Drawn To You: JavaCo Junkie Series, #1

By Kristen Rose

Joshua

 

He wants her…even if he knows he should stay away. Charming, broken and a lot jaded— Joshua is no longer willing to put his heart on the line for anyone. He'd rather be a Monster than play the victim. He has little use for another relationship, but when he meets Abby he can't help but feel drawn to her. The pull is almost magnetic and he is tempted to break all his own rules for her.

 

Abby

 

Nice, shy, and awkward, Abigail secretly yearns to be loved. A troubled home life, and past trauma, left her broken and scared of getting close to anyone. But when she meets Joshua she can't help but be drawn to him. Things get complicated and she finds herself tempted to let herself feel something for a man for the first time. In his arms, she feels safe and desired. Theirs is a love born of tragic circumstances and shrouded by secrets…and when truths finally start to surface, they find themselves clinging to each other.

 

Drawn to You is a complete standalone in the Java Co Junkies Series and ends with a HEA. This book deals with subjects that some may find triggering such as cheating, violence, graphic sexual content etc. So please check content notes for a full list.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Kristen Rose
• Release date: Aug 15, 2022
• ISBN: 9798201000097

Book preview

Kristen Rose

Drawn to You

JavaCo Junkies Series

Copyright © 2022 by Kristen Rose

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, scanning, or otherwise without written permission from the publisher. It is illegal to copy this book, post it to a website, or distribute it by any other means without permission.

This novel is entirely a work of fiction. The names, characters and incidents portrayed in it are the work of the author's imagination. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events or localities is entirely coincidental.

Kristen Rose asserts the moral right to be identified as the author of this work.

Content Warning

First edition

This book was professionally typeset on Reedsy

Find out more at reedsy.com

This one is for the real-life Java Co Junkies,

You know who you are…xoxo

We are all in the gutter, but some of us are looking at the stars.

Oscar Wilde, Lady Windermere

Contents

Acknowledgement

Synopsis

Content Notes

Playlist

I. PART ONE

1. Prologue

2. Invisible Girl

3. Lights Off

4. Teenagers

5. Lies That Bind

6. Java Co

7. Dr. Seuss & First Impressions

8. Broken Home

9. Guitar Lessons

10. Exposed Secrets & Half-Truths

11. Sweater Thief

12. Text Messages

13. Flowers, Bird Calls & WTF

14. Did the Earth just shift or is that just me?

15. Rum & Coke Night

16. Later That Night…

17. Can Somebody Say Awkward

18. Strawberry Shortcake & Stolen Kisses

19. Complicated Is An Understatement

20. WTF Moments

21. Old Nightmares

22. Friendly Warning

23. On a Fucking Raft!

24. Don’t tell me that!

II. PART TWO

25. New Place, New Problems

26. You can’t always fix Broken…

27. Ugly Truths Revealed

28. Bad to Worse

29. Mine

30. Baby Mama Drama

31. Nobody Touches What’s Mine!

32. A Real Shit Show

Epilogue

About the Author

Also by Kristen Rose

Acknowledgement

Writing a book is harder and more rewarding than I could have ever imagined. None of this would have been possible without my husband, Richie. He stood by me during every struggle and all my successes.

I’m eternally grateful to my parents, they taught me discipline, tough love, manners, respect, and so much more that has helped me succeed in life.

To Karen my best friend’s mom and my surrogate mother, who took a chance on a fifteen-year-old kid and let her spend the night at their place for over a year. You only ever encouraged me.

Writing a book is a surreal process. I’m forever indebted to my editorial team, for their keen insight, and ongoing support in bringing my stories to life.

To my family. Mom & Dad: for always being the people I could turn to. To my brother, Dylan, and sisters, Adrienne and Kandy: thank you for your encouragement. So thankful to have you in my life.

Finally, to all those who have been a part of my getting there!

Synopsis

Joshua

He wants her…even if he knows he should stay away. Charming, broken and a lot jaded— Joshua is no longer willing to put his heart on the line for anyone. He’d rather be a Monster than play the victim. He has little use for another relationship, but when he meets Abby he can’t help but feel drawn to her. The pull is almost magnetic and he is tempted to break all his own rules for her.

Abby

Nice, shy, and awkward, Abigail secretly yearns to be loved. A troubled home life, and past trauma, left her broken and scared of getting close to anyone. But when she meets Joshua she can’t help but be drawn to him. Things get complicated and she finds herself tempted to let herself feel something for a man for the first time. In his arms, she feels safe and desired. Theirs is a love born of tragic circumstances and shrouded by secrets…and when truths finally start to surface, they find themselves clinging to each other.

Content Notes

This story contains morally gray characters who sometimes make poor choices. There is explicit sexual content, profanity, graphic violence, abuse, sexual assault, dubcon, and many topics that may be sensitive to some readers.

For a detailed list, follow the link below.

https://kristenrrose.com/contentnotes/

Playlist

Click here to go to Drawn To You’s Spotify Playlist.

Something In The Way—Nirvana

Creep—Radiohead

Tell Me Now—The Blackwater Fever

Last Kiss—Pearl Jam

Experience—Ludovico Einaudi, Daniel Hope, I Vituosi Italiani

Nothing Else Matters—Apocalyptica

Circles—Post Malone

Caress Me Down—Sublime

Talking Body—Tove Lo

Only Love Can Hurt Like This—Paloma Faith

Sweet Little Lies—Bulow

Happier Than Ever—Billie Eilish

Stay—Rihanna, Mikky Ekko

Try—Pink

Bitter Sweet Symphony—The Verve

Broken—Seether, Amy Lee

Better Than Me—Hinder

Don’t Cry—Morgan Wade

Make You Feel My Love— Adele

I

Part One

One

Prologue

Chapter Separator

Abigail

My Mom once told me that love and hate are just different sides of the same coin. They are the two most powerful emotions that humans can experience. The difference between loving someone and hating them can sometimes be a little more unclear than many would like to admit. The passion and the pain felt, like a double-edged sword.

I never really understood what she meant until I met Joshua and he became my whole world. Then my world got turned upside down and I found myself living in a nightmare. I think most relationships are more or less dysfunctional in different ways. No perfect relationship exists but in order to stay in a committed relationship, most people adapt to disappointments and disillusionment during the time they’re together. If there is enough good in the relationship to compensate, they weather the storms and continue to love each other.

A domino effect or chain reaction is the cumulative effect produced when one event sets off a chain of similar events.

He entered my world and just like a domino—I fell.

Two

Invisible Girl

Chapter Separator

Abigail - age 14

The heavy smell of cigarette smoke wakes me up. I groan to myself and roll off my makeshift bed on the couch in my grandparent’s living room. I can’t stand the smell but I’m used to it. My Grandma and Uncle are both chain-smoking in the kitchen and all the lights are on. I know that there is absolutely no chance I’ll ever be able to go back to sleep now that they are up so I fold my blanket and tuck it away under the side table where I keep my very few personal belongings. It’s probably best that I get up anyway. Today is my first day at my new school and I don’t want to be late.

Are you going to school today? my Grandma asks as I stumble past her on my way to the bathroom. Yeah. I simply replied. The anxiety gnawing at me grows with each step I take, and by the time I start the shower, it’s nearly unbearable.

I briefly wonder what it would be like if I were a normal teenager simply experiencing all the normal anxieties of starting over at a new school right in the middle of the school year. What would that be like? I’d probably be worried about making friends, and who I was going to sit with at lunch. Wondering if I was going to like my classes and what I should wear. I might even have been a little excited at the prospect of meeting a boy.

But I feel none of these things. In fact, I feel completely cut off from anything remotely resembling a normal teenage existence. The truth is I don’t care about any of the things I think I’m supposed to care about. Or at the very least I’m telling myself that I don’t care. After everything that’s happened it all seems so insignificant to me.

I hurry and wash my hair and body and towel off so I can quickly get dressed and get out of the bathroom as fast as I can before anyone else needs to use it and gets mad that I’m in there. I want to avoid a verbal assault this early in the morning if I can.

I throw on a pair of blue jeans and a plain navy t-shirt and slip on my favorite oversize hoodie and a pair of converse. I’m too self-conscious to go anywhere without my sweater. Even if it’s hot outside I’m reluctant to take it off. I know this is probably due to some psychological distress and most likely not healthy behavior, but I don’t care, the hoodie stays. I tackle my thick curly mop of hair and try to tame it into a messy bun as best I can and I’m ready to go.

I don’t eat breakfast so I just grab my backpack and walk out the door. Instead of heading straight to school, I walk next door to Amanda’s house. She said she would walk with me and show me around. At least I will know one person at this school. It’s just too bad that she is a grade above me and we won’t have any classes together.

I’ve known Amanda and her brothers Ken and David since I was three years old and they moved next door. I remember the day I met her I was playing in the front yard and her mom walked her over to introduce her to me. I remember asking her if she wanted to be my friend and she smiled at me. We’ve been friends ever since.

I was five years old the first time my parents were able to move us out of my grandparent’s house so as fate would have it, I had always attended a different school than Amanda. But we stayed close and always played together on the weekends and during the summers when I stayed at my Grandparent’s house.

I walked up to their front door and could see Amanda’s mom Audrey through the open window. She caught sight of me and smiled and came and opened the door for me. Good morning Abigail, are you excited about your first day of school? she asked with a friendly smile. I mustered up the best attempt at a smile I could and told her I was looking forward to my first day when Amanda walked into the kitchen.

Mom, David won’t get out of the bathroom and I need my brush, she complained. The brat can wait her turn, I’m not done yet! I could hear David yelling from the bathroom. Just go use my brush Honey. their mom replied and Amanda rolled her eyes but complied.

I just sat and waited while Amanda finished getting ready. When we were finally on our way I could see that she was excited I was with her. I’ll go with you to the office to pick up your schedule and then I’ll help you find your classes, it’s a good thing we are early today.

She continued to try and fill me in on any and everything she could possibly think of that she thought I would need to know about the school and about her friends and the boy she liked, and I tried to listen and engage with her bubbly conversation but I found my focus constantly drifting to the internal thoughts plaguing me and found it a little hard to keep up.

* * *

When we got to the school Amanda walked me into the office and asked for my schedule. Sally, the woman that worked in the office with short blonde hair and a friendly smile handed my schedule over to Amanda and we both thanked her and walked out. As soon as we stepped outside Amanda scanned my schedule and her face fell. Oh no! You have second-period lunch and I have the first period, we’re not going to be able to sit together, she whined.

I felt a stab of disappointment at the news and I realized I had been counting on being able to sit with Amanda during lunch. Well, it looks like I have a lunch date with a good book, I said and smiled and I could see she looked worried for me. You can’t sit all alone! she exclaimed, frustrated on my behalf. Really I don’t mind. You know how much I love to read. I’ll be OK. I promised.

When lunch rolled around I went to the cafeteria and filled my plate with salad and grabbed some chicken strips and went and found a shady spot to sit and read quietly while I ate my lunch alone.

I continued to eat lunch in this manner every day for the duration of the school year. I never attempted to meet or talk to anyone and no one ever attempted to talk to me. Turned out that even though Amanda and I were at the same school now we really didn’t see each other that much because we had zero classes together and different lunch periods.

I was that girl that sat in the back of the class trying to blend in with the wall so as not to be seen. Some days I really did feel invisible.

At the end of the school year, Amanda told me that her family was moving back to Iowa. My only friend was leaving and I would really be on my own next year and I was completely numb to it all.

Three

Lights Off

Chapter Separator

Abigail

It’s 2:30 am and I am so tired, but I just can’t sleep with all these lights on again. Out of pure frustration I rolled off the couch, my mind made up, I decided to take a chance and I shut off the lights before laying back down.

I thought that now I would finally be able to get some sleep. But as soon as I heard the frantic footsteps running down the hallway I knew I had just made a terrible mistake and I was filled with dread, fear completely overwhelming me.

They are in the house! my Uncle Dean frantically screamed as he ran into the kitchen. I could hear him panting and screeching as he passed and I flinched, trying to suppress the terrible feelings welling up inside of me.

Then I could hear as he slammed open a drawer and the sound of metal clanking against metal had the hairs on the back of my neck standing straight up and I knew with a certainty that he had gone straight for the butcher knife and he was going to come for me if I didn’t do something fast.

When I saw him coming toward me I jumped up to a standing position on the couch and ran to the corner with my hands up in the air and I pleaded with him. Praying I’d be able to get through to him fast. Uncle Dean, it’s just me! It’s Abigail, Uncle Dean. I’m the one who turned off the lights. I’m sorry! It’s just me, it’s just me! I kept shouting, pleading with him to snap out of it.

For a split second, I thought this was it and I was terrified. But in the next instant, I watched as realization set in and he snapped back to reality. He started to shake and he lowered the knife. He didn’t say anything to me as he turned around and switched on the lights. But I could see the panic and the torment twisting his face as he raked his trembling fingers through his hair and tried to calm down.

I heard him mumble an apology as he pulled out a chair at the kitchen table and lit a cigarette. He sat there chain-smoking and battling his demons for what seemed like hours while I lay on the couch trying to act like I was sleeping and that I wasn’t completely terrified of him. I still felt that nearly uncontrollable urge to run, to hide, and I couldn’t control the way I flinched each time I heard him move in the kitchen.

I should have known better than to try and turn the lights off. I should have known it would trigger his paranoid schizophrenia. I’m lucky I was able to get through to him tonight. The last time something like this had happened we were not able to get through to him and everyone had to flee to the neighbor’s house and call 911.

That night he had been convinced that we were not his family and that we were some sort of clones who replaced his family. He had come after everyone with a carving fork. Luckily everyone was able to escape with only minor injuries.

He was placed in a mental hospital for a time but eventually came back home. When he is himself he is a very kind but obviously tortured man. He never leaves the house or even goes outside. He just paces the house chain-smoking and drinking coffee. Making the trip from his room to the kitchen at least once every hour.

Between him and my grandma getting up to smoke and my Uncle Derick coming home from the bar at all hours with his rowdy friends and picking on me for kicks, I hardly got any sleep. I was the only one in the house that didn’t have my own room to escape to, so I was at their mercy twenty-four-seven.

I had to keep my guard up at all times and tread very carefully, so I didn’t land in hot water with one of them. Things could get ugly fast, and I had nowhere to run. Reading was my only escape and I couldn’t exactly hide between the pages of a book. I should have known better than to try and turn off the lights. I should have known what would happen. After that night, I never tried to turn the lights off again.

* * *

The next morning I was still on edge. I needed to get out of the house for a while so I decided to walk to the Mall across the street from our neighborhood and go to my favorite book store for a bit and see if I could find a new book to pass the time.

Several hours later I was on my way home with not one but three new books. When I walked up to the house my stomach dropped when I saw the tan Chevy Suburban parked on the street.

My parents were there. This should be unpleasant, I thought to myself as anxiety knotted my stomach. As I walked into the house I could see my mom sitting at the kitchen table. Hey sweety, she said and stood to give me a hug and I couldn’t help but tense up. I can’t stand being touched by anyone.

I can see she noticed me flinching and the flash of hurt in her eyes makes me feel like utter crap inside. But I can’t help it. I don’t know why I am like this but I am. I shrug her off and step away. How are you guys? I asked. We’ve been good. Your sisters are out for summer break now and your brother starts preschool next year.

I can hear my siblings laughing and playing in the backyard. Where’s Dad? I ask, dreading the moment I have to face him. He’s in the backyard with your Grandpa working on the Merc, she says and pauses before going on. Honey, we have some news. Your Dad accepted a new job as Office Manager at an apartment complex down here. We are going to be moving close by and we want you to come home with us.

I start shaking my head no. I don’t want to. I told you I was done. I’m tired of all the fighting and he doesn’t even give a crap if I’m there anyway. I’d rather stay here. I can see my Mom is hurt by this but I can’t go back with them. I am still too angry. I know I am being stubborn and that being here at my grandparent’s house is no walk in the park but I can barely tolerate being in the same room as my parents as it is. I am so mad at both of them. Especially my Dad.

My parents were sixteen when they had me. So I grew up mostly here at my Grandparent’s house. For the first four years of my life I barely even knew my father because he was always out running around partying and up to no good. So I’ve always been told.

I remember once when I was four years old going with my mom and my other grandma, (my dad’s mom) to pick him up from jail. I hadn’t seen him in over a year and I was so excited we were getting my Daddy.

But when we got there, I remember he was bending over to put his boots on right as we were walking up. Then he looked up and smiled at me, and I felt all the excitement I had previously been feeling drain away and be replaced by fear because he was a complete stranger.

It had taken a few weeks for me to warm up to him again. But eventually, I did and from that time on my Dad had stuck around and eventually moved us out of my Grandparent’s house. I had idolized my Dad. I thought he was the strongest, most talented person in the whole world when I was younger.

Sure, he had a temper and could be scary when he was angry. But he worked hard and provided for us and tried to do the best he could for us.

So when he started doing drugs again and the fighting between my parents started all over again. I was devastated. It hurt me beyond words to even look at him so crushing was my disappointment. I had been awakened to the fact that my parents were flawed human beings who did not know all and the ground beneath my feet seemed to disappear.

I’m angry about the drugs, the fights, watching my mom cry, all the times I was scared because of the dangerous situations we were in because of my Dad’s choices, and all the messed-up crap I’ve had to witness.

I know he is sober now. But for how long this time? I just can’t find it in myself to forgive him yet, or my mom for being weak and dragging us through the mud with them. I know they were young when they had me and they were not prepared to be parents, but my way of thinking is that I never asked to be born and shouldn’t have had to suffer because they were ill-prepared. It’s not fair.

I know underneath it all my Dad loves me. But he is such an asshole most of the time and the hurt and disappointment I feel after everything that he has done is overwhelming for me. I don’t know why I feel the need to defy them, but I refuse to back down on this matter and it infuriates my Father, who expects his every command to be obeyed. To say we butt heads is the understatement of the year.

I involuntarily stiffen as I hear the sliding glass door open and watch as my Grandpa walks in followed by my Dad’s huge intimidating figure. Most people are cautious around my Dad because he looks like someone you don’t want to mess with. He is tall and built like a bear, with sideburns and a mean beard. He looked like he should be riding down the highway on a Harley. In fact when he got arrested the last time the cops had stereotyped him as a biker gang member and kept asking him who he rode with. Something he found amusing because he doesn’t even own a bike.

My Dad immediately fixes his hard gaze on me and for a moment I feel like a deer caught in headlights before my stubborn streak kicks in and the feeling quickly fades. I’m prepared to fight his fire with a fire of my own.

Where have you been, girl? Do you think that you just get to come and go as you please just because your mother and I aren’t here? Because I’ll tell you what, you’ve got another thing coming. My Dad bites out his first attack.

I was just at the bookstore in the mall. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal. I snap back. I didn’t feel like I had done anything wrong. Besides, it wasn’t like it was the first time I’d gone to the mall by myself.

Get your things, you’re coming home with us. My Dad issues the order and I instantly feel my guts knot up as the tension in the room rose to the point it wouldn’t so thick it could be cut with a knife. No, I reply and wait for the explosion, I know my answer just lit the fuse too, and just like I knew he would my Dad doesn’t disappoint.

What the hell did you just say to me? his angry voice booms. When I don’t respond fast enough he takes a step toward me. I asked you what the hell you just said to me? he repeats, just as harsh as the first time.

Feeling brave and annoyed, I let out a laugh. You heard me. I said NO! His long legs stride towards me and he rips the books I’m still holding in my hands and he chucks them across the room. My mind is whirling, I’m not entirely sure what he is going to do next. I know he is furious. He can’t hit me with the belt. I’m too old for that now, aren’t I? I swallow back my fear at the thought.

He bends down and gets right in my face and says so low only I can hear. "You’ve got five seconds to get your ass in gear and get your shit