Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Divorce: Russell Alexander's Guide to Separation, Divorce and Family Law

By Russell Alexander

ANSWERING ALL YOUR QUESTIONS - EVEN THE ONES YOU'RE AFRAID TO ASK!

 

• What will this process cost me? What exactly is a retainer anyway?
• How do I find a lawyer? Will they keep my secrets?
• Can we avoid going to court?
• What do all these terms mean: motion, order, applicant, financial disclosure, valuation date?
• How long will all this take to settle?
• Is there a difference between mediation, arbitration and collaborative divorce?
• When do I go to court?
• When do I sign an agreement?
• How many steps are there in this process?

You'll find the answers to these questions - and more - in Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Divorce.

 

It goes without saying that family law is complicated. As an experienced divorce lawyer, Russell Alexander saw a need for a comprehensive, but easy-to-read synopsis of the ins and outs of the Ontario family law process.

 

With its Q&A lists, real-life cases and commentary, this book aims to give Ontario readers a simple-to-understand resource for answering their family law questions.

 

• Language: English
• Publisher: Russell Alexander
• Release date: Jul 28, 2020
• ISBN: 9780995936935

Book preview

Foreword

When one door closes, another one opens, but it is hell in the hallway.

It is the uncertainty of separation and divorce that makes it feel like the hallway of hell.

I remember feeling like I was living in a fog when I went through my own divorce. I knew how the system worked because I was a divorce lawyer myself, yet I still felt like my world had been turned upside down. Everything was changing. I felt my life was out of control. The uncertainty was tortuous.

Many questions were running through my head. How much time will I have with my children? What will I pay in support? How will our assets be divided? Where will I live? What will I be able to afford? How will my friends and family react to our separation? How will this impact my professional reputation? How will we get everything resolved? There was so much uncertainty I felt like a black cloud circled around my head.

In times of uncertainty, you need to get informed. The more you know, the less you will feel stressed. Russell Alexander and his team have written Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Divorce to answer your questions. Use it as a reference as you go through your divorce or separation.

You will get through the uncertainty found in the hallway of hell. Soon you will be opening a new door and starting your new life. This book will start you on your journey.

Brian Galbraith B.A., LL.B., LL.M.

Galbraith Family Law Professional Corporation

Client Road Map

As if splitting up wasn’t hard enough – the heartache, the anger, the sadness, the wrapping up of life as we knew it, the moving on and building new lives – we also will have to deal with the logistics and the minutiae of separation and divorce and the legal system.

At Russell Alexander, we’ve heard this many times. Separation and divorce is hard. It is a very emotional time, but it is also a time when you must be practical. You will have to deal with a lawyer and with the legal system, on top of the inevitable steps of ending a marriage and changing a family.

Having a road map to help you organize your thoughts and questions about divorce can be very useful and this is our goal with Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Divorce.

Clients often find articulating their goals and interests a difficult and emotional experience. Spouses are often at different stages in the cycle of separation – such as, denial, anger, guilt, fear, grief and eventually acceptance – when the decision to separate is addressed. They remember talking to their hairdresser or friends who have been divorced. They often repeat what their spouse wants or is telling them but they have not taken the time to think deeply as to what is important to them.

Also, clients are uncertain as to the legal steps in obtaining a divorce and may not fully appreciate or understand some of the terms lawyers often use. Everything You Always Wanted to Know About Divorce is designed to review many of the questions clients have about the divorce process from start to finish. We will guide you through the task of deciding what is the right process (court, collaboration, mediation, med-arb) for your situation. We will counsel you on how to select your advisors. We will also examine common mistakes clients make and how you can take steps to control your legal costs.

Some common concerns and questions that arise during a separation or divorce include any or all of the following: how do retainers work, do I have to go to court, how do I prepare a financial disclosure statement, what are motions and injunctions, what do we do about the house, how much will this cost me.

If your marriage isn’t working, then you need to get through to the other side. We can help you do this in a civil manner, designing your own road map as you move through the process. While we can’t take all the pain out of this next phase of your life, we will be here to guide you through it and answer your questions. You don’t want to do it alone.

Part One

Making a Start

Making the decision to separate or divorce is not an easy one. Finding a lawyer with whom you click and who can guide you through the process will get you off to a good start. There are a lot of details and a number of issues to understand right from the beginning. The next chapters will help you to get underway.

Chapter 1

Hiring a Lawyer

Defining the Role of Your Lawyer

Frustration, fear and sadness often accompany a divorce and your lawyer should help by providing you with guidance during this transition and what may be a difficult time in your life. The majority of individuals who find themselves in a quickly unravelling relationship or who wander into a legal dispute typically have little experience or understanding of what the family law system involves, let alone have a comprehensive understanding of what their role – and the role of their lawyer – might be in that complex process.

Your lawyer should provide you with the information to help you identify and understand the issues, as well as the options and opportunities available to you. This means working with you to design a plan to help you make progress and achieve your goals, keeping you informed about matters as they arise and discussing any significant decisions that you are required to make. Ultimately, you will be the one making the final decision and providing your lawyer with instructions, but it is best to get solid legal advice to assist in making those decisions in this difficult time and throughout the process.

Confidentiality

Solicitor-client privilege is the cornerstone of the lawyer-client relationship. Confidentiality and loyalty are fundamental to the relationship between a lawyer and a client.

Legal advice cannot be given and justice cannot be done unless clients have a large measure of freedom to discuss their affairs with their lawyer. Lawyers at all times are required to hold in strict confidence all information concerning the business and affairs of the client acquired during the course of a professional relationship and cannot divulge any such information unless expressly authorized by the client or required to do so by law.

I am to break with thee some affairs That touch me near, wherein thou must be secret.

The Two Gentlemen of Verona, Act III, scene 1

All information you provide to your lawyer is completely private and confidential. All the details of your case will be handled with the utmost confidentiality and respect for your privacy.

The privilege of confidentiality between solicitor and client is, in law, a protection that belongs to the client. Therefore, it is up to the client – and only the client – whether or not that confidentiality is to be waived.

When your family members or friends request information directly from your lawyer, you will have to give your lawyer specific instructions to permit that discussion to take place. Also, as the time spent by your lawyer will be time spent on your file, you will be billed for any time spent discussing your case with anyone at your request, or in the context of your file.

Honesty Is a Two-Way Street

It should go without saying that in order for a lawyer to provide competent and effective advocacy, they will have to have accurate information from those who have hired them for representation. Yet, we find that many clients sometimes tell some significant untruths. Here are the top lies that family law lawyers sometimes hear from their clients.

Under-reporting income

Separating and divorcing spouses often slip into adversarial mode, where they feel the need to hide or understate their income to the other party – and by extension to their lawyer as well. Although the goal may be to minimize the amount of income-based child and/or spousal support that must be paid, it is never a wise idea to withhold the full truth about your means. Courts are legislatively entitled to impute income to a family law litigant who has been proven to have under-reported his or her income, and to even impose sanctions where appropriate.

Valuations

Like their income, and especially in the early stages of the process, clients frequently omit to give full and accurate information in regards to the existence or value of their investments, business interests, ancillary income sources and assets. Their lawyer should remind them that they are under legal obligation to give fair and full disclosure about their financial situation throughout the process. It is better to come forward early than to have a court conclude that the disclosure has not taken place correctly and accurately.

Over-estimating their contribution to the relationship

It could be human nature for one to want to think the best of oneself. However, separating spouses often over-estimate their respective responsibilities and day-to-day contributions to the relationship while simultaneously minimizing the role of the other partner. This could range from household chores, childcare duties, home and car upkeep and other non-tangible items, such as social scheduling and vacation planning.

Who is at fault?

Although spouses can get a divorce even though there has been no adultery or abuse in Ontario, many clients often feel the need to tell their counsel the details of their partner’s poor behaviour and short-comings – while purposefully minimizing their own.

Lies about adultery and other affairs

One of the unfortunate truths is that by the time a spouse comes in to consult with a lawyer about their separation, the marriage may have passed the point of possible reconciliation. Often this is because one or both parties have mentally moved on to other connections, either by having a sexual or emotional affair or by engaging in other behaviour that is not healthy for the existing marriage – and these details are ones that clients are rarely (if ever) candid about.

The separation and divorce process is never easy and already involves a complex array of emotions. Adding dishonesty to the equation should never be done as it complicates the already difficult legal process.

Chapter 2

Lawyers & Billing

There are many misconceptions about lawyers with respect to their process and mindset. The entertainment industry often paints them as individuals who are greedy and slick, and often encounter a moral conscience halfway through the story.

In reality, few lawyers enter the legal profession for monetary reasons. Legal professionals – depending on their field – typically hold philosophical ideals for why they practice law.

In the context of family law and our firm, we are dedicated to helping families get through what is likely the most difficult period in their lives. In practice, our efforts are to be your guide, guard and, at the very least, someone to talk to about the issues you are faced with.

Selecting Your Lawyer

How long will my matter take?

The amount of time it takes for your matter to reach a satisfactory outcome depends on the issues, the parties, counsel (if both parties are represented) and the availability of hearing dates (if your matter is in litigation). These variables make it extremely difficult to estimate the total length of time it will take for your affairs to conclude. Generally, the more difficult the issues and the more adversarial the parties, the longer it will take to reach resolution.

Are you going to be my lawyer?

Typically, the person you speak to at the first point of contact with our firm will not be your lawyer. Your lawyer is potentially the person with whom you meet at your initial legal consultation.

What is an initial consultation?

At your initial legal consultation, you will be asked to provide background on your situation and discuss your short- and long-term goals. You will then receive advice about your legal options, rights, responsibilities, obligations and the process. The lawyer will then be able to quote an initial retainer required to open your file. You may choose to retain the lawyer that same day or take time to consider your options. There is no obligation to retain the lawyer.

How do I hire a lawyer at your firm?

To hire a lawyer at our firm, we ask that you attend one of our offices in person for an initial legal consultation. You may book an initial legal consultation on our website or over the phone (ask us about our discount).

If you choose to retain our firm, you must do the following:

• provide two pieces of government issued photo identification;

• complete our client