Senior Sociopaths - How to Recognize and Escape Lifelong Abusers

By Donna Andersen

What happens when sociopaths turn 50? The conventional wisdom among mental health professionals is that they burn out and no longer engage in antisocial behavior. It's not true. "Senior Sociopaths" proves that sociopathic deceit and manipulation continues - or becomes worse - as the perpetrators get older. 

"Senior Sociopa

• Language: English
• Publisher: Anderly Corp
• Release date: May 17, 2022
• ISBN: 9781951347109

Donna Andersen

Donna Andersen is author "Love Fraud—How marriage to a sociopath fulfilled my spiritual plan." She is also author of Lovefraud.com, a website and blog that teaches people how to recognize and recover from sociopaths. Her new book is "Red Flags of Love Fraud—10 signs you're dating a sociopath." Donna learned about sociopaths the hard way—by marrying one. James Alwyn Montgomery, originally of Sydney, Australia, met her and quickly proposed in 1996. In two and a half years, Montgomery defrauded her of $227,000, cheated on her with at least six women, fathered a child with one of them, and then, 10 days after Andersen left him, married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy. This man had no conscience, no empathy and lied prolifically—which Donna learned, far too late, were the cardinal signs of a sociopath. In 2005, Donna launched Lovefraud.com to educate the public about this destructive personality disorder. Lovefraud.com now receives almost 2,000 visits every day, and is considered the best source on the Internet about sociopaths. Donna has collected more than 3,000 cases of people targeted by sociopaths, and the Lovefraud blog has evolved into a healing community of survivors. Donna receives many e-mails thanking Lovefraud for saving their lives. Donna has worked as a freelance copywriter since 1983, and was the original editor of Atlantic City Magazine from 1978 to 1982. She graduated summa cum laude from the Syracuse University's S. I. Newhouse School of Public Communications in 1978. While at college she co-founded a student magazine and worked at the student newspaper, the Daily Orange.

Book preview

Praise for Senior Sociopaths

Donna Andersen has been a pioneer, passionately and tirelessly advocating for victims of sociopathy for decades. This book continues her incredible body of work to help those wrangling with sociopathy through accessible real life stories combined with research to help victims of sociopaths to know that they aren't alone, to understand their own experiences, to protect themselves, and heal. While the purpose is to debunk the myth that sociopaths burn out in their senior years, this book is a must read for anyone interested in learning more about sociopathy at any age.

Tiffany Kettermann, LPC, LMHC, MPA, MA

Director, Health Allies Counseling

This is a great book on senior sociopathy (or psychopathy). Donna Andersen has done an  outstanding job of providing a coherent narrative through case studies that is captivating to read, but also relies on scientific data collected from thousands of informants on individuals with sociopathic personality traits to back up her major points. Anyone interested in the victims of sociopathic individuals should read this book!

Martin Sellbom, PhD

Editor, Journal of Personality Assessment

Donna Andersen is setting the record straight through important research that defies widely accepted, false information about sociopaths and their targets. My own experience working with survivors of sociopaths aligns with the data presented in this book. I highly recommend this for targets and survivors of sociopaths as well as professionals who work in the fields of mental health or criminal justice.

Mandy Friedman LPCC-S

Clermont Mental Health

SeniorSociopaths_TitlePage.pdf

© 2022 by Donna Andersen

All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording, or otherwise—other than fair use as brief quotations embodied in articles and reviews—without the written permission of the publisher.

Back cover photography by Bill Horin.

Anderly Publishing

3121-D Fire Road, #304

Egg Harbor Township, NJ 08234 USA

www.anderlypublishing.com

ISBN: 978-1-951347-10-9

Library of Congress Control Number: 2021951426

Dedication

With gratitude to all Lovefraud readers and viewers, especially to the 2,377 people who generously shared their experiences and observations in the Lovefraud surveys that make up the foundation of this book.

Table of Contents

Introduction

14 million senior sociopaths live in America, and they never stop exploiting the rest of us

Chapter 1

When charming new romantic partners, 50 or older, turn out to be senior sociopaths

Chapter 2

Why psychologists say sociopaths burn out — and

evidence that they’re wrong

Chapter 3

Marriage to a sociopath — whether short or long —

never gets any better

Chapter 4

Senior sociopaths as parents — abusing children while young, still abusing them as adults

Chapter 5

Senior sociopaths in the family — toxic siblings,

grandparents, relatives and in-laws

Chapter 6

Senior sociopaths as neighbors and work colleagues —

manipulative, unethical bullies and backstabbers

Chapter 7

Criminal behavior over 50 — when senior sociopaths break the law, they often get away with it

Chapter 8

Dealing with and escaping from senior sociopaths —

survivors offer tactics that work

Chapter 9

After devastation by a senior sociopath, rebuilding your life and recovering yourself

Endnotes

About the Author

Introduction

14 million senior sociopaths live in America,

and they never stop exploiting the rest of us

James Alwyn Montgomery, my ex-husband, was 55 years old when I met him online, although in his dating profile he claimed to be 49. He also claimed to be a successful entrepreneur, financially secure, a war hero and a Sean Connery look-alike.

None of it was true.

But in 1996 — the early days of internet dating — profiles were, for the most part, believable. Dating sites hadn’t yet become infested with scammers like they are today, so I didn’t know that I should be suspicious.

After corresponding for a few weeks, we met for coffee — Montgomery lived about a half-hour from my home in Atlantic City, New Jersey. That’s when I learned his Sean Connery claim wasn’t quite accurate. Yes, he had male pattern baldness and a beard. But he also had a round face and a serious spare tire around his gut. He looked nothing like the man who played James Bond.

Still, Montgomery was interesting. He was originally from Australia and spoke with a seductive Australian accent. He told me that he’d come to town to build an innovative new entertainment complex on the Atlantic City Boardwalk. He was active in the local chapter of the Vietnam Veterans of America and founded a new Lions Club in the community.

He also told me, with misty eyes, that he was a grieving widower, and he hoped with me, he might have a chance for love and happiness again.

I was not sold, but I decided to give him a shot.

A few days later, we had our first real date. When I met Montgomery at a local Chinese restaurant, he wore a sport coat with a silk handkerchief in the pocket. He was talking on his cell phone as I walked up to the table. He looked and sounded like a respectable businessman.

Two and a half years later, I discovered, to my horror, that I was his business. This man took $227,000 from me. He cheated with at least six different women, had a child with one of them, and 10 days after I left him, he married the mother of the child. It was the second time he committed bigamy.

I wasn’t his only victim — Montgomery had been scamming women for years. I discovered this when I finally looked through his papers, which were strewn all over the office that I’d built for him in my basement. For two and a half years, I’d disregarded them. I didn’t want to pry.

But upon finding the birth certificate for his daughter, conceived and born during our marriage, I needed to know the truth. My basement held a treasure trove of evidence. I discovered that before and even after we met, Montgomery was involved with 20 to 30 other women.

Three of the women, plus the parents of the wife before me who had died, testified via telephone at my divorce trial. The money Montgomery had taken from just the five of us totaled more than $1 million.

I learned that Montgomery had been targeting women for money since he was 30 years old. By the time I met him at age 55, he’d perfected his scam. Online dating was taking off, and the internet enabled him to work many potential targets at once. He did exactly that, all through our marriage. The guy was a prolific con artist.

My husband’s massive deceit and manipulation made my head spin. As I described his outrageous behavior to my therapist, she said, He sounds like a sociopath.

A sociopath? What was that?

So began my quest to learn about sociopaths. It turns out that millions of people with no heart, no conscience and no remorse live among us. They look just like us — old, young, male, female, attractive, ordinary — but they are all social predators, living their lives by exploiting the rest of us.

In 2005, I launched my website, Lovefraud.com, which is dedicated to teaching people how to recognize and recover from sociopaths. Since then, I’ve collected literally thousands of cases of people who have had their own devastating experiences with these human predators. Through their stories, I’ve learned this important fact: As a society, we are ignorant and confused about sociopaths, and much of what we think we know is wrong.

Lovefraud’s use of the term sociopath

Part of the confusion is rooted in terminology. Mental health professionals, the entertainment industry, the media and regular people refer to sociopaths, psychopaths and narcissists, sometimes interchangeably, and sometimes parsing the differences.

Lovefraud uses the term sociopath as it was originally defined back in 1930.

At that time, a psychologist named George E. Partridge¹ coined the word sociopathy, and suggested it would be an accurate term for people who are socially maladjusted and motivated towards behavior that adversely affects others. Partridge wrote, We may use the term ‘sociopathy’ to mean anything deviated or pathological in social relations.

The American Psychiatric Association (APA) created a diagnosis of sociopathic personality disturbance in 1952.² But in 1968³ the diagnosis was replaced with antisocial personality disorder. Today, the term sociopath is no longer an official clinical diagnosis for any psychological disorder.

Other psychological conditions are related to antisocial personality disorder, in that the people who have them exhibit similar behavior. They include narcissistic personality disorder, borderline personality disorder and histrionic personality disorder, which the APA calls Cluster B disorders, and psychopathy. I’ll explain the disorders in detail in Chapter 2.

Here’s what all these disorders have in common: The people who have them are manipulators and exploiters. They use others to meet their own objectives — often inflicting tremendous psychological, emotional, physical, financial and/or sexual harm on their targets.

Still, despite the way sociopaths are portrayed in the media and in movies, committing violence is not a diagnostic criterion for any of these disorders. This book is filled with stories in which sociopaths damaged their targets without any physical violence. They are not necessarily serial killers.

Once these disordered individuals are adults, the chances of rehabilitation are practically zero. Most of them don’t care anyway. They are perfectly content with who they are and what they do.

It’s the people around them who suffer.

The best way to deal with these exploitative personalities is to learn to spot them, and when you do, run as fast as you can. The warning signs are often obvious, once you know what to look for.

Lovefraud’s prime mission is education. Our message is that millions of people in the world are inherently dangerous. You can find disordered individuals in all communities, all races, all religions, all demographic groups and in all walks of life. They are hazardous to your physical, emotional, psychological, spiritual, sexual and financial health.

For ease of communication, Lovefraud refers to all people who have the various exploitative personality disorders collectively as sociopaths. This is a category of people who are socially sick.

Senior sociopaths

No one really knows how many people have antisocial, narcissistic, borderline or histrionic personality disorders, or psychopathy. Estimates in two well-known studies range from 5.5%⁴ to 17.5%⁵ of the population, which average to approximately 12%.

No drugs or therapy have been proven to cure these disorders. Still, there’s a general perception in mental health circles that sociopaths burn out as they get older. In fact, the concept is found in psychiatry textbooks. For example:

Although the disorder is chronic, most sociopaths burn out by their mid-40s. Although the sociopathic view of the world persists, the actual frequency of antisocial acts falls. Eventually, some sociopaths become delightful raconteurs; others drift into a misery of self-pity and hypochondriacal concerns.

The Little Black Book of Psychiatry, by David P. Moore, 2005⁶

This idea made no sense to me. My ex-husband was in his late 50s while scamming me and others. I’ve also heard from hundreds of men and women who told me about sociopaths who continued to engage in antisocial behavior long after their 40s.

So, do sociopaths actually burn out as they get to middle and old age?

To gather data, I asked Lovefraud readers to complete an online survey. The objective was to collect information about antisocial behavior exhibited by people who were age 50 and older. I chose the age of 50 because if mental health professionals were correct and these disorders started abating at 40, by age 50 most sociopaths should be exhibiting far less disordered behavior. Did they? Or did they continue their antisocial behavior as they got older? Where they, in fact, senior sociopaths?

The Lovefraud Senior Sociopath Survey was posted on Survey Monkey from September 2016 through May 2017. Respondents were asked to answer 92 questions in reference to a particular individual who was a romantic partner, parent, family member, work colleague, neighbor or acquaintance. A total of 2,120 people responded. Throughout this book, I refer to the person that the survey respondents described as the index individual.

Forty percent of the survey respondents — 826 people — said they knew the index individual both before age 50 and after age 50. They were asked if the sociopaths burned out with age, and the answer was a resounding no! The exact question and responses are below:

Did the individual mellow out or burn out after age 50? Did the individual engage in less manipulation, deceit or antisocial behavior?

Yes, much less manipulation, deceit or antisocial behavior — 2%

Somewhat less manipulation, deceit or antisocial behavior — 7%

No — the same amount of manipulation, deceit and antisocial behavior — 39%

The manipulation, deceit and antisocial behavior became worse after age 50 — 52%

Add up the numbers and 91% of survey respondents who answered the question stated that the sociopath’s behavior was just as bad — or worse — after age 50. Here are some of their comments:

He had perfected his sociopathic skills. He was much worse than 30 years earlier. Tried to kill me by choking, throwing on floor, kicking, attempted poisoning. Threatened to kill my grandchildren.

As time went by, she became more irresponsible with money, more lying, constant infidelity, ignoring the children even more, more grandiose, and more hostile and abusive.

He became more cruel and heartless with time. It was almost like he enjoyed causing me and others pain!

This book is a comprehensive look at deception, manipulation and antisocial behavior perpetrated by people over age 50. It includes hundreds of quotes and stories from Lovefraud Senior Sociopath Survey respondents. To protect their identities when I reproduced their comments, I have given them fictitious names, which appear with an asterisk (*) the first time I use the name in text.

People from all over the world completed the survey, so sometimes you’ll see spelling used in the United Kingdom. I also retained the respondents’ words as much as possible, so some comments include imperfect grammar and punctuation. In my view, what is important is how they described their experiences.

A warning — you need to be careful

In this book, you will read many cautionary tales. My goal is to warn you that physical maturity does not mean an individual is responsible, reliable or safe. You always need to be careful about whom you allow into your life.

As of 2019, there were nearly 115 million people over the age of 50 in the United States. If 12% of them have an exploitative personality disorder, then you are living among 14 million senior sociopaths.⁷ You need to know the warning signs.

If you are already dealing with senior sociopaths, I want you to understand that there is no point waiting for them to grow up, settle down and become normal, because they won’t. Please consider the information in this book as you decide how to move forward. To continue hoping, waiting and praying for change is a waste of your life.

So what do you do? In a separate survey that garnered 257 responses, I asked exactly that question. At the end of this book, I share the strategies, tactics and advice of people who have been where you are. The top advice is cut the person out of your life and have no further contact, and then work on your own recovery.

Sociopaths exist. They blend right into our society. And they continue their abusive behavior until the day they die.

Chapter 1

When charming new romantic partners, 50 or older, turn out to be senior sociopaths

This was my first serious relationship after my divorce, Cynthia* said. I had done a lot of personal work and therapy. I thought I hit the jackpot when I met this man … a reward for all the work I had done.

Cynthia, a 52-year-old nurse, had been married for 30 years to a man who didn’t talk to her. After her divorce, she spent four years in counseling. Finally feeling strong and whole, Cynthia ventured onto Match.com, where she met Andy,* age 60.

Their romance was a whirlwind of excitement and affection. He was so flattering, Cynthia said. He sent me love letters.

Andy told Cynthia that he was an addictions counselor, and their relationship centered on recovery. She had grown up in a dysfunctional, alcoholic family, and began drinking herself until she recognized her destructive behavior and joined a 12-step program. She learned that she was codependent, and had always taken on the role of a caretaker.

They went to 12-step meetings together. He talked the talk and walked the walk, Cynthia said. Andy promised that if they ever had issues in their relationship, they would work through them.

Eventually Cynthia moved in with her beau — supporting him while he was unemployed. Then she had an opportunity to live and work in India for a year. While she was gone, she left Andy in charge of her affairs and personal possessions. She even signed her car over to him so he could drive it while she was away. Andy came to visit her in India for a month — at Cynthia’s expense.

Meanwhile, Cynthia was in touch with a male friend that she’d met on another dating site. Although their relationship was strictly platonic, Andy accused Cynthia of cheating. He said she betrayed him and insisted that she stop talking to her friend. Cynthia complied.

Then her friend was diagnosed with prostate cancer, and contacted her for medical advice while she was in India. Cynthia talked to him a couple of times and told Andy about the conversations.

From a world away, Andy flew into a rage. He became demanding and controlling. He sent her vile emails. One of Cynthia’s friends, a therapist, encouraged her to work through the problems. But because of her recovery work, Cynthia recognized what she was experiencing — abuse. She broke off the relationship.

Andy turned on her, with no shame or remorse. He had promised to support her when she got home — that didn’t happen. Instead, he sold her car and kept the money.

When Cynthia returned from abroad, Andy, who was not, in fact, an addictions counselor, told her she had one day to retrieve her belongings from his home. As she collected her things, crying, Andy stayed in the bedroom with the door shut.

Upon my return to the United States I had no place to live, no job and no car. I had to move in with my daughter, Cynthia said. The most harmful piece was the pain I experienced due to his betrayal. He had been the most loving, supportive, wonderful man, and he turned into a monster. I absolutely could not understand what had happened.

What happened was that Cynthia had encountered a senior sociopath.

What’s a sociopath?

On Lovefraud.com, I explain that sociopaths are people with serious personality disorders who exploit and manipulate others.

Notice what is missing from this definition. I do NOT say sociopaths are all serial killers. I also do NOT say sociopaths are all convicted criminals.

The truth is that while some sociopaths are killers, the vast majority of them never kill anyone — contrary to what you see in the media and the movies. And although some sociopaths do commit crimes, get arrested and go to prison, many engage in behavior that is immoral and unethical, but not necessarily illegal. Or, they push legal boundaries right to the limit, without crossing the line into criminality. Or, they commit crimes and get away with them.

So if you think of sociopaths as drug-dealing thugs hanging out on street corners, soon to be in prison, please understand that this describes some of them, but by no means all of them. A sociopath is just as likely to be a functioning member of society — a professor, contractor, salesman, doctor, schoolteacher, homemaker, corporate executive or a member of the clergy. Sociopaths can be found in all demographic groups, all races, all religions and all nationalities.

As I explained in the introduction, Lovefraud uses the word sociopath as an umbrella term to describe a category of people with manipulative and exploitative personality disorders — antisocial, narcissistic, borderline, histrionic and psychopathic. Those diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder rarely behave as people commonly expect. The first definition of antisocial on Dictionary.com is, unwilling or unable to associate in a normal or friendly way with other people.⁸ Therefore, you may assume that an antisocial person is a hermit with no social skills. The reality is that most sociopaths are charming and magnetic — at least while they’re trying to hook you and reel you in.

Sociopaths know that the best way to take advantage of you is to sweet talk you into giving them what they want. To do that, they need you to like them, or better yet, fall in love with them.

Aaron and Lucia

In the beginning, she was all lovey dovey, Aaron* said about his ex-girlfriend, Lucia.* Honey this and honey that. Initially she was laid back and said all the right things. We used to go places and enjoy the same things.

Because both he and Lucia were over 50, Aaron figured it would be a mature relationship, and it was — at first. Aaron lived in the eastern United States, where he held a good job and owned his home. He gave all that up and moved 3,000 miles to the West Coast to be with Lucia.

Things quickly went downhill as soon as we moved in together, Aaron said. The lies started coming like a flash of light.

Soon Aaron realized that Lucia was manipulating him to get what she wanted.

She would start fights over the most trivial things and not talk to me until I apologized for something I never started, he wrote. "She got me to pay for rent, food and entertainment, as she never had any money even for the most mundane things. I would have to pay her back if she bought a meal or something, but when I paid she never paid back. Very manipulative to get her way, or she would pout as a child.

We spent up my savings and used my credit to buy things for her, with the understanding we would both pay them off. After she maxed out my credit, she started petty fights over trivial things. She would throw things and swear at me incessantly for no reason at all over stupid things. For example, the rug was out of place and I was doing it on purpose. Or I was moving in the bed while sleeping.

Aaron could not take the crazy-making behavior anymore, so he left her.

I am now stuck 3000 miles from home. he wrote. I was making a decent living and my home was paid off. Life was so easy going. I moved out west to be with her and once she no longer needed me, she forced me out of the apartment where she lied about putting me on the lease. I would ask her about it and she would start an argument on purpose to avoid talking about it. I had to take a job making much less money, as it was a step to moving out of here. Now, I am residing in a home renting a room until I can save money to get my own apartment or find a way to get back east.

Dreams to nightmares

Millions of people find themselves looking for love after age 50 — perhaps that includes you. Whether you’re divorced, widowed or still trying to make a connection, here’s what anyone who is on the adult dating market needs to understand: Mature partners aren’t necessarily safe partners.

In the Lovefraud Senior Sociopath Survey, 512 respondents — 475 women and 35 men — reported that they started dating an individual who was over the age of 50. They all eventually realized that their new partner was a senior sociopath.

It certainly didn’t seem that way at first. Fifty survey respondents described their new romances as amazing, perfect or a dream come true. But sooner or later, the relationships turned into nightmares:

THE BEGINNING: The beginning of my relationship was like a dream come true for me. I was treated like a goddess by this man. Never before had I felt so respected, admired, appreciated and loved. I was being offered a fairy tale life and I couldn’t believe that it was happening to me. THE END: He liked to go to sex clubs which I was uncomfortable with but he would manipulate me into going to them by painting a picture of a wonderful weekend away, staying at the best hotels, going shopping for a beautiful dress, etc. Extreme emotional distress. PTSD.

THE BEGINNING: A dream, she was almost perfect. Charming, beautiful. We had a lot in common. We hit it off right away. THE END: She changed as if she became like Dr. Jekyll & Mr. Hyde, like I didn’t know her. It was actually quite scary, terrifying at times, and she also became physically violent, and threw things at me.

THE BEGINNING: He made me feel very good about myself. Dinners out all the time, bought me a lot of things very expensive. There were the small red flags of devalue I ignored mixed with positive and amazing sex. I was on cloud 9 in love like never before. THE END: He hit me choked me threatened to kill me and my dog shoot me grind me up and eat me if I was to cheat.

The survey respondents were shocked and traumatized by the turnaround in their idyllic romances — even though most of them had prior experience with the ups and downs of relationships. Of these 512 respondents, most had been previously married. In fact, 14% still were married, 45% were separated or divorced and 11% were widowed.

These were mature adults with considerable life experience. More than half were themselves over 50 when they met their partners, and 80% were over 40. Yet they totally misjudged their partners. Why? The answer is much more sinister than love is blind.

Calculated seduction

Sociopaths can be very quick to say the magic words, I love you. But the truth is that they are fundamentally incapable of love.

Real love is more than attraction and sex. Real love means that you want what’s best for your partner, you want your partner to thrive and succeed, and you’re willing to put your partner first when necessary. Sociopaths never do this — they are only concerned about themselves. Even if they seem to be doting on you, there is a hidden agenda — usually to make you indebted to or dependent on them.

So when it comes to romantic relationships, sociopaths don’t fall in love. Rather, they engage in calculated seduction. They target you because you have something that they want. Often it’s money, but not always. They may want sex, a place to live, services like childcare and housekeeping, access to your friends or business connections, or perhaps they want to use you as cover while they lead a double life of sex, drugs and crime.

To convince you to give them what they want, they figure out what you’re looking for, and turn themselves into that person. For example, 76% of survey respondents reported that in the beginning of the relationship, the sociopath seemed to share their values, and 73% said that they seemed to have much in common. One woman wrote:

I thought I had finally met the one — we had so very much in common! (Which turned out not to be at all true — he took on a persona and became exactly what I was looking for).

Sociopaths pretend to be the man or woman of your dreams. It’s an act — one that they can maintain as long as necessary in order to hook you.

Barbara and Charles

Barbara,* age 57, met Charles,* age 63, on the internet. He was respectful, thoughtful, kind, understanding, she wrote. We talked a lot about our hopes and dreams. He couldn’t believe how perfect we were. Told me he believed his late wife arranged for us to meet from heaven … and that we were all meant to be together in the afterlife. I cannot believe I fell for that stuff.

The relationship started off wonderfully, and Charles proposed to Barbara only two months after they met. Then the subtle digs started, Barbara said. Then the sex started getting nasty. Then he started becoming controlling.

They moved in together and set a date to marry seven months into their relationship. But 10 days before the wedding, Barbara endured an unbelievable incident with Charles’ adult daughter.

I picked her up at the bus but found her to be an annoying passenger, Barbara said. She in turn found my driving ‘scary’ and in her drama queen way ‘feared for her life.’ At her request, I let her out on the side of the highway, then had the highway patrol pick her up since I didn’t want her running out into traffic. After all, I have no idea what goes on in her overinflated head. She in turn had me ARRESTED for KIDNAPPING.

Even worse, instead of helping Barbara, Charles took his daughter’s side. Barbara spent the night in jail. The next day she was released and all charges were dismissed.

Traumatized by her shocking arrest, and by the fact that Charles kicked her out of the house, Barbara postponed the wedding. With her rose-colored glasses shattered, she saw her fiancé’s manipulative behavior: He gaslighted me. He isolated me. He tried to control me. He invalidated my concerns. He tried to take control of my finances. He dehumanized me. He pushed my limits constantly. Sex with him became a nightmare and was getting worse.

Barbara called off the wedding for good. In the end, she was involved with Charles for less than a year. I got out of the relationship before I lost money, she said. "Had I remained I would have lost everything