How to Hold a Glue Stick: and other clues to parenting

By Froukje M. Matthews

How to Hold a Glue Stick and other Clues to Parenting

Life as a parent, especially a first time parent, is not so easy and Froukje Matthews has combined her Montessori teaching experience with the knowledge gained over the years as a parent. Her own children, she claims, were her best teachers as they were also the reason for becoming a Montessori teacher.

This pocket book is intended as a guide for parents and grandparents; when time permits a chapter can be read over a cup of tea or coffee. The examples and vignettes are true to life and based on nearly 30 years of observations and interactions with the very young.

The chapters are not sequentially arranged and can be read as desired.

The topics, based on questions asked by every new parent, are about:

Learning the language The word “No” Consistency Obedience Discipline

Tantrums Routines Manners Sharing
Paying attention

• Language: English
• Publisher: Balboa Press AU
• Release date: Aug 8, 2022
• ISBN: 9781982295578

Book preview

Copyright © 2022 Froukje M. Matthews.

All rights reserved. No part of this book may be used or reproduced by any means, graphic, electronic, or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, taping or by any information storage retrieval system without the written permission of the author except in the case of brief quotations embodied in critical articles and reviews.

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The author of this book does not dispense medical advice or prescribe the use of any technique as a form of treatment for physical, emotional, or medical problems without the advice of a physician, either directly or indirectly. The intent of the author is only to offer information of a general nature to help you in your quest for emotional and spiritual well-being. In the event you use any of the information in this book for yourself, which is your constitutional right, the author and the publisher assume no responsibility for your actions.

Any people depicted in stock imagery provided by Getty Images are models, and such images are being used for illustrative purposes only.

Certain stock imagery © Getty Images.

ISBN: 978-1-9822-9556-1 (sc)

ISBN: 978-1-9822-9557-8 (e)

Balboa Press rev. date:  09/09/2022

Contents

Acknowledgements

Preface

Introduction

Chapter 1 Paying Attention

Chapter 2 Routine

Chapter 3 Consistency

Chapter 4 Sharing

Chapter 5 Discipline

Chapter 6 Tantrums

Chapter 7 What about the word ‘No’?

Chapter 8 Learning the language

Chapter 9 Manners

Chapter 10 Obedience

End Notes

Bibliography

About the author

Acknowledgements

A deeply felt Thank You goes out to my son Amiel; Whenever I told stories around the dinner table about the children I worked with, it was he who kept pushing me to write down my observations and experiences and compile them into a printable product, because ‘You shouldn’t keep it all in your head, Mum!’ but I didn’t know how to do it or where to start.

One day he asked: ‘What were the most frequent questions you were asked in all those years?’ and I suddenly knew where to start and how to do it. He provided me with the title and generously added his sketches.

Thank you to Andrew Swan and Rebecca Tauer. They read the manuscript long before becoming parents, contributing to me becoming clearer in my explanations.

And thank you to Vivien Crago, who checked the spelling and Greg Hall, who went through the manuscript with a fine tooth comb and helped make the language flow effortlessly.

My gratitude goes out to Francey Irvine and Jodie Newland, my assistants and friends, whose comments and feedback have been invaluable. And much love to my family for their encouragement of my projects.

And finally, I wish to acknowledge and thank all the parents who trusted their children in my care. It was a privilege to follow these little humans during the period of their most rapid growth and development. The little children taught me that human nature is generous, loving, playful, forgiving and fun and that the preparations of life are indirect…

(M. Montessori as quoted by E.M. Standing in ‘Her life and work’, 1957)

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Preface

(With an Addendum to the 2022 edition)

Maria Montessori (1870 – 1952) was the inspiration for my work with young children. E. M. Standing described her as a ‘highly intelligent student with a determined yet compassionate personality.’ She initially followed her interests in engineering and biology but ultimately settled on studying medicine. This choice was a challenge to social norms surrounding the expectations of young women at the time. Her work as a medical doctor, combined with an attitude of scientific curiosity and a desire to improve life, led her to education. Over time, she developed the method we now know as Montessori education. Maria never claimed it to be a ‘method’ because, she declared, ‘there is only the child.’ The observation of an individual child will help formulate the method for that child. She also went on to design and adapt learning materials, brilliant in their simplicity and quality that assisted in the development of the very young.

I was attracted by two basic tenets of Montessori education: firstly, the preparation of the teacher,’ directresses’ as she called them because their role is to guide, to direct; they are showing children the skills one needs to be human in a human world. Secondly, it is about the preparation of the environment which is equally important. Creating an attractive environment suitable for infants and young children is the practical part. Teachers should consider themselves part of a child’s environment, realizing that their task is to guide rather than impose one’s Will on children.

Having lived in a few countries, the Montessori’s approach to education and the philosophy underpinning it, made a lot of sense to me because one can apply it regardless of culture, language or even age. As a doctor of medicine, Montessori learned to take notice of symptoms, treat what is treatable, observe and record the results, and then adjust treatment accordingly. Having studied engineering gave her the edge in the art of problem-solving concerning children’s drive for independence; she designed child size furniture and adapted materials and equipment suitable for their stages of development, skills which are evident in her approach to education. Further down the track, she added anthropology to her field of interests and study to understand the very young. It is not a coincidence that one can find Montessori schools on every continent.

As a Montessori teacher, I was asked the same questions by every new parent about the topics listed. The book was written to help parents look at their children with new eyes and appreciate what a complex job parenting is; It is not about becoming a perfect parent; it is a personal development/motivational course in the guise of parenting!

Becoming a parent is another stage in the developmental life of an adult in which we learn new skills, not only practical skills but skills in communication, relationships, and flexibility of thinking. We will be challenged; we’ll discover strengths and weaknesses we didn’t even know we had. For instance, one might have applied a strategy that worked well with the first but didn’t work with the second child; Did we do something wrong? No, it’s just a different child with a different personality and we have to learn to adjust strategies to that little individual while keeping the principles by which we live the same. This is no mean task!

Although we often fall in love with our baby almost instantly this book is not about loving children, because love is not a prerequisite to becoming a parent and the glow may wear off due to fatigue and lack of sleep. However, regardless of the trials and tribulations, when we develop a deep and lasting interest in and connection to another person on all levels and from the start of their life, we will experience love as a result.

I hope this book will help increase those moments of joy. Parenting skills can be learned ‘on the job’ and rewards come in a way that one cannot always capture in words. It’s a course in ‘personal development,’ not only for the child but also for