"I Need Help" Removing Toxic Masculinity

By Desmond G. Goodloe

"I Need Help", Removing Toxic Masculinity is a self help book designed for men to take a look at their behaviors in their interactions with women. It is based on my experience and others and how they view masculinity. It looks at how women view masculinity verses me and how men need to learn how to ask for

• Language: English
• Publisher: AnewPress
• Release date: Jan 31, 2021
• ISBN: 9781970109238

Desmond G. Goodloe

Desmond Goodloe was born in Bakersfield California in 1963 to George and Wilma Goodloe. He is the youngest of 7 children. His middle sister Teresa Goodloe is now with God. I was raised in Gardena California from 4 years old until I left at the age of 19 years old. I have lived in Bellflower, Wilshire District, Fullerton, Rancho Santa Margarita, Laguna Niguel, Lake Forest all in California and four years in Washington State. I have been married to Loretta for 18 years. We have three children between us Derrick Dixon, Aja Dawson and Taylor Goodloe. We have six grandchildren, Talaya, Dorianna, Deja, Ruby, JD and Khloe. I planted a church with my spiritual father Rich Mathisrud in 2006 called the Main Place Christian Fellowship Church in Irvine California. I served as the senior pastor until God moved my wife and I to Washington State in 2013. We spent 4 years there and moved back in 2017. I work as an accountant, personal trainer and a realtor. I love cars and we currently own a 1977 Monte Carlo and a 1968 Dodge Adventure.

Book preview

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I Need Help!

Removing Toxic Masculinity Loving, Learning, Leaning

Desmond G. Goodloe

Introduction By Brian Adams

Editing By Freda Freeman, FFreeman Communications, LLC

Cover Photo By Aja Dawson

ISBN 978-1-9701-0923-8

Copyright © 2020 by Desmond G. Goodloe

All rights reserved, including the right of reproduction in any form, or by any mechanical or electronic means including photocopying or recording, or by any information storage or retrieval system, in whole or in part in any form, and in any case not without the written permission of the author and publisher.

Unless otherwise noted, all scripture quotations are from the New King James Version (NKJV) of the bible.

Published October 2020

Opening

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When you think of a masculine man, it may evoke images of movie stars, sports figures, or powerful businessmen. But have you considered God’s servant, Job? Do you see him as being masculine? Does he fit the mold of a masculine man in your eyes?

We will look at my world in the 1960s-1980s, to see what was considered masculine in my youth, how it is defined now, and who the world considers masculine in 2020. Then we will look at Job. We will consider how Job matches up to the worldly standard of masculinity and how God positioned him to be an exemplary example of a masculine man. In our discussion, we will see the example of loving, learning, and leaning and how it needs to be taught to our young men and not-so-young men of today.

Why is this book important to our society? I believe we are facing a time where true masculinity is lost. Granted, there are thousands of male babies being born every day, but I believe the true masculine man and what he stands for is becoming extinct. The line is moved and/or blurred every day. One of Humphrey Bogart’s famous movie lines was, I was born when you kissed me, I died when you left me, I lived a few weeks while you loved me. Wow. Here is loving, learning, and leaning all wrapped into this one line in a movie. That is masculine. Jackie Robinson, the first black man to be signed to Major League Baseball, broke through the color lines, and stoically faced continuous racism and discrimination. That puts the M in masculine. Job was a very powerful businessman. His possessions included: seven thousand sheep, three thousand camels, five hundred yoke of oxen, five hundred female donkeys, and a very large household, so that this man was the greatest of all the people of the East. He had plenty of money, but the greatest thing about Job was that he loved his family, learned about serving God and others, and leaned on his relationship with God to get him through very difficult times. He is our foundation for masculinity. Job is the blueprint.

Acknowledgements

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This book is dedicated to my grandson Jonathan Daryl Dawson II aka JD aka Pooks. He is the inspiration behind this book. Although only 22 months old when I started writing this book, his masculinity is already starting to show. He wants to play, run, jump, hit, bargain, demand things, and play rough–he loves my boxing equipment. Yet he is sweet, will give you a kiss and hug, sit on your lap and sing with you, stand at the coffee table and color in his coloring book, and put away his toys when he’s done with them. Although these may not be traits of masculinity in everyone’s eyes, I see these as the building blocks of greater things to come in this great man to be.

Thank you, JD.

I would also like to thank some of the role models I had in my life growing up. This book is about masculinity, but I would be remiss if I did not first mention that there were great women who helped shape me in many ways as well. Mrs. Halls, Mrs. Arneacy Barkum, Mrs. Clara Brooks, Mrs. Bryant, Mrs. Tucker, Mrs. Lois Fortenberry, Mrs. Helen Heard, Mrs. Nazeen Green, Mrs. Bostick, Aunt Margaret, Mrs. Bernice Battle, Mrs. Stevens, Mrs. Betty James, Mrs. Helen Barnes, Aunt Trudy, Sherry Goodloe my sisters Dwenda Gilmore, Lezlei Young and Theresa Goodloe, my daughter Aja Dawson, my wife Loretta Goodloe, Great Grandmother Sally Brown, Grandma Goodloe, Mother Dear and Wilma Jean Goodloe. There are countless others who spoke into my life in many, different ways, and I am grateful to you all.

Some of the men in my life were Mr. Brooks, Mr. Griffin, Mr. Tucker, Mr. Amos Fortenberry, Mr. Hayes Heard, Mr. Green, Mr. Bostic, Mr. Sidney Battle, Mr. Stevens, Mr. Quan James, Mr. Lamb, Mr. Smith, Mr. Edgar Barkum, Mr. Joe, (John Murray From Irvine Sensors) Pastor Chuck Smith, Pastor Rick Warren, Pastor Lance Hardaway, Pastor Rich Mathisrud, my brothers Kurt Harris, James Whaley and Durwin Goodloe, sons Derrick Dixon and Taylor Goodloe, Great Grandfather Everyboy Brown, Grandfather Thomas Robertson and last but not least George Curtis Goodloe. Again, there are countless others who helped shape me into the man I am today. I am truly grateful to you all.

About the author

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Desmond Goodloe was born on February 25, 1963; the youngest of my six siblings. I grew up in Gardena, California, where I went to school and made friends with some very