of emotional intelligence, maturity, and mental health.

Values and Virtues

Values are ideals. They are standards of behavior that separate good from bad, right from wrong, and desirable from undesirable. Self-Actualizing men use their judgement of what’s important, useful, and worthy to lead them onto a higher pathway and refrain from detours. Virtues are values in action. Virtuous behavior shows moral rectitude and ethics. Actually, the word virtue derives from the Latin root vir, meaning manliness.

Virtues are social capital. They are gender-neutral and therefore are demonstrated by the most psychologically well-adjusted adult males and adult females in every culture, geographical location, or era in modern history. These are qualities that show high minded standards, mastery, excellence, maturity, wisdom, wholeness, and even greatness.

Virtues

star-bullet Faith

star-bullet Decisiveness

star-bullet Integrity

star-bullet Fairness

star-bullet Courage

star-bullet Boldness

star-bullet Trustworthiness

star-bullet Leadership

star-bullet Respect

star-bullet Accountability

star-bullet Strength

star-bullet Dignity

star-bullet Happiness

All of the character traits identified above whether they are excessively masculine, excessively feminine, masculine strengths, feminine strengths, or gender-neutral virtues are potentially expressed by any person in different quantities at various times. Virtues and masculine/feminine strengths are the most beneficial. Some people demonstrate these attributes more or less frequently than others. Some aspects of mental health versus disorders can be ascertained by the specific traits and rate of recurrence that individuals exhibit them. Mental illness is associated with distorted thinking, negative emotions, and maladaptive behavior. Mental health is validated by positive cognition, emotions, and behavior related to making peace with the past, being pleased with the present, and hopeful about the future. Therefore, people who think, feel, and act in accordance with virtues and masculine/feminine strengths enjoy greater states of wellness.

Five Capabilities of Men

The following Five Capabilities of Men help us to appraise the value and worth of a distinct man:

Character: Attributes that depict the nature, attitudes, beliefs, personality, and course of action of an individual. Character can range from abominable to deficient to laudable in any individual. These include the extreme masculine traits, extreme feminine traits, masculine strengths, feminine strengths, and virtues itemized above.

Competence: The levels of knowledge, abilities, skills, talents, proficiencies, and expertise of an individual.

Confidence: The composure, convictions, self-assurance, and self-esteem of an individual.

Commitment: The dedication, duty, loyalty, responsibilities, and allegiances of an individual.

Contributions: The accomplishments, merits, investments, and outcomes of an individual.

Five Types of Men

Men can be categorized by their consistent and congruous behavior, mental attitude, and emotional moods. All men can be sized up as prototypes or a composite of the ones described below.

Cowboy

Dude

Outlaw

Dandy

Tenderfoot

The Cowboy

This is a Real Man. He is someone that men and women alike respect, appreciate, and admire. He utilizes masculine strengths and feminine strengths as appropriate. For example, he will be authoritative and/or diplomatic, proactive and/or judicious, logical and/or intuitive, perceptive and/or understanding depending upon the situation. He is not locked into rigid or repetitive patterns of behaving, thinking, or emoting. He embodies the virtues of faith, decisiveness, integrity, fairness, courage, boldness, trustworthiness, leadership, respect, accountability, strength, dignity, and happiness. He is a creative problem solver. He has self -discipline regarding his body, time, money, attitude, beliefs, skills, talents, efforts, attention, possessions, and energy. He organizes, plans, prioritizes, and procures a solid foundation for psychological growth. He inspires others when they need to be lifted up to do their best themselves, or he influences them when appropriate so that they can learn valuable life lessons and alter their viewpoints. He is a Self-Actualizer.

Most importantly, what distinguishes the Cowboy from the Tenderfoot, Dandy, Outlaw, and Dude is his ability to deal with crisis. Adults deal with stress every day but coping with crisis is different. It usually comes suddenly, unexpectedly, and dramatically. It is stress on steroids. The Cowboy employs the mastery he has already established in character, competence, confidence, commitment, and contributions to cope with the challenge associated with crisis. The US Army Rangers have a phrase for it – Assault through the ambush. For Cowboys the imperative is Cowboy Up!

The Dude

This is Mr. Nice Guy. He is an ordinary guy in most ways. He conforms to societal norms, usually meets the expectations of the people around him and reaches many conventional goals. He has a wife or girlfriend, a steady job, pays his bills, and regularly fulfills his obligations. He reacts to most demanding situations effectively and finds acceptable solutions to restore stability and predictability. At times, he feels restless and irritable, but he isn’t quite sure why he feels that way. After all, he gets promotions at work, has a family and house, has hobbies and recreational pursuits, is a member of a church and clubs, and socializes with friends frequently. Occasionally, he obeys his