Perfectly Imperfect: Confronting the Perfectionism Myth

By Britney Turk and Sandy Allen

Tired of striving for perfection and feeling unsuccessful?

 

Perfection is an illusion, a myth, driving us to try to accomplish the impossible. Frustration can develop leading to disappointment, damaged relationships, and even failure.
Learn how to test your expectations and confront the perfectionism myth to gain a more positive mindset and perspective. Learn how to manage the day, view interactions, and examine goals.

Dr. Turk is a nationally board-certified counselor (NCC) with a PhD in Psychology. She sits on the Licensed Professional Counselor Association of Georgia's Board of Directors. Her research interests are parental burnout, HRV biofeedback, and emotional intelligence. Dr. Allen holds a Doctor of Nursing Practice degree and over thirty years of nursing experience in various roles in healthcare.

 

Learn what drives your striving for perfection and how to build your confidence, lower stress, acknowledge your unique qualities, and change your mindset accepting yourself as Perfectly Imperfect.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Mountainview Press, LLC
• Release date: Oct 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215275764

Book preview

1. Perfectionism Versus Excellence

Eleanor Roosevelt once asked us to contemplate, What could we accomplish if we knew we could not fail? She referred to confidence. Confidence comes from understanding yourself and setting realistic goals. Do you need to change? Maybe. Maybe not. What’s your outlook on life? Is it to be perfect or to be positive? Outlook matters and can be transforming. A constant striving for perfection, if not recognized and managed, can cause failure and heightened anxiety.

Perfection

First, let’s define the term perfection. Too often we strive for perfection: perfection at work, home, school, and in our relationships. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary (n.d.), the term perfection means flawless. Do you know anyone who is flawless? Probably not, yet we still expect perfection in ourselves. Why? What societal or personal pressures drive the quest for perfectionism?

Perfection

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As we begin the journey to confront this perfection myth, we need to understand its triggers and its grip on our lives. Perfectionism creates both positive and negative consequences. The motivating drive to be successful, if not careful, can turn into a competitive obsession, creating fear of failure or fear of mistakes. This fear can generate overwhelming anxiety. Some level of minor anxiety can motivate, but the degree and extent of pressure inflicted upon one’s self-esteem can devastate if not managed properly. Confronted with too much anxiety, the person striving for perfection may be less successful in achieving the desired goals. It may be hard to accept, but striving for perfection may cause less success because of the tremendous pressure placed upon yourself and level of performance. The key is to learn to use the motivating aspects, minimizing the negative to turn perfectionistic drives into more positive responses (Knight, 2019).

According to research by Greenspon (2014), perfectionism occurs at individual and societal levels and usually has a contextual relationship triggered by worry and fear of failure. What creates this competitive sense of personal perfection at all costs? We associate unique personality traits with the desire for perfectionism, which range from the overachiever to the procrastinator. That’s right, the procrastinator strives for perfectionism as well.

Perfectionism by itself is not a positive quality. Using your talents and skills, understanding weaknesses, identifying stressors, and recognizing core values may help to break the bond of perfectionism. As the drive for perfectionism weakens, you can substitute more manageable traits of positivity, self-acceptance, and reasonable expectations.

Excellence

Second, excellence is not the same as perfectionism. According to Merriam-Webster dictionary (n.d.), the term excellence is a virtue implying quality. It does not reflect being the best at everything, rather achieving your best. We are social persons who interact and form relationships with others. Medical professionals, for example, are knowledge seekers striving to understand the informational patterns around them to guide decision-making. This requires being a social person. Too often, the drive to socialize and to establish relationships may lead to a sense of competition. If within the social context, you use things or possessions as the source of personal validation, then striving for perfectionism may create a void, a failure to understand your own sense of worth. Perfectionism leads to a momentary sense of accomplishment or acceptance, but at a price. Did you go into debt? Did you sacrifice your personal values to gain perceived acceptance? Or maybe group conformity brought acceptances viewed as perfection. Are you mentally and physically exhausted? Perfection is relative depending upon your point of view.

Perfectionism is not the same as excellence. When you strive for excellence, you strive to do your best, be your best. This motivation for excellence may not result in being number one, winning a blue ribbon, or a chorus of accolades rather, it represents a validation of your work. When you strive for excellence, become excited about alternative possibilities, while striving for perfectionism can lead to feelings of failure and loss (Greenspon, 2014). The perfect person does not exist. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses. How we address weaknesses and capitalize on strengths helps to break the perfectionism myth. So, let’s confront the perfectionism myth to promote a more successful approach to living.

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CASE STUDY:

Mary was a teacher and always thought the other teachers were better at their jobs than her, so she worked hard to overcome the feeling of inadequacy. The students loved the other teachers and praised them. Mary craved the same acceptance, but no matter how hard she tried, she felt like a failure.

Mary dressed in the latest fashions, drove a new car, used the latest technology, and mingled with the ‘important’ people. Yet Mary was not happy. She felt pressured and stressed to maintain this facade of success while she accumulated debts she could not pay. Over time, Mary lost her internal compass and became so focused on outward validation, she became depressed. Out of touch with her true self and feelings, Mary’s depression deepened as debts increased.

Intelligent, Mary knew she needed to change, but how? She thought everyone expected her to be perfect. The perfect employee, the perfect teacher, friend, colleague who dressed in high fashion and drove the most expensive