Back Roads & Back Rooms

By Jillian Mahaffey

For old souls died young.
For free spirits in chains.
For lone wolves in packs.
For silent screams aloud.
For the few and far between,
and for you, whomever you are,
if you'd like.

• Language: English
• Publisher: Lulu.com
• Release date: May 6, 2022
• ISBN: 9781435774704

Book preview

BACK ROADS & BACK ROOMS

JILLIAN MAHAFFEY

Copyright © 2022

All rights reserved.

ISBN:979-8-81527-510-2

FOR DONNIE

"It’s in the stars,

you’re my everything

from here to Mars.

And every word I say

I truly mean,

dear darling,

I hope I’m being clear

‘cause there’s no one

like you on earth

that could be my universe."

-Here to Mars, Coheed & Cambria

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

You know who you are, and you know why you’re here.

1. THE GUILT, THE SHAME, AND THE DOUBT

There’s a war inside the cranial vault, all gunfire

and grenades, and it’s infinitely more terrifying

than any Hollywood monster.

Because it’s over once the silver screen fades to

black; the monster is dead and the hero has won.

You can go home safely now, and at worse the

man with knives for hands will visit you in

your sleep.

In the mind there is no hero.

No one is coming to save you.

And the monster doesn’t die in this one.

There is no greater band of villains than The

Guilt, The Shame, and The Doubt, all of whom flirt

with cruel mistress Rumination.

What’s more, you have to live with it,

carry it with you every moment you’re awake,

and often when you’re not.

As it grows it weighs and presses and erodes happiness

into fleeting instances of contentment.

And once it rolls off your back you are free to chase

the dragon that has fled with your ability to

experience anything organically.

Then you fly too close to the sun, and you lose your wings.

2. ASHES IN MY THROAT

With the death of a star

in a faraway sky

die atoms long burnt away

in the quiet fires

that have settled in my bones

I will now go somewhere

without leaving

head in my hands

ashes in my throat

a place cold and vague

null and void

Where the weight of it all

lurks behind

not front and center

with bells and whistles

and neon arrows

pinpointing all the things

that were never really there

and escorting them out

by way of deconstruction

And the things that were there

would remain

steadfast in time

serve as anchors to realism

and reminders of sanity

when the spiral closes in

and the black hole bottoms out

3. DYSTHYMIC

The straight and narrow

  is a tired thoroughfare 

  tied hands let steering wheels

  with minds of their own

  do the navigation 

And