Better Off Happy: Overcoming Addiction

By Kaci Shepherd

The gift of freedom from addiction awaits you. Are you going to take it?

Have you awakened again today to the ugly cycle of addiction? Are you feeling hopeless today? Maybe you see no way out; maybe you are tired of living this way.

What a joy it is to bring you great news, my friend!

There is a way out of addiction. It is abso

• Language: English
• Publisher: Trilogy Christian Publishing
• Release date: Sep 21, 2022
• ISBN: 9798887380087

Kaci Shepherd

Kaci Shepherd has been a master's level licensed professional counselor for twenty years. She specializes in addiction and childhood trauma. She is a recovered alcoholic who grew up with an alcoholic parent and watched her brother succumb to addiction, which she is no stranger to.Kaci is married to Travis, and they have three children: Landon, Levi, and Justice. Her greatest accomplishment was choosing Jesus in November 2011.

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Acknowledgments

This book would not exist if it weren’t for the people in my life who have loved me, forgiven me, believed in me, encouraged me, mentored me, taught me, prayed for me, and supported me. Some are family, some are friends, and some are church members, but all have contributed to how God has led me to this book. Thank you, Travis, my love, and Landon, Levi, and Justice, my whole world. Thank you, Mom. Thank you, Van, Kyle, Pennye, and Stephanie. Thank you, Julie, Chadd, Stacy, Staci, Gabe, Lindsay, Reese, Alli, Gina, Leann, Ben, Victoria, Jeannette, Tara, Matt, Tyler, Mark, Kelci, Landon, Paige, Seth, Cole, Corey, Erica, Drew, Lynn, Karen, Garren, Alicia, Christian, Brent, Erin, Lindley, Cory, Marla, Lana, and Peggy. Thank you, Billie, Ronnie, Annie, Sheppy, Mamaw, Barbara, Carly, Nicholas, Crystal, Ann, Bobby, Jimmy, and Peggy. Thank you, Tonya, Gloria, and Kathleen. Thank you, Levi and Liza. Thank you, Michael. Thank you, Chris and Melissa. Thank you, Lindsey, Jamie, Julie, and Loy. Thank you, Jacie and Jolynn. Thank you, Pastor Mack, Pastor William, Pastor Brandon, Pastor Kirt, Father Stan, and Father Hal. Thank you, Sarah M., Sarah J., Theresa J., Shannon W., Jessica T., and Jamin and Carrie.

I cannot overlook the reason for this book. Jesus has changed me inside and out from a beggar to a daughter. I owe Him all the glory. Thank you, Jesus.

Chapter One — My Story

I was barefoot, sinking in the sand with every step I took toward the ocean. The moon was the only light in the dark night. The breeze coming off the water pushed my hair back, and I could clearly see the power of the waves. I was lit to high heaven and not a drop of fear. I was not usually a depressed drunk, but this particular night, all I wanted to do was run into the ocean and never come out. The little dolphins were frolicking in the water by the pier with the freedom I yearned for in my life. If my dear friend hadn’t talked me out of going into the water, I am not sure I would be alive today. Though the yearning for the ocean freedom stuck with me, I was temporarily soothed by a dolphin tattoo to forever remind me of what I was chasing. Freedom is what we all want as addicts, right? It is the real drug we chase. Freedom from our childhood, our mistakes, our perceptions, lack of self-worth, and our current chaos. We drink, we use, we abuse to find our freedom. I started looking for freedom at age thirteen. I convinced an older guy to bring beer to my bedroom window after my parents went to bed. I guess, to be completely honest, this was not my first beer, but it was my first drunk. I can’t remember the exact age of my first beer, but I know I was in elementary school when I began sipping on my dad’s beer can. He didn’t seem to think it was a problem, so I kept sipping. My first drunk was like fireworks. I finally met my freedom. Freedom from shyness, fear, and self-hate, and sadly, I never looked back. If this is a trigger, don’t set the book down; please keep reading. Leaving now to use or drink will not bring freedom. We both know the freedom we long for and search for is never permanently found in substances. We also both know we ultimately lose our freedom from our addiction. Take a chance on what I have to say and keep reading.

From age thirteen to eighteen, I drank whatever alcohol I could get in my teenage hands. Saving lunch money and my $25 monthly allowance bought many bottles of Strawberry Hill and Mad Dog 20/20. Looking back with clear vision, I can see I was a complete mess. Gossip, betrayal, back-stabbing, fights, regret, embarrassment, mocking, stealing, lying, shame, guilt, bullying, loneliness, and fear filled my junior high and high school days. In the midst of those days, the drink told me lies that I continued to carry throughout my addiction, such as I’m cool when I drink, I’m more fun, It’s okay if I do this, Nobody will find out and I don’t have a problem. The deception of who I thought I was and who I really was had laid its foundation. Alcohol had planted its seed in a child as deep as the roots of an old oak tree. Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde were playing out before my eyes. When sober, I thought I was a studious rule follower, but drunk, I was living out scenes from the movie 28 Days. My dad died my senior year, and deep, unresolved grief was thrown into this awful tornado of life. My wild lifestyle amplified throughout college, which grew into cigarette smoking and drug use. I dropped out of college at twenty-one and put all my effort into partying. I did it very well. My social network was thriving, and my loneliness was dressed so extravagantly that I forgot it was there. Soon I found myself knee-deep in debt and late to work on a regular basis. One day, working as a car dealership receptionist, a co-worker walked up to my desk, started laughing, and said, How much did you snort last night? When I inquired about his meaning, he pointed out that my face was covered in scabs from a meth binge. Not long after that, I crawled home to my mom, confessed my addiction, and begged for help. I knew she wouldn’t turn me away. Just as she had bailed me out of a theft charge as a teen, she paid all my debt and prepared to send me to a free drug rehab in another state. I was scared stiff and temporarily sober, so I made promises and convinced her I would never use again. A few days later, I left her house and started drinking. I managed to get back into college, graduate, work, go back to college and graduate with a master’s degree in counseling psychology, all while managing my lifestyle. I know my career choice seems ironic. I rationalized my use by convincing myself I was not addicted because I didn’t need to drink during the day or during work. I thought that because I only drank after hours and did drugs only when I was drunk, I could control my use. My main problem was that when the alcohol hit my lips, I didn’t stop until I was completely drunk. I could not stop once I started drinking. As hard as I tried, I was not a social drinker.

I moved to the big city soon after getting my provisional counseling license. Now I was an adult with all the knowledge about mental health that college could provide, yet I could not shake the issues that pushed me to find freedom. I lost or damaged many close relationships, and I could fit all I owned in my Jeep. I had filed for bankruptcy a few years back, so my finances and credit were a mess. As I drove up on the skyline and city lights of the metroplex, much like the ocean, I found new freedom. A new world of people and experiences that knew nothing of me. I was free to be who I wanted to be without worry I would be found out. I would say this is where I really lost touch with reality. I was a thirty-year-old counselor living in an uptown apartment by day and a rock band junkie, smoking, drinking, and snorting by night. I was truly a master deceiver. I lied on a daily basis, got tangled up with payday loans and hot checks, was diagnosed with depression, bipolar, borderline personality disorder, and risked my life and other lives nightly with incredibly stupid drunk behavior. Toward the end of this mess that was my life, I was put in rehab by my family, but I didn’t stay passed day three. Over the next few years, I attempted suicide three times, was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital once, lost multiple jobs, wrecked my Jeep, and lost my apartment. I understand your struggle. I understand your pain. Fast forward to June 2007, I found out I was pregnant. Single, drunk, and pregnant was my wake-up call. I never thought I would have children because I couldn’t commit to real relationships. I was perfectly happy single and child-free. I did love children, though. I have many nieces and nephews from six brothers and sisters. I thoroughly enjoyed babysitting and hanging out with them. I even worked as a child counselor for a bit. I had discovered there was something excruciating about a child in emotional pain, and it pushed my compassion to help them. There is no doubt that this is also what convinced me to change for my baby. And soon, I was changed—physically, emotionally, spiritually, and eternally. Hopefully, this book will teach you about addiction, introduce you to the Great Counselor, show you the answer to addiction, face your giants, teach you to find your story, and finally, find healing.

I survived my addiction, and I am anxious to tell you all about how I did. But before I go on, I want to introduce you to someone very special to me. Randy, my oldest brother, was twenty-one years older than I, but that didn’t stop us from being close. He was awesome. He loved his family endlessly, so much so that you could see his love. Randy was so smart,