How to Save Money on Legal Fees: Separation and Divorce

By Adrian Callum

The fear of legal fees is one of the top stressors when our relationship ends.

What do we do? How do we cope with a legal world we know little about?

Lawyer, Dr Adrian Callum, shows us the way to save money and manage the challenges of the legal process, including dealing with our family lawyer.

Critically, How to Save Money on

• Language: English
• Publisher: Law & Life Pty Ltd
• Release date: Jul 13, 2022
• ISBN: 9781925669015

Adrian Callum

Dr Adrian Callum is a lawyer, author and social entrepreneur who is based in Brisbane, Australia. For more than 30 years, Adrian Callum has engaged in social justice work, scholarship and practice. She is the creator of the Ex-Factor Conference series which build clients' separation and divorce skills across Australia, the United Kingdom, New Zealand, Canada and the United States.Adrian holds a Doctorate, a Bachelor's Degree in Law, a Graduate Diploma in Legal Practice, a Bachelor's Degree with First Class Honours in Humanities, a Certificate in Mediation, and a Certificate IV in Workplace Training and Development. She is a member of the Queensland Law Society. Interested in discovering more about her work? All you need to do is visit her website www.lawandlife.com.au

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Preface

How this book will help you

Relationship separation hurts. This we all know. The pain of loving and losing can seem insurmountable. The last thing anyone wants at this time are big bills for services that come with such a challenging life change.

How to Save Money on Legal Fees: Separation and Divorce makes it easier for you to navigate the complex world of family law and still feel some sense of control. It can help you shape the future you want, and it can also help you save many thousands of dollars in legal fees. It is full of resources and tools you can use to make your separation process easier. All forms and tables you see in the book will be available for you to download from my website: www.lawandlife.com.au

This book does not pull its punches.

Mounting legal fees is a fear that many experience. Regardless of your background, legal fees blowing out and depriving you of the ability to care for yourself and others is terrifying. If you are a parent, you just want a better life and to give your kids more opportunities than you had growing up. Being sunk in poverty can have lasting effects. And if you are a parent, you may end up with lifelong guilt if you do not handle your separation with your future in mind. But here’s the thing:

This fear can be managed. Saving money can be achieved so you can look after yourself and your kids.

Lawyers are sometimes a good punching bag. We know from media coverage, academic research, client experience, and reports by agencies which regulate lawyer conduct, that lawyers do not always do the right thing by their clients. Some misappropriate trust fund money, some act unethically, some overcharge clients, some inflate the numbers of hours worked on your matter, and so on. And while I am quick to point out the risks of dealing with unethical lawyers, a great family lawyer—and there are plenty of them—will get you through your separation in good financial shape. Consulting a lawyer is an undertaking which requires careful consideration. This book teaches you how to do this.

How to Save Money on Legal Fees: Separation and Divorce is designed for you, whether you are planning, currently experiencing, or recovering from relationship separation. I have provided checklists, insights, information and exercises to help you upskill your approach to your separation, encourage clear thinking and aid smart decision-making.

Where you live doesn’t matter

Although the examples of the separation process used in this book often draw on the Australian context, this book is for you wherever you live. The content of this book can apply to Australia, New Zealand, United Kingdom, Canada and the United States, but anyone from anywhere can take value from the book’s information, tools, resources, planning, skills development, communication tactics, and attitude. It’s about saving you money through good decision-making.

That said, one section of this book deals with legal options for finalising your relationship. If you reside in the countries mentioned above, you will have similar options and broadly similar processes. I am therefore confident that you will derive great value from engaging with this book. If you are keen to learn more about your state/country’s family law system you can consult your local Law Society.

I am not going to overwhelm you with legal complexities, rules and applications, and Court decisions in this book. I am dedicated to showing you how to navigate them. When the time comes for you to engage legal assistance, it will be your family lawyer who will explain legal rules relevant to your particular situation.

Impatient to learn more about how this book will help you? Let’s get to the benefits of the book.

Benefits of this book

♦You can save heaps of money to dedicate to your new future.

♦You can save money to care for your kids without financial worry.

♦You can save time, and time means money.

♦You can quickly learn how to act with purpose and remain in control of your separation process.

♦The practical management of your legal separation process is laid out for you.

♦Your confidence will soar with the step-by-step guide to preparing for separation so that you can achieve the outcomes you want.

♦Your ability to be across every aspect of your process will be guided by advice on what documents you need for your lawyer and how to arrange them.

♦You can learn how to choose the right lawyer for you.

♦You can learn how to interact with your lawyer, so you keep saving money and move forward.

♦You can use the communication skills you learn to influence outcomes at all stages of your separation process.

♦And more …

Sections

This book is divided into seven sections.

The first section, Separation, offers you opportunities to understand the legal meaning of separation, and the facts, rather than the myths, which prevail about who ‘wins’. The section also guides you through the four steps of the property division process and how it actually works for you and your Ex. Should you have the option of preparing to separate, you will be shown the tasks that can help you. The final chapter in this first section addresses how to make sound decisions that can shape favourable outcomes for your future.

The second section, Disclosure, guides you through the importance of documents in the legal process of your separation. It lists the documents you will need to give to your family lawyer. This section will also discuss deceit, and how it can present during your separation. You will be alerted to the signs of deceit and shown how to tell if your Ex is being deceitful in a way which can disadvantage you in your property division.

The third section, Smart communication, spotlights core communication skills during the separation process that you will need to draw on in order to save money. It comes before sections four and five, which focus on your legal pathways, because you will need your communication skills for those stages. It is often said that the separation process is a crash course in learning to communicate with your Ex in the cold light of day through the lens of finance. With sharpened communication skills you will derive great value from this section’s chapters on how to persuade your Ex to choose the most productive legal pathway for your separation. You will also learn how to make the most of asking questions, listening, and using silence in your interactions with your Ex.

The fourth section, Legal pathways, addresses the typical legal pathways to separation available to you, the processes involved, and their advantages and disadvantages. I have also spotlighted two sensitive issues which often emerge in negotiations: parenting plans and pet custody. In the rawness of separation, each of these issues can derail your separation process if not handled with care. The final chapter in this section draws your attention to costs and consumer issues. All chapters in this section are designed to foster your ability to get going with confidence, and with enough information to achieve your goal of saving money.

The fifth section, Choosing the right lawyer for you, focuses on your interactions with your family lawyer. This section tackles confronting questions. How will you choose your family lawyer? How will you work with your family lawyer armed with the knowledge you have learned from this book? I have provided you with sample scripts to give you a sense of what to say and how to say it. This section explains how you can gain greater value from working with your family lawyer using your awareness of the dynamics between client and lawyer. If you have insight into your role as a client, you can better drive the separation process. All of this is designed to save you money on legal fees.

The sixth section of this book addresses the issue of Help. How do you find the help you need? How do you identify the many support services available to you? This section will show you how accessing help can protect your income, attend to the tasks that need doing, especially if you have kids to care for, keep going to work, and most of all, look after yourself so that you can stay in shape and maintain control of your life. The second chapter in this sixth section is for those who may need the help of a skilled psychologist to process this period of intense change. I appreciate that seeking the help of a psychologist can be intimidating for some, so I have provided step-by-step guidance to demystify the process of what it is like to consult a (good) clinical psychologist. Getting help is a sound investment. When you manage your stress, your decision-making improves and can lead to better financial decisions.

The final section of this book, Conclusion, spotlights what you can do with all of the money you have saved on legal fees. It shows you how you can make the best of your new and independent life.

The sections of this book draw together the key realities of relationship separation.

♦Do not catastrophise the situation, even though tragedy is often the language used for relationship separation.

♦Relationship separation and its legal and personal processes can be managed very well.

♦You can manage these processes with purpose and achieve positive outcomes.

Please note that the content in this book is not legal advice. I will leave that to your lawyer/attorney of choice. This book is based on insights drawn from my own expertise and that of family lawyers, the expertise of professionals, research, and lessons learned from those who have experienced relationship separation.

You are not alone.

This book offers you the opportunity to proceed with resolve. I invite you to do so.

The background of abuse

All books which involve guidance are written from within a social context. The context in which this book has been forged is a very troubled one. And it is one which none of us can afford to ignore. You may be situated in it directly or feel the ripples of it throughout society; its expectations, it’s normalisation, and poor government policy response which impacts all of us in one way or another. In Australia it has been referred to as a ‘national emergency’. I’m speaking of domestic abuse.

One of the most influential contemporary commentators has been Australian journalist Jess Hill, author of See What You Made Me Do: Power, Control and Domestic Abuse.¹ Her compelling book lays out the context of abusive relationships.

Domestic abuse cuts a deep wound in our society. It has been experienced by one in four Australian women. It accounts for nearly 60 per cent of women hospitalised for assault. It drives up to one in five female suicide attempts. Of the escalating numbers of Indigenous women in prison, 70 to 90 per cent have been a victim of family violence. From this yawning chasm comes a never-ending exodus of women and children, fleeing their homes: in 2015–16, 105,619 people – 94 per cent of them women and children – said domestic violence was the reason they’d come to a homelessness service for help.²

Heterosexual men didn’t invent abuse, and they’re not the only ones to inflict it. Domestic abuse is also suffered, often in silence, by a high percentage (possibly as high as 28 per cent) of women in same-sex relationships, whose partners may convince them that if they report it they will be exiled from their community, bring shame on same-sex relationships and be laughed at by police. It’s suffered by gay men, whose subordination may be secured with threats to out them, or to reveal their HIV status.³

In this way, same-sex partner abuse is produced by the same patriarchal conditions that produce men’s violence against women. It is held in place by the heterosexism and homophobia that is central to patriarchy. Ultimately, domestic abuse is a pattern of power and control, and power imbalances aren’t limited to heterosexual relationships… those who perpetrate violence in same-sex relationships still do so from a position of unequal power; the greater the power difference, the more severe the physical and psychological abuse. But in heterosexual relationships, domestic abuse is also suffered by a smaller proportion of men, who, like women, stay in the vain hope they can help their abusive partners, and who may be trapped by the fear that they won’t be able to protect their children if they leave.⁴

Do any of these quotes resonate with you? Please take steps to be safe if they do. And please note that How to Save Money on Legal Fees: Separation and Divorce refrains from dealing with the issues faced by women and children who flee for their lives or stay in domestic abuse situations. Coverage of such high conflict, lethal circumstances are best left to writers like Jess Hill and the extraordinarily dedicated service providers who help those in urgent and dangerous situations. You can find a list of these services at the end of chapter twenty.

This book is for you if you are in a situation where it is safe to leave.

The people described in Jess Hill’s powerful book will not likely have the choices you have. They will not have the resources you have. Please read How to Save Money on Legal Fees: Separation and Divorce with awareness and purpose. Use the information as best you can in the way that is right for you.

How to use this book

No matter your relationship arrangement, sexual orientation, race, gender, culture or financial circumstances, this book is for you. Using this book effectively will help you make the most of the wisdom and practical solutions offered within. Throughout, I suggest practical pathways for you to consider.

Consider these approaches to the book:

♦First, read the book right through in order to get a sense of its coverage. Do not worry about stopping to complete exercises or fill out forms or identify priorities. Simply go through the book in its entirety on your first read.

♦Second, if urgent issues crop up for you during your first read, then make notes regarding these issues before moving on to read the book in total.

♦Third, if you have not yet started your separation process, it would be wise to attend to the chapter on preparing for separation ( chapter three ).

♦Fourth, work progressively through all chapters.

♦Fifth, revisit this book as you experience the legal process of separation and communication with your family lawyer and former partner. As I stress throughout this book, do what is right for you .

After you have worked through this book, you will be fully prepared to provide the required documents for your lawyer. You will also better understand your priorities to drive your separation process forward and achieve your outcomes sooner rather than later.

This book offers you a learning curve. Learning about the separation process is a necessity, but you will also learn much about yourself. Appreciating the array of separation issues will offer you an awareness you may not have previously experienced.

This book is an opportunity to strengthen who you are. To be who you want to be.

Let’s begin.

Dr Adrian Callum

Brisbane 2021

SECTION 1

SEPARATION

1

What is relationship separation?

The purpose of this chapter is to clarify the legal notion of separation. You may find some of the issues in this chapter confronting, but relationship separation is often a process in which you face your own realities as well as those forced upon you by the legal process.

This legal process brings into sharp relief one enduring reality: governments regulate the behaviour of citizens through laws, including relationship separation. Thus, your relationship separation brings you into the world of family law. And family law, as you will discover throughout this book, has its own rules and processes. There are ways in which you can be smart in your navigation of these rules and processes, and this book shows you how. Depending on your location in the world, the rules might vary a little.

This chapter offers you opportunities to understand:

♦the overview of the legal process of separation

♦what relationship separation is

♦the myths surrounding separation and divorce

♦the types of situations which may be regarded in legal terms as ‘separation’

♦the importance of resilience

The big picture of separation

The picture of Australian relationship separations is regularly provided by the Australian Bureau of Statistics. The statistical portrait tells us that in 2019, 113,815 marriages were registered in Australia and 49,116 divorces were granted. The highest divorce rate for men was for those aged between 45–49 and the highest divorce rate for women was for the ages between 40–44. Marriages lasted an average of 8.5 years before separation occurred. Overall, divorces were finalised at an average of 12.2 years after marriage.⁵

In the same year there were 5,507 same-sex marriages. Amendments to the Marriage Act 1961 enabling same-sex couples to legally marry in Australia came into effect on 9 December 2017.⁶ Female same-sex marriages outnumbered male same-sex marriages. On average, same-sex marriages occurred at an age of 36.5 years for women and 39.3 for men.

The age of people who separate and divorce has increased over time. The average age of divorce for women in Australia is 43.1 and 45.9 for men. An increasing proportion of older people are now becoming ‘silver separators’. This will be discussed further in chapter three.

What do you really need to know from this number crunching? Separation is a likely aspect to coupledom. In Australia (and similar figures in other western countries), you are far from alone in separating from a partner.

Overview of the legal process

Future chapters will explore the detail of the legal process and pathways of separation and divorce. Before diving into the ways of separation discussed below, however, you should know the broad process of what will be required of you to legally complete your separation. To use Australia as an example, you (or your lawyer) can only file proceedings after you have undertaken steps to come to an agreement. Your lawyer will guide you through these steps, known as ‘Pre-Action Requirements’. These include:

Pre-Action Requirements

1. Family dispute resolution

2. Exchanging a notice of intention to commence a property claim and exploring options for settlement

3. Complying with the duty of disclosure

4. Preparing a Genuine Steps Certificate outlining all the attempts made to settle the dispute

Separation

Relationship separation is one of the most important experiences you will undergo in your lifetime. Many people have mistaken assumptions about what separation is, in the legal sense. The reality is that in a number of worldwide locations, including Australia, there are several types of arrangements which may be considered ‘separation’ in the eyes of the Court.

I want to identify these misunderstandings and myths and provide the reality, using Australia as an example. Please make sure that you understand the realities. Inaccurate assumptions can lead to conflict, high legal costs, and bad decision-making — all of which can have awful consequences for your future.

Read carefully the following table which sets out a number of prevalent myths about relationship separation and family law. Please note especially the accurate information in response to these myths.

Myths about Separation