Wedding and Honeymoon

By Vlady Peters

Planning a Wedding and a Honeymoon?

Here are three books for the two of you to plan these two great events in your life.

They will take you from the very beginning of your Wedding Day to your return from your Honeymoon and everything in between. There'll be the choosing of the right day for your Wedding Day. Creating the perfect Wedding Ceremony. Planning or attending all those pre-wedding parties. And, of course the Reception – and how to make your exit in a memoranle way.

When it comes to the Honeymoon, you will learn not only how to choose the right place for your honeymoon, but how to look and feel your best by taking care of yourself.

Whether you're looking for relaxation and isolation, or activity and excitement, you'll discover many places just right for you. You might like to follow in the footsteps of many other couples – including royalties and past and present celebrities - or you might like to go somewhere where few people have been. The world is waiting for you.

But whether your celebrations will be short or long, you want to feel good with all the energy to be the best you can be. This is where food comes in. Call them aphrodisiacs, or just healthy foods, many lovers have sworn by them in the past, so check them out to see whether they could be of use to the two of you when planning the most important event in your life.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Vlady Peters
• Release date: May 11, 2022
• ISBN: 9781005015336

Vlady Peters

Planning a Wedding Ceremony? Vows Renewal? Baby Naming?Budgeting for your Honeymoon Travel or the decorations for your Wedding Day?Looking for Wedding Vows that will exactly express what you feel?Have you been asked to officiate at a Vows Renewal Ceremony for a family member, or a Baby Naming Ceremony for a friend?Whatever the occasion and wherever it is to take place, whether it’s simple or formal, money no object or need to keep the ceremony budget in mind, you will find everything you’re looking for in this author’s books.Whether you want a traditional Wedding Ceremony or looking forward to creating a Wedding Ceremony all your own, whether you intend to have a Wedding Reception at home or leaving all the details to a professional Wedding Planner, whether you intend to spend your Honeymoon just up the road from where you live, or travel miles into the exotic world, you’ve come to the right place to learn how to plan that special event.

Book preview

Introduction

Planning a Wedding and a Honeymoon?

Here are three books for the two of you to plan these two great events in your life.

They will take you from the very beginning of your Wedding Day to your return from your Honeymoon and everything in between. There'll be the choosing of the right day for your Wedding Day. Creating the perfect Wedding Ceremony. Planning or attending all those pre-wedding parties. And, of course the Reception – and how to make your exit in a memoranle way.

When it comes to the Honeymoon, you will learn not only how to choose the right place for your honeymoon, but how to look and feel your best by taking care of yourself.

Whether you're looking for relaxation and isolation, or activity and excitement, you'll discover many places just right for you. You might like to follow in the footsteps of many other couples – including royalties and past and present celebrities - or you might like to go somewhere where few people have been. The world is waiting for you.

But whether your celebrations will be short or long, you want to feel good with all the energy to be the best you can be. This is where food comes in. Call them aphrodisiacs, or just healthy foods, many lovers have sworn by them in the past, so check them out to see whether they could be of use to the two of you when planning the most important event in your life.

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Plan your Wedding like a Pro

Wedding Your Way

by

V M Peters

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Part One - Wedding Ceremony Your Way

Couples are beginning to take an interest in, and responsibility for their own wedding ceremony. They are encouraged both by religious and civil celebrants to think about how they view the institution of marriage, what they consider important in their relationship, and in what way they feel their commitment to each other will be different by being made public. By becoming aware of themselves as the originators rather than the recipients of their wedding ceremony, some couples write almost the whole of their ceremony. Others incorporate their own thoughts within the framework of the existing traditional wedding ceremony.

A contemporary ceremony tries to express something of the uniqueness of the people concerned. It tries to be relevant by expressing feelings the two people have for each other; the kind of life they envisage together; and what destiny they hope to achieve. They want the ceremony to be appropriate to their way of life by eliminating rituals that are meaningless to them, retaining those in which they still find significance, and adding those which define for them the true meaning of marriage.

To satisfy the legal aspects a marriage could take all of one minute – if that. And there are some couples who are happy with a short, legal ceremony provided by the registry office. Most, however, feel that their private commitment to each other appropriates to itself new dimensions when acknowledged publicly. They feel supported and strengthened by their family and friends in having them witness their promises to each other. And while they may not be aware of it, their friends are uplifted by the freshness and hopefulness of the couple’s love for each other. For these couples there is the opportunity of compiling a ceremony which reflects their understanding of, and their obligation to the institution of marriage.

For the non-English speaking couple it is possible to have the wedding ceremony in their own language if they can find a celebrant who speaks it. Or they can have a translator repeat the celebrant’s words.

Here are the steps that can be used by a couple to create a ceremony all of their own.

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Step One - Opening Words

The beginning of a wedding ceremony may take several different forms. It may be an address of welcome by the celebrant on behalf of the bride and groom and their families. In such a speech, the celebrant expresses the pleasure the bride and groom derive at being surrounded by their friends on their wedding day, and the added meaning that their presence gives to their commitment to each other.

It is also used to outline the basis on which the two people base their marriage. Some couples are marrying in order to raise a family and become members of the greater family of humanity. Others see it as a means of personal growth, whilst assisting another to realise his or her potential. Mature couples may be seeking companionship. Any reason which prompted the couple’s decision to marry can be made the subject of an introduction.

Couples with theme weddings find it desirable to introduce their wedding ceremony by explaining the theme of their choice. Those couples who marry at dawn or at the beach or on top of a mountain often have reasons for their choice. Perhaps the couple first met at the beach; perhaps they want to marry at dawn because they see a parallel between the beginning of another day and the commencement of a new life for themselves; perhaps they are expatriates, and the particular setting reminds them of home.

Sometimes the marriage is part of a long relationship between the families of the bride and groom. It could be that a long-lasting friendship of the two families was instrumental in bringing the bride and groom together. Or the families of the bride and groom may have come from pioneer stock who have lived side by side for generations. Whilst exploring this background, the introduction might also outline the possible significance the union holds for the two families as well as for the couple about to marry.

The Speaker

An introduction can be undertaken by the celebrant, by a member of the family, or both. Indeed, any type of introduction can be made by a friend or relative of the couple. In particular, an introduction by a friend, relative or mentor, is appropriate when the wedding ceremony is followed by a very small reception. In effect the introduction takes the place of the later speeches normally made at a reception.

When the groom and bride are sponsoring their own wedding, the groom may use the introduction to explain the way in which the decision to marry was reached by them both, and the importance to them both in celebrating their decision in the public way they have chosen. One couple, whose friends had given up on their ever getting married, decided to have a surprise wedding. Having invited their friends to a birthday party, halfway through they began to play the wedding march to the delighted amazement of the guests. The introduction was in part an explanation of what had made the couple decide to make such a long-standing union, a legally formal one.

At the other extreme when the wedding ritual is part of a longer, religious service, there may be no introduction as such. Instead the celebrant may begin the wedding ritual by an address to the couple on a topic chosen by either the couple or the celebrant.

Before deciding the basis of their introduction a couple might look at the significant aspects of their relationships; what exactly it means to them personally. They might also look at the influence that their parents and relatives have had on their development as growing human beings, noting any modifications and refinements that close and valuable friendships have had on that growth. Only after placing their relationship against the wider perspective of life, do they arrive at an understanding of what is important to them, and what is important enough to include in their marriage ceremony.

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Step Two - Words of Love

Included in the wedding ceremony are also poems, songs, prayers, litanies, benedictions, marriage exhortations or homilies. Some are used to pursue the theme suggested by the introduction, others reflect upon the couple’s expectation of marriage. Some couples respond to the works of the poet Kahlil Gibran whose emphasis on the need to retain one’s own individuality even when in love, appeals to their sense of equality between the two partners. Others derive meaning from the simple philosophies of Helen Steiner Rice and Jean Kyler McMannus.

Marriage is not always the central theme of such readings. Since marriage is not seen in isolation from the broader aspects of life, readings are often reflections on love and life generally, as well as fellowship in marriage. Where a couple feel that in marrying they not only enter into a relationship with each other, but in a wider sense commit themselves to the community at large, they choose readings which express some strong view they hold on the priorities in their lives as members of that community.

The Readers

While the celebrant often undertakes the readings, the bride and groom, their parents, and in particular members of the bridal party are willing participants. In a case where the bride’s parents have divorced and subsequently remarried, the bride may involve both her natural and step-father in her wedding by inviting them both to participate in a reading instead of the giving away ceremony. A bride and groom who choose lyrical poems by such poets as Keats, Browning and Shakespeare find the words have an added meaning when they themselves use them to address each other.

While some couples encourage their friends and relations to involve themselves in the wedding ceremony through participation in individual readings and singing, others involve the whole congregation. Such involvement may take the form of a benediction or a litany where the whole congregation responds to a leader. The benediction may be composed by the couple and include all the things that they might feel they have reason to be grateful for – each other, their parents, their friends, their environment. Or they may focus on their hopes for their future together. Those readings that take the form of a blessing are sometimes read by all the guests, or while the celebrant reads one line, the whole congregation reads every second line.

The Readings

Just as poetry books include a large proportion of suitable love poems, so are music albums filled with love songs appropriate for the celebration of marriage. Such songs as ‘Wedding Song’, ‘Annie’s Song’ and ‘The first Time I Ever Saw Your Face’ have all been used as part of wedding ceremonies. Musicals and light operettas such as Fiddler on the Roof, Chocolate Soldier and The Sound of Music have songs inspired by the theme of love and marriage. When choosing a song predominantly for its meaning to them personally, a couple may decide to sing it themselves or recite it to each other. Depending on the context of the song it might be recited by one partner to the other, or by each person in turn reciting a verse.

Material for readings can be found on the Internet, in books, as well as wedding, engagement and anniversary cards. In art and gift shops colourful hangings are imprinted with memorable verses whose sentiments may appeal to a couple. And to many, irrespective of whether the marriage ceremony is a civil or a religious one, the Bible is still a great source of inspirational material.

The setting of the wedding and the type of guests present is also considered when choosing readings. A Shakespearean sonnet, among guests who’ve spent most of their adult life trying to forget they’ve ever heard of him, may seem an affectation rather than a sincere expression of feeling. Similarly, archaic prose or poetry in various dialects might be found to be more entertaining than edifying.

Closer to our times is the inspirational material of Richard Evans in his books Open Door and Open Road. Among other topics the author discusses the subjects of love and marriage in terms of its privileges and responsibilities. Of specific interest to marriage celebration is George and Nena O’Neill’s Open Marriage and Pearl S. Buck’s Love Cannot be Forced. Those who seek their readings from the Bible choose Song of Solomon, Ruth and Psalms from the Old Testament books and John, Colossians and Ephisians from the New Testament.

In both civil and religious ceremonies readings are added to either extend the length of the ceremony or to enlarge its inner meaning. Thus while some couples place little emphasis on readings, seeing them as unnecessary embellishments, others, by appropriateness of topic and judicious placing, make them an integral part of the ceremony.

Placing the Readings

Parts of the ceremony which lend themselves to the insertion of readings are before and immediately after the introduction, before and after the wedding vows, before and after the ring ceremony and before and after the conclusion. While weddings can be too short, they can also be too long, especially if they are lengthened merely by the insertion of readings which are then read by the celebrant. The longer the ceremony, the more people need to be involved to give it variety and interest.

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Step Three - Vows of Support

Support from the Father of the Bride

Far from being an essential part of the wedding ceremony, giving away the bride is often omitted from both the religious and civil ceremony. Consequently, in the contemporary wedding ceremony it is used predominantly as an ornament.

When used in the spirit originally intended, the bride is given away immediately after the groom has been asked whether he takes the bride as his wife, but before the bride is asked whether she will take the groom as the husband. The understanding being that while the groom accepts the bride as his wife, she will only accept him after receiving her father’s consent to do so. In most weddings nowadays the giving away ceremony takes place before either the groom or the bride have accepted each other. In some cases, the giving away takes place right at the beginning of the ceremony, before the introduction itself.

In some contemporary weddings, where the parents of both partners are participating, each giving away their offspring, the giving away will take place after both partners have affirmed that they accept each other as husband and wife, but before they have made their actual promise to each other.

The giving away ceremony dates back to an ancient time when a father was the head of the family with very real authority, and his decision as to whom his daughter married was absolutely final. Even today in some parts of the world it is the parents’ presence which legitimises the marriage. It is they who unite the partners rather than the partners uniting themselves. For that reason some people find the ceremony unacceptable.

However, others see the father less as a figure of authority than as a participant with a particular interest in the bride’s welfare. The decision to marry is his daughter’s but his presence shows his pleasure at her decision.

Support from the Mother of the Bride

When the mother gives the bride away the procedure remains the same, with the mother walking down the aisle arm in arm with her daughter, relinquishing her into the groom’s care at the appropriate moment of the wedding ceremony. As a widow, Queen Victoria walked several of her daughters down the aisle and formally gave them away at the altar.

Those mothers who feel uncomfortable at the idea of walking with the bride, choose to stand at the altar with the groom and his attendants. The bride either walks alone or is escorted by a friend who takes part in the wedding march only. After placing the bride between the mother and the groom the escort takes his place among the assembled guests. Those mothers or parents, who, while fully supporting the union of their children, prefer not to stand with them at the altar, make their statement of support from where they are seated among the congregation.

Support from Parents of the Bride and Groom

The evolution of the giving away ceremony from one where the father is giving his consent to one where he expresses his affection for his daughter, has stimulated a number of changes in the ceremony. In the first instance it encouraged the mother of the bride to become involved.

Subsequently the parents of the groom felt that their concern for their son was no less real than that of the parents of the bride for their daughter, and as suitable to be publicly expressed. Where both sets of parents are participants in the wedding ceremony two giving away ceremonies are performed. Standing at the altar with their children, each set of parents in turn is asked whether they give their son or daughter to the other partner.

In order to draw out the significance of the new style of giving away ceremony, after the traditional giving away the parents are further asked whether they will support the union of their children and in what way. Usually the celebrant will frame the question in a way which elaborates the type of support envisaged.

Where the parents - and sometimes grandparents - want to make their own statement, instead of merely replying to a question, at the appropriate time they all step in front of the couple, take each other’s hand in a circle, and make their vow of support in front of the couple and all the guests.

Support for Children of Former Marriages or Current Relationship

Partners marrying for the second time with children from the previous marriage may involve them in the marriage ceremony. If the child is a young adult and genuinely happy at the prospect of his mother marrying again, he may be asked to be the escort who formally gives the bride away.

On the other hand, where children are very young, it is they who might be given into the care of the prospective parent. After defining the responsibility of a parent the partner is asked to formally express his willingness to undertake that responsibility. Such a giving away ceremony is happiest when the children are young enough not to care, or old enough to make the decision themselves.

It is not unusual for couples, who already have children together, to decide to get married. Within the wedding ceremony they formally express their sense of responsibility as parents and their commitment to their children. In the case of a marriage which includes children of former relationships, couples may reassure them by promising to nurture the children’s relationship with their birth parents.

If the children are older they may be asked to participate directly in a symbolic ceremony such as the lighting of the candle to underscore the fact that this union holds within it not only the two adults but the children also. Or, if the children are genuinely happy about the new relationship, they may read a poem they have created for the occasion or formerly promise to treat the new parent with love and respect.

As a more concrete of the union of children, as well as the bride and groom, some couples include within the ceremony, a gift to the child, or children, concerned. This might be a piece of jewellery that is placed around the child’s neck or wrist. In some cases the jewellery has taken the form of a medallion featuring three intertwining rings representing the bride, the groom and the children and is placed around the neck of all participants by their celebrant.

Support for children as a Naming Ceremony

Where the child or children are very young the couple may even decide to hold a naming ceremony as part of the wedding ceremony. The naming ceremony is a way of welcoming the child into the family and into the wider community represented by the friends and relatives present. Couples usually choose a number of people to be the child’s godparents, sponsors or guardians, who make special promises to take special interest in the child’s welfare – especially in the event of anything happening to the child’s legal guardians.

Where the wedding is formal, the ceremony may be placed within the context of the wedding ceremony, as only one segment of it. When the wedding takes place in the couple’s home they may have the welcoming ceremony for the child as a separate ceremony enacted after the signing of the register. The conclusion embraces both ceremonies.

Couples who have already held a naming ceremony for the baby, or intend to do so sometime in the future, simply dedicate a poem or a reading to their baby within the wedding ceremony. In some cases the poem is composed by the mother and the father, and read by them together, or one verse in turn by each.

Support from Friends and Relations

Because of the itinerant nature of modern living, the father is not always able to attend his daughter’s wedding. In his stead the bride may choose a relative such as an uncle or even her grandfather. Or, in the case of a bride marrying for the second time she may prefer to ask a friend to accompany her. As her friend he is seen as a spokesman for the relatives and friends of the bride. Symbolically he shows the bride that her decision has the full support of all her friends who are present at this, her public commitment.

In some cases the ceremony is, in fact, treated as a vow of support from the congregation as well as from the person who accompanies her. All the guests may be asked to respond to the question of whether they support the union between the groom and the bride. Or, they are asked to show their approval by acclamation after the person who accompanies the bride has expressed his support.

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Step Four - Dedication to Parents

Whether the parents choose to be part of the wedding ceremony or not, many couples take the opportunity of expressing their thanks to the parents for the support they have received from them over the years.

Words of Appreciation to the Parents

In some cases the dedication to parents may take the form of a formal thanks expressed by the celebrant on behalf of the bride and groom. Where the two partners are comfortable about the idea, the thanks and appreciation may be made by either one or both partners. This usually takes place after the exchanging of rings, but prior to the conclusion of the ceremony. Apart from such a statement to their parents, couples sometimes dedicate a poem or a song to their parents, performed by either themselves or a good friend.

Corsage and Buttonhole for Mothers of the Bride and Groom

In some ceremonies, the couple choose to indicate their appreciation to their parents by the more concrete form of presenting them with some tangible token. This might be the bride pinning a corsage on the two mothers, and the groom presenting a buttonhole to the two fathers. The flowers may have been carried during the procession by the attendants, or left on the register table.

One groom, reminiscing on the old-fashioned view of the fathers smoking nervously while waiting for their child to be born, presented each father with a cigar in its own decorated container. The non-smoking fathers had a laugh even though they didn’t light up.

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Step Five - Renewing Vows

Renewing of Wedding Vows by Parents of the Bride and Groom

Parents of the bride and groom participating in the wedding ceremony may choose to renew their own wedding vows immediately after the groom and bride have made theirs. This may be in the form of their original wedding vows, or prayer-like vows incorporating good wishes, hopes and expectations for the newly-marrying couple.

Renewing of Wedding Vows by Relatives and Friends

After the celebrant leads the parents into renewing their vows, s/he may ask the married couples in the congregation to do likewise. Married guests may be asked to hold hands and silently renew their own wedding vows or to reflect on their own relationship while the bride and groom are exchanging their vows. Or the married couples within the congregation may actually be asked to repeat a renewal of vows after the celebrant. If appropriate it may be based on the style of the wedding vows designed by the couple getting married.

In some cases the Renewal of Vows is modeled on that enacted by married couples in various churches. Here, hundreds of married couples get together, each holding a candle specially designed for the occasion. Just before renewing their vows, each couple light their candle and let it remain lit until the end of the ceremony. A bride and groom may decide to make a gift of the candle to each married couple attending their wedding ceremony, or ask that each married couple bring their own.

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Step Six - Exchanging Wedding Rings

Exploration of ancient habits suggest that the ring ceremony dates to the time when a cave man, having brought his unwilling mate to his dwelling place, made sure she wouldn’t stray too far by tying her down by her ankle. Over the years this forcible ring was transformed to a symbolic one which was placed on the finger, except in some rare instances where, even today, it remains in the form of a heavy, bronze ring around the ankle of a married woman.

As part of the Christian marriage the wedding ring was introduced in the ninth century. However, it was in use much earlier by the ancient Egyptians in whose hieroglyphic script the circle represents eternity. The ring symbolised marriage as a permanent bond.

To some couples the ring symbolises possession and they prefer to use another type of symbolism to remind them of their wedding day. Others may refrain from exchanging a traditional wedding ring band. Instead, they will give and receive a ring which has some associated sentiment of its own. Some religious bodies who believe in personal simplicity in all things, discourage any exchange of personal adornment.

The Many Faces of the Wedding Ring

The wedding ring comes in many forms. One of these is the Irish friendship ring which has two hands holding a heart with a crown above it. It has been worn both as an engagement ring and a wedding ring and was handed from one generation to the next. Denoting love, friendship and loyalty when worn as a friendship ring it’s placed on the right hand with the heart pointing outwards. Those in a relationship like to wear it on the right hand but with the heart pointing inwards. As an engaged or a married person, the partner wears the ring on the left hand with the heart pointing inwards.

In the past many rings were decorative, with designs symbolic of love and friendship. Symbols included clasped hands, twin hearts pierced with a cupid arrow and a single heart held in a loving hand.

One of the types of rings used in the past and that still intrigues couples today is the German gimmel ring. It consists of two or more hoops that can be worn separately or joined by a catch to produce one wide band. When used in the past they were separated when a couple announced their engagement, with one band being worn by the bride, one by the groom and one by a witness. On the wedding day they were joined again to become one wedding ring. Imitating this idea a bride may decide to have the wedding band and her engagement ring fashioned to form one ring, with the groom wearing a duplicate of the wedding band only.

Designing the Wedding Ring

Even though the ring ceremony is symbolic in nature, to many couples it is the focal point of the marriage ceremony. Not only do they attach significance to the giving and receiving of rings but they also choose metals and designs to further enhance the significance. In choosing rings made either of gold or silver, they see the former as representing the strength of their union and the latter, being a more malleable metal, as representing the flexibility necessary for the survival of the marriage union.

Sometimes the ring comes in mixtures of metals such as two bands of gold joined by a band of silver. Gold being the stronger metal, denotes the strength of love and purpose of the two individuals involved, while the more pliable silver is designed to show the need for mutual understanding within the union of marriage.

While many couples choose a plain band for their wedding ring, others have variously designed bands in contrasting textures to remind them of the smooth and rough patches inevitable in married life. Many partners like to inscribe the wedding ring with their initials and the date of the wedding. Some follow a tradition very popular in Edwardian times when the groom used to inscribe the wedding ring with short, memorable phrases such as ‘let love increase’, ‘I will be yours forever’, ‘never leave me’, and a little rhyming effort ‘I will be yours while breath endures’. Marrying her Prince Frederik, Mary’s white gold band was inlaid with twenty-four diamonds, while both rings were inscribed with a message which remains private.

Although the plain band is the most popular choice, many wedding rings are designed in a form of filigree band, knots and scrolls or twisted rope bands. Couples inclined to do so design the wedding ring themselves, while those possessing an old ring to which they attach some sentimental value, have it redesigned for the occasion. In the case of the British royal family one gold nugget from a Welsh mine has been used to provide a wedding ring for five royal weddings, starting with the Duchess of York in 1923 to the Duchess of York in 1986. Used for a time during Victorian times was a band in the shape of a snake, with ruby eyes. While the circular shape symbolised eternity, the snake stood for wisdom.

Wedding Rings with Precious Stones

Some couples lean towards wedding rings which are set with precious or semi-precious stones. There have been some rare instances where a bride chose a wedding ring with a number of stones whose first letters spelt out either some word of endearment or the name or initials of the groom. One of the more likely reason for using a particular gem is that it denotes the bride’s or groom’s birthstone, and the meaning attached to it.

Birth Stones and their Meaning:

January is denoted by garnet and means constancy

February is denoted by amethyst and means sincerity

March is denoted by aquamarine bloodstone and means courage

April is denoted by diamond and means lasting love

May is denoted by emerald and means success

June is denoted by pearl and means health

July is denoted by ruby and means contentment

August is denoted by sardonyx and means married happiness

September is denoted by sapphire and means wisdom

October is denoted by opal and means hope

November is denoted by topaz and means fidelity

December is denoted by turquoise and means harmony

Although silver and gold remain the most popular metals for a wedding ring, platinum, a precious and durable metal known to the early Egyptians, is also used. While it is a perfect medium for the setting of precious stones, it is used for wedding rings because its strength allows it to be fashioned into most delicate and intricate shapes.

A wedding band which is very wide is usually chosen in a larger size for comfortable wear, and where a bride intends to wear her engagement and wedding ring continuously, both bands are kept narrow for the same reason.

The style of the ring, in many cases, is exactly the same for both partners. In some, however, each partner selects a style for the other, without consulting each other. One may choose a plain band, the other may choose a band embellished with colour, art work and gem stones.

Carrying the Wedding Ring

Although in many European countries the exchanging of rings by the bride and groom has been a common practice, in Australia it is only now becoming a common practice. More often it had been the case that only the bride wore the wedding ring.

Over the years the best man’s most noted job was the carrying of the wedding ring. Now that two weddings rings are involved there are those who feel that the best man should still be the caretaker of the rings. On the other hand there are those who suggest that while the best man, as the groom’s right hand man, should carry the groom’s ring, the maid of honour, as the bride’s supporter, should carry hers. Practicably, it is more convenient for the best man to look after the rings since he is provided with a pocket in which to carry them.

In the event of the maid of honour carrying one of the rings, she needs either a small decorative bag for the purpose, perhaps hanging from her wrist, or, if she is very young, she may have a patch pocket sewn on her dress. Some couples find greater significance in carrying each other’s rings instead of placing them in the care of attendants. Those with children from the current relationship like to have the rings held by them. And, of course, there are those light-hearted couples, who entrust their rings to their favourite pets, under the care of one of their attendants.

Wedding Rings carried by the Page Boy

The other traditional carrier of rings is the page boy. When using page boys, some couples have one page carrying both rings whilst others have two boys each one carrying one ring, tied with a narrow ribbon on top of a small, satin cushion. The cushion comes in the shape of a square, rectangle, circle, heart or even a ring, and is heavily decorated with ribbon, lace, beads, flowers and wedding motifs. Sometimes embroidered on the cushion are the couple’s initials together with the wedding date. While white is the preferred colour, pastel trimmings are added to create interest. Sometimes it’s the other way around, so that while the cushion itself is in a brilliant colour matching the bridesmaids’ outfits, the trimmings are white ribbon or lace.

Apart from having rings brought in bags, pockets and on cushions, the style of the wedding may prompt some variation. In a tropical setting where attendants are wearing leis around their necks, rings may be attached to their floral necklaces and untied at the appropriate moment. At a wedding where the ring bearer is wearing a kilt his sporran is used to keep the rings safe. Where a couple chooses to have no attendants, the rings may be placed on a cushion on the register table nearby.

Blessing the Wedding Rings

Rings are produced by the best man and the maid of honour as they are wanted during the wedding ceremony. In a ceremony where the rings are blessed or their symbolism explained to the congregation, they are first handed to the celebrant, who displays them to the people present before handing them to the bride and groom one at a time. In some instances, during the celebrant’s words of explanation, the rings are displayed by the couple or by their attendants.

Warming the Wedding Rings

The wedding rings are passed into the gathering by the ring bearer and passed from person to person until each person has held it. As each person holds the rings, they think good thoughts, or good wishes for the couple.

In a larger gathering, or where there is a possibility of the rings being lost as they’re passed from person to person, the rings could be left in a ring pouch. The pouch then is passed from person to person before being returned to the ring-bearer or to whoever is passing the ring around.

The ceremony is even easier to conduct, if all the guests are sitting. Then the rings can be passed along each row of guests with the ring bearer at one end, and another person at the other end.

The ring bearer, once he has recovered the rings, might remain with the guests until he is asked for the rings.

The best time for this ceremony to be enacted is early in the ceremony in plenty of time for the actual exchanging of the rings.

Washing the Wedding Rings

As part of the ring ceremony, the rings can be washed to intimate the newness of this relationship of marriage.

After drying the rings, the celebrant might read blessing over the rings and over the couple before handing the ring to the groom for him to place it on the bride’s finger.

He will then take the second ring, give it to the bride to place on the groom’s finger.

Exchanging the Wedding Rings

Brides are often uncertain whether or not they should be wearing their engagement ring on their wedding day. Some, while not wearing their engagement ring on their hands, place it prominently on their dress and replace it on their finger at the conclusion of the ceremony.

Others wear the engagement ring on their right hand and transfer it to the left at the conclusion of the ceremony, but before the signing of the register. Some brides leave off their engagement ring completely so that on the wedding photographs only the wedding band is seen. Others still, have incorporated it into the ceremony by having the groom take off the ring and place it on the bride’s right hand, before placing the wedding ring on the left.

The words accompanying the exchanging of rings express the intention for which the ring stands. It may be a symbol of unending love, a concrete reminder of the vows which the partners have made to each other, or a symbol of the unity and harmony they expect as a married couple. The ring is placed on the finger as the words are spoken. Whilst in Australia the ring is placed on the fourth finger of the left hand, in some European countries it is the fourth finger of the right hand which carries the wedding ring.

There is a great deal of concentration on the ring ceremony both by the guests and the photographer. It is therefore a moment of slight stress when the bride and groom find that no amount of tugging and pushing will cause the ring to slip smoothly on the finger. Actually, all guests see this with both amusement and sympathy, probably recalling similar agonising moments of their own. To anticipate this problem some couples will rub a spot of oil on the finger or powder their hands before the ceremony.

For the bride who wears gloves there is the added consideration of when to take them off and where to leave them. Some will take them off and give them to the chief bridesmaid just before the wedding vows at the same time as they hand over the bouquet. Others make the removal of the gloves into a little ceremony of its own. Instead of giving the gloves to the chief bridesmaid, the bride will take off the gloves immediately before the ring ceremony itself and hand them to someone special not directly involved in the ceremony – like the mother, or daughter or sister or close friend.

Widows, or even divorced women who still have rings from their last marriage, either give them to, or keep them for the children from that marriage, or, if there are no children, redesign them if they wish to continue to wear them.

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Step Seven - Lighting the Candles

Fire has been an essential element in the development of human civilisation. Worshipped in the past it still continues to be used in symbolic ways.

In some Christian religions a candle is lit each year to represent Christ as the light of the world. One women’s club has a special ritual when installing its officers: each one lights a candle while making a pledge that she will undertake her duties with a sense of responsibility and honour. In wedding ceremonies of the past candles have been used to augment the solemnity and spirituality of the moment. They continue to be used in wedding ceremonies in a symbolic manner.

Lighting a Unity Candle by the Bride and Groom

In a marriage ceremony candle lighting is made to represent some aspect of the marriage. One couple may see it as the merging of two lives into one, another as a means of growing and experiencing as two individuals with similar aspirations.

In one ceremony, a three-pronged candelabra with a high centre point is placed on a small table near where the wedding ceremony is taking place. At the end of the wedding march, and just prior to the commencement of the wedding ceremony, the bride and groom, or two of their attendants, light the two outside candles. After exchanging their vows, the bride and groom each take one of the lit candles and together simultaneously light the middle candle. The single light represents the union which marriage brings about.

Having lit the middle candle the bride and groom return their own individual candle to the stand, allowing all three candles to burn. This is to signify that whilst the two are united in marriage, they will strive to work within the framework of that unity as two individuals.

Another form, which the candle lighting ceremony can take, is for a single, large candle to be placed on the table. After exchanging their vows or their rings, the bride and groom are handed two lit candles carried by the attendants during the wedding march.

Together the bride and groom light the large candle, returning their individual candles to the attendants who extinguish them. Symbolically the action is interpreted to mean that as of that moment the individuality of the bride and groom must be quenched in the interest of unity within the marriage.

Where the wedding ceremony takes place at the same venue as the reception, the candle lighting ceremony extends to the reception. A sheltered candle is placed on each table, and after all guests are seated, the couple, lighting a smaller candle from the one they lit during the wedding ceremony, walk from table to table lighting the candles in a symbolic ritual or sharing their happiness with all their guests.

Candle Lighting Ceremony involving Parents of the Bride and Groom

Parents participating in the wedding ceremony can also be involved in a candle lighting ceremony. Placed on the table are three candles in individual candle holders. The two outside candles represent the families of the bride and groom. The groom and the bride are represented by the middle candle which could be taller than the other two. If the bride and her parents, and the groom and his parents are taking part in the wedding march, then as each partner reaches the table the parents and the partner stop to light the candle before continuing on to where the wedding ceremony is to take place. After exchanging their vows, the bride and groom light the middle candle together. This signifies the united support for the marriage.

A variation of this ceremony takes place at a venue which has an aisle, either natural or one artificially created, separating the right side from the left. Again three candles are used, one being placed on a small stand on the right, and a similar one on the left. Representing the families of the couple, these two candles are lit at the beginning of the wedding ceremony. At the top of the aisle itself stands the third candle. This candle is lit by the bride and groom at the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, but prior to the signing of the register.

The action of lighting the various candles may be undertaken in complete silence, the symbolism being known only to the people concerned in the ceremony. It is also possible to have the actions accompanied by words of explanation either by the celebrant or the people involved.

Sometimes a candle may be lit in memory of a dead parent or absent relatives and friends who were unable to attend the wedding itself.

Choosing Candles for the Candle Lighting Ceremony

Candles chosen can be as simple or as ornate as desired. There are tall, plain tapers or heavy, decorative candles, made even more festive with ribbon, ferns, or artificial decoration pieces. Often the candles are white, although gold and silver are also popular, as are coloured candles matching or contrasting with the bridal colour scheme. There are the tall and thin shapes, squat and square shapes, and huge round shapes.

Choice of candle holders depends not only on the candle lighting ceremony itself, but also on the atmosphere of the wedding ceremony. Single and multiple styles come in metal, glass, china, wood and plastic, while the sizes range from the tiny to tall, free standing styles.

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Step Eight - Wedding Vow as a Question

The very heart of the marriage ceremony are the vows by which the two people are united as husband and wife. To place the wedding ceremony in perspective, and to underscore the fact that marriage is a contract between two people, couples are encouraged both by civil and religious celebrants to formulate their own vows.

Affirmation of Intent Framed by the Celebrant

Wedding vows take two forms, the first one being an affirmation of intent. Here the bride and groom are asked to respond to the question of whether they take each other as husband and wife and promise to maintain certain standards of behaviour expected of a married person. Depending on the style of material, one question may be addressed to both partners at the same time. Or it could be that a number of questions are directed to each partner individually.

In some cultures where the couple is well-known to the celebrant, the emphasis will be placed on some palpable defect in the partner’s character. Perhaps the partner is overly proud, or self-centred or easily angered. The purpose of the question will then be to have the partner promise to make a genuine effort to curb those particular tendencies.

Affirmation of Intent Framed by the Best Man and the Maid of Honour

Couples who chose their attendants from very close brothers and sisters, will sometimes elect for these to direct the question to them. In asking for the promise, the sibling will state their relationship to the bride and groom, and how they have grown up together, knowing the partner’s strengths and weaknesses. The maid of honour, and the sister of the bride, will then ask the bride whether she is ready to make her commitment to the groom, while the best man, and the brother of the groom, will ask the groom to make his commitment to the bride.

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Step Nine - Wedding Vow as a Promise

When making the wedding vow, or the promise, the bride and groom are asked to make a definite statement of their intention to each other. In the traditional wedding ceremony the sentiments in the vow usually echoed those expressed in the affirmation of intent. This doesn’t have to be the case. The affirmation of intent and the promise can express different sentiments. Each partner can even express a different sentiment. However, both the vow and the affirmation of intent, no matter how different, must be consistent in the sense that they do not express wholly contradictory sentiments.

With the advent of personally framed vows some aspects of the traditional vows are no longer popular. It has been so long since a bride has promised ‘to love and obey’ that there are those who feel positively trendy by including that phrase. Royal wedding commentators never fail to observe how some modern royal brides omit the phrase while others retain it.

When formulating their vows partners take a searching look at their way of life; the priorities they have set for themselves, and how they intend to incorporate them into the marriage state. To make the vows truly personal they articulate their hopes and dreams for the future. For while ‘children’ is a word many couples eliminate from their vocabulary when they first begin to think of marriage, there are those for whom the starting of a family is an inducement to marry.

Choosing the Right Words for the Wedding Vow

Ideally vows are not too detailed or trite. As well as embracing present hopes, they acknowledge the uncertainty of the future – a future in which both partners will grow older, hopefully wiser, but most certainly changed by their experiences of life.

Although some couples choose to have identical vows, others prefer each partner to write his or her own. Despite the emphasis placed on the equality of the sexes, their differences, not only as males and females, but as people different in thought and feeling, are acknowledged. When certain ideas are of equal importance to them both, the same vow is used by them both.

When first deciding to write their own vows, some couples find that by substituting a more familiar phraseology for the traditional wording the vow becomes more acceptable to them. ‘For richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health’, has been translated by some couples to ‘in good times and bad’. Those who thrill to the timelessness of the traditional wording, but who, at the same time want to add something of their very own, incorporate an original sentiment into the traditional one. Or they retain the affirmation of intent in its traditional form while making the promise wholly original and personal.

A Theme Wedding Vow

Couples who chose a special place, or a special time, for their wedding day, may choose a metaphor for their reason in the vow itself. In a wedding being celebrated at dawn, as a beginning of a new day, the vows may suggest the beginning of a new partnership. The beach or a forest, may suggest a parallel of timelessness or growth. A Christmas wedding may indicate that love is a gift.

A Surprise Wedding Vow

Some partners like to keep their vows a surprise, which like all surprises, sometimes may not work quite as expected. While one of the partners may have the gift of the gab and think nothing of a page-long vow, the other might struggle with just a few sentences. Similarly, one might be very articulate, the other shy and inhibited. There are also differences in ideas of what is appropriate for the occasion so that while one partner bases his or her vows on some classical poem, the other is thinking on much less formal lines.

Without necessarily disclosing what each is going to say, it is wise to give each other some idea of what to expect.

Creating a Wedding Vow Step by Step

Compiling the original vow step by step may take the following form.

Defining the relationship

1. We are friends

2. We enjoy each other’s company

3. You make me feel good about myself

4. When I’m sad having you by my side makes me happier

Hopes for the future

1. We hope to become a family

2. We hope to grow as a family

3. We hope to help each other in our ambitions

4. We hope to help each other to be at peace

Promises for the future

1. We will be faithful to each other

2. We will be honest with each other

3. We will share our problems

4. We will place our relationship before other considerations

Exchanging Wedding Vows

Through the earlier part of the wedding ceremony the couple usually face the celebrant or the guests while standing arm in arm. When about to make their vows they move a little forward and apart from their attendants. Taking each other’s hands they face each other as they speak their vows. While in the traditional vow the right hand of one partner holds the left hand of the other, in a Handfasting ceremony the hands are crossed so that the right hand is held by the right hand of the partner, while the left hand in placed in the left hand.

To make the moment memorable for themselves as well as their guests, some couples learn their promises off by heart. Others take the easy way out by simply reading the vows from the celebrant’s book. The majority repeat the vows, phrase by phrase, after the celebrant. An ethnic couple may try to reinforce emotional closeness with their non-English speaking friends by repeating their vows twice – once in English and once in their own native tongue.

A wedding ceremony taking place in a church or a hall is made more dramatic by having all the lights in the room either dimmed or extinguished while all the guests light candles with which they were provided when they first entered.

The bride, if she holds a bouquet, passes it to her maid or matron of honour who passes her bouquet to the bridesmaid next to her. If there is only one attendant, and both the bride’s and the attendant’s bouquet is large, the bride might make a little ceremony of passing her bouquet not to the attendant but to her mother or other special relative or friend.

Exchanging Vows over a Stone

Adhering to the old saying that this contract is set in stone, some couples cross their hands over a large stone placed close to where they’re standing, and say their vows over them.

This ceremony is best enacted with the handfasting ceremony immediately followed by the wedding vows. At which point the celebrant joins your right hands and gives his blessing, or asks everyone to participate in a communal blessing.

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Step Ten - Tokens and Symbols of Love

In some wedding traditions the ring was a symbol of the contracted agreement between the bride and groom. The emphasis was on the valuable properties of the ring and although it became the only symbol used in wedding agreements, practicably, any article of value could have been substituted. For most people today the ring is more of a visible reminder of their wedding than a legal seal to a contract. Thus, where a couple decide to use other forms of symbolism, for the most part they still continue the tradition of giving and receiving a token to remind them of their wedding vows.

Jewellery

Since a ring tends to be seen as both a valuable and a personal gift, substitute tokens tend to take the form of jewellery. A bride might receive a charm bracelet to which is attached one charm, signifying something special to the couple. On each subsequent wedding anniversary the groom might add another charm. Instead of a charm bracelet, a bracelet with the bride’s birthstone might be used. Other forms of jewellery found suitable for exchanging are name bracelets, necklaces and pendants, personalised with designs and inscriptions.

Some couples are prompted by the books they read, or by their interests or hobbies, or by some event in their relationship with each other, to evolve a symbolic ritual that is meaningful only to them. In a wedding uniting a bride to a royal prince the bride entered the church wearing a wreath of flowers on her head. As his wife, she walked out wearing a tiara.

Other Reminders

Some partners will draw up a contract enumerating those aspects of marriage which they consider most important to them. Drawn up as a list of promises for the future, it is rolled up in a scroll tied with a piece of ribbon, and handed to the partner either during the wedding ceremony or immediately at its conclusion. If very personal in nature the contract is given to the partner with a very brief explanation. Otherwise it might be read out loud first. When both partners have finished reading, the scrolls are rolled up and exchanged.

Not so much as a symbolism but as a reminder of the wedding day is the planting of a tree at the conclusion of the wedding ceremony, when it is being held in the couple’s new home. For greater impact, prior to the wedding, guests are given a piece of paper and pencil and asked to make a wish for the couple. The completed pieces of paper are collected at the end of the ceremony, placed in an envelope, and buried with the tree as a constant reminder to the couple of the many people who are wishing them all the best for their life together.

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Step Eleven - Handfasting Ceremony

This ceremony is hundreds of years old. It was used as an alternative marriage ceremony in its own time. It is popular for both Renewal of Vows and the Commitment Ceremony, neither ceremony having any legal requirements. Many of its components are beginning to be added to the ordinary marriage ceremony.

Apart from the celebrant, a handfasting ceremony requires a number of helpers for the various parts of the ceremony.

Casting the Circle

Before the arrival of the bride and groom a circle is formed at the designated place where the couple will stand to make their vows. In its own way it takes the place of the altar rails which once enclosed the couple and excluded the rest of the congregation. The circle is outlined in any number of ways. There are those which are lit by candles in protected candle holders. Others are outlines of potted flowers, flower petals, shells, coloured stones and confetti. Where guests are familiar with what the partners are trying to do, they may be asked to provide small pots of herbs with which the circle is made.

In some cases guests form the circle by putting the various items in place. Or they are literally part of the circle by holding on to a wide ribbon or flower-decorated rope in the shape of a circle. Leaving it open until the couple take their place inside their circle, the guest then make the circle complete by joining the two ends. If the couple have a flower girl, she might be asked to delineate the circle with the flowers or petals she’s carrying in her basket.

The circle is kept open until the bride and groom enter it. As soon as the partners enter it, the circle is closed with the items used to make it. In some instances a broom, laid lengthwise, is used as the exit to the circle and is laid there once the couple have entered the circle.

Tying the hands

The fastening of hands, like the exchanging of rings, is a symbolic affirmation of the vows the partners make to each other. If their wedding vows consist of a number of individual promises, a couple might use a ribbon for each individual promise. On the other hand, they might use just one ribbon once all the vows have been spoken.

While in the traditional wedding ceremony exchanging of rings takes place right at the end to symbolize the vows that have been taken, in a handfasting ceremony the ring ceremony will take place just before the handfasting itself. In effect, the exchanging of rings is yet another vow, while the tying of the hands is the physical reminder of each promise made.

Crossing the hands

There are 4 ways of holding the hands when trying them with cords.

(1) Hands joined with a left handed handshake with a right handed handshake over the top, thus forming from the shoulders of the couple, a figure representing infinity. This was the ancient way.

(2) All 4 wrists laid one on top of the other alternating (from bottom up) groom, bride, groom, bride.

(3) A left-handed handshake

(4) A right-handed handshake

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