8 Steps to Forever After: Looking for the right partner

By Antonio Cipriani

Most dream of it, many try, quite a few fail and yet they all want it. A happy and long-lasting relationship. Why do some succeed and others not? We all want to have a happy and harmonious love relationship. But in every relationship there are crises and difficult phases that are exhausting, frustrating and even tormenting.
In these moments we often do not know how to behave appropriately. In addition, we often do not understand why the whole mess is happening.
What are the secrets of a harmonious partnership? Love? Sex? Habit? Or just the right thought patterns in the right situation.
Antonio Cipriani presents what psychology, partner therapists, medicine and behavioral research have found out about long-term partnerships in this amusing and interesting guide. Have you ever wondered why it is so difficult for many people over thirty to find a partner? Maybe they're looking at the wrong things when it comes to potential partners.
Many people are torn between the longing for love and the need to be independent and free. This psychological conflict leads to their relationships failing again and again or even not developing at all. Or do you want to save your almost failed relationship? You can't do that just by reading a book. However, targeted food for thought or rethinking can resolve failed situations and initiate the necessary dialogue between the cramped partners. Plus, in this book, you can learn the whole truth about women, men, and relationships straightforward and blunt.
In this book you can learn how to properly satisfy a woman and what a man would like to have in bed.
Spiegel readers say: -You want more Sex? Then read the book!-

• Language: English
• Publisher: Books on Demand
• Release date: Jun 7, 2022
• ISBN: 9783756268696

Book preview

Step 1

Focus on your goal

In Most training courses, seminars and motivational courses, as well as advanced courses, preach that concentration and total dedication to a new strategy is the basis of every new goal setting. In simple terms, this means dedicating oneself intensively to the goal that has been set. Without any excuses, pretenses and unnecessary loss of time. Any professional or motivator in the field of goal setting who has incredible salaries in their pockets for their services knows that investing every resource of energy in a new and important venture is an absolute priority.

Although the participants of such seminars also know very well that what they are hearing is absolutely logical and already known to you. However, you voluntarily pay hundreds or even thousands of euros to hear the same thing over and over again, just in a different version. With energy and determination in their eyes, those leave the seminar room and in that moment you could uproot trees. At that moment, you even want to conquer the world. But as soon as you are in your own walls and are gripped by everyday life again, this euphoria evaporates, like a perfume that was applied hours ago and the effect has simply evaporated. As soon as you look around you are back in your hamster wheel. From day to day, of course, the intention, the energy, the motivation fade and in the end the intention fades and the money is gone.

The truth is, for many, it's easier to get a myriad of things halfway done than to do one important thing really well. One hundred percent attention and commitment is required for a successful project. They sometimes look for the craziest tasks, such as cleaning the apartment or washing the car, wasting their precious time instead of using your strength and energy on the one important thing.

Put yourself the absolute priority

It is not enough to wish for a partner, to visualize him or to have a little desire to find one. To get quick results from this book, finding a partner must become your top priority. If you are not prepared to set the project Finding the right partner as an absolute priority and give it one hundred percent, then leave it and read this book no further. Just put it away and spend your time elsewhere. As usual, surf the net, social networks and post bullshit all day long. What many do not understand or perhaps do not want to understand that what is posted on social networks is 75% fake.

Most of the photos and images that are posted there have been edited, provided with numerous filters and mostly just fakes. Mark Zuckerberg, the founder of Facebook, has managed to enslave humanity with simple likes. Nowadays it is no longer like the old René Descartes once said: I think so I am? Today it is: I share, so I am?

I sometimes have to shake my head when I see groups of people or even single couples sitting opposite each other and only busy with their cell phones. It seems to me that people are no longer talking to each other, they are just typing.

A beautiful woman is sitting there all alone and no one speaks to her, but everyone prefers to play with the cell phone and miss the reality around them. Is not that crazy? One of my clients once told me that she sometimes sits for hours in a café, bar or restaurant and is not approached by anyone. I can't believe she's still single because the woman is not only intelligent and educated, but also looks beautiful. Only nowadays are people no longer brave enough to speak to a stranger. Therefore, you need to change your everyday life. Change your mind. Let us re-model your environment and your habits. You have to want it with all your heart and go to the extreme for it.

Just getting a little involved is like swimming against the current with full clothes in a deep river and stones in your pockets. You're not going anywhere. You move, you waste a lot of energy and time, but in the end you are always in the same place. Without wanting to, but knowing full well, one shifts the desired goal into ever more distant future. You always have to be ready for the right moment. Always be vigilant for the perfect moment so that you can grasp it immediately. Like a predator lying in wait.

We are surrounded by forces, energies, from different constellations that we cannot explain. A friend once asked me: Do you believe in coincidence? Are there any coincidences? What is a coincidence? To be honest, I have not been able to give specific answers to these questions. But these make you wonder. The great Sigmund Freud once said that there are no coincidences. Everything happens and happens the way it's supposed to happen. If it really is, it means that we are being guided more or less.

That everything is already predetermined. Of course, these are only assumptions and no one can confirm it for me. I just know that you have to be vigilant in order to be able to recognize the right moment, to be able to seize it and make something great out of it. So I think there is no such thing as happiness. What is luck? A very old friend of mine once said to me: You have to be in the right place, at the right time and do the right thing, and only then is victory yours. And that can only happen by never giving up and trying again and again. That goes for everything in life. Not just for relationships, but also for finances, for professional life, for diets, and for all sorts of goals a human being can set.

It's like playing the lottery, of course, mathematically winning is almost impossible. However, in Germany alone there are almost 4,000 new millionaires every year just through the lottery. The fact is, if you don't fill out a slip, the chances of winning are zero. In order to be able to win something, even if the chances are very slim, you have to fill out a form.

I just want to make it clear that sometimes you have to do something small in order to be able to achieve great things. Like an avalanche that can only be set in motion by a small stone. In the coming years it will be even more difficult to find the right partner. It becomes more important than a new job than your friends, beloved pet, hobbies, or anything else that takes up most of your time. This project requires absolute concentration and total focus. Focus on that goal and bite into it like a pit bull who has bitten once and never lets go.

When I meet a new student for the first time, I know immediately whether he or she has what it takes to find a suitable partner in the next few months or two years at the latest. I can see it in their posture, the way they dress, and their personal hygiene. I pay attention to the movements, to how they articulate themselves, to the manners, to the self-confidence and to the aura that they exude.

These are characteristics and manners that are very easy to recognize in a person and make up their external appearance superficially. If the person dresses 08/15, does not groom themselves, does not style their hair or has not shaved in days, then it is easy to get an idea of the person's appearance.

But the subject of external appearance and the best look will be discussed in more detail later. Perhaps you discovered this book on the Internet, heard about it in one of my seminars, or perhaps you came across it through a good friend who successfully followed the instructions in this book and has recently been happily married. I always say everything happens for a reason. I believe this book picked you. So take the chance and change your personality and your life. When a new, totally insecure friend or client comes to me, they can hardly wait to take the first step.

The person is about to bombard me with questions about why he's still single. He or she has a firm belief that he / she is doing everything right in life. And don't like to talk about yourself, your past relationships or your own problems. Most of the time, however, the deepest doubts and thoughts or the deepest fears are kept hidden. But it is precisely these that need to be brought to light in order to make a radical change.

To be able to reprogram a person's subconscious. Instead, the most frequently asked questions are: What do I have to do first? How can I get to know someone quickly? Or, where can I get to know someone and, ideally, the person should be wealthy.

When the person is really determined to find a partner, to take this program seriously, to change internally and externally, then our journey together begins. Together we will eliminate or reprogram these stubborn habits that are firmly anchored in the subconscious, like an ulcer that is not easy to get rid of, and if you are also ready to let yourself be guided, then I am for the near future Your future spouse.

The struggle with and within yourself

Our whole life is shaped by decisions. Do I wear blue or black jeans today? Do I eat a croissant or a bread roll for breakfast? Do I take the car today or do I prefer to take public transport to work? Should I give my partner another chance and stay with him or should I split up? Is my job right for me or should I look for another job?

Most of the decisions we make in our everyday lives are very easy to make and they don't keep us busy for long. If you have to decide at the breakfast table, for example, whether you should rather take the jam or Nutella out of the kitchen cupboard, then there are various options for choosing the jam. Either you are a creature of habit and eat a slice of bread with Nutella every morning, then the question no longer arises as to whether it is jam or Nutella.

The question has already been decided by the built-in habit. Without such a ritual, you may be guided by your gut instinct. I like Nutella much better than jam anyway, then I'd rather eat Nutella bread. Your emotions are very helpful in this. Your sensations show you intuitively what will bring the best result for you, without you having to think about it too much. This saves you a lot of thought, which is known to be very helpful, especially in the early morning. Or you can make up your mind. Jam is much healthier and contains less sugar, so maybe I should avoid Nutella.

This is certainly not about decisions of this kind, because making them happens automatically. It looks completely different when it comes to difficult decisions.

They can literally tie you up and hold you captive. In this chapter, I'll show you when you will recognize that you are in a bind, how to deal with the uneasy feelings it brings, and what will help you make such difficult decisions. And it is easier and more effortless.

Let's take a typical example. Your relationship has not been so rosy for a few years. You no longer feel as cared for and loved as at the beginning. Everything has changed since then. You notice it with every action, because a huge rift has opened between you, which is getting deeper and wider from month to month. The distance that has arisen between you cannot be dissolved again so easily. You are now faced with a difficult decision that will bring about major changes.

Therefore, you are tormented every day by the question of whether to continue to stay with your partner or would it be better to leave him for good, with all the consequences that the whole thing entails? You will certainly feel and hear the different voices in your head very clearly. Like two devils on their shoulders. A good one on the one hand and a bad one on the other. On the one hand, you think that you've been through so much together over the years.

Suddenly, all the beautiful memories come up again, about good times and unforgettable moments. Maybe the relationship can still be saved, even if you just don't know how? And what should happen to the children when you are no longer with your partner? Maybe another partner will come along and treat the children badly. You can't do that to your partner or the children. And how would relatives and mutual friends think about it? On the other hand, you are also aware that it cannot go on like this any longer.

They know that doing so would make you unhappy to stay with that person in the long run. Sexually nothing works either and you haven't slept with each other in ages. You can clearly feel that you have grown apart and you actually see no more possibility of approaching each other again in any way, because you have already tried so many things and nothing has worked. Decisions are incredibly important because they shape our entire everyday life. A decision brings change with it. And only through change can personal growth, happiness and love arise. Everything changes and everything is interlinked.

We make a lot of decisions every day, whether we want to or not. When we are unable to make decisions for ourselves, others make them for us. Every day we have to decide how to plan the day, how to eat, what to wear, what places to visit and who to surround ourselves with. In most cases, we make gut decisions. Some of them are easy to meet while others take some time to think about. Important life decisions are harder to make because they can bring about major changes, but long reflection is not always necessary. But then there is an entirely different set of decisions.

The decisions that feel so difficult that in the end we don't make any decisions and yet we are unhappy with them. There is a real struggle going on within us. And quite often in such moments you are stuck in a bind and torment yourself.

The right decision can make you the winner of your life. Those who cannot make up their minds get stuck in their run-in hamster wheel and thereby block their own happiness. Decide to leave your gray and boring everyday life behind and live the way you want. Don't postpone anything until tomorrow, because every moment is unique and never comes back. Make the decision today, confidently and without fear, not to leave anything to chance.

So are you ready for the journey into your own you?

To understand whether you are ready to go through this regimen with me, you must answer the following priority questions openly, positively, and as honestly as possible. You may find it socially unacceptable and perhaps not right to answer yes to all questions. At most you don't want to trumpet it out loud or you are not ready for it yet, but it is enough if you just nod. And if you don't want to answer at all, then at least tell yourself and be honest with yourself. It takes a lot of courage, effort and strength to change many things in life that are important to you all at once. But remember, you cannot make life changes if you keep doing the same thing.

Important Questions:

1. Are you ready to change your appearance, your surroundings and your habits if necessary?

2. Are you ready to open up, to reveal your thoughts, your desires and your inner self?

3. Are you ready to rethink your circle of friends and possibly avoid some friends?

4. Is finding a partner the most important goal in your life?

5. Are you ready to do everything within the framework of legality and morality to find a partner?

6. Are you ready to invest your time, energy and, of course, money and do whatever is necessary to find your future partner?

7. How strong is your faith in God?

It is possible that you do not immediately answer all the questions asked with a yes or you are still undecided. Perhaps it is not the right time to start this innovation in your life or you are unsure and still need time.

But if you have been feeling this tormenting feeling deep inside you for a long time, you feel dissatisfied, unhappy and do not know how to change it. When you have doubts and fears eat you up and no matter how much you ponder it, you won't get a green branch. No matter how much you flip and twist it, you don't know how to do it. You may also be restless, wake up in the middle of the night and cannot go back to sleep, so you are tired during the day, cannot concentrate and your bad mood can be felt for meters. In the long run it will get worse and worse, because your body does not last long, the consequences can be devastating. High blood pressure can occur, you are plagued by constant headaches, tension in the neck area, insomnia and this can then drag on like a rat's tail to chronic and mental illnesses.

Do you want to get that far? What are you waiting for? Wouldn't this be the right time to start? You have to do something now. Don't come with anybody now: I'm too fat. I have no time. I'm too attractive, too old or too this or that. Because these are just excuses and just reasons not to start anything. Most of them want changes, they want everything but not do anything for it. Remember the lottery ticket, you have to fill it in to win.

If you are still struggling with your doubts or are not ready for whatever reason, it does not mean that you have to give up this regimen. On the contrary, read on and pick any idea that you like best. You will begin to rearrange your thoughts and your actions will also become more confident as a result. Always remember that your future partner is out there looking for you too.

Even if you don't proceed in this given order every time you encounter, you will still acquire many different tactics and options that can help you live out your romance to the fullest. With every new encounter, with every new attempt, you will make important progress, even if you often have to take setbacks and are not on the fastest path.

What does the absolute focus mean?

If you have answered the above questions positively, we are half the battle. It's a very good start already, and of course, if your absolute focus is to find a partner, action has to follow words. Most of my clients and even friends often say that they are getting married as soon as possible, that they want to raise a family and have lots of children, but then you boycott what you are doing yourself and create all kinds of obstacles that prevent you from achieving your goals .

It's funny to see how most people start fully motivated and euphoric, with plenty of ideas and courage in their hearts, but after a few weeks, and for some even days, the air is out. Like a sprinter who expends all the energy in the first few meters. And as soon as they look around, most of them are sitting in front of the television with slippers again and have again classified the project of finding a partner in life as not so important.

In the event of discrepancies, as in many other situations in everyday professional or private life, it is important not to lose yourself, to keep focus and not to lose sight of the actual goal. But in the heat of the moment it is not always easy. Many give up pretty quickly as soon as they encounter obstacles and things don't go as smoothly as they imagine, then they ditch everything and find all sorts of excuses not to continue. And these are the candidates who can hardly wait to return to their boring comfort zone and vegetate there. And these are the three biggest fears that make many people reluctant to leave their comfort zone: The first fear is failure. The second fear is the fear of exertion and the third is the fear of rejection.

You don't have to face these fears within the comfort zone, but this leaves the chance for growth and innovation by the wayside. You will inevitably not be able to find new acquaintances, personal happiness, new experiences, professional success, physical health or personal progress within your comfort zone, but you have to take the step outside.

If you dare to step out of your comfort zone, you will first come into a zone of fear that is uncomfortable and torments you with insecurity and rejection. If you get through this, you will come to a learning zone, where you can gain self-experience and build selfconfidence. Only then do you come to the growth zone, where you can experience self-confidence and satisfaction. You have to get out of your comfort zone in order to change your life. Of course, you can do this by setting priorities and always keeping your goal in mind.

So surround yourself with people who are better than you and from whom you can learn something. Pick people whose behavior is better than yours and you will gravitate in that direction.

People with a positive attitude manage to motivate, encourage and inspire those around them as well. They're not just having a good time, they're making every moment a great one. These people are incredibly important because they stimulate you not only on an emotional and spiritual level, but also on an intellectual level.

Always remember: Equal and Equal join with ease. Therefore, start sending out positive feelings and thoughts yourself. That doesn't mean that you have to pretend to be completely. Stay true to yourself, but stay inquisitive, curious, listen to others and support them in their planned goals. Set achievable goals and talk to your feedback group about what you would like to achieve in the near future.

Those who set realistic goals are often more motivated and happier, as their own future can be controlled in this way. Write your goals on a pad or create a collage of pictures that you keep in mind to remind yourself of your goals over and over again. Good vibes, contentment, and happiness are contagious, so smile whenever you can. Even if you don't feel like it, smiling can make you a little happier and your colleagues will thank you too.

From the comfort zone to the development phase:

Comfort zone:

Wellbeing - Control - Security - Habit - Pole of calm

Fear zone:

Anxiety - Insecurity - Panic – Disorientation

Learning zone:

Novelty - self-confidence - self-realization - courage-building

Development zone:

Motivation - goal setting - feeling of happiness - self-discovery – fun

So start with you and take responsibility for yourself, because only you are responsible for your well-being. Nobody else will deliver the perfect partner to your door, like an ordered pizza, and then tell you: Open the door. Your new partner is here. Not your business partners, not your family, and not even your super best friends will do this. The less responsibility you take for yourself, the worse you will be. And there is no point in blaming other people more and more.

You don't like your life, you don't like yourself either, and you just whine. And where should such a way of thinking lead, is probably clear: you just feel worse every day. You will likely never leave the apartment and of course let yourself go. Until at some point you feel so shitty that you yourself realize that you have to change something. So take responsibility for your happiness now, not when it is too late.

That is why you start today to make your own decisions and to consciously go in the direction you want to go. Go ahead and pull it off without whining or grumbling. Don't overdo it at the beginning, take small steps. Set new, small goals every day and be happy when you see positive changes too. But do not overwhelm yourself, otherwise you can quickly lose motivation.

With this tactic you train your decision-making ability, your ego; and you will be well equipped to make bigger, more difficult decisions. In addition, you will never again waste your time and energy in the endless riot of thoughts that lead to sleepless nights.

Maintaining focus plays a major role almost everywhere in life, increasingly in business, in everyday life and in private surroundings. Being able to stay focused even in difficult situations should always be an elementary attitude. This also makes a successful person, because where many give up, precisely that person remains focused and doggedly pursues his dream. On the other hand, if you get bogged down and lose focus, things can easily get over your head. The fears gain the upper hand and the success does not materialize. The eternal dreamer. And that happens pretty quickly for most of them.

Nowadays we are all challenged more and more in all areas of life, we want to bring the diverse needs and demands under one roof, which can be extremely stressful and increase the stress level. People are impatient, everything has to happen pretty quickly and be instantly realizable. Developments such as the much discussed burnout syndrome are likely to be the cause here. Nevertheless, it is crucial to sharpen your eyes and stay focused so as not to let the everyday obstacles dissuade you from reaching your goal. It is therefore important to set priorities.

Even when talking to potential partners, it is advisable to choose the topics carefully so that you can try to lead the conversation. Of course it is important not to lose sight of yourself and to stay in control. How nice it would be if there was an invention for it, just like the automatic focus in photography. Always perfectly aligned, always razor-sharp and adapted to the respective situation without having to worry about further adjustments. You are constantly connected to not losing sight of the goal and staying focus at every opportunity.

In many books about motivation, success or even spirituality it is always reported and firmly confirmed that everyone is responsible for their own life, for their own happiness, well-being and their own I. All motivators, teachers and even psychologists at various seminars and lectures affirm that everyone has to do something on their own in order to be happy. That each and every one of us is responsible for our own well-being.

Many authors or matchmakers write about what you should do to find the perfect partner. What many don't specifically say is that you shouldn't be looking for the perfect partner because they don't exist. But for a partner who suits you, like a lid on a saucepan. A partner for life. A person to love with all the quirks and habits that you may not like at first. After all, you will fall in love with these quirks and habits that this person carries with them and that also make him or her a special and unique person. After all, you also have quirks and habits that the partner should accept that togetherness can be possible. You should be able to accept setbacks, adapt and change because a relationship is a give and take.

You may see it differently or have mixed feelings about getting involved with a new partner again. You may have concerns that are still based on old scars, premonitions or fears that you have not yet fully processed. Old family disappointments that have hurt you very much or anger that is still seething in you.

The following sections will help you understand, or rather ask yourself, whether you are really ready for this step. They explain what to do if you see this endeavor as an absolute priority in your life.

The search for a partner is associated with costs

The search for the right partner is not only associated with time, effort and a lot of energy, but also with costs. And by cost, I also mean real money. I would be delighted if I could tell you that I have some secret tips in store so that you don't have to hold money, but unfortunately I have to disappoint you. A successful partner search is associated with investments.

First and foremost there are the direct costs, such as registering for reputable dating sites or marriage agencies, tickets for certain events, hip parties and many other things that can be decisive for success. Certainly there are also free dating sites or dating sites,