Anxiety, I'm Not Your Bitch
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In these modern times, it is next to impossible to traverse an entire human life and not be touched by anxiety. To deny this is so un-human it actually raises concern. Listing out what induces anxiety is useless. A more effective corroboration would be a question. Have
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Anxiety, I'm Not Your Bitch - Tabitha Sampson
INTRODUCTION
Anxiety, I’m Not Your Bitch. This is more than just a title, more than a positive affirmation, more than a fun thing to say. It is a decision- a courageous decision that requires nurturing compassion for yourself. It requires a ton of effort and action to stand up to anxiety day in and day out. This is a mighty tall order to accomplish when anxiety suddenly surprises us on top of the already busy and emotionally hectic lives we live today. In my experience, I have learned that it starts with awareness. By becoming aware of what you are dealing with, you equip yourself with the tools needed to recognize anxiety building, so you can do something about it before it balloons out of control. Most importantly, the more you educate yourself about anxiety, the better chance you will have of managing it successfully. My goal is to teach you how to do this by the end of this book.
Keep in mind to learn is great, taking action is power, but consistently taking action is the power that can change your life. If you don’t know much about anxiety, what it is, how to describe it, or how to identify it in your life, you are not alone. It’s easy to brush off like it’s not a big deal, or just plain ignore it for long periods of time until it’s too late. I know because it happened to me. In the first chapter, I share a personal experience from 2017 when my anxiety balloon filled up so much that it popped in the form of a panic attack. I did my best to tell the story from the perspective I had then to showcase the subtle differences to the perspective I have now. Look for possible similarities that connect with your own perspective as a way of connecting with yourself, starting the conversation with yourself about anxiety in your own life. One question to get you started is, do you enjoy the role anxiety plays in your life? If not, it’s never too late to start trying to make a change. Start small and build. It helps to think about enjoying the process. Even the smallest amount of effort towards healing can be rewarding. I believe you have the power inside of you to break free from anxiety once and for all.
LET’S DO THIS
I’m Tabitha Sampson, and I’m here to tell you, you’re not alone. I’ve been there. Scared. Confused. Frustrated. Tired of being anxiety’s bitch, but continuing to put on the nothing’s wrong with me act. Then one day, out of the blue, I had an earthshaking panic attack. It brought me down. It was a wake-up call. That’s when I made the decision. Anxiety, I’m not your bitch! It felt amazing to be taking action, then it hit me. The decision was the easy part. The hard part was facing the fact that acting like nothing was wrong with me for so many years meant this was going to be extremely difficult. Old habits die hard isn’t even close to describing the challenge I was up against. It was much bigger than that. It would challenge every fiber of my being, everything I knew about mental health, and every decision about how to live my life from that point on.
SO WHY ME AND WHY THIS BOOK?
Anxiety was nothing new to me, but what that panic attack did to me was. It made me take a hard look at who I am. I looked deeper inside myself to see not only who I wanted to be, but more importantly, who I knew I could become. I was faced with a hard choice to make. Either let my anxiety continue to control me or do something about it. I could choose to do nothing and brace myself for the next panic attack that was bound to happen in the future at any random moment. Or I could stand up for myself and fight by taking action. I chose to fight. I chose ME.
I can’t lie, I was scared. I had no idea if or when I would heal from this. How would I know when I was healed? Over the next few years, I sought the best medical and mental health resources to find out everything I could about mental health and managing anxiety. I found what worked for me and what didn’t. I also found that I wasn’t alone. I came across many people just like me, looking for answers that always seemed to be out of reach. Through that journey, this book was born.
A major reason for writing this book was to provide a new way to start the conversation in society about the stigma surrounding mental health. I wanted to lead by example. I know that the experiences I share in this book about anxiety are not the scare tactic, attention-grabbing, plot for the next thrill-seeking hit movie that everyone seems to gravitate towards when they want to share stories about mental health. Full of unrealistic depictions of psych wards, people getting wrongfully accused and then escaping to prove their innocence. I will leave that to Hollywood. I’m talking about the anxiety that everyone can relate with, reality. I told my story exactly as it happened on purpose. If anxiety is happening to lots of us all the time, how come it’s not popular to talk about? Is it not allowed? If it is talked about, it’s in this non-formal, almost jokey manner, obviously an attempt to avoid any conversation that leads to emotional vulnerability. Or you get labeled a mental health renegade on Instagram. I want this to change. We can do better. I want us to drop the judgment and start talking about the effects of anxiety. How else are we supposed to make it better? With silence? I don’t think so. Silence will make it worse. My hope is by sharing my story exactly the way it happened, people will relate. This might open doors for them to become more comfortable in talking to someone else about their anxiety without the fear of judgment. It’s okay to talk!
WHO’S TABITHA?
I’m a wife, a mom of two, a daughter, a friend, a business owner, and a staunch advocate for mental health and wellness. I work hard every day to make the best life I can for myself and my family. I’m a dental hygienist by trade, but my journey led me into coaching. I’m passionate about helping other women embrace their power and build the life they desire. My life now is what I can only describe as pure happiness. I feel fulfilled and peaceful. It wasn’t always that way. I looked at my life like it was an embarrassing mess until I figured out how to climb out of that dark place and reclaim my life. The ability to regain control over my anxiety allowed me to embrace the life I always knew was inside of me.
HOW THIS BOOK CAN HELP YOU
This book is for anyone who has found themselves struggling with anxiety and feeling overwhelmed by its control over them. In the following chapters, I will take you through everything I learned and the tactics I used to finally gain control over my anxiety. I’ll share with you my trials and my triumphs. I’ll share what worked for me to start you on your own path to healing. Keep in mind the things that work for you might not be the exact same things that worked for me. This is to be expected because we are all unique in how we experience the world. Give yourself the freedom to try new things, even if you don’t understand how or if they will work. You might be surprised.
* * *
Mindset Tools
Throughout this book, you will find what I call Mindset Tools. These are questions and exercises you can use to delve deeper into your own experience. These are simple yet powerful exercises you can use to cultivate a mindset of confidence and health as you go on your healing journey. There are no wrong answers. The more you get to know your experience of anxiety, the better prepared you are to do something about it in ways that will work for you.
As you read through the book, I encourage you to keep a journal. Use it to work through the Mindset Tools. There is no perfect
way to do it, and not every exercise is for every person. Focus on the ones you connect with the most and try to be consistent with those. Make notes about what you’re thinking and feeling. Allow your journal to be a space to brain dump emotions and feelings. So often, we are not in tune with our bodies. We miss signals that give us the heads up that we need to rest or listen to what our body needs. These are clues to developing a mindset that will guide your healing. Give yourself permission to try some of the strategies, and freely give yourself grace. A journey to healing is never a straight line and is a process that continues throughout life for all of us.
My healing journey hasn’t always been easy. In fact, there was a time I had no idea I needed to heal. Self-improvement is a powerful thing; it shows us we are capable of so much more when we put in the effort and do the work. Oftentimes we endure difficult things in life. When we avoid pushing them under the rug and face them, I believe they provide great strength, courage, and understanding. Although it’s hard to see it when you are struggling, feeling like you’ll never come out on top. When you stop and embrace your emotions, however uncomfortable it might be, that’s you taking control of your own healing. I am thankful for this because this process has brought me to a place of peace and well-being. I want the same for you. I am excited and honored that you’re sharing this journey with me. I believe you can heal and come out with a new perspective, that full of life energy
that you might be craving. I know I craved that so much. If you’re ready…
LET’S TAKE YOUR POWER BACK.
CHAPTER 1
PANIC RISING
I remember it like it was yesterday. I know there are much worse things in life than a panic attack, but this one felt like it was going to kill me that day. It marked the beginning of the longest, most grueling year of my life.
January 4, 2017
The day started like any other typical workday. Up early, on the road, and on time to arrive at the same dental office I worked at for years as a dental hygienist. As I pulled into the parking spot I always parked in, the thought of not being very excited for another long day cleaning teeth hit the back of