Overpowered: A Story of Faith and Mental Illness

By Judith Beckman

Anything but dull, OVERPOWERED describes the lives of two authentic Christians who fi nd themselves in the middle of tragic situations that only God can get them out of. Eventually, God brings each one to the same city on the same day, and their paths intersect. They fall in love and get married. Daunting challenges continue in this true story o

• Language: English
• Publisher: Book Vine Press
• Release date: Apr 20, 2022
• ISBN: 9781958128145

Judith Beckman

Seeing her mother and brother suffer from devastation of mental illness gives Judith a heart of compassion for people affected by this. She is a pas-sionate advocate for the cause of mental illness. She is determined to pro-vide facts, destroys myths, and elevate this topic to the same status as oth-er serious, complicated medical disorders which deserve respect and care.Judith was raised on a foundation of Christian faith which allowed her to know God in a very personal way. She has always known that she can take her problems to God, that He loves us and carries us through every tough situation. Scientific research recently proved that including faith practices in the treatment equation for all illnesses brings better outcomes for healing and restoration. There is hope for overcoming torment of mental illness, making life better for all. Glory to God!

Book preview

Contents

Part One—Judy’s Story

Child-Like Faith

Needing a New Religion

Desperate Faith

Living Faith

Part Two—Joe’s Story

God’s Call

God’s Promise

Father Beckman

Chaplain on Wheels

Part Three—Til Death Do Us Part

Being a Minister’s Wife

Shut Out

Another Chance

Dream Comes True

Overpowering Faith

Part One

Judy’s Story

And we have this treasure in jars of clay to show that this all surpassing power is from God and not us. —2 Corinthians 4:7, NIV Bible

Child-Like Faith

Mother, 5'4", short, dark hair, plump, in a plain cotton housedress, bobby sox and loafers, sets the hot dinner of meat, potatoes, corn on the table of the cramped 1950’s kitchen. Judy, shy, skinny, ten-year-old with thick, short, dark wavy hair, carefully sets plates, cups, knives, forks, and spoons at each of the eight places.

Mother looks at Judy.

Judy, tell everyone dinner is ready.

Judy goes through the dining room to the spacious, plain living room. Dad, heavy, 5'10, dark hair, is reading the newspaper in his big recliner. Fifteen-year-old Older Sis, trim figure with small curves, 5'3 short, straight dark hair, reads a book at one end of the sofa. At the other end eleven-year-old twin brothers, one tall and thin, the other shorter and husky, short clipped dark hair, watch a western on the black-and-white TV. Six-year-old short, dark-haired Younger Sis sits on the floor with five-year-old Younger Brother, who has light brown, tightly curled hair.

Dinner is ready!, Judy announces.

They stop what they are doing, shuffle to the kitchen and take their places at the table. On one side Dad is in the middle between two boys, one twin is at the end, girls are on the other side, Judy in the middle. Mother is at the end of the table, near the stove. They pass the food and have calm conversation about events of the day.

It is Sunday morning. Wearing flouncy, full-skirted dresses, patent leather shoes, and flowered hats, Judy and Older Sis sit in a back pew at the small, crowded church in the basement of the school they attend. It is located across the street from their house. Individual family members choose the time they want to attend. Without question, everyone fulfills the Sunday obligation to worship God.

Judy devoutly listens, following in the prayer book as the priest speaks Latin. He turns away to face the altar which is against the back wall and prepares Communion. Judy and Older Sis get in line and go to the Communion rail, kneel down, and open their mouths to receive the sacrament. Judy folds her hands and bows her head in fervent prayer, knowing that God is in her heart and soul.

After the service, they go home and help Mother prepare a special dinner of fried chicken, mashed potatoes, tossed salad, and a hot vegetable, followed up with a large slice of fresh home-baked cake. In the afternoon Dad takes them out for a leisurely ride. Sometimes they visit a park or the zoo. They share a bag of candy. After this there is a visit to McDonald’s for hamburgers and fries. Sunday is a special day in this house. It is unthinkable to treat it as any other day of the week.

There is security in the steady routine at this home which is built on the foundation of practicing faith.

Judy is playing a game with Younger Sis in the dining room when she is shocked by an unusual change in Mother’s behavior. Wide-eyed, Judy stares as she sees Mother come down the stairs wearing her best dress and make-up on a weekday. Mother is humming and keeping time to music that could not be heard, as if she were at a party. Her eyes have a far-away look. Instead of going ahead with her usual household chores, she approaches Judy and Younger Sis with a strange suggestion.

Let’s go for a walk.

Mother then grabs Judy and Younger Sis by the hand and leads them outdoors.

Judy is not afraid but is startled, wondering why Mother is being extra attentive instead of just letting them play as she normally does.

Where are we going? Judy asks tentatively.

Just around the square.

Mother grabs the hand of Younger Brother also and takes all of them down the street. They walk around the city block of wood frame houses closely spaced together and return home. Mother takes them back into the house, let’s go of their hands, and continues her invisible party, dancing with an unseen person.

Judy watches with dismay. Then she says, I’m going outside to play.

Mother replies Wait!

She grabs her by the hand, walks her down the four steps to the small back yard and then let’s go. Judy looks at her as if to ask a question but does not. She watches as Mother goes into the house, laughing and talking with invisible people.

On a quiet weekday evening Dad and children are watching TV in the living room. Mother appears at the top of the stairs, housedress and hair messed up.

She is agitated and frightened. She declares, Something is attacking me. It won’t go away. It keeps after me.

She brushes invisible something off her arms, insisting there is something pursuing her and clinging to her. Dad goes upstairs and calmly checks each of the three bedrooms. He guides her back to her room, gently consoling her.

Everything’s okay. It’s safe up here. You can go back to bed now.

Saying nothing to them, he rejoins the children watching TV in the living room.

It is a pleasant sunny afternoon. Mother is sitting in an upholstered armchair in the living room. She is rigid, not moving, not blinking, catatonic, not responding to what is going on around her. She looks beyond Judy as if she doesn’t see her. Judy goes upstairs to her room, throws herself across the neatly made-up bed, and lets go of long pent-up emotion, crying and sobbing,

I want my mother back! I want my mother back! Please, God, please. Please help my mother. Please bring her back to me like she was before. Please make her well. I want her back like she was before!

It is a beautiful spring Saturday afternoon. Judy, Older Sis, and Dad are working on something in the back yard. They stop to go in and check on Mother who is supposed to be in the bedroom taking a nap. They find her on the floor, next to the bed, lying face down, unable to get up or speak. Dad tries to get her up, but she does not respond.

Pointing to the next room, he excitedly orders the girls, Go into the other room and pray for your mother. She may die!

He runs downstairs to call paramedics. Girls go to the next bedroom and fall on their knees, praying every prayer they know. They look up to heaven and desperately cry,

Please, God, we beg you. Please don’t let our mother die. Please save her life, please, please save her life. Don’t let her die. Our Father who art in heaven…

Judy and Older Sis hear sirens and go downstairs as Rescue Squad pulls up to the house. Dad is telling workers what happened as neighbors come out of their houses, gather around, and ask what’s going on. A kind, grandmotherly neighbor gathers children together.

I’m taking the children to my house. I’ll take care of them while you handle this.

Children, stunned, not saying anything, obediently follow her to her house two doors away. They go to the front window and try to see what is happening at their house, but neighbor pulls curtains and takes them to the kitchen at the back of the house. She pulls out food and treats, giving them dinner and distracting them. Later in the evening, Dad arrives to pick up the children who look at him with anxious questions. Dad calmly reassures them.

She’s going to be okay, but she has to stay in the hospital for a while. Thank you so much for taking care of the children. I’ll take them home now.

Neighbor smiles, and they all breathe a sigh of relief. Neighbor says, I gave them dinner. They’re okay. I’m glad things are working out.

Judy and Younger Sis are drawing faces in the dirt as they play in the back yard facing the alley. They notice Dad’s Plymouth station wagon go past without stopping. Judy reacts with surprise.

Look! That was Dad, but he didn’t pull into the driveway. He must be done with work, and he is checking on us before going to visit Mom, she surmises.

Next afternoon Judy and Younger Sis are standing by the alley. Dad’s car appears. He sees them and stops. He rolls down the window. Looking irritated, he asks

What’s the matter?

Judy eagerly asks, Are you going to visit Mom?

Yes, Dad responds.

We want to go with you, Judy tells him.

Dad looks relieved. He kindly tells them, All right. Get in.

Judy and Younger Sis crowd into front seat instead of the back, close to Dad.

Judy and Younger Sis follow Dad down a long quiet hall to locked steel doors of the Psychiatric Unit. Dad rings bell and gives Mother’s name when voice asks who he wants to see. Nurse walks to the door and unlocks it. She greets Dad and smiles at the children. Children see Mother slowly, stiffly walking up the hall to greet them. She wears a straight, casual dress, no make-up. She smiles happily at the children.

There you are!

As they walk to Visitors sitting area, Judy notices other patients stiffly walking up and down the hall. No one is wearing night clothes. Judy does not see rooms with beds. She curiously asks, Can’t we see your room?

Mother responds, No. Visitors are not allowed in patients’ rooms. No one spends the day in bed in this unit. We have to get up, get dressed, and follow the schedule--breakfast at the table, take our medicine, see the doctor, go to therapy. If we do not cooperate and follow the schedule, they send us to other units--barred cottages where people are noisy and out of control. They use restraints there. I don’t want to go there!

Dad holds Mother’s hand to comfort her. He offers her the newspaper.

Here, I brought you this if you want to read it. How are you today?

Mother sighs.

Oh, I’m okay. I get tired of being locked up. Days are long. When I went to Occupational Therapy today, I made ditty bags for the girls. I’ll go get them and show them to you.

Mother goes to her room and brings back vinyl bags laced with colorful yarn.

Judy’s face eagerly lights up.

I like these! We can use this big one for our hair curlers and the smaller one for jewelry. Lots of things we can do with them. Mom, will you make one for each of us girls? I like both the large one and the small one, and I like the pretty colors.

They continue visiting, smiling, and enjoying each other. The other person inside Mother’s body seems to be gone, and the normal Mother that Judy hadn’t seen in a very long time is back. Overhead speaker announces that visiting hours are ending. They say good-bye to Mother and walk down the hall toward the door.

Judy looks up to heaven. She is ecstatic. She silently and sincerely praises God.

Thank you, God. Thank you.

On a pleasant, sunny afternoon, Judy and siblings are riding bicycles down a busy four-lane street in heavy traffic. They ride into the parking lot of the Psychiatric Hospital, lock up their bikes, and go to the Psychiatric Unit. Buzzer sounds for the children to tell who they want to see. Mother comes down the hall, wondering who the visitor would be at this unusual time of day. She sees the children and is shocked.

What are you doing here? she says sharply.

Judy brightly smiles and excitedly tells her, We had a day off from school, and we decided to ride our bikes to come and see you.

Mother is horrified.

Down that busy street on your bikes?! We told you never to ride your bikes in the street, and never in a busy street like that. You could have been hit by a car! You could have been killed! You go back home now. Take side streets. Never do that again!

She is very upset and sternly sends them home.

Later in the afternoon Dad arrives for his daily visit. Mother is agitated and worried.

Oh, they actually got on their bikes and rode down that busy highway to come and see me. We’ve ordered them to never ride bikes in the street, especially a busy one like that. I’ve got to get back home and take care of them, she wails.

Dad is in the doctor’s office having a conference.

Soon after this, Dad arrives home after work, and Mother is with him. Children excitedly run and hug her.

They exclaim, Mom’s home! We’re so happy to see you. It’s so good to have you back home.

The doctor says she is doing very well with her treatment plan and has proceeded through all stages without a problem. Next step is this trial weekend home visit. They sent pills to take twice a day. If she does well, they’ll talk about discharging her. They say she has fully cooperated with treatment and has progressed at a faster rate than other patients in the unit, Dad explains.

Mother cooks dinner and then sits down with the family to eat. There is happy chatter. After dinner they all go into the living room to watch TV. Children crowd together on sofa next to mother. A couple hours later, Mother yawns.

I think I’ll get ready for bed. I have pills to take before bed and some to take in the morning. I’ll go get a drink of water and take the night pills now.

Judy and Older Sis follow Mother as she goes to the kitchen cupboard and takes out her package of medicine. They watch her swallow the green capsule and the small blue pill. They chat as they go upstairs. Mother pulls out her night gown, puts moisturizer on her face, and places her dentures in a jar with cleaning fluid. Judy is elated to have this