Surrendered Motherhood: The Story of a Mother’s Unexpected Trials and the Redemptive Power of God

By Bled Tanoe

There is a quote that says “When life gives you lemons, make lemonade.” It sounds brave and amazing. But honestly, who walks through life expecting lemons? If anything, we hope for the roses and the daisies! No one wants to journey through trials or hardships. Especially when you welcome the most exciting and anticipated news of your life! You have dreamt of this very moment. You have hoped and prayed for it! You finally got it. But then, things start to unravel! Challenges which were not foreseen. Although you are not obvious to the uncertainties of life, you still expect this fulfilled desire to be perfect and beautiful. You expect it to be…unchallenged! However, you find yourself through a cascade of trials which seem to never end. When you think you finally catch your breath, the waves of this immense sea of trials come and swallow you up.
Will you survive? or Will you drown…physically… or emotionally…or both? And if you survive, what will it even look like?
In Surrendered Motherhood, you are invited on an incredible pilgrimage filled with unexpected trials and challenges. What was supposed to be the most joyful time in this author’s life, turned into a tunnel with one light bulb going out one at a time! While the author tries to hold on dearly to her faith, would she survive? Would she swim above the waters? But more importantly, would her faith remain true to her?

• Language: English
• Publisher: iUniverse
• Release date: Oct 5, 2022
• ISBN: 9781663246158

Bled Tanoe

Dr. Bled Tanoe was inspired to write her first book after the birth of her first son. Although she has written many devotionals privately and on social media, she never saw herself publish a book. However, as her journey as a mother started to take more momentum, she felt called to share the testimony of God’s transforming power in the midst of her trials. Bled and her husband reside in Oklahoma with their son. Dr. Bled Tanoe also holds a Doctorate in Pharmacy. She manages a Facebook Blog page called Bled’s Couch.

Book preview

CONTENTS

Forewords

Gratitudes

Dear Readers:

Prayer

Preface

Prologue

PART I: Stepstones

Chapter 1   Family Ties

Chapter 2   Health Trials

Chapter 3   The Lambs For My Isaac

Chapter 4   Single, Taken, Betrothed, And Married In Five Seconds

Chapter 5   The Idolized Motherhood

Chapter 6   A Feast At His Table

Chapter 7   God Is Sovereign And In Him, There Is No Wickedness

Chapter 8   #Cantcopypoppy

PART II: Did Someone Say Baby?

Chapter 1   Gathering The Saints

Chapter 2   Welcome Daveed-Immanuel Tanoe

PART III: The Unfolding Of November 10th, 2019

Chapter 1   Hard Conversations With God

Chapter 2   Leaving, But To Where?

Chapter 3   Two Steps Forward; A Lot Of Steps Backward

Chapter 4   Left For Me

Chapter 5   Deliverance

PART IV: Dear, God, Please Don’t Do This

Chapter 1   Genetic Tree

Chapter 2   Heart Of Poison

Chapter 3   No More Taste

PART V: The Light At The End Of The Tunnel

Chapter 1   Bright Light

Chapter 2   Come Back, Light

Chapter 3   Salut Papa

Chapter 4   Life At Home And The Unfinished Journey

PART VI: Surrendered Hearts

Chapter 1   Surrendered Lives (Marriage And Community)

Chapter 2   Surrendered Fatherhood (Papa John)

Chapter 3   Surrendered Motherhood (Bled’s Heart)

****Addendum****

Introduction: How Do You Introduce Life?

Chapter 1   Cough, Cough

Chapter 2   All It Took Was 2.5 Seconds

Chapter 3   The Choice To Surrender

Chapter 4   The Conversation Of What If

Chapter 5   Oh How We Have Missed You!

Chapter 6   Plugging Back

Chapter 7   Life At Home And The Unfinished Journey (Again)

Dear Readers (Again)

About The Author

FOREWORDS

This beautiful, heart wrenching and inspiring story is a blessing to so many who are in the middle of -or have had their own -personal challenging motherhood journey. Bled has a true God given gift of writing that captures the reader’s heart. As someone who has known Bled since soon after she came to the U.S. she is a fighter, completely brilliant and full of the Holy Spirit. This is a wonderful book for everyone! I am grateful to be able to call this insightful woman my African sister.

Vanda Holland

As the mom of two young boys, I know what it means to struggle through pre-pregnancy, through pregnancy and beyond. Every single mom, mom-to-be and mom at heart has their struggles, and no other human will ever truly know what it means and how joyous it can be and on the flip side, how deep it can hurt. In other words, there is no greater joy and no greater struggle than being (or trying to be) that 3-letter word, MOM. Did I have expectations as I began my journey to becoming a tiny human’s Mom? At the time, I would not call them expectations, more like hopes and prayers of what I would like for it to look like. In retrospect, they were expectations. It’s hard not to have those in place at times, it’s how we handle the disappointment of the expectations not coming to fruition that matters. In the end, I can share that it is nothing like I imagined. It’s HARDER! It’s SWEETER! And everything in between. Every stage of motherhood brings its own share of trials and tribulations, but the only thing I know that has gotten me through, is steadfast faith. As I was reading Surrendered Motherhood, every ounce of that came flooding back to me. Reading Bled’s story and the story of sweet DJ Bubbles, kept tears in my eyes the entire time. What an amazing reminder to leave everything that is happening at HIS feet. We are vessels to carry out the purpose He has bestowed upon us, in whatever way that is meant to be. There are quite a few lessons that my own Mom has taught me throughout my life, but the one that always comes to mind is, Life is like an ocean. There are large waves, small waves, but the one thing you notice is there is always movement in the water, it never just lies still. The only way to navigate the ups and downs is to have courage and strength. The only way to get and keep that courage and strength is through steadfast FAITH. The strength that Bled pours out through the pages of this story, took me back to my days of needing a higher power to make it through the waves of the ocean of life as I began my journey to motherhood and continue that same need today, just like my mom shared with me time and time again. The Redemptive Power of God, that is a phrase Bled uses throughout this book. Keep that in mind as you read her story, or as you scroll social media, and you are wanting to compare your journey to someone else’s. Every single woman has their own journey and their own story. Use His healing powers to walk through your own and pray for his healing of others on theirs, because no matter how easy it may seem online, believe me, we ALL have our struggles and need faith and healing.

Wishing you Health, Hope + Harmony on your Journey!

Dr. Asha Pai Bohannon, PharmD, CDCES, CPT

Owner of PAI Wellness Group; Co-Owner of PGxAlly

To say that Bled is one of a kind" is the understatement of the year. My wife Connie and I first met Bled through the campus ministry, Chi Alpha, when she was a student at the University ofScience and Arts of Oklahoma (USAO) in Chickasha, OK. At that time, she was Bled Marchall N’guessan. She filled our hearts and lives with her thick French, Ivory Coastan accent and her incredibly infectious laugh, often brought on by her own jokes. We soon saw the depth of this person and her love for God and for other people. We saw how she was relentless in her chase for the things of God and His Word. And we saw the truth that always came from her lips. It embodied the statement that if you don’t want a true answer, don’t ask the question. We loved and still love that about her.

Her truthful speech and her life of truth has led her down a path that actually paved the way for this book. This book is truth. This book is raw, it is organic, it punches you in the gut, in the heart, and in the face. If you are interested in five easy steps to overcome difficult situations in life, this book is not for you. If you are interested in shallow religious platitudes and cute little memes, this book is not for you. If you are ready for a journey that will force you to think and maybe reexamine some things about your own faith, this book IS for you. I sat spellbound as I read this book for the sake of editing. I saw deep into the heart of a person that we have known for almost a decade and a half, and I learned something about her on every page. Buckle up. Put on your crash helmet. This is no easy ride.

Bled, Connie and I and our family love you and your precious family with all of our hearts. We know you have battled so much pain in the last couple of years, and we also know the strength that you possess. That strength is an absolute inspiration to us, to everyone who knows you, and soon to those who will read this work.

Love,

Pastor Tim Black

"A foreword to Surrendered Motherhood by Bled Tanoe

Surrendered Motherhood is truly written for anyone who has ever had a child or longed for children. As a single woman fast approaching my forties, I have a deep ache and desire for my own children some day. Bled’s story resonates so deeply with my own experience with reproductive health struggles and fear of the unknown. She beautifully illustrates how she has surrendered her own thoughts, desires and ideals of motherhood through different seasons of life including having her first child.

When we first learned of Daveed’s probability for medical and developmental challenges none of us knew the journey we would be taking with the Tanoes and the joy that would ultimately fill our hearts to be part of their village of support.

I’ve personally witnessed Bled’s faith grow deeper and deeper as she has become a wife and mother. Her spirit is soft and malleable to the word of God as she yields to the Lord’s shaping and stretching. It is truly an honor to see her depth of character and faith so deeply rooted in Christ, as she continues to learn the art of surrendered motherhood.

As I read this book, my heart broke remembering the pain and tears that were shed over the difficult times, and swelled with abundant gratitude over the joyful times. I am so grateful that even in my current single, childless status that I get to enjoy being part of such a beautiful story. I am learning to surrender my own longings and desires to what God has in store for my future. I am also embracing the roles I have the tremendous privilege to play, as sister, friend and auntie to children belonging to loved ones in my family and community.

God’s plan for motherhood is so much greater than any of us could fathom if we truly learn to surrender and follow Him. Read with an open heart to hear and understand what you might learn from one mother’s incredible journey of surrendered motherhood."

Caseyna Jones

GRATITUDES

When I told my husband John I wanted to write a book about my journey as a mother, he said go for it. We were already used to sharing our lives with the world of social media. God had called us earlier on to be open about everything…the good and the bad. For John, this book was just an extension of that call. He bought me a laptop, way too fancy and advanced for my taste. I am very much technologically challenged! My old laptop would have done fine. Except I did not remember my password and it probably would have eaten my entire manuscript. Fancy laptop it was! I had my mind and my thoughts. Now I had something to bring them to life. But John did more than give me the instrument of writing. He also gave me the permission to be honest. It was not just my life that I was sharing with the world. It was also his life and he granted me full access. He allowed me to leave the house and find my focus when my mind was too crowded. John helped me to embrace the emotional journey of writing this book. I was about to be faced with a lot of deep wounds from which I had not properly healed. Likewise, his hurts were about to surface. I was not just spitting out words. I was ripping the bandage off our wounds and we did not know what we were going to find under. Were we ready for this? I was not sure. But it was necessary and John graciously opened his heart to the world. In addition, he tried to keep me on track with my deadline. But he knew to allow my thoughts work their magic!. DON’T rush a writer, I would say to him! Honestly, I could never pretend to be such a thing. Even if I have a book out, writing is absolutely a new skill for me and John gave me the confidence I needed to believe in myself. He is not a reader himself. He bought one book in the last year and I think he is still on page 5. But he promised to read my book. That speaks some volume about it…maybe…or maybe not. I am sincerely and truly grateful for the life we have together. From crazy and young lovebirds in high school back in 2006 to today, I am thankful for him. He makes life so sweet in the midst of all trials and I am honored to be his best friend, wife and life partner.

I want to recognize all who have helped me develop this project by reading and editing it. They took time and effort from their personal lives to make sure that I produced a decent book. And that took a lot of work especially when I was thinking in my native language while writing and I possibly used too many Ands and Yets and put the wrong punctuation in the wrong place. I have gone and added some new parts after their extensive editing process. Therefore whatever imperfection, you see, is not a reflection on their parts. Humble thanks to Caseyna Jones, Joy Winfrey and Dr. Asha Bohannon and Pastor Timothy Black.

To my Tresor, Daveed-Immanuel, you are the reason for this book. You drew in me this strength I didn’t even think I had. The life you lived and have ahead of you, is beyond what myself or your dad would have expected. God could have chosen anyone to love you and yet He chose two crazy and sinful individuals for this task and we could not feel more privileged. Thank you for being a light and joy in our lives. Papa and I love you so dearly and we can’t wait to continue this journey with you.

To my friends, family, physical and online community, including the Mamas, Aunties and Grand-meres of my Moms Group, thank you from the bottom of my heart for walking this life with me. Your love, support and correction helped me in ways I can never explain in simple words. This book, the emotions and everything came to life because you helped me process all that was within my heart. I so dearly love you and I am thankful for you.

Dear Readers:

I know there are a lot of books out there and yet you picked up this one. First allow me to say thank you for taking a chance on me, especially as a first time author. If you are an avid reader, I can already anticipate a lot of anxiety from your end. Understand that, I take no offense in your impatience or your criticism. In fact, I welcome all of it. It will help me to become better and that’s my ultimate goal. In the meantime, I would ask that you put your red pen down until the second or third reading. I would ask that you do not get turned off by anything that falls under the standards of proper writing. Instead, I invite you to immerse yourself in the story and hopefully to allow yourself to be transformed. It is very true that this book is based on my journey as a mother and that my faith is at the center. But I always believe that life lessons can be learned from any angle. Thus, my hope is that if you are not a mother or a Christian, you will still find some resolutions for your own journey.

PRAYER

Dear God, I want to say thank You for this book and its content. First, forgive me if I misinterpreted or misunderstood Your Holy Word. It was never my intention to be found a blasphemer and to confuse your children. Please forgive me. Show me where I might have failed to speak Your Word properly and truthfully. Yet, even in my shortcomings, I recognize Your Power to redeem everything and to use all for Your Glory. Please let your people know that Your Word remains The ultimate Truth above all else and that nothing should replace it. Let Your Word be the Only transforming and divine Truth. And if You are pleased, use this book to also change, challenge, and correct and build Your people. Let them see the hope I see in You. I pray that You meet each reader, intimately and deeply. Let Your Redemptive Power transform them.

PREFACE

Someone once asked me if I had any expectations about being a mother. I said I did not. After all, what did I know about it? Nothing. In the past, I had the privilege to walk with many of my friends who were mothers. I could see that it came with its trials. I knew that the idea of a blissful journey was nothing but pretension. At first glance, it was clear to me that being a mom was an absolute challenge. Yet, I realized that motherhood was also one of the most life transforming journeys. For me, it was a beautiful grace from God. I told my heart to not hold any expectations. I was not going to raise a perfect human. Consistent exercise, good nutrition, and restful nights would require a miracle from God. I knew there would be changes in my marriage as well as my other relationships. Nothing would ever be the same. Regardless, I was determined to make some sweet cold lemonade out of the lemons. With God on my side, I was ready to face this unknown and to live in surrender.

Of course, life has a way of revealing the lies within us. Somewhere deep inside my heart, I had expectations… as noble as they were. And when those desires and dreams were not met; when I discovered that there were layers and layers of this life I did not know about… my heart was faced with painful realities. It was shaken to its core. I did not foresee myself making gallons and gallons of bitter lemonade. And even more surprisingly, I did not expect to be awakened by God’s Power and for His Redemption to be so near and intimate.

Writing Surrendered Motherhood was a journey of its own. Although the bulk of the book is about my story as a mother, it also speaks of prior events in my life. I regard those experiences as stepping stones. They formed a path to God’s Throne; a place I desperately needed to be when our life became a cascade of trials.

In Surrendered Motherhood, you are invited into the personal and intimate story of my journey as a mother, the trials my family had, and those we are still facing. I write this book not to elevate my struggles above others. I am humbly aware that there are stories out there (perhaps even yours) which are more devastating. I have recently read Jehovah Has Healed by Dr Carine Ndeh Njoh and it has transformed and humbled me. But my hope in writing Surrendered Motherhood is that you see God’s love for His Children. My intention is for you to experience His relentless pursuit, especially in the midst of your hardships. I hope that as you read this, you are propelled to surrender your trials to Him. More importantly, I pray that you are awakened by His Redemptive Power.

PROLOGUE

It was the beginning of August 2019. My husband John and I had returned from our trip from the Ivory Coast a few days ago. It was an emotional voyage. I had unexpectedly lost my mother earlier that year and I was not able to travel back home to attend the funeral. We spent two to three weeks there visiting friends and family and her grave. The first few days upon our return were spent in bed. I was surprisingly more exhausted than John. In addition, my period was late. He joked that perhaps I was pregnant, and I should take a test. I didn’t think it was necessary. After such a trip, being exhausted was an understatement. We barely rested. Where there was music, we were there; dancing away the many pounds we had gained. Honestly, we indulged a little too much in the local food and drinks. It was the perfect trajectory of any foreigner returning home.

Truthfully, my reluctance to test was bound to a deeper wound and fear. I didn’t want to feel hopeful. We had been trying for more than a year and half with no success. After countless negative pregnancy tests, I’d been undone by the pain. I had decided it was time to see a fertility doctor. My husband on the other hand, had still been holding to the faith that we would have a child. We needed to be more patient, he said. But he supported me in the decision to seek help. I’d had my initial appointment before our trip to the Ivory Coast. John was supposed to have his once we returned home. On top of facing infertility concerns, I was also dealing with recurrent fibroids. Two surgeries had been performed to remove them. A few years after my last surgery, we had discovered that another fibroid had grown back. I was once again faced with the painful reality that my final treatment option was a complete hysterectomy. The fragility of my dream of