Get Out of Your Own Way

By Aria Renae

Getting out of your own way is achievable. Self-sabotaging yourself does not need to occur. You do not need to be caught in this vicious cycle that is derailing your future and diminishing your confidence. By taking a step back and analyzing your life, you can give yourself a new perspective, one in which you can begin to formulate a plan to get you where you want to go

• Language: English
• Publisher: Aria Renae
• Release date: Oct 5, 2022
• ISBN: 9798215615270

Book preview

Table of Contents

Introduction

Chapter 1: Identify What You Want

What Is Your Motivation?

Remove the Unnecessary Pressure

Chapter 2: Remove the Word Can’t from Your Vocabulary

Identifying Other Forms of Negative Self-Talk

Ways to Combat Negative Self-Talk

Chapter 3: Having a Plan

What Having a Plan Will Do for You

Creating Your Plan

Chapter 4: Adapting During the Process

Change Doesn’t Come Easy

Ways to Help Yourself Adapt During the Process

The Benefits of Adapting

Chapter 5: Do Not Apologize for Attempting to Reach Your Goals, Ever

How to Stop Yourself from Apologizing

Why You Shouldn’t Care What Anyone Thinks

Chapter 6: Just Do It

Conclusion

Adapting as Your Plan Progresses and Learning to Not Apologize

Just Do It

References

Introduction

Everyone faces their own personal emotional pressures and turmoil. It’s not a flaw—it’s simply human. Despite our best efforts, things arise that cause many of us to struggle. We begin to feel overmatched and our emotions get the better of us, sending us down paths that we wish to avoid. Our fears become so great and so powerful that we are almost prisoners within our own psyche. No matter how hard we try, it feels as though we will never win, similar to being in quicksand. The harder you fight, the faster you sink. We get bogged down by our feelings of ineptitude, and our self-esteem plummets as a result. Goals become nothing more than fantasies, and every day begins to feel like a struggle. Without even realizing, our biggest enemy has become ourselves. It’s a brutal existence, and one too many people experience on a daily basis. You might be stuck there yourself, turning over every stone to get yourself out of this situation, but the answers may be eluding you. You may feel like there is no hope, but you can take a breath as well as a step back. There are still ways to better yourself.

Getting out of your own way is achievable. Self-sabotaging yourself does not need to occur. You do not need to be caught in this vicious cycle that is derailing your future and diminishing your confidence. By taking a step back and analyzing your life, you can give yourself a new perspective, one in which you can begin to formulate a plan to get you where you want to go. You just have to follow a few simple guidelines and learn how to change your thinking. Once accomplished, you will feel more emotionally balanced and will be able to control your life without feeling like the walls are closing in on you. You just have to believe in the journey.

In this book, I will outline simple techniques you can use to reach your goals and get out of your own way. While this seems complicated, I promise that it isn’t. It just requires trust in the process and a desire to change. Once those two things are achieved, these steps will be your foundation for attaining the life you want. Fear not—these techniques are not akin to rocket science nor do they require anything other than yourself. Get back in control of your life, learn to love yourself and not be your greatest enemy, and attempt to reach the things you want.

I cannot lie and say this process is simple. It will take time. Trials and tribulations are part of changing, but that doesn’t mean you should quit. Learn to embrace the rough patches in your life, use them as learning experiences, and foster a new identity, one in which you can look in the mirror and be truly happy.

While I cannot sit here and say that you will be everything you want to be as a result of reading this book, I can undoubtedly tell you that if you do not try, you will certainly never attain everything you want. Sometimes, you just have to go for it, and regardless of the outcome, you will feel better knowing you tried than if you never attempted at all.

Chapter 1: Identify What You Want

The first tool in order to grow as a person and get out of your own way is identify what you want. This is a question you’ve probably heard throughout your entire life, and it is a question that arises for most when they are in high school. What do you want to do? What do you want to become? Where do you see yourself in 10 years? For many, this question feels as though it is unanswerable, but this is not necessarily true. It just takes a different perspective than the one you are using.

You may think that by identifying what you want, you need to decide your entire life. This is not the case. All you need in order to identify what you want is experiencing and understanding two separate mental states. In her article, How to Figure Out What You Want, Dr. Jennice Vilhauer (2019) writes:

The good news is you can identify what you don’t want, knowing that what you do want is definitely within your reach. To perceive anything, there has to be a contrast between the two states. To know that something is unwanted, we must know that something else is wanted instead. One serves as the reference point for the other.

Vilhauer explores an interesting point. You must know how different things feel in order to contrast what you like and dislike. In order to know the difference between sadness and happiness, one needs to experience them both. They inform each other, and one can see that feeling happy is much better than feeling sad. If you are struggling to get out of your own way, you can recognize a time when you weren’t and use that as your reference point. What were you doing that made you feel better than you currently feel? What obstacles in your life are causing you to feel this way?

By using this technique, you are giving yourself a new perspective. Maybe you want a promotion at your current job or you feel that you need a new job entirely. Maybe you are striving to be a better parent or spouse. What a person wants will differ for everyone, but in order for each person to figure this out, they must take stock of their lives. What is it that will make you a happy, balanced, and successful person?

If the answer is still eluding you, try making a list. If you want to change jobs but are unsure of what area you want to move into, make a list of the things you dislike about your current job. For example, if you are a waiter, you might conclude that you dislike the hours, the service experience, your bosses, the pay, or whatever else. By having a reference point, you can see what you dislike and use those dislikes to inform your job search. Then you can add the things you do like. Knowing what you like and dislike will give you parameters for what you want to do, making it easier to find your goal.

When setting a goal, however, it is important to be as specific as you can be. Creating a vague goal is not a good idea because it muddles the process of reaching said goal. A vague goal may be someone saying they want to be a happier person. While this is a completely worthwhile idea, their goal is still vague, and if they attempt to achieve this, their journey will be difficult because the endpoint is not explicit. They may not know what they need to do in order to be happy. In order to avoid this, this person needs to look deeper into their lives and see the reasons behind their